question about nightmare..

[Hear Again]

From a professional perspective, I would say that Berry's nightmare was ocurring because, as a child, he was having difficulty controlling that new bike as he learned to ride it. The voice telling him it as his dream and he could do what he wanted was the subconscious way of working through his worries over being unable to control the bike, and could be easily translated to "This is my damn bike, and I will control it. I won't let it control me." I would venture a guess that his bike riding skills also improved after than nightmare.

His was a perfect example of dreams being our way of working through our conscious problems.

...but what i don't understand is how one is able to control their dreams. is it possible for someone like me to prevent my nightmares from occurring when they are caused by traumatic events?

then again, i've only started talking about this in therapy. maybe it can be done...i don't know.

 

[jillio]

...but what i don't understand is how one is able to control their dreams. is it possible for someone like me to prevent my nightmares from occurring when they are caused by traumatic events?

then again, i've only started talking about this in therapy. maybe it can be done...i don't know.

It was possible for Berry because his dream was essentially about control. He felt out of control of his new bike, and so his subconscious was using that dream to show him how to regain control. It wasn't that he was actually controlling his dream. The dream was showing him a way to get control over his situation. It was simply a solution that he already knew about on some level, but had not risen into his consciousness yet. The problem was solved in the dream, symbolically, thus making him aware of a solution to his real problem.

 

[Berry]

unfortunately, i had 4 tramautic events happen to me repeatedly from childhood until age 18 and can't think of ONE happy moment i've ever experienced with the 3 people who were responsible for them. one of these people threatened my life and that's the incident that causes most of my nightmares.

This makes me so sad. My heart feels as though it emptied just reading about this.

Have you thought of writing a book about your experiences?

It would seem a book written from the heart about such events and their consequences would be of value to many, and might perhaps inspire someone else who has been there and is not sure how to cope.

i disagree. if a person has experienced traumatic events which cause nightmares, the feeling of control is beyond them because there is no way to prevent a nightmare from happening -- especially if the nightmares are caused by flashbacks during the day (as often happens in my case).

Yeah, as I alluded to in the last post: I don't think you are experiencing night mares in the same way as I experienced mine. My subconscious mind was making things up as it went along.

I think yours are actual flashbacks while you are asleep.

again, i can't do that because my nightmares are caused by my flashbacks and center around the traumas i experienced. very rarely do i ever have a happy dream. doing what you suggested just isn't possible for me.

This too makes me very sad.

I cannot think of a punishment adequate for people who would cause such trauma to a child.

 

[Nika]

...but what i don't understand is how one is able to control their dreams. is it possible for someone like me to prevent my nightmares from occurring when they are caused by traumatic events?

then again, i've only started talking about this in therapy. maybe it can be done...i don't know.

Sometimes you can gain a bit of control. But I know that for some of my flashbacks, I have absolutely no control. And trying to come out of them only makes me sink deeper.

 

[Hear Again]

It was possible for Berry because his dream was essentially about control. He felt out of control of his new bike, and so his subconscious was using that dream to show him how to regain control. It wasn't that he was actually controlling his dream. The dream was showing him a way to get control over his situation. It was simply a solution that he already knew about on some level, but had not risen into his consciousness yet. The problem was solved in the dream, symbolically, thus making him aware of a solution to his real problem.

i'm still confused and don't know how this can apply to the things that happened to me. i don't know if i can willingly choose to stop thinking about my traumas (at least not now) because of certain triggers that cause flashbacks. then again, perhaps i'm limiting myself as to how much control i really do have. hmmm.

 

[Hear Again]

This makes me so sad. My heart feels as though it emptied just reading about this.

Have you thought of writing a book about your experiences?

It would seem a book written from the heart about such events and their consequences would be of value to many, and might perhaps inspire someone else who has been there and is not sure how to cope.

if truth be told, i don't think i'm ready to write a book right now. i'm just now starting to discuss the things that happened to me in therapy. perhaps that's something i'll consider doing in the future.

Yeah, as I alluded to in the last post: I don't think you are experiencing night mares in the same way as I experienced mine. My subconscious mind was making things up as it went along.

I think yours are actual flashbacks while you are asleep.

yes, according to what my therapist told me, my nightmares are flashbacks.

I cannot think of a punishment adequate for people who would cause such trauma to a child.

neither can i. whenever i think about the 3 people who were responsible for the things that happened to me, i feel alot of anger and resentment even after all these years. <mad>

 

[Nika]

Hear Again, I think things work differently for flashbacks in a lot of cases, so what applies to nightmares doesn't always apply to flashbacks.

It's interesting. A part of me doesn't feel much anger towards the people that did things to me. I truly wish they can come to realize what they did, admit it, and heal from it, thereby breaking the cycle. Of course another part of me is angry about what happened, but slowly the compassionate side is starting to take over the angry side.

 

[Hear Again]

Sometimes you can gain a bit of control. But I know that for some of my flashbacks, I have absolutely no control. And trying to come out of them only makes me sink deeper.

i've had these nightmares for years and years. my therapist says it's because of the repeated traumatic events that happened to me from childhood until i was 18.

tonight i'm going to try berry's suggestion of thinking about something positive before i fall asleep. i'm also going to treat myself to a favorite light snack before bed in the hopes of relaxing me. i've tried doing this in the past, but it never worked. perhaps i didn't try hard enough.

 

[Hear Again]

Hear Again, I think things work differently for flashbacks in a lot of cases, so what applies to nightmares doesn't always apply to flashbacks.

It's interesting. A part of me doesn't feel much anger towards the people that did things to me. I truly wish they can come to realize what they did, admit it, and heal from it, thereby breaking the cycle. Of course another part of me is angry about what happened, but slowly the compassionate side is starting to take over the angry side.

i wish i could be compassionate, but i just can't (especially towards the person who threatened my life). i can't help but feel hate for the things they've done. they've never showed me love, so why should i forgive them? i know that probably sounds callous of me, but it's the way i feel. like i said, i still have alot of anger and resentment that i need to work through.

 

[Nika]

i've had these nightmares for years and years. my therapist says it's because of the repeated traumatic events that happened to me from childhood until i was 18.

tonight i'm going to try berry's suggestion of thinking about something positive before i fall asleep. i'm also going to treat myself to a favorite light snack before bed in the hopes of relaxing me. i've tried doing this in the past, but it never worked. perhaps i didn't try hard enough.

That's why I have mine too, Hear Again. I was being constantly traumatized by several people in several ways for several years, so it sounds like you and me are pretty much on the same page.

Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn't. It depends. Sometimes it doesn't work now but it will work in a few months. I notice that the longer I have a flashback and try to process it, the more control I gain over it. There is one flashback where I would try to yell and couldn't make a sound. Now I can yell. (I know my mind isn't playing tricks on me because my parents have woken up and asked me what I'm yelling about.)

Don't be too hard on yourself, Hear Again. It's a lot of heavy stuff to get through. Take one step at a time, and if one thing doesn't work try another.

<hugs>

 

[jillio]

i'm still confused and don't know how this can apply to the things that happened to me. i don't know if i can willingly choose to stop thinking about my traumas (at least not now) because of certain triggers that cause flashbacks. then again, perhaps i'm limiting myself as to how much control i really do have. hmmm.

It really doesn't apply to your situation. Your nightmares are the result of trauma. Berry's was just your average, everyday way of dreams being the foundation of a solution to an everyday problem.

The way to stop allowing trauma to have control over one's life is to work through that trauma and close the gestalt.<smile> As you already know, that takes considerable time and effort. The type of nightmare that you are experiencing is not necessarily looking for a solution, but a reminder that the trauma still needs to be dealt with on a conscious level.

 

[Nika]

i wish i could be compassionate, but i just can't (especially towards the person who threatened my life). i can't help but feel hate for the things they've done. they've never showed me love, so why should i forgive them? i know that probably sounds callous of me, but it's the way i feel. like i said, i still have alot of anger and resentment that i need to work through.

You don't have to apologize for how you feel. Those feelings make perfect sense. It is natural to be angry at people who hurt you. It's good that you recognize your anger and that you plan on working through it. You should definitely express that anger and definitely don't be sorry about it!

 

[jillio]

i've had these nightmares for years and years. my therapist says it's because of the repeated traumatic events that happened to me from childhood until i was 18.

tonight i'm going to try berry's suggestion of thinking about something positive before i fall asleep. i'm also going to treat myself to a favorite light snack before bed in the hopes of relaxing me. i've tried doing this in the past, but it never worked. perhaps i didn't try hard enough.[/QUOTE]

No self blaming, please. It wasn't because you weren't trying hard enough.

 

[Nika]

The way to stop allowing trauma to have control over one's life is to work through that trauma and close the gestalt.<smile> As you already know, that takes considerable time and effort. The type of nightmare that you are experiencing is not necessarily looking for a solution, but a reminder that the trauma still needs to be dealt with on a conscious level.

<excellent posting> That's also how I see my flashbacks. It's my body's way of telling me I need to work through this. I'm lucky in a sense cause some people live decades with anger that they don't know the root of. My flashbacks tell me the root of my anger. They help me to become a happier person ultimately.

 

[Hear Again]

<excellent posting> That's also how I see my flashbacks. It's my body's way of telling me I need to work through this. I'm lucky in a sense cause some people live decades with anger that they don't know the root of. My flashbacks tell me the root of my anger. They help me to become a happier person ultimately.

i know the root of my anger. my anger is caused by and directed at the people who were responsible for the things that happened to me. perhaps in therapy i'll learn how to forgive, but as my therapist said, it will take time.

 

[Nika]

i know the root of my anger. my anger is caused by and directed at the people who were responsible for the things that happened to me. perhaps in therapy i'll learn to forgive, but as my therapist said, it will take time.

Exactly. And in a way you and me are lucky for that because we have a starting point. Some people walk into the therapist's room and say they're angry and have no idea why. At least we know why and we know we can process our anger by addressing the causes of it.

 

[Hear Again]

No self blaming, please. It wasn't because you weren't trying hard enough.

jillio. that makes me feel better.

 

[jillio]

<excellent posting> That's also how I see my flashbacks. It's my body's way of telling me I need to work through this. I'm lucky in a sense cause some people live decades with anger that they don't know the root of. My flashbacks tell me the root of my anger. They help me to become a happier person ultimately.

Thank you. And that is a very insightful perspective you have taken toward your own nightmares.

 

[jillio]

jillio. that makes me feel better.

You are welcome!

 

[Nika]

Thank you. And that is a very insightful perspective you have taken toward your own nightmares.

I'm definitely not that insightful after missing a full night's sleep cause of flashbacks. <sardonic laugh>