Post Thanksgiving Musings

[TXgolfer]

You should teach conferences and make millions.

I like it. Actually PFH and I talked about doing something like that when I first joined here.

 

[Jazzberry]

I wasn't pulling the numbers out of thin air when I said for sure 80% families are dysfunctional.
I get it from the John Bradshaw - a psychologist, book called Homecoming....

and then Los Angeles Time supplied some numbers also.

I can't find your post, I didn't mean to leave you out. I took a quick look at the book at Amazon ( look inside feature) and Google Books. AFAICT, Bradshaw did not use footnotes in his book.

I've gotten burned in the past reading nonfiction books without footnotes -- so I rarely read nonfiction books without footnotes now.

From my own observation - I know at least 12 families including my own for 30 years.
From these 12, only 5 marriages is intact since the wedding day.
From these 5, only one family is what you would describe as "Partridge family"
(except they don't sing, lol)
but it's not like they never ever have problems - they do sometimes,
but they solve them beautifully and with respect.
1 went thru a couple years separation,
1 as a couple is very stable but have problem relationship with children
1 is neither particularly happy nor unhappy family.
1 lives in on/off turmoil both as a couple and with children.

The rest went thru adultery, separations, divorce, alcoholism, drug addictions and psychiatric issues resulting from severe stress.
On the whole, from all 12 including these "intact 5" only one was and is truly functional.

Just two comments:

* While I find personal anecdotes interesting and often helpful I don't usually try to draw a conclusion about a large group from nonrandom stories about a handful of people. That just hasn't worked for me.

* I'm not sure if all families that experience divorce are necc. dysfunctional. Some families may be functional before the divorce. This isn't an area that I know a lot about though. All I can tell you with certainty about this area is that I'm definitely ignorant about it.

So, you tell me what you think the ratio is.

No can do, I don't have a clue.

 

[Jazzberry]

Well great thing about mother in urn is I can talk to her, in my "Deaf" accent, and she cannot talk back.

<snip>

Please do not feel bad for me. Life happen the way is meant to. Do not think would be *SO* driven and motivated without experiences of survival.

Share because hope hearie parent reading learn from.

Perhaps we ARE twins. That is how I feel also.

 

[rebeccalj]

My mother has little empathy for people but not even she did this to me though I've always grown up with a sense of rejection from her. I would be devasated if I found out that my own mother left me on a door step....

Well, to be fair, she *did* leave me at a nice clean *cough* hospital.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

I can't find your post, I didn't mean to leave you out. I took a quick look at the book at Amazon ( look inside feature) and Google Books. AFAICT, Bradshaw did not use footnotes in his book.

I really can't comment on that, I read the book in the very late 80ties early 90ties.
All I remember is him saying this bit about 80% of families being dysfunctional, whether or not there were footnotes I can't recall.

However, since he is a professional, I trust he had, indeed, certain basis to declare such statistic, particularly if he put it in writting.

* While I find personal anecdotes interesting and often helpful I don't usually try to draw a conclusion about a large group from nonrandom stories about a handful of people. That just hasn't worked for me.

Fair enough,
however may I point out usually real life and common sense is the best to draw experience from.

* I'm not sure if all families that experience divorce are necc. dysfunctional. Some families may be functional before the divorce. This isn't an area that I know a lot about though. All I can tell you with certainty about this area is that I'm definitely ignorant about it.

Again fair enough,
and again "however" - take it from someone with vast life experience and who loves to observe environment
~ friendly divorce rarely happens, and thus most marriages pre-divorce I know, aren't that civil hence functional.

Still, a sound point for you - some are, indeed.

Fuzzy

 

[TXgolfer]

Please do not feel bad for me. Life happen the way is meant to. Do not think would be *SO* driven and motivated without experiences of survival.

Share because hope hearie parent reading learn from.

Auntie and Uncle still alive but live in different city but, yes, very kind and loving people.

I love this attitude! Very inspirational

 

[Cheetah]

Well great thing about mother in urn is I can talk to her, in my "Deaf" accent, and she cannot talk back.

Rebecca, You are an amazing and strong woman!