Deaf People Learning ASL - Later.

deafbajagal

deafbajagal

New Member
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
5,168
Reaction score
4
I'm really curious about something. For those of you are learned (or is learning) ASL (or any signing system) at a later time (especially late teen years or adulthood), did you find (are finding that) the deaf community (is) accepting and welcoming? Did you find (are finding) the support you need/needed to learn ASL and to be immersed in the language and culture?

The reason I'm asking this is because there's this nice deaf lady who is finally coming out of her shell and is wanting to learn ASL. She was "oral" all her life, and she's profoundly deaf. I was a little appalled to see that some of the deaf folks in the community (where I live is a strong Deaf community) and at the deaf club are not really patient with her, are rude, and leave her out. Of course, I took her under my wing and she's starting to do some mini-lessons with me. I try to include her in some of the deaf outings I attend, etc. But I'm wondering...is this the attitude of many deaf communities overall?

Looking back, I remember that the deaf community wasn't really welcoming to me when I started to try to be more involved in it. It took years before I finally felt a part of it, and even then, I still feel like an outsider at times.

Thoughts?
 
I am not experiencing that at all. Joined a deaf softball team, and go to the coffee chats at the deaf org, and was at a deaf get together about 2 weeks ago. In all cases, they've been really nice. I don't always understand what they sign so either I ask them to repeat or I stay quiet and just take it all in, learning as I watch.

Only once I felt a bit shy or left out and that was at a mixed softball game. They all knew each other very well so I just waited till they did their greetings and catching up before I joined them in conversation.

One thing for sure, they won't just approach you and say hello. In my case, I made sure to be very friendly and show lots of interest in people and ask a lot of questions. If you're shy and quiet, it's easy to be overlooked or ignored.
 
I started to learn ASL only 3 years ago. When I started going to deaf coffee chats along with the other ASL students, the deaf community initially welcomed me. However, they assumed that I was hearing like the other ASL students. I think they liked me better because I wasn't as slow as the other ASL students. When they found out that I was deaf..... well well well.... there was a bit of a rift with a few people.

Some comments I got:
- "Youre not deaf, you're hoh. HOH! HOH!" (other people joined in the chorus "HOH!". AWKWARD for me.)
- "You have a CI? CIs suck. They kill people and kids."
- "You have a CI? Hahaha. You're like a robot. I'm happy to be completely normal/natural."
- "You grew up oral? Pity for you."
- "You grew up orally? Me too. I hate being oral. It's the worst thing ever. Right?!"

The last one wasn't really a bad thing to say, but it sure put me in a really awkward position. I actually lied and said "Yea...." and changed the subject. Felt kind bad about that, but I really didn't want to say that it wasn't bad at all for me, cuz it just came off snobbish. Especially when I just started communicating with the deaf community.

That was just the initial response after finding out that I'm deaf. Someone just happened to finally ask me if I was deaf or hearing, then it spread like wildfire. It may be because they assumed that I was hearing and "felt" lied to? I dunno, it just never came up in the conversations. I thought it would be weird if I was like "HI! I'M DEAF!" out of the blue. Now it's fine, we talk about normal things whenever I go to a deaf social thing.
 
I got the HOH thing too. Doesn't bother me. They explained it was because I grew up oral and could hear with hearing aids that makes me HOH. They know I'm stone deaf but the HOH label is to distinguish between those who grew up oral and those who grew up Deaf.
 
DeafCaroline said:
I got the HOH thing too. Doesn't bother me. They explained it was because I grew up oral and could hear with hearing aids that makes me HOH. They know I'm stone deaf but the HOH label is to distinguish between those who grew up oral and those who grew up Deaf.
Click to expand...

Sure about that?

"You are HOH because I've seen you talk to hearing people. You understand them."

Doesn't quite sound like a label for those who grew up oral...

Different in different areas? There IS a label here for those who grew up orally. The sign is something like "Grew up Speechread" or "O" handshape circled around the mouth.
 
Also want to add. There ARE HOH people here who grew up Deaf. Quite a bit actually. A lot of them talk on the phone with just an ITE hearing aid (sometimes they even take it off because it's more clear without. But their phone has an amplifier). Hell, even one is a secretary who is on the phone most of the day! But she (and others) went to a Deaf school (sign only).
 
Daredevel7 said:
Sure about that?

"You are HOH because I've seen you talk to hearing people. You understand them."

Doesn't quite sound like a label for those who grew up oral...

Different in different areas? There IS a label here for those who grew up orally. The sign is something like "Grew up Speechread" or "O" handshape circled around the mouth.
Click to expand...

That too - signing how one grew up with the circling of the mouth. The Deaf didn't tell me they call me HOH because I can understand people, but because I grew up oral and wear hearing aids. When we were at the restaurant, the Deaf had no problems communicating with the waiters and seem to be able to lipread them quite well and some of them can speak.

I guess it varies from place to place - how one defines HOH and Deaf.
 
Hi J! ;)

I personally never experienced the attitude directly. Only through people that I've met. You know P's got some stories on these, I remember her telling me about it some time ago.

I did have a case where I don't know the truth, but it was early on when I was taking ASL classes a couple years back. The instructor was a parent of a Deaf child, he and his wife went the way most folks here would have hoped the newcomers would do (ASL-only route, deaf schools, etc). She was mid 20's or something, so he grew up with her quite awhile. Throughout the semester, he hinted at that he could ask his daughter to come in and say hi to us, we (the class) took him up on it and kept pressing him to do so, so he tried to get her to come. She never came, I figure for reasons because it was a room of hearing people. Well, I was the only oral HH one in there.

He did briefly talk about not being welcomed in deaf events as much as he hoped he would because he was still new to sign, didn't know much about the culture. Now that he's pretty fluent and an instructor and all that experiences, he said that he never went full out into the deaf community, more of a middleman kind of thing. Sort of like me I guess, I never go fully into only deaf events because from people-sense, it doesn't feel like I completely fit in.
 
I know the feeling. I admit I am bad at it. I am an asl user. The large number of deaf people (deaf community) that i tend to go after someone I can chat as just be myself. If there is small number of people then I do check with someone who just learns ASL. But it depends on how they are, who they are. That's why i really like ALLDEAF where there are tons of oral deaf or HOH here that I dont mind meeting since i know a little from online and then meet them in person that will work for me. I don't do well with stranger (oral deaf or hoh) who just learns ASL. same for hearing people (who wants to be interpreter).

remind you that large number of deaf people that I tend to look for old faces that i grew up with and try to catch up with news to chat rather than meet a new people who just learn ASL.

i feel awful for saying the truth. :o

EXCEPT alldeaf so i am half bad at it. ;)
 
naisho said:
Hi J! ;)

I personally never experienced the attitude directly. Only through people that I've met. You know P's got some stories on these, I remember her telling me about it some time ago.

I did have a case where I don't know the truth, but it was early on when I was taking ASL classes a couple years back. The instructor was a parent of a Deaf child, he and his wife went the way most folks here would have hoped the newcomers would do (ASL-only route, deaf schools, etc). She was mid 20's or something, so he grew up with her quite awhile. Throughout the semester, he hinted at that he could ask his daughter to come in and say hi to us, we (the class) took him up on it and kept pressing him to do so, so he tried to get her to come. She never came, I figure for reasons because it was a room of hearing people. Well, I was the only oral HH one in there.

He did briefly talk about not being welcomed in deaf events as much as he hoped he would because he was still new to sign, didn't know much about the culture. Now that he's pretty fluent and an instructor and all that experiences, he said that he never went full out into the deaf community, more of a middleman kind of thing. Sort of like me I guess, I never go fully into only deaf events because from people-sense, it doesn't feel like I completely fit in.
Click to expand...


what about alldeaf "gettogether" do you feel like you are not part of it? just curious
 
Frisky Feline said:
what about alldeaf "gettogether" do you feel like you are not part of it? just curious
Click to expand...

Nope, those are all great. I get to know them a little better because I sort of already know them a little from here. Everyone I've met (and you too) have been cool. :cool:

It's just other deaf events me talking about that didn't have AD people there.
 
naisho said:
Nope, those are all great. I get to know them a little better because I sort of already know them a little from here. Everyone I've met (and you too) have been cool. :cool:

It's just other deaf events me talking about that didn't have AD people there.
Click to expand...


yeah like i admit that if i never meet anyone from alldeaf and may not want to meet a new asl signer.

Glad that alldeaf exists that gives me chances of meeting new people who just learns ASL that way. I suck at meeting new asl signers out of the blue from any events. It is a bad timing because lots of asl users grew up and want to meet old faces to catch up with news. you know? like My old friends from college that i have not seen for about 15 yrs and want to see them at any deaf events. it is the first thing on my mind. =X BUT alldeaf helps a lot that alldeaf can be part of the deaf events that I can meet with. :D
 
Frisky Feline said:
yeah like i admit that if i never meet anyone from alldeaf and may not want to meet a new asl signer.

Glad that alldeaf exists that gives me chances of meeting new people who just learns ASL that way. I suck at meeting new asl signers out of the blue from any events. It is a bad timing because lots of asl users grew up and want to meet old faces to catch up with news. you know? like My old friends from college that i have not seen for about 15 yrs and want to see them at any deaf events. it is the first thing on my mind. =X BUT alldeaf helps a lot that alldeaf can be part of the deaf events that I can meet with. :D
Click to expand...

Yeah it ok. I'm glad there is AD too also for us to know everyone better.

I think that it's actually the same in hearing world too. Not too many people are interested in meeting only new people, they are better and comfortable with people they know. If peeps want to see new face, that's the bar. Plenty of the folks.

like matajan used to say, he just hates the hearing snobs and snobby type. :naughty:
 
naisho said:
Nope, those are all great. I get to know them a little better because I sort of already know them a little from here. Everyone I've met (and you too) have been cool. :cool:

It's just other deaf events me talking about that didn't have AD people there.
Click to expand...

yesssssssss! I'm cool.
 
From the few I have met here - they seem to be a bit more understanding. I've met one ADer IRL and she was completely cool with me.

I've not met any of the other deafies in POCO yet to say whether I'm included or not. Once I get moved over there and settled in a bit more I will be looking for opportunities to check out the local deaf community.
 
DeafCaroline said:
I am not experiencing that at all. Joined a deaf softball team, and go to the coffee chats at the deaf org, and was at a deaf get together about 2 weeks ago. In all cases, they've been really nice. I don't always understand what they sign so either I ask them to repeat or I stay quiet and just take it all in, learning as I watch.

Only once I felt a bit shy or left out and that was at a mixed softball game. They all knew each other very well so I just waited till they did their greetings and catching up before I joined them in conversation.

One thing for sure, they won't just approach you and say hello. In my case, I made sure to be very friendly and show lots of interest in people and ask a lot of questions. If you're shy and quiet, it's easy to be overlooked or ignored.
Click to expand...

I'm thrilled it's been a positive experience for you!
 
I will have to get back to this because my story is a long one.
 
Daredevel7 said:
I started to learn ASL only 3 years ago. When I started going to deaf coffee chats along with the other ASL students, the deaf community initially welcomed me. However, they assumed that I was hearing like the other ASL students. I think they liked me better because I wasn't as slow as the other ASL students. When they found out that I was deaf..... well well well.... there was a bit of a rift with a few people.

Some comments I got:
- "Youre not deaf, you're hoh. HOH! HOH!" (other people joined in the chorus "HOH!". AWKWARD for me.)
- "You have a CI? CIs suck. They kill people and kids."
- "You have a CI? Hahaha. You're like a robot. I'm happy to be completely normal/natural."
- "You grew up oral? Pity for you."
- "You grew up orally? Me too. I hate being oral. It's the worst thing ever. Right?!"

The last one wasn't really a bad thing to say, but it sure put me in a really awkward position. I actually lied and said "Yea...." and changed the subject. Felt kind bad about that, but I really didn't want to say that it wasn't bad at all for me, cuz it just came off snobbish. Especially when I just started communicating with the deaf community.

That was just the initial response after finding out that I'm deaf. Someone just happened to finally ask me if I was deaf or hearing, then it spread like wildfire. It may be because they assumed that I was hearing and "felt" lied to? I dunno, it just never came up in the conversations. I thought it would be weird if I was like "HI! I'M DEAF!" out of the blue. Now it's fine, we talk about normal things whenever I go to a deaf social thing.
Click to expand...

Wow, that must've been really awkward. It sounds like you stuck to your guns and hung in there...glad it worked out. Whew.
 
naisho said:
Hi J! ;)

I personally never experienced the attitude directly. Only through people that I've met. You know P's got some stories on these, I remember her telling me about it some time ago.

I did have a case where I don't know the truth, but it was early on when I was taking ASL classes a couple years back. The instructor was a parent of a Deaf child, he and his wife went the way most folks here would have hoped the newcomers would do (ASL-only route, deaf schools, etc). She was mid 20's or something, so he grew up with her quite awhile. Throughout the semester, he hinted at that he could ask his daughter to come in and say hi to us, we (the class) took him up on it and kept pressing him to do so, so he tried to get her to come. She never came, I figure for reasons because it was a room of hearing people. Well, I was the only oral HH one in there.

He did briefly talk about not being welcomed in deaf events as much as he hoped he would because he was still new to sign, didn't know much about the culture. Now that he's pretty fluent and an instructor and all that experiences, he said that he never went full out into the deaf community, more of a middleman kind of thing. Sort of like me I guess, I never go fully into only deaf events because from people-sense, it doesn't feel like I completely fit in.
Click to expand...

Hi! I remember that day you joined my ASL class. :). Anyways, tell P to post her story on here, too. :). So, you have no interest in joining more deaf socials? Nothin' wrong with that, I just want to make sure I understood your response. Can't use the why excuse...anyone who is shy would not get cake from a stranger's birthday bash next door. LOL!
 
Back
Top