question about nightmare..

Nika said:
Exactly. And in a way you and me are lucky for that because we have a starting point. Some people walk into the therapist's room and say they're angry and have no idea why. At least we know why and we know we can process our anger by addressing the causes of it.
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this is true -- although my therapist told me that what made it difficult for me to pinpoint the cause of my anger was the fact that i had been bipolar since my early 20s and experienced anger because of the things that happened to me as a child. now that i know what's going on and why, i can start to move forward.
 
Hear Again said:
...but what i don't understand is how one is able to control their dreams. is it possible for someone like me to prevent my nightmares from occurring when they are caused by traumatic events?

then again, i've only started talking about this in therapy. maybe it can be done...i don't know.
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All I can tell you is what I would try if I suddenly found myself in your position.

Before you tell me I can't possibly understand what you are going through let me tell you this: You are the first person I ever met who is able to fully appreciate what I went through for six months after my wife died. I was nonfunctional -- And I was non compliant -- I refused the medications the doctors insisted I needed. I fought my demons alone, unaided by anyone or anything, sometimes curled up in the corner crying, or quivering in fear.

BTW it is the strangest thing to be so frightened your body is quivering -- Yet to look around you and KNOW there is nothing there to be afraid of.

That was between 8 and 9 years ago. Now I am happily remarried with a wonderful family and most people would not believe I had been through such an episode.

So I don't fully understand your situation, but I am not totally ignorant of it either: We do have some common ground.

If I were to find myself in your position tomorrow and I looked back on these people who traumatized me and realized I had not one good memory of them, and not one memory where I won out against them --

Then I would invent memories that would give me back control of the situations. Then every time I had a flashback I would insist on reliving my fantasy until it was more real to me than the reality. I can't tell you what "memory" to replace reality with, as only you know what fits best with your personality and your image of who you want to become.

My personality is such I would fantasize how much fun I would have making them all look stupid while I laughed at them.

I would like to direct you to the first book my mother ever gave me as soon as I could read, and one I still consider the greatest book I have ever read:

As A Man Thinketh by James Allen

.
 
Hear Again said:
this is true -- although my therapist told me that what made it difficult for me to pinpoint the cause of my anger was the fact that i had been bipolar since my early 20s and experienced anger because of the things that happened to me as a child. now that i know what's going on and why, i can start to move forward.
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I'm glad you've finally come to this point. And you have my support the rest of the way. <hugs>
 
Nika said:
You don't have to apologize for how you feel. Those feelings make perfect sense. It is natural to be angry at people who hurt you. It's good that you recognize your anger and that you plan on working through it. You should definitely express that anger and definitely don't be sorry about it!
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you know nika, i'm starting to feel better already just by talking about this. initially i was afraid of expressing my anger, but now i feel like that could be beneficial to me.

by the way, at my therapist's request, i wrote a letter to one of the people responsible for what happened to me and it felt good doing that. the letter was 4 pages long. writing helped distance me from the pain. perhaps i'll ask my therapist if i can approach the exercises he has in mind with writing projects.
 
Sometimes when I dream. I relax my mind before going to sleep by watching a little bit of television or reading a book or writing a story. Sometimes I'll just listen to my ipod to soft music on my cochlear implant and fall asleep with it. The best song that makes me fall asleep is a song called: "Stay close, Don't go" by secondhand serenade. And Whenever i'm on a tour for marching band, All of us falls asleep on the bus ALOT with our ipods, And on the bus I listen to Pink Floyd. Pink Floyd has to be the best music to fall asleep to. Its not like lyrics music, its just instrumental music.

But, I always thought of my dreams of a storybook. Like one time I had this dream about being at a festival for a celebration i think, and I was on my bike with my helment on. Then all of a sudden I see people screaming, pointing at something to the sky. And I'd look up, and it was a 9 year old boy dangeling from a hot air balloon with no basket to protect him. So I'd pedal very fast, following the boy from the sky, and then all of a sudden he lets go of the rope from the hot air balloon, I jump off my bike and as he's falling to the ground, I ran as fast as I could. When he got closer I caught him, I'd fell down to the ground holding him. His mother ran over to the boy that I was holding him as protection. The mother was crying, and Holding him in her arms. I was smiling because I knew that they'd be okay. So I'd walk over to my bike and pedal away.
 
Berry said:
Then I would invent memories that would give me back control of the situations. Then every time I had a flashback I would insist on reliving my fantasy until it was more real to me than the reality. I can't tell you what "memory" to replace reality with, as only you know what fits best with your personality and your image of who you want to become.
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I know you're very well-intentioned, but for a lot of people the emotions tied to something that happened in real life are unmatched by internally-generated emotions from fantasizes.

I'm sorry about your wife, Berry. That must have been really, really tough. And I agree, your body quivering beyond your controls is freaky. It makes you wonder exactly how many emotions you have below the surface.
 
Hear Again said:
you know nika, i'm starting to feel better already just by talking about this. initially i was afraid of expressing my anger, but now i feel like that could be beneficial to me.

by the way, i wrote a letter to one of the people responsible for what happened to me (my therapist asked me to do this and bring my letter with me to our appointment) and it felt good doing that. the letter was 4 pages long. writing helped distance me from the pain. perhaps i'll ask my therapist if i can approach the exercises he has in mind with writing projects.
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That is great, Hear Again. Writing a letter can be very powerful. I think that is also an excellent suggestion with your therapist. That's what I did with my therapist when talking was was too overwhelming (this is a previous therapist who didn't know ASL. Now I sign when talking is too much.)

I've been passing one of the people responsible for my PTSD on the way to and home from school lately. I can hear him conversing with another woman while they have a cigarette. I'm thinking of writing him a letter asking him why he did the things he did.
 
Nika said:
I know you're very well-intentioned, but for a lot of people the emotions tied to something that happened in real life are unmatched by internally-generated emotions from fantasizes.
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exactly. when i think about the person who threatened my life, there's nothing i can replace that memory with.

in fact, if i try to think about something different, it only makes the memory that much stronger and more intense.
 
Nika said:
That is great, Hear Again. Writing a letter can be very powerful. I think that is also an excellent suggestion with your therapist. That's what I did with my therapist when talking was was too overwhelming (this is a previous therapist who didn't know ASL. Now I sign when talking is too much.)

I've been passing one of the people responsible for my PTSD on the way to and home from school lately. I can hear him conversing with another woman while they have a cigarette. I'm thinking of writing him a letter asking him why he did the things he did.
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Letter writing is an excellent technique for confronting one's demons. I whole heartedly approve!
 
Hear Again said:
exactly. when i think about the person who threatened my life, there's nothing i can replace that memory with. in fact, if i try to think about something different, it only makes the memory that much stronger and more intense.
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Same here. I have had my life threatened on several occasions and I must say there is no emotion I have had that matches the intensity of that fear. Even just thinking about it. <shiver>
 
Nika said:
That is great, Hear Again. Writing a letter can be very powerful. I think that is also an excellent suggestion with your therapist. That's what I did with my therapist when talking was was too overwhelming (this is a previous therapist who didn't know ASL. Now I sign when talking is too much.)

I've been passing one of the people responsible for my PTSD on the way to and home from school lately. I can hear him conversing with another woman while they have a cigarette. I'm thinking of writing him a letter asking him why he did the things he did.
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nika,

i think you should write a letter. i know for me it was very powerful and liberating.

my therapist told me i could either keep the letter or burn it. i originally wanted to burn it, but i don't think i will. i think i'm going to keep it so that whenever i feel anger and resentment, i can re-read the letter.
 
Nika said:
Same here. I have had my life threatened on several occasions and I must say there is no emotion I have had that matches the intensity of that fear. Even just thinking about it. <shiver>
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This is just my opinion, but I'm not really supportive of attempting to create false memories as a way to cope with reality. Much better to come to terms as best you can with the ones that you have so that you are able to cognitively restructure the way you perceive them.
 
Nika said:
Same here. I have had my life threatened on several occasions and I must say there is no emotion I have had that matches the intensity of that fear. Even just thinking about it. <shiver>
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i know. <hugs>
 
jillio said:
This is just my opinion, but I'm not really supportive of attempting to create false memories as a way to cope with reality.
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i just don't understand how that's possible when the reality of what happened to a person is so strong that it can't be replaced by fantasy.
 
Hear Again said:
nika,

i think you should write a letter. i know for me it was very powerful and liberating.
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I am going to. I don't think I'm ready yet because I still slip into the flashback when I write the letter. And even passing him I get triggered very intensely. Not to mention I have a few dilemmas. This person speaks another language which has two pronouns for "you," one that is distant and the other that is insulting. I want to be both distant and insulting. So I don't even know which form of "you" to use!
 
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