Redneck Bumper Stickers & Quotes

rockin'robin

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2007
Messages
24,430
Reaction score
551
I'm not an Alcoholic...
I'm a Drunk.
Alcoholics go to Meetings

Jesus is coming!
Look Busy

Driver carries no cash...
He's married

Take ur ex out tonite
One bullet outta' do it!

Wife and dog missing
Reward for dog

I'm, busy. Ur Ugly
Have a nice day

Can't Feed 'Em?
Don't breed 'em

4 out of 3 People
Have trouble with Fractions

Drugs lead to nowhere
But it's the Scenic Route

I child-proofed my house...
but they still get in

Hang up and drive!

The shortest sentence is "I am"...
The longest is "I Do"

Where the hell is...
Easy Street?

Keep honking...
I'm reloading!

Guns don't kill people...
Drivers with cell phones do!

!Work Harder!
Millions on welfare depend on you!

Ever stop to think ....
And forget to start again??


AND YOU'RE AN EXTREME REDNECK WHEN ...

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same inlaws.


4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
 
Hahaha... that's a good one!

Reminds me of those "You know you're a redneck if..." jokes from Jeff Foxworthy. ;)
 
My favorites:

(VamPyroX- I wouldn't be surprised if foxworthy stole this and repeated ont he show :lol:)

rockin'robin said:
Jesus is coming!
Look Busy

Driver carries no cash...
He's married

Can't Feed 'Em?
Don't breed 'em

Drugs lead to nowhere
But it's the Scenic Route


Hang up and drive!

Guns don't kill people...
Drivers with cell phones do!
Click to expand...
 
radioman said:
My favorites:

(VamPyroX- I wouldn't be surprised if foxworthy stole this and repeated ont he show :lol:)
Click to expand...
Jeff Foxworthy usually does "You know you're a redneck if..." as his jokes.

I actually have one of his books and none of those are listed in it.

Perhaps, they're in other books? Dunno.

It's difficult to say who actually invented the joke since jokes are loosely translated as it goes around. :dunno:

They're still funny regardless of who says it. ;)
 
rockin'robin said:
I'm not an Alcoholic...
I'm a Drunk.
Alcoholics go to Meetings

Jesus is coming!
Look Busy

Driver carries no cash...
He's married

Take ur ex out tonite
One bullet outta' do it!

Wife and dog missing
Reward for dog

I'm, busy. Ur Ugly
Have a nice day

Can't Feed 'Em?
Don't breed 'em

4 out of 3 People
Have trouble with Fractions

Drugs lead to nowhere
But it's the Scenic Route

I child-proofed my house...
but they still get in

Hang up and drive!

The shortest sentence is "I am"...
The longest is "I Do"

Where the hell is...
Easy Street?

Keep honking...
I'm reloading!

Guns don't kill people...
Drivers with cell phones do!

!Work Harder!
Millions on welfare depend on you!

Ever stop to think ....
And forget to start again??


AND YOU'RE AN EXTREME REDNECK WHEN ...

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same inlaws.


4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Click to expand...

18. How you feeling today. Oh I'm slicker than snot on a door nob.
 
I enjoy reading those jokes:ty:
 
36 things you'll never hear a redneck say:

36. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
35. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
34. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
33. We don't keep firearms in this house.
32. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
31. You can't feed that to the dog.
30. I thought Graceland was tacky.
29. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
28. Wrestling's fake.
27. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
26. We're vegetarians.
25. Do you think my gut is too big?
24. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
23. Honey, we don't need another dog.
22. Who gives a hoot who won the Civil War?
21. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
20. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
19. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
18. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
17. Trim the fat off that steak.
16. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
15. The tires on that truck are too big.
14. I'll have the arugula and riadicchio salad.
13. I've got it all on the C: drive.
12. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
11. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
10. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
9. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
8. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
7. Checkmate.
6. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
2. You all.

And, Number ONE is:

1. Duct tape won't fix that.

Number one is so true! We call it "Oklahoma chrome." :laugh2:
 
Gotta love those redneck jokes. These tells me how proud I am to be a Southerner :)
 
Hi, Jasmine! :wave: *waving from Texas* My best friend from HS lives in Bethany, OK. My family was from OK before they came to TX. Glad to see an Okie here.

I've also got relatives in Louisiana and Mississippi. Anyone from there?
 
Back
Top