Why is it so frustrated to find a right deaf lady?

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ShamRockMan

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Hello all deaf.com users!

Introduce myself: I am Ryan and I am 30 years old. I have moved and transfered job to Phoenix, AZ from Chicago months ago.

I think alldeaf.com is cool way to talk about anything. Share anyone with thoughtful. So I am new on this. I have been thinking about different issues. I would like to know and to understand something from what other are thinking. Hopefully this will help me a lot.

I have been single for half year after 6 years with my ex. While I am around in Phoenix. I have met some nice deaf ladies. I'm taking my time just to get to know them. I'm looking for a right lady and have a similar interests as mine.

I usually go out sometime on weekends. Sometime I went to some place with deafies group for socialize. I have met some deaf ladies there. When I met them. We were have like just simple conversations. They knows that I am single. After we exchanged email address. Then later they seem don't really keep in touch with me. I tried to ask them if one of them if they would like to hang out with me just to get to know more with each other. But later. When I see them again. (At different place like bar and whatever.) I saw them with other guys. Some of them are dating. I was like what have I done to them? I dont understand why is this happening. I have attended to different deaf socialize events. So far no luck girl for me. I was wondering. Are they oppression and shallow? I was like this is pretty frustrated me. I am looking for a lady who have a good confident, opened-mind, ambition, not afraid to get to know me more. Willing to take chances to hang out with me. Something like that.

Do you have any suggestion or advices for me how to deal with the frustrates? What are you thinking? Let me know! Thanks.

Ryan
 
:confused: @ highlands's post.

Anyways, ShamRockMan...

When you saw them with other guys dating, I don't know what your perspectives on dating, but dating to me is when you meet different people and get to know them before getting into a one by one relationship with that one special someone. No matter how hard you try, You need to know your needs and desires are and what you are really looking for in a girlfriend first, maybe those girls that you talked to wasn't the one for you. Don't sound too desperate either because you won't get women that way, let love come to you when the moment is right. Just have fun, go out meet different women, then you'll find that special someone, not on your terms, but by fate, if it is meant to be. ;)

Good Luck to you!!
 
:welcome: to AD, Ryan! I grew up Phx, AZ and my deaf brother still lives there. I dont know much about the deaf community in Phx since I moved away from there about 9 years ago. Cheri's advice is good. Dont try too hard..just enjoy meeting people and go with the flow. Good luck!
 
I agree with Cheri and Shel. The right person usually comes along when you least expect it. They sneak up on you when you are not looking!:giggle:

Just keep going out and meeting new people The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find the right one. And when you meet the right one, you'll both know it.

BTW....nice to meet you, Ryan. Welcome to AD.
 
Jillio is right. Just go with the flow and just be who you are as honest with people. Don't joke too much, just a little bit. I know you will find the right person who is special in your life. Don't use them as housekeeper, or use them to look after you. Just relax and enjoy meeting people. You won't feel too lonely when you go visiting the deaf people around like in Deaf Clubs or deaf bowling lanes or just go out camping with the Deaf Camping group like trailers or tents. I don't know where to look to meet deaf people. Sometimes you can go to the Hearing Society to ask for information to meet deaf people, that will be a first start, I think. But, good luck. :wave:
 
Ryan,
Everyone here is right. Don't try so hard. The harder you try to find Miss. Right (eventually Mrs. Right) the easier it is to miss her completely. Just enjoy the ride of meeting people, when you least expect to find "her", she'll show up.
 
I agree with Cheri and Shel90..dont rush... you will find a right lady sooner or later...
 
Take your time and shop a little more. Don't go after the first few girls you see. Get into the dating Scene and not the serious relationships right now. You will be able to learn what you like in a person and dislike, and you will become more aware of who YOU want, and who YOU are. Til then don't be desperate to find someone so quick because that will lead you to settle with the first girl that wants a commitment. and she may not be the one for you.
 
It's not you... it's them.

It's their loss.

I've had to deal with that at NTID/RIT. A lot of deaf female students at NTID/RIT would talk to me about guys they prefer to date and guys they wouldn't ever date. The next thing I know, they leave school because they got pregnant after dating a guy that they said they wouldn't date.

Don't worry. You'll find someone. :)
 
well, all I can say is test the water and keep looking and someday you find miss right, No one say finding the right person is easy. It takes lot of soul searching. Think about how hard it is for deaf women to find right guys too. I know it hard to find right deaf guys and most of them I dated are immature jerks. But that didn't stop me to keep trying to find the right man in my life. Whenever life throw at you, you just have to take a chance. Life is always gonna be about taking risks.
 
What I noticed with the little deaf groups my wife does hang out with, the women just like to play the field and fool around. The ones that want a relationship, find it early in their lifes. There are some few that break this habit, but it takes years, and some, an eye opener to have them change their life style. Just have to keep trying.
 
Well......

If you have deaf gay male friends, ask them for their unbiased opinion on how to meet a deaf girl.

Your deaf gay friends can teach you how to groom, dress appropiate, etc.

You know, " Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" only it's "Deaf Queer Eye for the Deaf Straight Guy."

Lord knows, there are many deaf straight guys that could use a lesson from their deaf gay brothers.....
 
LOL, my wife, who is profoundly deaf, caught me while I was smoking a cig at the football field during the 4th of July firework. She just came up to me and stole my heart. Now we are married for almost 4 years with 2 kids! This is my second marriage, my ex was very abusive, full of anger and cheated on me, so I left her, Thank god no kid with her. So I wasn't looking for a lady, i was just enjoying being single and all of the sudden, my wife (april), just came up to me and asked me "Are you Roger?" and from that day on, we fell in love. SO the main point is, don't try to hard, take one day at a time, and take a risk. Life is all about faith and risk.
 
Sorry, this may seem alittle harsh........

It has been objectively found in various research studies, that most (single) women will "size" you up within the first 5 minutes of meeting/conversating.

So make those first 5 minutes really count. And to read and pay particular attention to nonverbal communcation and gestures by the women folk. Your future breeding oppurtunities count on it.

"Nice guys do finish last."

1. Play a little hard to get.

Create a little mystery, make it so that she leaves wanting more. Be slightly ambiguous (but not too much).

Don't act all "clingy or desperate", it's effeminate. Chicks hate that (that is their domain). Especially the youngsters. *J/K ladies.

2. No pity parties (i.e. do NOT speak about past relationships/ex-gfs/grief, or whatever). Sorry, no one wants to know about it, especially on the first meetup. Maybe later, over wine and cheese?

No one wants to hang out with a downer. Yes, life is sometimes cruel.

3. Groom, groom, groom.

Update your wardrobe. Throw away (or donate) those vintage clothes from the 80s. You're not in HS or college anymore. Comb your hair. Brush your teeth. Make sure no loose nose/ear hairs are visible. Take frequent showers, or wear decent cologne. Exercise more.

Take care of your appearance because it nonverbally says alot about you.

4. Be very confident of yourself.

Learn to be comfortable in your own skin.

Be goal oriented. Have a sense of humour. Be "cocky/funny" (assertive). Chicks dig that.

Last thing (and there is any more), try not to speak to a woman in a group. The group will ALWAYS shoot you down (either in front of you or after). If any chance, separate her from the "herd" of group thinking.

Good luck.
 
ShamRockMan said:
Hello all deaf.com users!

Introduce myself: I am Ryan and I am 30 years old. I have moved and transfered job to Phoenix, AZ from Chicago months ago.

I think alldeaf.com is cool way to talk about anything. Share anyone with thoughtful. So I am new on this. I have been thinking about different issues. I would like to know and to understand something from what other are thinking. Hopefully this will help me a lot.

I have been single for half year after 6 years with my ex. While I am around in Phoenix. I have met some nice deaf ladies. I'm taking my time just to get to know them. I'm looking for a right lady and have a similar interests as mine.

I usually go out sometime on weekends. Sometime I went to some place with deafies group for socialize. I have met some deaf ladies there. When I met them. We were have like just simple conversations. They knows that I am single. After we exchanged email address. Then later they seem don't really keep in touch with me. I tried to ask them if one of them if they would like to hang out with me just to get to know more with each other. But later. When I see them again. (At different place like bar and whatever.) I saw them with other guys. Some of them are dating. I was like what have I done to them? I dont understand why is this happening. I have attended to different deaf socialize events. So far no luck girl for me. I was wondering. Are they oppression and shallow? I was like this is pretty frustrated me. I am looking for a lady who have a good confident, opened-mind, ambition, not afraid to get to know me more. Willing to take chances to hang out with me. Something like that.

Do you have any suggestion or advices for me how to deal with the frustrates? What are you thinking? Let me know! Thanks.

Ryan
Click to expand...

don t try too hard to win a lady s heart,,they ll walk all over you..they can feel you out ,,knowing your re interested in them but keep it short show interest in other ladies which makes them think twice,,look around..don t ask too many questions and don t let them know too much ,,be a mystery man,,keep your conversations short ..have confidence in yourself,,be cool
,,,there s more to it but use your common sense
 
I am just curious, do you limit yourself? Are you picky about physical appearances? Or that actually don't matter much? What about educational level? It just make it worse, imho.

I am curious, why deaf lady but not lady at general? What happens if a perfect hearing lady come to you wanting to go out on a date?

Other than that, those tips from those members are good.

Just enjoy being single for a while after all 6 years is a long time. Find something you like to do. That way you might find a woman that also enjoy thing and without you being aware she'll come to you. Then bingo, you will find someone who have something in common with you.

As other people said, just don't force it.
 
From what I've seen many American deaf guys are having a hard time to find a deaf American woman, so they decided to travel to other countries, and meet the better deaf woman over there. So, why don't you?
 
authentic said:
From what I've seen many American deaf guys are having a hard time to find a deaf American woman, so they decided to travel to other countries, and meet the better deaf woman over there. So, why don't you?
Click to expand...

It wasn't the case authentic. American men just don't find the right woman just yet. In time they will. Same as for women today finding the right Mr. Right Guy. It takes time till the right time and the right place. Either men or women just doesnt know it yet, it may be right there in front of your eyes or maybe not.
 
Sometime you have to lower ur standard if you want to get a woman. There are many factors like others have mentioned. I dont buy for one second that "Personality is important than looks" unless you re lowering your standard OR you have to step up ur game by working out/grooming urself to get woman of your deaf. If personality is so impt than looks then why does "nice guys finish last?"

Also it sucks to be being deaf guys bec we cannot get any friggin break from deaf women. Deaf women are lucky that they can get attention from hearing men because they know it that men are horny and would do anything to get laid. For us deaf men, what can we do? Unless we have money, we pretty much stuck with so limited population of deaf women.
 
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