The finer points of debating with each other
- Thread starter Liza
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I admit I used to be one of them who used to fingerpoint while debates with others, but everytime I look at my post, I felt so embarassed because that's not me and sometimes I feel like I hurt someone's feelings and it makes me feel a bit sad inside, I don't want to be right all the time, cause there are times I'm wrong in things, and I see that sometimes when it comes to talk about senstive topic, it makes it harder to keep your emotions under control, then a thread becomes heat up more on fire 
cause I'm not taking a deep breathe before replying and that when it makes things worse by agruing back and fourth at each others and it will never ends unless you stop by walking away from it...
Now, I've learn to bite my tongue, and ignore it by walking away from it, if I wanted to say my piece I either say it in a calm way, or I don't say it at all....It makes me feel better about myself so I know I'm not hurting anyone's feelings cause that the last thing I wanted to do....
Lately I see too many fingerpoint like who started it or what, it seem like they're not looking at how they post but want to blame someone who started it, that where the agrument keeps going with all the fingerpointing, it like if member A say something and then member B didn't like what member A said, so member B will start attacking member A, then when other members see it, they join along like a fellowship, or jumping in a bandwagon by insulting and attacking member A for started it, it gets to the point of where a thread will get out of control and that when the fire start to heat up and the smoke start to flow right up the ceiling....
I think the problem is, sometimes members don't look at themselves on how they post or reply but wants to blame someone by fingerpointing them instead of trying to discuss this in a civil manner....I know there will be times we might have a few agruments but it makes things worse when more members join along and that when it never end until a moderator lock it ...
cause I'm not taking a deep breathe before replying and that when it makes things worse by agruing back and fourth at each others and it will never ends unless you stop by walking away from it...Now, I've learn to bite my tongue, and ignore it by walking away from it, if I wanted to say my piece I either say it in a calm way, or I don't say it at all....It makes me feel better about myself so I know I'm not hurting anyone's feelings cause that the last thing I wanted to do....
Lately I see too many fingerpoint like who started it or what, it seem like they're not looking at how they post but want to blame someone who started it, that where the agrument keeps going with all the fingerpointing, it like if member A say something and then member B didn't like what member A said, so member B will start attacking member A, then when other members see it, they join along like a fellowship, or jumping in a bandwagon by insulting and attacking member A for started it, it gets to the point of where a thread will get out of control and that when the fire start to heat up and the smoke start to flow right up the ceiling....
I think the problem is, sometimes members don't look at themselves on how they post or reply but wants to blame someone by fingerpointing them instead of trying to discuss this in a civil manner....I know there will be times we might have a few agruments but it makes things worse when more members join along and that when it never end until a moderator lock it ...
It is no longer a debate when one choose to start capping in their posts and take everything personal.
Creating a number of misunderstandings and the consequences of it is almost unavoidable. People can't just keep running away from the questions all of the times and keep on ranting.
It's important to establish a good reptuation in debating. People cannot tolerate personal attacks like we saw last night in some threads which resulted in getting locked up. No one should just say something rude and expect to get away with it.
A person shouldn't be allowed to keep ranting the same nonsense over and over. Especially when it gets more intense each time. The use of bad language shouldn't be tolerated either especially when it's personal. People need to stop accusing each other of being this and that. I don't like seeing a person spreading paranoia and calling people such names based on asbsolutely no merits.
As much I hate to say this but many of you know it's true; we all need to be blunt once in a while and the truth does hurt. Debate is not a place where people should be getting personal.
Creating a number of misunderstandings and the consequences of it is almost unavoidable. People can't just keep running away from the questions all of the times and keep on ranting.
It's important to establish a good reptuation in debating. People cannot tolerate personal attacks like we saw last night in some threads which resulted in getting locked up. No one should just say something rude and expect to get away with it.
A person shouldn't be allowed to keep ranting the same nonsense over and over. Especially when it gets more intense each time. The use of bad language shouldn't be tolerated either especially when it's personal. People need to stop accusing each other of being this and that. I don't like seeing a person spreading paranoia and calling people such names based on asbsolutely no merits.
As much I hate to say this but many of you know it's true; we all need to be blunt once in a while and the truth does hurt. Debate is not a place where people should be getting personal.
Where should I begin Liza? 
Alex created a good thread the other day, "Bad Fellowship" I thought everything will end there because Alex gave us all a chance to have a positive attitude , I haven't seen any changes for the better, Yesterday, three threads been locked not because just one person, It was lock because some members were targeting at each other's throats. I don't see how hard it is to ignored instead of keep going at it, It does nothing but makes problems worse. It's better to sit on your hands to avoid typing a reply that you might regret later.
Bottom line is, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, I share my mistakes in the past too. I regret some mistakes that I've made in the past and I think we all should take a very good look at ourselves before blaming others who started it. Nobody a perfect saint, We all make mistakes, we have to be the one correcting our own mistakes.
Alex created a good thread the other day, "Bad Fellowship" I thought everything will end there because Alex gave us all a chance to have a positive attitude , I haven't seen any changes for the better, Yesterday, three threads been locked not because just one person, It was lock because some members were targeting at each other's throats. I don't see how hard it is to ignored instead of keep going at it, It does nothing but makes problems worse. It's better to sit on your hands to avoid typing a reply that you might regret later.
Bottom line is, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, I share my mistakes in the past too. I regret some mistakes that I've made in the past and I think we all should take a very good look at ourselves before blaming others who started it. Nobody a perfect saint, We all make mistakes, we have to be the one correcting our own mistakes.
darkangel8603
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yah... no offense to anybody here, but my high school act better in these kind of issues, debates, and are more mature than some people in this forums. And believe it or not, in my opinion, my high school have alot of immature kids there, and yet they are more mature than some of us here.
I have to deal with high school in milton for the last 2 years, and quite frankly i am getting very tired of it quick. I had been at robarts for many years, but i was forced to transfer to milton, but i only had 2 more years then i am finish highschool. My high school causes soo much stress and it makes me sick of it very quick because of soooo many immature kids there, so what do i do to avoid those immature kids in my school, but still chat with deaf people, i come to this forum, this place is like a santuary for me and i still can meet deaf people, but lately its becoming worse than my high school, and well its pathetic and stupid.
If this keeps up, I will be leaving and finding another thread that is more mature than people that belong to this thread. I hope I dont have to..
I have to deal with high school in milton for the last 2 years, and quite frankly i am getting very tired of it quick. I had been at robarts for many years, but i was forced to transfer to milton, but i only had 2 more years then i am finish highschool. My high school causes soo much stress and it makes me sick of it very quick because of soooo many immature kids there, so what do i do to avoid those immature kids in my school, but still chat with deaf people, i come to this forum, this place is like a santuary for me and i still can meet deaf people, but lately its becoming worse than my high school, and well its pathetic and stupid.
If this keeps up, I will be leaving and finding another thread that is more mature than people that belong to this thread. I hope I dont have to..
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Hello,
I've asked one of MODS to close my thread, because some of ADers aren't mature enough to sit down and discuss/ debate in adult way. I don't see any benefits in it to learn anythin', because of the name-callin', insults, and cussin'. They just throw away some good education via "walks of life" experiences that they should share to help benefitin' others. I am kinda of very disappointed of seein' them wastin' good discussion/debate. Gee - Some of ADers need to control their "bridle" in their mouth.
For some of you other people called "bible thumpers" ( I don't call them that. *chuckles* ) need to refrain yourself from tellin' GLBT people repeatly when the "repeatly" is NOT necessary. You can't make them to chose YOUR way. IF, they heard what the scriptures say about homosexual/lesbian/and so forth that are sins soo many times before - then, leave them alone. They are in God's Hands, not in yours. Just pray for them and SHOW them YOUR love in Christ.
Keep that in mind ---> Jesus Christ died for them that includin' YOU as well. You don't die for them to purchase them through your blood- ONLY Jesus died for everyone and HE bought everyone through HIS blood. It's not that hard to understand.
I've asked one of MODS to close my thread, because some of ADers aren't mature enough to sit down and discuss/ debate in adult way. I don't see any benefits in it to learn anythin', because of the name-callin', insults, and cussin'. They just throw away some good education via "walks of life" experiences that they should share to help benefitin' others. I am kinda of very disappointed of seein' them wastin' good discussion/debate. Gee - Some of ADers need to control their "bridle" in their mouth.
For some of you other people called "bible thumpers" ( I don't call them that. *chuckles* ) need to refrain yourself from tellin' GLBT people repeatly when the "repeatly" is NOT necessary. You can't make them to chose YOUR way. IF, they heard what the scriptures say about homosexual/lesbian/and so forth that are sins soo many times before - then, leave them alone. They are in God's Hands, not in yours. Just pray for them and SHOW them YOUR love in Christ.
Keep that in mind ---> Jesus Christ died for them that includin' YOU as well. You don't die for them to purchase them through your blood- ONLY Jesus died for everyone and HE bought everyone through HIS blood. It's not that hard to understand.
Liza
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Beowulf said:
They're "hanging" fine. How about yours?
bbnt said:
Shhh, don't spill the beans yet bbnt!
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Okay, seriously... I'd like to copy your points after this point and let y'all review them for a common ground. It seems to me like all of you are saying virtually the same thing, with some variations here and there.
PS: I'd like to ask y'all to not respond directly to replies that you consider insulting in this thread, but do talk with us about how they made you uncomforable. Let's work that way, if we all are agreed?
^Angel^ said:
What does being civil means to you, Angel?
Banjo said:
Do you have insights on why people react badly in discussions?
Cheri said:
Yes, I agree that Alex took the first positive step in a difficult situation.
I also want to say that others like the female part of Cookie Monster and Catmandu have said similar things.. sitting on hands, and to be a lady (or gentleman) and walk away. I think some did that when they decided to leave this forum, so it sort of makes sense to give them that room. They might be surprised to see a different and kinder forum that still can be diverse when they are back! But I am getting way ahead of myself.. so I'll say that I'm beginning to think we all have to experience getting fed up with the way we and others behave.. we choose to be the better person, huh?
Welcome to the club, Cheri!darkangel8603 said:
I hear you... I'd like to add this old adage... treat others as you would want to be treated, right?
CyberRed said:
It sounds like you'd like to learn from us if we use honey rather than vinegar?
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I also see we all have something in common.. we want to share our experiences and POVs, and some of you have said that it has gotten personal for others in it that it has become uncomforable for many. Hell, some of you have made others uncomforable.. and admit it honestly, and want to do these things differently this time around. Anyone else wanna chime in? Have I gotten this right so far?
Hey.. I could be wrong!
If so, please take this opportunity to share your differing POV.I had a problem posting in here last night ~ battery in my sidekick died and I lost what I had typed down here... I'll retype what I can remember here and then go from there.
In any debate, there are several points to remember and one of them is:
R*E*S*P*E*C*T
Respect is paramount when you're involved in a deep discussion or debating a point ~ it does not matter what you think about the other person you're talking to; if you think the person deserve or don't deserve the respect a discussion demands ~ each is entitled to his/her opinion, point of view or perspective, period.
If you do not agree with what a person is saying, then state why you do not agree with it, back it up with a point~finding statement (links won't help if you don't back it up with your own perspective on it), and keep it on topic.
If you agree, back it up with why you agree with it, and offer your own point of view on the topic - it looks like you're avoiding the discussion when you're saying you agree and then don't explain why.
Most of all, do not let it turn into a personal attack with an attack on the other's personal life, insulting, name-calling. The other person is more likely to turn the tables on you with the same, or a bad report on your flaming post; and it's more likely that others will join ranks against you.
You also have to remember, yeah, you are facing a computer screen, and you cannot see the person on the other; the main thing to remember is that the other person has feelings, desires, emotions, and intelligence, just like you. If you attack the person, insult their beliefs, disregard their feelings, they will do the same thing to you and in doing that, they will be attacking you, insulting your beliefs and disregarding your feelings.
So...
Remember. Computers are just objects, they can be replaced. Humans have feelings, and when one leaves, we lose a valuable member of our forum.
Respect one another.
In any debate, there are several points to remember and one of them is:
R*E*S*P*E*C*T
Respect is paramount when you're involved in a deep discussion or debating a point ~ it does not matter what you think about the other person you're talking to; if you think the person deserve or don't deserve the respect a discussion demands ~ each is entitled to his/her opinion, point of view or perspective, period.
If you do not agree with what a person is saying, then state why you do not agree with it, back it up with a point~finding statement (links won't help if you don't back it up with your own perspective on it), and keep it on topic.
If you agree, back it up with why you agree with it, and offer your own point of view on the topic - it looks like you're avoiding the discussion when you're saying you agree and then don't explain why.
Most of all, do not let it turn into a personal attack with an attack on the other's personal life, insulting, name-calling. The other person is more likely to turn the tables on you with the same, or a bad report on your flaming post; and it's more likely that others will join ranks against you.
You also have to remember, yeah, you are facing a computer screen, and you cannot see the person on the other; the main thing to remember is that the other person has feelings, desires, emotions, and intelligence, just like you. If you attack the person, insult their beliefs, disregard their feelings, they will do the same thing to you and in doing that, they will be attacking you, insulting your beliefs and disregarding your feelings.
So...
Remember. Computers are just objects, they can be replaced. Humans have feelings, and when one leaves, we lose a valuable member of our forum.
Respect one another.
Tousi
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Over-all, I agree with DD; however, with some topics I might have a personal belief about something cuz I was raised that way, etc. It is times like this that I don't feel I have to post a link just to back it up. The trick here, then, would be to post it respectfully.
Tousi said:
That's fine, its not absolutely necessary to post a link every time ~ if you have a personal belief, post it and explain why you feel that way.
I just feel that if you gonna post a link, you should back it up with your POV on the link and why you feel that way, instead of saying that the link explains everything. It doesn't, and only muddies the waters even furthur.
Also, when debating, you might want to use a personal experience you've had, if it applies to the discussion going on. However, if someone does that, do not use it against that person, such as the person having had an abortion and you calling her a murderer. That will be considered a personal attack, and also straying from the topic itself. Instead, say that you are against it, and explain why you feel that way. Do not just state that it's murder, a sin against God, but do respect the other person and be rational in your point of view.
Does this help?
Well said DreamDeaf!! 
GalaxyAngel
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Hopefully will come settled and goes smooth... No more attacking or pointing finger..
Getting tired and made me sleepy felt alike Jump into *HUGE BOMB BLUNT* afterall, Seems going down.. That much better.. I really dislike of this but patience.. *groan*
Anyone can smell coffee "wake up call" Lately?
Getting tired and made me sleepy felt alike Jump into *HUGE BOMB BLUNT* afterall, Seems going down.. That much better.. I really dislike of this but patience.. *groan*
Anyone can smell coffee "wake up call" Lately?