Young mother to a deaf 2 year old

Why must we have this debate and such and a person's intro thread? I mean, the OP hasn't even come back to it.
 
KristinaB said:
Why must we have this debate and such and a person's intro thread? I mean, the OP hasn't even come back to it.
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I doubt that the OP and the member that frist replied to the OP are for real....

So... Juist continue as you all were.. No harm done..
 
Cloggy said:
I doubt that the OP and the member that frist replied to the OP are for real....

So... Juist continue as you all were.. No harm done..
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See, we can have a meeting of the minds...

I think the OP was a fake also! :lol::lol:


:wave:
 
Bottesini said:
See, we can have a meeting of the minds...

I think the OP was a fake also! :lol::lol:


:wave:
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:grouphug: :)

I think most of us are in agreement on that one...

I stand by what I said though. For a legitimate newly diagnosed parent who is not informed about all things DHH, that would be very scary to continue reading "just wait and see" blah blah blah... That isn't encouraging, positive, or productive.
 
CSign said:
:grouphug: :)

I think most of us are in agreement on that one...

I stand by what I said though. For a legitimate newly diagnosed parent who is not informed about all things DHH, that would be very scary to continue reading "just wait and see" blah blah blah... That isn't encouraging, positive, or productive.
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That's true.
 
Bebonang said:
Because you would not accept your daughter for being deaf. You went ahead and put CI on her just so that she can please you for being hearing when she is not. She will always be deaf no matter what. CI is the same like hearing aid. They are just tools but it is not benefit for them to listen and hear the words accurately. Not true at all. You want her to be involve in the hearing world, period. Did she have any deaf friends that she can relate to like sign language? She will be happy if she does. You are just stubborn as we have been through this discussion for over 6 years. You just refuse to accept us just because we are deaf and we have the experience of what is like to be in a Deaf world. We are telling you our experiences, but you refuse to understand us. You just don't get it. :(
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Food for thought...
DSCF38892 trimmed.mov - YouTube
 
How do you know..??
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That's easy. B/c I'm HOH, and have pretty much dealt with the exact same stuff that CI HOH kids have dealt with. I talk with my orally raised CI and HA (and I have quite a few audilogically deaf HA users who were raised oral) friends, and they have dealt with the exact same stuff I have. Some of them are TEENS or little kids.....it's not just adults.
 
@DVroman7 - Sweetie, First of all let me say. I am SO sorry. Not because your baby is deaf, but because I understand the fear...the (sometimes) helpless tears when you think about your child's future and it is unclear.

Having said that, I am a mother of a BEAUTIFUL 5 year old boy who was born deaf. I will tell you what I tell others..."My child is perfect. My child can do ANYTHING your child can do...except hear, don't feel sorry for him" I have to give you major kudos for handling this without your baby's daddy. Seriously, hats off! Keep up with the gaining of info, it helps even if you don't realize it. I know there is a lot of info out there and as if evident by how crazy this thread got...their are many opinions and stances. The only who can decide which choice is right for your family, is you.

Here is the BEST advice I can hope to give you...and wish that someone had told me this before I began my journey with Conner....

1) Your baby is going to be FINE, she is going to be happy, smart and loved.

Here is a question for you...

- Have you ever met a deaf person? I mean, besides your daughter? For me, I don't really know WHY, but I was afraid to (I am ashamed to admit that now) Because of my own fear and ignorance it only made the weight of my fear heavier.
 
ContessaC said:
@DVroman7 - Sweetie, First of all let me say. I am SO sorry. Not because your baby is deaf, but because I understand the fear...the (sometimes) helpless tears when you think about your child's future and it is unclear.

Having said that, I am a mother of a BEAUTIFUL 5 year old boy who was born deaf. I will tell you what I tell others..."My child is perfect. My child can do ANYTHING your child can do...except hear, don't feel sorry for him" I have to give you major kudos for handling this without your baby's daddy. Seriously, hats off! Keep up with the gaining of info, it helps even if you don't realize it. I know there is a lot of info out there and as if evident by how crazy this thread got...their are many opinions and stances. The only who can decide which choice is right for your family, is you.

Here is the BEST advice I can hope to give you...and wish that someone had told me this before I began my journey with Conner....

1) Your baby is going to be FINE, she is going to be happy, smart and loved.

Here is a question for you...

- Have you ever met a deaf person? I mean, besides your daughter? For me, I don't really know WHY, but I was afraid to (I am ashamed to admit that now) Because of my own fear and ignorance it only made the weight of my fear heavier.
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I think if more hearing parents realized "my kid can do anything except hear" we'd see a lot less grieving, and better decisions made by hearing parents.
I hate how parents mourn the "loss of a healthy normal kid", whatever that means. Dhh kids ride bikes, ski, think, earn ph.ds, write, cook, feed the cats and tons and tons of other normal activities. s for the label healthy...we're not sick, we're not patients. we simply cannot hear....and although we can't hear, we can adapt to that.
 
deafdyke said:
I think if more hearing parents realized "my kid can do anything except hear" we'd see a lot less grieving, and better decisions made by hearing parents.
I hate how parents mourn the "loss of a healthy normal kid", whatever that means. Dhh kids ride bikes, ski, think, earn ph.ds, write, cook, feed the cats and tons and tons of other normal activities. s for the label healthy...we're not sick, we're not patients. we simply cannot hear....and although we can't hear, we can adapt to that.
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I honestly think that its a process. Parents of deaf children...are scared. Why? B/c for the most part ...the first deaf person a parent meets...is their own child. The doctors don't help either. Think about it, the first thing the doctor says is..."I'm sorry...you child(ren) has FAILED their hearing test" Right in that 1st sentence you have 2 negative words "sorry" as if being deaf is something bad or something to ashamed of and the word "Failed" WHAT?!?! My kid is already failing?!?!? I'm a terrible parent!!! I think that parents do need to mourn ---and then get the HELL over it and do the best things for the kid(s).

...Just my 2 cents
 
Frisky Feline said:
........ My friend is in 40s. He didnt say why or what happened about his CI that was not working that something doctor performed mistakely. He had it when he was 5. ........
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Interesting... a 35+ year old CI.
So.. He got it as a 5-year old child in 1977 or earlier...

Is it only me that has a problem with your imaginary friend that gives you "inside" information?

In 1977 CI just started.. and why do I have the feeling they did not implant children?
In 1972, a speech processor was developed to interface with the House 3M single-electrode implant and was the first to be commercially marketed. More than 1,000 of these devices were implanted between 1972 to the mid 1980s.
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or this.
Implant technology leaped forward in the seventies through the nineties. The seventies saw more people getting implanted, continued research, and the development of a multichannel device. By December 1984, the cochlear implant was no longer deemed experimental and was given the stamp of FDA approval for implantation into adults. Throughout the nineties, other improvements were made in speech processors and other implant technology, particularly the miniaturization of the speech processor so that it could be incorporated into a BTE hearing aid-like device.
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ContessaC said:
I honestly think that its a process. Parents of deaf children...are scared. Why? B/c for the most part ...the first deaf person a parent meets...is their own child. The doctors don't help either. Think about it, the first thing the doctor says is..."I'm sorry...you child(ren) has FAILED their hearing test" Right in that 1st sentence you have 2 negative words "sorry" as if being deaf is something bad or something to ashamed of and the word "Failed" WHAT?!?! My kid is already failing?!?!? I'm a terrible parent!!! I think that parents do need to mourn ---and then get the HELL over it and do the best things for the kid(s).

...Just my 2 cents
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How would be a good way to give that news?
 
Cloggy said:
How would be a good way to give that news?
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For a new parent? Possibly with a stiff drink! :beer:

But seriously? I don't think their is a "good" way to give that news. I remember when the nurse came in and told me about Conner...On the level, that lady almost got jacked. I remember my husband holding me back b/c I wanted to knock the teeth down her throat - How DARE she say that my beautiful baby was anything less than PERFECT!

But anyway...I think that the hospitals/doctors should have someone on hand or at least have some information to give out to parents so they can gain more information. I (and a few parents I've spoken to) were left with a TON of questions (none of which you remember to ask when you're sitting in front of the doctor b/c you're in shock) and too much contridicting information found online. Words like "Profound" and "ABR" terrified me in the beginning.

I remember saying to my sister, I wish they have a dummies guide to having a deaf child...b/c I felt like everyone around me (doctors/nurses/therapist) were speaking in another language. It made me feel even more alone, more vulnerable, and definately MORE stressed out...and it was all topped off with a good dose of post pardom depression.

I just think that when giving ANY news about children, doctors should come prepared with information that parents can take home when emotions aren't so high and look over. I think it would be an excellent idea to have deaf staff at more audiologist offices so parents can see active and contrubiting aspect of deaf culture. I remember having all these questions bombarding me..."What will Conner do for work?" "Who will marry and love my son, if he can't talk or hear?" (I am NOT saying these were rational concerns...just fears fed from lack of properly given information that could have been avoided)

...okay, I *think* I'm done ranting
 
ContessaC said:
For a new parent? Possibly with a stiff drink! :beer:

But seriously? I don't think their is a "good" way to give that news. I remember when the nurse came in and told me about Conner...On the level, that lady almost got jacked. I remember my husband holding me back b/c I wanted to knock the teeth down her throat - How DARE she say that my beautiful baby was anything less than PERFECT!

But anyway...I think that the hospitals/doctors should have someone on hand or at least have some information to give out to parents so they can gain more information. I (and a few parents I've spoken to) were left with a TON of questions (none of which you remember to ask when you're sitting in front of the doctor b/c you're in shock) and too much contridicting information found online. Words like "Profound" and "ABR" terrified me in the beginning.

I remember saying to my sister, I wish they have a dummies guide to having a deaf child...b/c I felt like everyone around me (doctors/nurses/therapist) were speaking in another language. It made me feel even more alone, more vulnerable, and definately MORE stressed out...and it was all topped off with a good dose of post pardom depression.

I just think that when giving ANY news about children, doctors should come prepared with information that parents can take home when emotions aren't so high and look over. I think it would be an excellent idea to have deaf staff at more audiologist offices so parents can see active and contrubiting aspect of deaf culture. I remember having all these questions bombarding me..."What will Conner do for work?" "Who will marry and love my son, if he can't talk or hear?" (I am NOT saying these were rational concerns...just fears fed from lack of properly given information that could have been avoided)

...okay, I *think* I'm done ranting
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Indeed the problem seems to be two fold....the fact that deafness is really low incidence, and the fact that its presented as a bad news sort of thing. Imagine if you got the news " hey guess what? Your child will be able to grow up bilingual and have the superpower of turning off their hearing. Here's a copy of the Silent Garden, info on American society for deaf children, asl resources etc etc etc.
 
Wanna know something cool contessa. My sister who has perfect hearing actually wants a deaf or hard of hearing kid. so do I. Heck, I think almost anyone who has ever met me would not feel sad if their kid turned out to be dhh. Haring parents have to understand that it's not the condition that's the problem...it's how society reacts to it. Heck, forty years ago being gay,lesbian or bi was demonized. My "second mother" has told me she was absolutely terrified to come out as a teen in the 70's. it took her a long long time to come to terms with it. she is now a very leftie type. Like you look at her, and you know shes GAY.She had a daughter, who came out at 15, and she thought that she was going to be one of those women who vacation in p town. Hannah was then really freaked out to realize she liked boys, when she was seventeen Most kids I know would have been really freaked out and agonized over being glb. ( bc it's so stigmatized)
Imagine if that sort of thing happened with dhh people. Imagine if hearing people didn't see being dhh as bad or a limitation or a deflect, but just another way of being.
 
deafdyke said:
Wanna know something cool contessa. My sister who has perfect hearing actually wants a deaf or hard of hearing kid. so do I. Heck, I think almost anyone who has ever met me would not feel sad if their kid turned out to be dhh. Haring parents have to understand that it's not the condition that's the problem...it's how society reacts to it. Heck, forty years ago being gay,lesbian or bi was demonized. My "second mother" has told me she was absolutely terrified to come out as a teen in the 70's. it took her a long long time to come to terms with it. she is now a very leftie type. Like you look at her, and you know shes GAY.She had a daughter, who came out at 15, and she thought that she was going to be one of those women who vacation in p town. Hannah was then really freaked out to realize she liked boys, when she was seventeen Most kids I know would have been really freaked out and agonized over being glb. ( bc it's so stigmatized)
Imagine if that sort of thing happened with dhh people. Imagine if hearing people didn't see being dhh as bad or a limitation or a deflect, but just another way of being.
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I was shocked to discover that hearing loss/deafness is the highest birth "defect" (yes, that is how it was presented to me) in the WORLD.

@deafDyke - forgive me I don't know your name (sorry) But I think you're right. Imagine...perception is key. I think that if we could change the presentation of deaf/HoH to the hearing world...the world can and WILL change. The world and society are ever evolving. Things change, people change and so do views... Sometimes, we need to help them change and "nudge" them in the right direction.
 
ContessaC said:
For a new parent? Possibly with a stiff drink! :beer:

But seriously? I don't think their is a "good" way to give that news. I remember when the nurse came in and told me about Conner...On the level, that lady almost got jacked. I remember my husband holding me back b/c I wanted to knock the teeth down her throat - How DARE she say that my beautiful baby was anything less than PERFECT!

But anyway...I think that the hospitals/doctors should have someone on hand or at least have some information to give out to parents so they can gain more information. I (and a few parents I've spoken to) were left with a TON of questions (none of which you remember to ask when you're sitting in front of the doctor b/c you're in shock) and too much contridicting information found online. Words like "Profound" and "ABR" terrified me in the beginning.

I remember saying to my sister, I wish they have a dummies guide to having a deaf child...b/c I felt like everyone around me (doctors/nurses/therapist) were speaking in another language. It made me feel even more alone, more vulnerable, and definately MORE stressed out...and it was all topped off with a good dose of post pardom depression.

I just think that when giving ANY news about children, doctors should come prepared with information that parents can take home when emotions aren't so high and look over. I think it would be an excellent idea to have deaf staff at more audiologist offices so parents can see active and contrubiting aspect of deaf culture. I remember having all these questions bombarding me..."What will Conner do for work?" "Who will marry and love my son, if he can't talk or hear?" (I am NOT saying these were rational concerns...just fears fed from lack of properly given information that could have been avoided)

...okay, I *think* I'm done ranting
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Not at all..
Reactions of parents differ.
With us, Lotte didn't hear anything, and doing the ABR finally gave us the official message.
But we already knew she couldn't hear. Like you I'm sure, we tested Lotte in many ways.
Thing is that some parents want to hear "All is OK." and I'm sure some are so eager for it that the message "you child is deaf" is devastating.
Again, for us, it was a relief to get it confirmed and start moving on.
I guess we started our process of grieving already before we got the official answer. Of course we were sad about it, but not devastated.

I agree that the message should be given in some private setting. We got the message in the hallway of the hospital. Very unprofessional.

The message "I'm sorry...you child(ren) has FAILED their hearing test" is in itself fine, but I can imagine that with your expectations at the time, the word "failed" triggered a reaction.
And of course children do not fail a hearing test.. unless they try to fake one.
"I'm sorry to tell you your child is profoundly deaf" might have been a better choice of words.

Regarding information.. I think that any information that is given at that moment is not relevant. You need time to process the information, even when it was expected like with us.
But soon after that it's time for action. Get info, visit other people. If that is organised well, it makes a big difference.
 
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