question about nightmare..

Correction: daydreaming is a light form

My dysphasia has been going into overdrive lately!
 
Hear Again said:
hi everyone,

i'm home from my therapy appointment and it went extremely well.

i shared the letter i wrote to my therapist (we only had time to discuss my first letter) and not to brag, but he was very impressed with how well it was written and told me it was one of the best letters he had ever seen. he also mentioned that the anger i felt towards this person came across clearly in my letter. next week he wants me to bring the second letter i wrote.

we also talked about the person who threatened my life and i mentioned my difficulty writing a letter to that individual. he said that was perfectly okay and to only write the letter when and if i'm ready.

i was afraid of too many emotions and flashbacks pouring out today, but while he read my letter aloud, i concentrated on the words so as not to drift out of reality having a flashback.

since the writing exercise worked so well, i think i'm going to approach all of the remaining exercises the same way. writing these letters proved to be very therapeutic and healing. what my therapist suggested i do was instead of burning these letters that i keep them so i can re-read them whenever i feel angry, hurt, guilty or sad.

speaking of sadness, he told me how sad my letter made him feel since he could relate to the things i wrote (although i'd rather not mention how). it will be interesting to see what he thinks about my second letter.

i'll keep all of you updated as to how next week's appointment goes.
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I'm really glad your therapist understands. I understand about wanting to burn them, but maybe he is right.
 
Hear Again said:
i don't know if i dissociate or not. i hear voices of the people who were responsible for my traumas and sometimes hear a specific event playing over and over again in my mind which i've been told is an auditory hallucination.
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When you hear the voices, do you feel like you are in the present? Are you aware of what is going on around you at the moment, or are you back in the time from when the people said those things? Do you feel real or do you feel like you are only thoughts?
 
Nika said:
Correction: daydreaming is a light form

My dysphasia has been going into overdrive lately!
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i don't daydream. when i experience a flashback, i can't hear anything around me. the only things i do hear are the voices of those who were responsible for my traumas.
 
I can't tell you for sure if you're dissociating, but I'm sure your therapist can. But you can keep those things in mind and if they are true or not, telling your therapist can help him/her decide if you use dissociation and if so how strongly you dissociate.
 
Hear Again said:
i don't daydream. when i experience a flashback, i can't hear anything around me. the only things i do hear are the voices of those who were responsible for my traumas.
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Then it sounds to me like you are dissociating while having your flashback, which is pretty common. But only you and your therapist can figure that out for sure.
 
Nika said:
When you hear the voices, do you feel like you are in the present? Are you aware of what is going on around you at the moment, or are you back in the time from when the people said those things? Do you feel real or do you feel like you are only thoughts?
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no. when i experience auditory hallucinations, i lose complete touch with reality and can't tell whether they are real or not. in some cases, i'm brought back to the incidents that happened to me because of the voices i hear -- especially if a given event plays itself over and over again in my head. it's similar to the auditory hallucinations i experience when manic or off of my meds. i hear 4 different voices that argue with each other, comment on the things i do and talk about awful things like death and dying. to me, both experiences are very similar.
 
Nika said:
Then it sounds to me like you are dissociating while having your flashback, which is pretty common. But only you and your therapist can figure that out for sure.
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if truth be told, i guess it doesn't really matter if i dissociate or not. all i want is to get rid of the flashbacks for good. it's bad enough that i experience auditory hallucinations due to my bipolar and being off meds without also experiencing them because of flashbacks. it's very frustrating to say the least. <mad>
 
Hear Again said:
if truth be told, i guess it doesn't really matter if i dissociate or not. all i want is to get rid of the flashbacks for good. it's bad enough that i experience auditory hallucinations due to my bipolar and being off meds without also experiencing them because of flashbacks. it's very frustrating to say the least. <mad>
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I understand, I'm sorry things are so rough, if you find a way to get rid of flashbacks let me know... please...
 
Nika said:
I can't tell you for sure if you're dissociating, but I'm sure your therapist can. But you can keep those things in mind and if they are true or not, telling your therapist can help him/her decide if you use dissociation and if so how strongly you dissociate.
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all i want is to be able to stop the flashbacks from occurring. hopefully my therapist can help me do that.
 
typeingtornado19 said:
I understand, I'm sorry things are so rough, if you find a way to get rid of flashbacks let me know... please...
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i will. i'm still very early in my ptsd exercises (i started my first exercise today), so it may take time before i'm able to work on eliminating or reducing my flashbacks if in fact, that can happen.
 
Hear Again said:
i will. i'm still very early in my ptsd exercises (i started my first exercise today), so it may take time before i'm able to work on eliminating or reducing my flashbacks if in fact, that can happen.
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Thanks, btw, have you seen your profile messages lately?

I hope you feel better.
 
Hear Again said:
if truth be told, i guess it doesn't really matter if i dissociate or not. all i want is to get rid of the flashbacks for good. it's bad enough that i experience auditory hallucinations due to my bipolar and being off meds without also experiencing them because of flashbacks. it's very frustrating to say the least. <mad>
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I'm sorry Hear Again <sad>.

As hard as this is to hear, the best way to help with flashbacks subsiding is to face the material at a comfortable pace when you are ready. It is also helpful to know what dissociation is and if/when you are dissociating between dissociation is the difference between being retraumatized and processing the trauma.

If you dissociate while writing the letter and go into flashback you traumatize yourself further. And if you stay in the present while you write that letter, remember you're in a safe situation, and even if you are going into flashback you are still aware of the present, then that helps with processing the material. All of that is very difficult, much easier said than done, but that is why I was saying knowing when I dissociate has helped me so much with healing and processing my traumas.

I hope that you can come to a similar point in terms of understanding dissociation and maybe even recognizing when you dissociate. It sounds like you have a great therapist, so if I were you I'd talk to him/her about it.

I'm really sorry, Hear Again. You are juggling so many things at once. I wish I could just reach out and get rid of all your symptoms for you.

<hugs>
 
thanks, nika. i feel so incredibly frustrated right now. i'm trying to deal with my ptsd and rapid cycling -- and sometimes it feels like i will never come out ahead. i don't know. perhaps it's best that i put these exercises on the back burner for now until i can get my rapid cycling under control. then at least i'll be in a better frame of mind to deal with my traumas. today was a good day though because i'm no longer manic. however, i have no idea how tomorrow will be or the day after. if i can get my rapid cycling under control for about a month, then i think i'll start to tackle my ptsd. i don't know. i'll have to talk to my therapist about this further. right now i don't know what i want to do...
 
Hear Again said:
thanks, nika. i feel so incredibly frustrated right now. i'm trying to deal with my ptsd and rapid cycling -- and sometimes it feels like i will never come out ahead. i don't know. perhaos it's best that i put these exercises on the back burner for now until i can get my rapid cycling under control. then at least i'll be in a better frame of mind to deal with my traumas. today was a good day though because i'm no longer manic. however, i have no idea how tomorrow will be or the day after. if i can get my rapid cycling under control for about a month, then i think i'll start to tackle my ptsd. i don't know. i'll have to talk to my therapist about this further. right now i don't know what i want to do...
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I am really sorry Hear again, I do hope you feel much better soon. I understand, If you want to talk i am here.
 
typeingtornado19 said:
I am really sorry Hear again, I do hope you feel much better soon. I understand, If you want to talk i am here.
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thanks, typeingtornado. today was a good day -- it really was. unfortunately, i'm just depressed now because i need to start from scratch when it comes to understanding ptsd. i feel so lost right now -- the same way i felt after i was first diagnosed with bipolar. i know alot about bipolar now (i've been researching it since my diagnosis in 2006), so perhaps i can gain the same kind of knowledge when it comes to ptsd.
 
Hear Again said:
thanks, typeingtornado. today was a good day -- it really was. unfortunately, i'm just depressed now because i need to start from scratch when it comes to understanding ptsd. i feel so lost right now -- the same way i felt after i was first diagnosed with bipolar. i know alot about bipolar now (i've been researching it since my diagnosis in 2006), so perhaps i can gain the same kind of knowledge when it comes to ptsd.
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I wish you all the best of luck with your research and understanding. I may not have bipolar or ptsd... But I have a feeling we have a lot in common... There is a lot more i would love to say, but not here.
 
typeingtornado19 said:
I wish you all the best of luck with your research and understanding. I may not have bipolar or ptsd... But I have a feeling we have a lot in common... There is a lot more i would love to say, but not here.
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thanks. if you'd like to discuss this further, feel free to send me a pm.
 
Berry said:
When my late wife passed away I did not dream because I could never sleep over 20 minutes at a time.

It took me a six month battle before I was marginally functional and when I went back to work people told me it was another year before I was my normal self again.

But I coped and did so without medication.

So did I have PTSD or not?
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No. You were experiencing situational depression. It is a very, very different diagnosis.
 
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