My son is 11 mo old and is about to receive a cochlear implant. We found out during his newborn hearing screening when he was in the NICU (6 wks early) that he may have some hearing loss. A few weeks later his ABR confirmed that he was profoundly deaf. That same day we were given a little book on communication options and within a week or two chose oral communication as something that would be best for the family as a whole (grandparents, etc). We are lucky to live 20 miles (across the state line) from a Oral School for the Deaf so that our son would have the best education possible in the communication style that we chose.
There is a large rift in the Deaf community in our state concerning communication options. Everyone we came in contact with in our state tried to influence us to change our minds concerning the option we had chosen. I would say that this was the most devasting part of finding out that our son was Deaf.
When we were told that he was prof deaf I think I only shed a tear or two as the audiologist told us the news (we were already sure something was wrong). But the audio. was so supportive and told us positive stories of deaf adults with all types of communication that we immediatly sprang into action and began researching what would be best for the family. My husband and I just look at our son as being our son no matter how God chose to give him to us. Hearing or not he was still our baby. As he has grown, I see more similarities between him and other hearing babies than I have seen differences. His smiles are just a large and laughs just as loud.
A few weeks later when the state got involved it was like because they did not provide the communication we wanted that we should change our minds about the communication option we chose. "Professionals" in the area of early intervention and education told us horror stories of Oral Education Teachers forcing Deaf children to sit on their hands and refusing to communicate with them unless they spoke. My husband and I were immediatly turned off by all the social service/educators in our state. We had to fight tooth and nail to get our son the services that we chose of our own free will. Basically it came down to the state wanting to keep "their" federal dollars in "their" state. I think they fail to recognize that the are "my" federal dollars and that this is my "state" not "theirs". This has been the only negative thing about our son being Deaf. I really feel that the state would have taken advantage of us if we had not first educated ourselves concerning our rights.
Then after all of this, I have to listen to members of our Deaf community tell me that I am mutilating my child's head by having the CI surgery done. Or that I am "taking his choice away" and that he will hate me when he is older. I have this in response: I am giving my child all the opportunities to make a choice for himself later. By getting the surgery and oral education at an early age I am ensuring that he will be not be restricted to any one community. When he is of age, he will have all the skills needed to function in the hearing world or the signing world. Do not cry for my child if you see "wires" coming out of his head. I am giving him the ability to defend himself in all circles. He will be afforded the best educational opportunities in both oral communication and sign if he chooses. I feel that by age 7 he will be able to tell us if he wishes to sign and if so I will not feel betrayed by his decision. I will not do to him what others have done to us. I hope that one day the deaf community will not be divided in our state and that more support will be afforded to hearing parents of Deaf children by the Deaf community.
I guess that I sound spiteful but I hope not. I have just had a crash course in child advocacy in the worst possible way. I don't know if I speak for all hearing parents of Deaf children, but I get tired of defending my choices 24/7 and tired of being called a bad parent. So tear into me if you want.
