When a Child Says No

Cheri said:
Why? I don't see what the use for it, because your English grammar is very excellent. It seems that you've done well, that's my opinion for what it's worth. ;)
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Thank you Cheri, my one regret in life is that I did not push myself further, following a high school IQ assessment my mother was told that if I attended uni I would be in the top third, however I took the easy option and left school at 17 for office work.
 
Raykat said:
My view, for what its worth, is that if CI had been available when I was a baby or growing up I would have blessed my parents for ever if they had had me implanted.
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Same here, especially if I had been unable to benefit from hearing aids. I regard the job of a parent to expand my choices and I don't mean only symbollic choices, but real, practical choices that I can make use of.

It's obvious from this very board itself that we deaf people are very diverse in the lifestyle choices we make. Some are really into deaf culture and need a strong deaf identity, whereas others are not that way inclined. It doesn't make either group better or more authentic than the other. It's just a reflection of how different we are, just with any other group.
 
comparing implanting a CI to sexual abuse is one of the most asinine things I have read on this form - and I've read a LOT of things that were waaaaaaaaaaay out there.
 
Raykat said:
My view, for what its worth, is that if CI had been available when I was a baby or growing up I would have blessed my parents for ever if they had had me implanted.
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That's exactly how I feel as well.
 
neecy said:
comparing implanting a CI to sexual abuse is one of the most asinine things I have read on this form - and I've read a LOT of things that were waaaaaaaaaaay out there.
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Huh? Where did someone mention "sexual abuse"? Please quote someone's post so we can know what post you are referring to. It'll be easier you know. Ty. ;)
 
jillio said:
You know, if you are going to take the stance that "it's my child and I will decide what is best because I have custody of their mind and body" the same argument can and has been used to justify things such as sexual abuse. "I'm only teaching him/her what he/she needs to know. It's my child, this is for their own good, and it is my decision to make." But I would imagine if you ask the children, they would tell you they completely disagree with the claim that it is for their own good. A parent does not own a child--that child is a gift, a complete and separate human being that has been entrusted to the parent's care, not their domination.
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This was what I was referring to, sorry that I didn't quote it originally
 
neecy said:
This was what I was referring to, sorry that I didn't quote it originally
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No one has compared implantation to sexual abuse. What I said was, forced implantation when a child has already said no is appropriation of a body that does not belong to the parent, just as sexual abuse is appropriation of a body that does not belong to the abuser. Perhaps if you read the statement as it was intended, it would not appear to be so asinine.
 
jillio said:
That's one big "if". Can I ask you this? Are you prelingually or postlingually deafened?
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On rereading this I think you have got the "if" in the wrong context.......its "if" CI had been available which it wasnt.....not "if" my parents had got me implanted, knowing them there would have been no question about it.
 
neecy said:
comparing implanting a CI to sexual abuse is one of the most asinine things I have read on this form - and I've read a LOT of things that were waaaaaaaaaaay out there.
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Agreed and that is why I stopped after one response because all she is doing is trolling.
rick
 
Can some please tell me..........

there is a lot of talk about children who have been implanted resenting their parents later on in life, then going on to learn ASL etc.

But.......has anyone thought of the reverse.......the parents refuse to implant the child.........child grows up and says to parents.....:"why didnt you give me the chance of CI and oralism"........whats the parents response to that???????
 
Raykat said:
On rereading this I think you have got the "if" in the wrong context.......its "if" CI had been available which it wasnt.....not "if" my parents had got me implanted, knowing them there would have been no question about it.
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Nope--I got the context correctly. But thanks, anyway.
 
Raykat said:
On rereading this I think you have got the "if" in the wrong context.......its "if" CI had been available which it wasnt.....not "if" my parents had got me implanted, knowing them there would have been no question about it.
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Raycat,

When we were looking into the implant for our daughter back in 89 there were so few children that we wound up seeking opinions from adult ci users. We are glad we did, for virtually everyone, expressed the view that they only wished they could have been implanted as children. We also found that is was the adult ci users who were the staunchest advocates for allowing children to be implanted.

We parents owe all of them a big debt of gratitude!
Rick
 
Raykat said:
Can some please tell me..........

there is a lot of talk about children who have been implanted resenting their parents later on in life, then going on to learn ASL etc.

But.......has anyone thought of the reverse.......the parents refuse to implant the child.........child grows up and says to parents.....:"why didnt you give me the chance of CI and oralism"........whats the parents response to that???????
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I dont feel that way about my parents not implanting me cuz if I did, it would only make my life miserable and I would have bitter feelings. No need for that. I have accepted that I am deaf and learned how to live with it to the best as I can. Well, I did and now it is not an issue like it was when I grew up orally when everyone made such a big issue about it.
 
shel90 said:
I dont feel that way about my parents not implanting me cuz if I did, it would only make my life miserable and I would have bitter feelings. No need for that. I have accepted that I am deaf and learned how to live with it to the best as I can. Well, I did and now it is not an issue like it was when I grew up orally when everyone made such a big issue about it.
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It's great that you have found your "place in the world" was it were and are happy with your life. Dont get me wrong when I say that I get annoyed with my deafness, I am accepting of it but if someone could wave a magic wand and give me hearing I would go for it.

My question in previous post was hypothetical as I dont suppose many or any children have yet grown old enough to question their parents choices for them. I am just wwondering how parents woudl explain to the child, now a young adult, why they chose not to implant.
 
rick48 said:
Raycat,

When we were looking into the implant for our daughter back in 89 there were so few children that we wound up seeking opinions from adult ci users. We are glad we did, for virtually everyone, expressed the view that they only wished they could have been implanted as children. We also found that is was the adult ci users who were the staunchest advocates for allowing children to be implanted.

We parents owe all of them a big debt of gratitude!


Rick
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Thanks Rick, how old is your daughter now, has she ever said she wishes you had not gone ahead with implant?

Raywyn
 
Raykat said:
It's great that you have found your "place in the world" was it were and are happy with your life. Dont get me wrong when I say that I get annoyed with my deafness, I am accepting of it but if someone could wave a magic wand and give me hearing I would go for it.

My question in previous post was hypothetical as I dont suppose many or any children have yet grown old enough to question their parents choices for them. I am just wwondering how parents woudl explain to the child, now a young adult, why they chose not to implant.
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All of the deaf/hoh people that I have met or know now have never expressed about any wishes of getting implanted as children. I believe I have met over 500 of them in the 10 years I have been involved in the deaf community. Maybe nobody really ever thought about it or wasnt really brought up. However, I am seeing a trend among them with adults getting implants but nobody has said they resented their parents for not implanting them. A few ADers here have said that though..maybe u can ask them?
 
Raykat said:
Thanks Rick, how old is your daughter now, has she ever said she wishes you had not gone ahead with implant?

Raywyn
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Raywyn,

My daughter is 20 and has had her ci since 89. She has never said that she wishes we had never gotten an implant. She just views it as part of who she is really like her hair color, LOL! Seriously, though she has toldl my wife that she is very appreciative of the fact that we chose the ci for her.
Rick
 
shel90 said:

All of the deaf/hoh people that I have met or know now have never expressed about any wishes of getting implanted as children. I believe I have met over 500 of them in the 10 years I have been involved in the deaf community. Maybe nobody really ever thought about it or wasnt really brought up. However, I am seeing a trend among them with adults getting implants but nobody has said they resented their parents for not implanting them.
A few ADers here have said that though..maybe u can ask them?
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You should !
 
Cloggy said:
You should !
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I should what? Ask everyone I know? I dont think about it in my personal life anyway. Just here is when I think about it. If it comes up, sure I will ask.
 
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