Parent's view of Child(ren) development


Sussi *7.7.86 - 18.6.09*
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Jan 13, 2004
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Sure, we discussed on “not against abortion” thread so I decide to create a new thread to ask you to move our discussion to here from there…

I collect a lot of experiences through my friends, co-workers & relatives. Most of them are single parents. I check also the website, too.

You asked me curiously over children, single parents rights, etc in Europe… Here is my answer…

I would like to share with your view. I am also interesting to know what the children development in your country… I was surprised when I read some of your post that you don’t have children support money (child benefit). Why?
Some of your post stated that the court couldn’t do anything when the father didn’t pay you for the children keep. Why?

Children support (child benefit)
Single, married, employ, umemploy or housewife receive the child benefit at the same amount accord the law.
€154. —Per child a month. I receive €308. —Child benefit a month for 2 children.

Single parent:
Apply to get special money from social service accord “family support law” but they have to check your income, savings etc. You will not get the money if your income is over €2,000 limit. They support you only if you live at social apartment with low rent… You are allowed to save up to €4,000. —Limit (including interest from savings balances) in the bank.

You get the special child support from Youth Welfare Service every month up to 12 years old if the father of children is disappeared.

The parents who live separate or divorce receive no support money from their partners, and then go to Youth Welfare Service. The Youth Welfare Service applies the court to take the money off from their partner’s pay slip every month. It’s NO excuse if the partners have money or not… then look for the job…. The partner has to pay the money back to Welfare Service, which they owe them when they find the jobs.

Maternity leave (mother care)
The mothers who work or not work get the money from healthy insurance 8 weeks before the date of birth.
The mothers has the right to quit work 8 weeks before the baby due Maternity leave law… I stay home with baby & receive €300 monthly maternity benefit from date birth up to 3 years during mother care.
My employer’s duty to keep my work place & hire someone to work for me until I return to work after 3 years mother care.
I stayed home to enjoy 3 years mother care until my child goes to Nursery, then goes back to work. I had been through with 2 sons…

Childminder Service
Single parent who can’t afford to pay Childminder to watch their children while they are work… You have to apply for that at Youth Welfare Service to check your income…(up to €2,000 limit).
Married parents also can apply the explanation to the their incomes from the contributory ones if they want Childminder, too…
But with us is different because of deafness but it’s for crib kids from 0 – 3 years old only. They paid Childminder to educate my children with speech development every Monday, Wednesday & Friday.

Children Program accord Youth Welfare Service every spring, Summer & Autumn.
My children receive the children programmes every year…. Outing trips, camping, cinema, swimming, Indian tent, Park themes, etc etc etc… which it’s good due their school holiday.
Go away for week at anywhere…

Single parents, Unemployed parents, Divorced parents pay half due check their incomes
Working parents pay full….

As you know that the school holiday are more than working leave annual, that why Youth Welfare Service decide to make the children happy during their parents absence or give their parent break…
We all have only 30 days annual leave a year & plus 6 days special annual leave due disability…
It means that I have 36 days annual leave a year.

I take day or week off to follow my children’s school holiday. But less than my children’s school holiday.

Would you give up your job to being full time mother or father to your children? If yes Why?

For me, No. It doesn’t mean that I am bad mother because I want to go to work to support my family to improve my husband’s earn. The life is expensive…
Bills, foods, school materials, clothes, house mortgaged, etc etc… is too much for one parent to earn… That’s why the both parents go to work to earn to support easy life & fill the children dream wish & their future education.
Here in Germany High % go work to support their family life…

After 3 years mother care, my son goes to Nursery (Kindergarten). They watch my son from 9am to 4pm, which it’s good for my sons to contact with other children to familiar hearing world…
The school hours are the problem with our work hours because the school began at 8pm to 11pm at 1st class (1Grade).
I wouldn’t give my good job up to being housewife… My month income is more than my husband. He wouldn’t give his job up either.
My husband is lucky because his employer agree to offer him to change the times from 6am to 3pm into 5pm to 10pm (Mon to Fri)…
My husband work from 5pm to 10pm from Mon. – Fri.
I work from 7.30am to 4pm from Mon.- Fri.

Yes, I’m agree with Deafsuba258 that childminder are expensive…. That’s why we rather to shift our times to watch our children.

I will be appreciate when you have the time to answer my questions & share the discussion with us…

Disagree & Agree are the welcome…. You can copy your post from other thread to paste here if you want to…
What about your country?
Come to discuss with us…. :P
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Hi Matsagu

I hope you don’t mind me to copy your post to paste here… :P

Matsagu wrote:
Liebling:))), well explain the increasing children's behavior problems in 20 years, voilence problems in younger gals (newspaper printed about it yesterday), etc etc.. because of neglection due to jobs but not only jobs, junk or industrial foods that cause children to mature incorrectly. I strongly suggest you to read the Mothering magazine to understand what I talked about, I am not a female or mother yet I read that magazine to collect the information on children problems due to neglection and many reasons. It may not hit you yet when they are young but in later time like teenager or older, it may will hit you. if not then you are lucky or good parent and I praise you for that but unfortunately for 68% of americans parents who have to deal with these problematic children because of neglection by jobs and other reasons.

You said that the reason is the children’s neglecting due their parents job… My answer No.

The reason is their behaviour because of:

Receive poor attention & love from their parents
Watch too much violence on the TV, computer with violence PC game, etc.

Good thing is the shops are not allow to sell my sons voilence PC games, DVD, weapons etc until they are 18 years old accord German law :). I do not need to worry if they buy anything with their pocket money because of this.
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Hi DeafSCUBA98

I hope you don’t mind me to copy your post to paste here… :P

Originally Posted by DeafSCUBA98
i understand your view.. about myself, I'm a full-time single father of a terrible 2 kid.
I learn the mistakes.. and there are times that i wish i never had a kid, however i have to learn to move on.. change my life I had to give up partys, had to give up fun stuffs, had to give up my immature life. a whole new world for me. also had to find a better friends, since many of my friends are immature/drinkers/drugs.

Also about the time spending with your kid. Believe it or not.. Its best for a kid to meet other kids so therefore its best to take ur children to childcare, preschool. and you can work.. it will reduce their shyness and improve the kid's self-esteem studies find.

Also, My option.. if I don't work and i stay full time with my son 24/7 and recieve SSI. My son will look at me "hmm my dad doesn't work, so can i when i grew up i don't need to work" that's a bit of a bad role model... clear?

Liebling:))) :lol:
I will come back and give you my answer later on!

I heard Sweden is the highest and the best standard of living in the whole world!
Red~Rum said:
Liebling:))) :lol:
I will come back and give you my answer later on!

I heard Sweden is the highest and the best standard of living in the whole world!

Really, I'm interesting to know all about Sweden because I would like to compare Sweden with Germany...
I am A Single Mother myself and I would rather to work and Provide for my Boys. I would get More Money than what Welfare would provide for me or my Family. I used to Collect Welfare for Child Support but I did not like how their system works because you can only get what the laws says you could get and that isn't enough for your Children. So I just hang in there waiting Patiently for the Father to pay Child Support I do know that once the Child is 18 years of age if the Father still owes back in Child Support he would still have to pay it until its pay off even if the Child Reach the age of 18.

With Child support it is depends on the income of the father how much he earns on his paycheck, wages and his taxes file and that is what tells you how much You'll be getting. So far I have ever got from Child support was 900.00 that out of 10,000.00 in Child support he owes still. I work and provide for my kids if child support comes in that's great that means extra money on the side. :mrgreen:
I wish Fathers out there would play the Role in Their Children Life.. Like example Paying Child Support, Providing what the Child Needs, Take their Children Places such as outlets, fishing, Camping, Movies etc. having a bond with their Children. How can they walk out of a Child's Life like that? there are so many Deadbeat Dads out there even Deadbeats Mothers also. I wish there more laws that would force For them to face their responsible. If they have to throw them in Jail for a lesson do it. I do know Child support suspended my son's father driver License that means if he gets pull over for a traffic stop he would go to jail and the only way to get out of jail if he pays 10 percent of Child Support.. Not bad huh? :giggle:
Every state have different laws here in USA for Child support policy and other welfares.

so i can't say for every state.. but for my state of minnesota.

The child support is based on your income... all aren't the same amount.. just depends on your income bracklet. 15% 25% 38% blah blah i'm idiot about federal tax bracklet.

but anyway really sad thing is that suppose ur child's mom/dad earns $1 million a year.. and the child support payments could be $5,000 per month.. yeah that's sad.. its just depends on ur income level.

Anyway child support is until the kid turns 18 yrs old Also, it may continue till ur kid's 22 years old if Full-Time college student.

If the Mother/Father doesn't pay child support can be taken to court, also the balance of child support owe will go up. Also if you don't pay for child support u'll lose your drivers lincense...

Another thing.. suppose they don't pay child support.. and i get married to another woman She can adopt my son without the mother's approval and therefore means that the mother/father don't have to pay child support payments.

it just all depends on invidually in each states.. other states have different laws.. some are even more stricter some are more flexable.
At the begining, I did had a problem getting child support from my soon to be ex husband but then taken him to court a couple of time the judge order to withdrawl out of his, I have been getting child support every since then....but it took I think 2 months before getting any...

It takes 30% out of his payroll for 3 children!...So I get around 780.00 a month and the months he didn't pay for any child support was taken out of his taxes refund whatever money he owed so I got that too!

Laws here is that if the father/mother who is back-up on child supports will likely withdrawling from his taxes refund by the state...but that is depending on how much he/she owes and what is left in the taxes refund...