"Oh, you speak so well!" and other annoying comments

I know I posted in this thread earlier, but I have another comment to share.

When going to the grocery store I've often had clerks ask me, "Shall I help carry your bags to your car?" :laugh2:

I've also had bank tellers ask me for my driver's license even though my guide dog or white cane was in plain view. :eek3:
 
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Hear Again said:
I know I posted in this thread earlier, but I have another comment to share.

When going to the grocery store I've often had clerks ask me, "Shall I help carry your bags to your car?" :laugh2:

I've also had bank tellers ask me for my driver's license even though my guide dog or white cane was in plain view. :eek3:
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I am hearing and get asked for assistance as well. At the bank yeah you are right. They should have asked for your Identification instead of Drivers License. My guess is that's force of habit to ask for drivers license. On a side note I was at the drive up ATM and noticed the ATM machine buttons had brail. I had to laugh out loud.

As far as the thread topic is concerned, I honestly believe that most of these comments are well intended. If someone is getting offended by them then perhaps that person is to thin skinned or sensetive.
 
rockdrummer said:
I am hearing and get asked for assistance as well. At the bank yeah you are right. They should have asked for your Identification instead of Drivers License. My guess is that's force of habit to ask for drivers license. On a side note I was at the drive up ATM and noticed the ATM machine buttons had brail. I had to laugh out loud.

As far as the thread topic is concerned, I honestly believe that most of these comments are well intended. If someone is getting offended by them then perhaps that person is to thin skinned or sensetive.
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Well, if u are told that by hundreds of people on a constant basis growing up ...it gets pretty annoying after a while. Most of the time I dont give people an attitude about it but when I am tired, not feeling good or in a rush and I get questioned about my speech skills, I dont feel like playing nice then. I am human so I am not always gonna be pleasant and friendly about something that has been asked or told to me millions of time.
 
rockdrummer said:
On a side note I was at the drive up ATM and noticed the ATM machine buttons had brail. I had to laugh out loud.
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Consider the fact that a blind person might take a cab to the bank (or be driven by a friend or family member) after hours and might want privacy while conducting an ATM transaction. Aside from that, the manufacturers of ATMs make them universally designed as a requirement under the ADA which explains why they have Braille markings.
 
shel90 said:
Well, if u are told that by hundreds of people on a constant basis growing up ...it gets pretty annoying after a while. Most of the time I dont give people an attitude about it but when I am tired, not feeling good or in a rush and I get questioned about my speech skills, I dont feel like playing nice then. I am human so I am not always gonna be pleasant and friendly about something that has been asked or told to me millions of time.
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I couldn't agree with you more! :) I feel the exact same way when it comes to answering questions about my guide dog, Braille, blindness or CIs. While I don't mind answering questions most of the time, I do have a life and places to be. I also have bad days and don't always feel like answering people's questions. It just depends on the particular mood I am in on a given day.
 
shel90 said:
Well, if u are told that by hundreds of people on a constant basis growing up ...it gets pretty annoying after a while. Most of the time I dont give people an attitude about it but when I am tired, not feeling good or in a rush and I get questioned about my speech skills, I dont feel like playing nice then. I am human so I am not always gonna be pleasant and friendly about something that has been asked or told to me millions of time.
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Also (and I may have posted this upthread), sometimes it's a challenge: "you're not really deaf/HOH". Sadly, I've been asked about my speech in this context by ENTs more than once. (One time was particularly amusing - a new ENT in Student Health told me that with speech like mine, there was no way I could be deaf enough to qualify for an implant. This happened a week after my audi back home did the test that made me a candidate! Oops?)
 
My Number One Annoying Thing:

Person says something to you, you don't know what, but you heard them mumble something. So you ask them to repeat, and they say:

"Oh nothing" or "It doesn't matter"
 
Oh god I Kimeran I got it all the time when I was growing up and I still get it.

I mean shit if they knew the person was fully hearing - they would have nicely repeated it, but when it comes to someone that is hoh or deaf they make it out like it is a chore to repeat something they have said.

My ex-husband did this alot and it annoyed me to no end then he got on this kick that everytime he spoke to me he yelled at me and talked down to me. Then he started doing this - "If you can tell me what I just said I'll give you a million dollars." It made it out like it was awful for him to be married to someone that was hoh/deaf. This is part of the reason why I have not seriously dated since my divorce - I dont ever want to have to go through that experience with someone again - and that was just the tip of the iceberg with my ex. I am so glad I kicked his ass to the curb when I did and I wonder why I never did it sooner.

I also had this same problem with my previous employer.
 
ismi said:
Also (and I may have posted this upthread), sometimes it's a challenge: "you're not really deaf/HOH". Sadly, I've been asked about my speech in this context by ENTs more than once. (One time was particularly amusing - a new ENT in Student Health told me that with speech like mine, there was no way I could be deaf enough to qualify for an implant. This happened a week after my audi back home did the test that made me a candidate! Oops?)
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Ha, ha, I'm glad I didn't meet your ENT. He'd have said the same thing to me.
 
Serendipity said:
I get this comment sometimes from hearing people who were pitiful enough to say, "I'm sorry you can't hear everything. How do you feel about that and how can you manage it?"
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I have tinnitus and some days are worse than others in terms of how much I understand and my noise tollerence. I've had people tell me to suck it up because I deal with it every day. :eek3:
 
kimeran said:
My Number One Annoying Thing:

Person says something to you, you don't know what, but you heard them mumble something. So you ask them to repeat, and they say:

"Oh nothing" or "It doesn't matter"
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That is my #1 most annoying thing too. It's like it's okay for a hearing person to ask someone to repeat themselves but many times it seems that as soon as someone finds out I'm hoh, they expect me to have perfect hearing and they'll either say "oh, never mind" or they'll look at me and repeat themselves really loudly and slowly, like I'm dumb or something. Drives me absolutely crazy!!
 
Beachy said:
That is my #1 most annoying thing too. It's like it's okay for a hearing person to ask someone to repeat themselves but many times it seems that as soon as someone finds out I'm hoh, they expect me to have perfect hearing and they'll either say "oh, never mind" or they'll look at me and repeat themselves really loudly and slowly, like I'm dumb or something. Drives me absolutely crazy!!
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Grrr, same! :mad2: I've actually had a few friendships break up because they just blew me off and said "nevermind" all the time instead of trying to be understanding or include me. I really do want to know what's going on and be a part of things. :(
 
Mommyof3 said:
I hate ppl ask me if I can speak or readlip or hear? I said no I can't hear but readlip is very little. I rather to have an interpreter or write paper.
Sometime Xbgmer and I hate ppl ask my older daughter to interpreter for us as Xbgmer or I told them don't talk! He got digusted by ppl and said write paper so person did wrote paper. We don't like use kids to sign for us and don't feel right.
Mommyof4
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Wow I have had many opposite experiences. As of yet I do not sign. Never had the money, now I have the money and no time. I want to learn as I have had so many experiences like the following....

Me: "I can not hear at all, I need to see your lips"
New Friend or customer service type person: "Well I sign, that should make it easier."
Me (slapping head, cursing I didn't take ASL instead of Spanish in school) "damn, I don't sign."

I guess I can lip read pretty well, and with my hearing aids, very well, but it's still exhausting to HAVE to do because I can't sign. I think it would be so much easier, convenient, and more efficient for me to learn ASL.

agh, off again to check the differences in schools for a course. My husband's co-worker and his wife are deaf, they said the best program in about 45 minutes away, but I don't have time for that right now.
 
ismi said:
Also (and I may have posted this upthread), sometimes it's a challenge: "you're not really deaf/HOH". Sadly, I've been asked about my speech in this context by ENTs more than once. (One time was particularly amusing - a new ENT in Student Health told me that with speech like mine, there was no way I could be deaf enough to qualify for an implant. This happened a week after my audi back home did the test that made me a candidate! Oops?)
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I hadn't been to an ENT since I tried to join the ARMY and was trying to get my failed hearing test waived. That was 10 years ago. I went to one last November so I could get help from VR. When I walked out of the testing room she looked shocked. "you are not hearing high pitched sounds until they are as loud as a jet, how do you communicate so well". I had to laugh, because she was just so nice, but it shocked me coming from her. Maybe it's because I live in Florida and she mostly deals with older people who are just losing their hearing and haven't adapted?
 
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Dixie,

You post made me sad. I enjoy reading your posts and think you are a cool person. Don't let this stop you. One of many things I enjoy about being deaf is how it immediately separates people for me into "your not worth my time" and "wow your someone I want to know" groups. Someone out there deserves you, someone amazing.
 
One time. I was waiting for the bus at Bus Terminal. The man came to me to talk. I replied back abt the bus. He said "Oh you have Germany accent." I said "No I have deaf accent." He gulped and walked to another side to wait for the bus. I was laughing inside when he said it. Oh gawd!!
 
RedheadGrrl said:
One time. I was waiting for the bus at Bus Terminal. The man came to me to talk. I replied back abt the bus. He said "Oh you have Germany accent." I said "No I have deaf accent." He gulped and walked to another side to wait for the bus. I was laughing inside when he said it. Oh gawd!!
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This is new to me. We should say that we speak a deaf accent. What a a brilliant idea! Let's do this for a resolution of 2008. :welcome::applause::hmm:
 
BearBeauty said:
When people find out you're deaf, they're trying to be consideriate and ask if you can lipread or speak because they want to find out what you can do. I can understand people feeling insulted by it. but remember that most hearing people have never met a deaf person in their lives.. so they're not sure how to behave around a deaf person. It's not a matter of insulting the deaf, it's a matter of learning about them.
I get the lipreading and speaking thing all the time. Since I can lipread, I tend to use it with people unless I do not understand them. But All we can do as deaf people is educate those who don't understand.
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Isn't it best when meeting someone new that the person ask you a question and observe how you understand and how you reply back? By this way, if you are a lipreader then you would understand the question. If you speak orally then you would answer, if you sign only, then your answer would be in sign language and if you use pen/pencil then you would share your pen/pad. This enables the other person to know what your communication skills are. There is no reason for anyone to point out how well you speak, write or sign. It's just outright rude. People should understand that you are doing the best you can to thrive in this hearing world.
 
they make it out like it is a chore to repeat something they have said.
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Nowadays I can't be bothered to 'listen' to rude people any more.

Losing some of my hearing certainly filtered out who my REAL friends were. At least now I know that my friends ARE my friends. It's quality rather than quantity.

If people can't be bothered to repeat something for me, I just say ok and walk away. It was them who closed the conversation.

And I've felt alot better since :mrgreen:

If someone can't show me a bit of reciprocal courtesy - as I always try to treat everyone with respect and courtesy - then they are a chore LOL!
 
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