Self-Esteem vs low self-esteem

Don't forget this is the year of 2005 going on 2006, Clothing are different from the old days to the present days, Fashion is what makes clothes looks alittle sexy, but hey it's all about fashion and new style. I don't see what the point of having new style?

Reba, Having to say non-Christians don't care about how they dress, What do u want them to wear? dressing up like nuns? :shock:

Oh Christians people do dress in fashion style too. Maybe you haven't seen at least one who has. ;)

Faith is all about believing, believing in Jesus Christ is all that should matters, not about how you dress, eat or drink. I don't remember in the bible saying you'll go to hell if you dress alittle sexy or out of modesty taste. ;)
 
Liebling:-))) said:
:werd: It's people who choose to wear, not God... It's God who create naked couple Adam and Eve... After eat fruit from God's special tree, then they become hide their body and choose to wear... not God.


***I have to go home now and will be back for more posts tonight***
FYI Liebling, it was God who clothed Adam and Eve.
 
CyberRed said:
That's what I told you earlier when you asked ME to show you where it said in the bible, so I shown you the scripture earlier. Now you understand ?

Sorry I wasn't paying any attention, yes I understand it now, I'm newbie in this, so bear with me please....
 
^Angel^ said:
Oh pleasee....If I want to wear two pieces swimming suit, then I can if I want to, that doesn't mean I have a dark ( black ) soul....
Did you read carefully what I posted?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheri
So, if you don't dress modestly, You'll have a black soul?


No.

And I also like to wear short skirt is because long skirt makes me feel uncomfortable just like some people don't like to wear dress but pants because they feel comfortable in them, but that doesn't mean I am trying to show off my body, or draw attention from others, it just the way I like to dress or the type of clothes that are more fashionable...
You don't have to justify yourself to me. I just state the examples of modest clothing, and I let the Holy Spirit convict believers to wear the appropriate clothing.
 
^Angel^ said:
Actually Reba is right, it's in the bible, I haven't reach that far in my bible, so I didn't know....

Here is what it says

Timothy 2:9

"And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearl or expensive clothes "
Hi Angel:)

WHAT???? I read my bible and it says the same. I find it very odd!!!!! It's because I have many real gold jewelries, real pearl necklaces, etc and some of my clothes are expensive. Does it mean that I'm showing? NO! It's JUST what I like the designs, very pretty and I LOVE real jewelries because it looks so beautiful. I have many 100% cashmere sweaters - is that a showoff? NO, I love it so much because it does not itch my skin and it is so soft and yes, it is expensive - over $100 dollars. It must be that Timothy's interpretation is different. Like God says...treat poor and rich people in the same way. Rich people have money and they're lucky. Poor people don't have that much money and they're not lucky.

Momoftwo:)
 
Cheri said:
Having to say non-Christians don't care about how they dress, What do u want them to wear? dressing up like nuns?

:lol:
 
Liebling:))):Wow, interesting thread here.

Don't worry about "off topic" but some of your posts are relate to self-esteem about how you feel good what you like to wear...

Ok, thanks ! I am glad you gave me the opporunity to share my experience about my mother with them here. :)

Forgive me please for neglect my thread here since I’m busy at weekends.

:aw: I forgive you. :hug: I know you are busy and also, different time zone from here ( USA ).

Here is my answer.

Fuzzy, I like you & your open-mind posts. You are like me who say direct what we think! I like to hear anyone like you who tell me straight what you think… Yes, you & I have same thought after read CR’s post over her mother’s self-esteem.

Here is my answer, CyberRed:

You said that Self-esteem is very dangerous, not true. I re-read your posts and let me suggest you something what I think about your step-dad and mother. Some of your posts confused me bit over “black soul”. Please correct if I’m mistake or what.

At first you said that your mother take care of her look and clothes and feel happy to wear what she really like, like dancing, etc. = good and healthy esteem and then second you described her as low self-esteem over “black soul” what you saw in her. – It sound that your mother has a mental health (hate herself, emotional/psychological scars, self-doubt scars and very low self-esteem)… It means that your mother suffer her loveless marriage life with your step-dad, that’s why she had to get out of marriage life to start a new life to improve her self-esteem.

Loveless marriage ? Oh, no. It was not from loveless marriage. My stepdad worked and provided her what she needs. She has 2 story house - a kinda of fancy house with 4 bedrooms and basement. My stepdad loves her dearly and they were married for over 20 years. It was my mother who changed all that. She was waitin' for me, and other siblin' to reach the age of 18 before she could get out of marriage life - because she expected my stepdad to support all her 5 kids ( me and my other siblin' ) and she KNEW that no man would want her who had 5 kids. She ain't that dumb. I can read her very well. *chuckles* I ain't that dumb, either.

You said that you saw black soul in her that’s time she was still married to your step-dad. Correct?

Yes, that's correct.

After divorce, she turns into a different person and feel free and happy and can choose what she wear & kind of life what she wants to have. Correct?

Yes, that's right.

If yes, it means is she is a romantic person and want to feel being good and attractive for your step-dad but she was being neglect by your step-dad’s love and attention. It’s normal that your mother want to go dance with him – have romantic dining with him… being alone with him, Romantic weekends, need to hear “loving word” from him… Your step-dad see her as “housewife” and “mother”, not lover. No wonder she suffered low self-esteem and want to get out of 20 years miserable and loveless marriage and start a new life to improve her self-esteem.

Well, my stepdad gave her everythin' what she wanted. What more does she wanted from him ? She was never satisfied and, yet still want more and more until they ended up gettin' divorce. It was my mother's desire for divorce, not my stepfather. Once she got a divorce that she wanted, she realized that she will never get what she wanted. She kept losin' them.

I think it’s unfair of step-dad to influence your sibling what you saw black soul in your mother etc. As what you described “black soul” sounds that you see Satan in her because she never talks about Jesus and God… Correct? Nobody expect anyone to talk about Jesus and God all the time since they have their own life, they take care of. God and Jesus are in every people’s heart, it doesn’t mean that we must talk about Jesus and God all the time.

It's NOT influencin' thing. He just simply told them (my siblin' ) the truth. He was THERE when that happened. Satan ? I can't really say - All I know that there was an "emptiness" inside her meanin' it was very pitch dark in black. I believe it's good to talk about God/Jesus allll the time - showin' that we love God/Jesus with all our MIND, SOUL and HEART. How about prayin' daily for your food ? Hmm? How about readin' the bible daily for your soul's food to grow and gettin' closer to God ? Same thing you would spend time with your family daily right ? Communicatin' with your family daily right ? Same idea with God.

I would suggest you to take your mother’s side to have your view to compare with your step-dad. You need to have BOTH sides to listen then you will understand.

They both already divorced in 1986 and they have their own lives in separated ways.
Listenin' both sides ? I already have.
 
Momoftwo said:
WHAT???? I read my bible and it says the same. I find it very odd!!!!! It's because I have many real gold jewelries, real pearl necklaces, etc and some of my clothes are expensive. Does it mean that I'm showing? NO! It's JUST what I like the designs, very pretty and I LOVE real jewelries because it looks so beautiful. I have many 100% cashmere sweaters - is that a showoff? NO, I love it so much because it does not itch my skin and it is so soft and yes, it is expensive - over $100 dollars. It must be that Timothy's interpretation is different. Like God says...treat poor and rich people in the same way. Rich people have money and they're lucky. Poor people don't have that much money and they're not lucky.

Momoftwo:)
There is nothing wrong with wearing gold, pearls, or nice clothing. The Bible verse that is quoted means do not use outward decoration to distract attention from inward beauty. That is, real beauty comes from the inward soul, not from outward decoration.

If a person is truly beautiful inside, that person doesn't depend on jewelry or clothing for that beauty. The inside will show thru.

If a person is truly ugly inside, that person can't use jewelry or clothing to hide that ugliness. The inside will show thru.

God enjoys Christians looking nice. :) God doesn't enjoy Christians using excessive "glitz" or "sexiness" to emphasize, "hey, everyone, look at me, and feel jealous of me!" That is the difference.
 
Cheri said:
Don't forget this is the year of 2005 going on 2006...
I didn't forget. :)
God's standards don't change, no-matter the year. He is eternal and His standards are eternal. Man changes, day to day, year to year, but God never changes.

Clothing are different from the old days to the present days, Fashion is what makes clothes looks alittle sexy, but hey it's all about fashion and new style. I don't see what the point of having new style?
The point of having new styles every year is for clothing manufacturers, designers, and retail clothing stores to make money.

Reba, Having to say non-Christians don't care about how they dress, What do u want them to wear? dressing up like nuns? :shock:
I never posted anything that stated Christians should dress like nuns. Also, it doesn't matter what I "want them to wear". It is important what God wants people to wear.

God has good reasons for wanting His people to dress modestly.

First, He wants His people to look special and separate from the rest of the world.

Second, He wants His people to be a good testimony in every thing that they do, including clothing, speaking, behaving, singing, etc.

Third, He wants His people to focus on and emphasize inward spiritual things, not outward physical things.

Fourth, He wants to reduce sexual temptations among people.

Fifth, He wants His people to use their money wisely, and not waste too much money on new clothes every season.

Sixth, He wants to reduce jealousy among people.

Those are just a few reasons, not in any particular order.


Faith is all about believing, believing in Jesus Christ is all that should matters, not about how you dress, eat or drink. I don't remember in the bible saying you'll go to hell if you dress alittle sexy or out of modesty taste. ;)
The Bible doesn't say that anyone goes to hell for how they dress.

The Bible does say:

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Also:

I Corinthians 10:31
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

I John 2:16
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
 
^Angel^ said:
Sorry, I guess I need glasses.... :dunno:
No problem :)

Just to set the record straight, let me explain something.

I was not a Christian until age 28 years. Before that time, I dressed the worldly way. I wore mini skirts, low-cut tops, short shorts, bikinis, hip-hugger jeans, etc. After I became saved, the Holy Spirit convicted me about what I was wearing. No person from church ever criticized me or lectured me. I just studied God's Word, looked at the other godly ladies for examples, and let the Holy Spirit guide me. I got rid of the worldly "sexy" clothing because I knew it didn't please God. No person forced me. The decision was mine to obey God.

I never try to force anyone to change their clothes. I am only presenting what God says about it. Each person must deal with the Holy Spirit individually, just as I did.
 
I understand Reba, and Thanks for telling me, I learn alot even though I don't have alot of experiences when it comes to what it may say in the Bible, I have a long way to go, but in time I will learn so much more....

Thanks for being kind and helpful too! :)
 
My self-esteem...

Sort of self-esteem...

I was prevouis bullied when I was teenager but no longer..
I've been used to be friendly and loving care w/my friends.. until I moved another town and lost touched w/my friends and wasn't even think afterall since.. I made new friends where in my homearea . I made decision and came back visit huge city and met lot of my old friends adn asked me where you have been gone long years ? I turned into embrassement and wanted to throw new leaf into the soil and fresh life another town.. They kept telling me , you're not.. They wanted have me back buddies agian and kept in touch w/me.. I made me felt realise that they are really want have me back friends again.. My fault left them and not thinking "old friends" and made my decision huge move on and new friends another town.. So I kept stick w/contact my old friends again. Made me grow new trust them again...

Espically My childhood until a year ago.. Has been strong bond best friend..
I did made my decision left her best friend because long story.. I felt lost trust her. She already behind my back.. I felt she betrayed me.. I do betrayed her too. My position isn't want part of her problematic.. as long I want focus my own family come first... I did emailed her "forgiven the past was mess up" I heard she is single mother.. I just wanted to help her but she ingore me all the way.. I offered her solve problem but she kept ingore me.. I knew my fault because i left her.. since have not contact her for year..

I accept move on.. let her go.. what she wants.
I hope she read this here.. I know she is not member alldeaf.com one day she come by and read this. I felt hard accept grow trust her again.. I'm sorry.. I want see you back again and relationship best friend again.. :cry:

I hope you could have nice merry christmas and happy new year. (hugs) take care truly my best friend. :sadwave:

** And also I have to accept growth trust w/internet friends as long I kept caution myself turn into trust them as slow down and become good relationship close internet friends. I do not want become into popluar friends.. Just want make sure "True colors friends" do really cares each together as postive ways.

Otherwise, I hate being strong word "Advantage me as use me" Where respect as long become better growth friendship as relationship. **

Depends my situation "willing forgiven you or not" My heart kept say NO..
Reason why I've been gulliabled years ago.. Im really not happy about this.. *felt that you're bluffing me all along* It's time let it go.. I have to accept say no forgiven one person.. peorid.. That reason My felt self-esteem.. I ain't going for this being say that.. ok. Just let it go.. "Move on"
That what I want to best interest to be happy for you and everyone. :ily:
Thank you..
**I do prefer netural as normal lifestyle self esteem. *smile*~ :) **

Happy Merrier Christmas to you all AD'ers.. *smile*
:hug:
 
>>Christ inside your body. By how ? By readin' and pray everyday right ? <<


I happen to disagree. I've been to church services, saw people praying fervently and later the same people kicking the dog and pushing a homeless person out of their way, beating their kids and/or wife, spreading false gossip about others (that mostly women).
No matter how much you pray, it's only your action that shows if you have Christ in your heart or not. You only fool yourself if you think the more you pray the more Christ you have in your heart.
You can be shy with your relationship with Christ, you may pray scarcely and yet be closer to him than any devout phony in the first row in the Church all agnry and pious because her neighbour went to the beach in thong (after volunteering her services at homeles shelter).


First, He wants His people to look special and separate from the rest of the world.

That's separatism. That's how, for example, racism starts. No he doesn't.
We are ALL special in the eyes of God. God created ALL people, therefore these naked non- Christian tribes too. Jesus was a Jew, BTW.

Second, He wants His people to be a good testimony in every thing that they do, including clothing, speaking, behaving, singing, etc.

But it have to be balanced. You can't be "good testimony" just by wearing ankle lenght dress and steal or cheat, for example. Besides you have to keep in mind it's one's dirty mind that puts special attention to certaing things. If you have pure mind, a piece of naked body will not faze you. If you truly believe, you'll remember your holy duty as a Christian is to love thy neighbour, regardless of his clothing disaster.

Third, He wants His people to focus on and emphasize inward spiritual things, not outward physical things.

Exactly. So stop thingking about someone's boobs and thongs etc.. :) concentrate on your inward growth :)
also, this sentence leaves a very big area to speculate... because it is also God who gives us gifts such as talents for art, which is visual =outward. Therefore God wants us to develop not only inwardly, but outwardly as well.
Without, for example, architects, designers, we still would be living in stone caves..
Without ability to draw and create we deaf would have a heck of a time to communicate..


Fourth, He wants to reduce sexual temptations among people.

And yet he created as VERY sexual beings :)
Naked tribes in South Ameeica are NOT any more tempted than us in fully clothed western parts of the world.
Muslim women are often forced to marry and bear chidlren at very young age, age that is condiered illegal to have sex here.
The code of DRESS doesn't matter. Your personal moral code is what matter.

Fifth, He wants His people to use their money wisely, and not waste too much money on new clothes every season.

hmmm.... this, I partly agree.. I just find it so insignificant comparing to the money we spend needlessly on many other things...


Sixth, He wants to reduce jealousy among people.


again, this has nothing to do with the way we dress, everything with the way we are brought up by our parents who teach us moral values, and in turn, how we ourselves raise our kids and what we teach them.
My daughter is not jealous of anyone's expensive clothes because I thought her it's wrong. I thought her the only thing that matter is what's in everyon'es heart.
I not only teach her to give to less fortunate, I also teach her to accept used stuff too. I believe accepting used stuff is even better than giving stuff away.

BTW this particualr trait, jealousy, has everything to do with self- esteem. Confident people with good self esteem, are not jealous because they are happy with what they have and who they are.

That is the point. I don't think Mother Theresa had a desire to go to the beach in a thong suit. Her character (deep inside) wanted to help other people. Her character did NOT want to get attention for herself.

Yes, of course. I only wanted to point out, since CR is closely connecting the way her mom dress with her black soul, that any particular way of dressing not always reflects our inner beauty.
Mother Theresa would be THE exact SAME great person, thong or no thong, and wearing a thong is NOT neccessarily wanting to get an attention. It may simply mean no tan line (or hardly a tan line), It's YOU who make it into a big deal.


Christians want to dress (speak, behave) the way that pleases Jesus.

Non-Christians don't care how they dress (speak, behave) because they don't care how Jesus feels.


umm Reba.. everyone has his/her own Jesus.
The way you wrote it implicates Christians are way better and above than any other religion, since they care so much for their beloved smart, right, wonderful Christ the Saviour.
Therefore anyone else non- Christian is stupid and bad, since they don't see the light they don't care about anyone and anything. So they walk around being seffish, sinners, exposed.. they are NOT.

It's horrible way of thinking.

I don't buy it.


Fuzzy
 
My mom´s kind of self-esteems

I posted my story about my mother´s self-esteem
http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=417354&postcount=250


That´s newpaper of my mother with her hair style... That´s time she was still married to my Dad and have 2 small kids (me and my one year younger sister). You can tell that she has a good and healthy esteem...


Before become acholic
Picture of my mother dated July, 1972 (I was 9 year old) (the date was back of picture) - she tried to improve her self-esteem after step-dad was arrest for bank robbery. Unfortunlately no, she had an affair with a lot of men.... bring different men to home.... low esteem... It look like she want to feel good... it´s too low esteem and depression what she had during her 2 marriages, that´s how she began to drink when I was around 11 or 12 years old.


After alcholic
That´s last and only picture what I have of her dated September 1989 with her 3rd husband. Few years later after picture of her in 1972 (see above) then she became an alocholic... It kill her good self-esteem... She tried to give up drinking habit but it doesn´t work... She was physical abused by her 3 husbands. Divorced again in 1992.



That´s last I saw my mom was in 1995 - she look terrible than the picture of her in 1989 (see above) before she disappeared our life in 1995... We haven´t see her ever since now... She living at homeless and travel around different states with homeless crowd... that´s way she like and happy... Sad isn´t it...

It destory her good self-esteem after 3 domestic volience marriages. She feel low and depression...

She was beautiful and love fashion clothes and different hairstyles... She take care of herself very good until 2nd marriage..... then 3rd..... :(
 
Reba said:
I guess you have a legalistic viewpoint. Do you require the Bible list every detail for you to understand? I was applying the general principle of modesty to specific modern examples to clarify the definition. Do you really believe that God would be pleased to see Christian guys wearing T-shirts that proclaim "Suck me baby!"? Or that God is pleased to see Christian women advertising their goods at the beach? Or God is pleased when a Christian woman sits down and her short skirt and spread legs prove that she doesn't wear panties? Get real!

Do u think God is pleased with woman who wear cover from top to the bottom? Or man who wears black clothes with black hat with beard? They claimed they are right with God all the way and not other people who does not dress properly to their own eyes, it has nothing to do with God. It is us who have problems with whom does not wear "properly"COLOR]

What on earth are you talking about? That is NOT at all what I suggested.

Do u want to bring back old laws back here?. Back in 20's anyone who show their shoulders or their legs, they got ticket. Too many people complain or judge others for the way they look, so are they going try to do something about it to control them?


That is their culture. Christian "tribes" don't do that.
Adam and Eve were shamed and they covered themselves to hid their own bodies from their God. Is their God same God Christians believe in?
 
Liebling:)))´s post
It doesn't meant that I HAVE to wear old fashioned clothes because I'm 43 years old. I like to wear to make me feel young... I see nothing wrong with that. Do you mean that you HAVE to wear old fashioned clothes because you are 45 or 50 years old?


:Oops: Sorry for my mistake about my age... it should be 42, not 43... :Oops:
 
Liebling:-))) said:
I posted my story about my mother´s self-esteem
http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=417354&postcount=250


That´s newpaper of my mother with her hair style... That´s time she was still married to my Dad and have 2 small kids (me and my one year younger sister). You can tell that she has a good and healthy esteem...


Before become acholic
Picture of my mother dated July, 1972 (I was 9 year old) (the date was back of picture) - she tried to improve her self-esteem after step-dad was arrest for bank robbery. Unfortunlately no, she had an affair with a lot of men.... bring different men to home.... low esteem... It look like she want to feel good... it´s too low esteem and depression what she had during her 2 marriages, that´s how she began to drink when I was around 11 or 12 years old.


After alcholic
That´s last and only picture what I have of her dated September 1989 with her 3rd husband. Few years later after picture of her in 1972 (see above) then she became an alocholic... It kill her good self-esteem... She tried to give up drinking habit but it doesn´t work... She was physical abused by her 3 husbands. Divorced again in 1992.



That´s last I saw my mom was in 1995 - she look terrible than the picture of her in 1989 (see above) before she disappeared our life in 1995... We haven´t see her ever since now... She living at homeless and travel around different states with homeless crowd... that´s way she like and happy... Sad isn´t it...

It destory her good self-esteem after 3 domestic volience marriages. She feel low and depression...

She was beautiful and love fashion clothes and different hairstyles... She take care of herself very good until 2nd marriage..... then 3rd..... :(

I am sorry about your mom. Not all women who dress well are happy with themselves. I have a friend who has to dress well and make hersself so beautiful, she has low self esteem. If you have God in you then u won't be need any of those.
 
{{Liebling}}

Wow your mother was a looker, holly cow! she is beautiful to me on all three pictures.
I am so terribly sorry about how her life took a curve into abuse, alcoholism and homelesness. I wish it could have been different. (cry)
You must feel really bad about it being her daughter and all. {{hugs}}
But I can see you are not ashamed of your mother, you understand what's going on and you speak with such love about her.
Drunk and homeless, she is still your mother, right..

Fuzzy
 
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