My stepson's big problem Laundry and stink

Cheri said:
If they don't learn now, they'll never learn.
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Oh Yes, everyone including you, me and children STILL learning everyday when the new things comes.... There´re new things in everyday, we movitate to learn...

Example, I learn to do with furntiure restoration at 10 years ago... who teachs me? Nobody but myself.

Who teachs simple crafts? Share some crafts with my friends, not my parents... I moviate the crafts more and more myself with different ideas...

I learn to cook at teenage time because I want it, not my parents or grandparents who make me do it. I learn more and more from watch my mom and grandma cooking.... and at school.... and then start to learn everything with my homemade foods etc thru direction of recipes because I can read them myself. My MIL taught me some of her homemade because I ASK her to show me... Its about moviation.
 
ghsh1996 said:
We did that with him many time. We gave him lot of love. He didn't want our love at all. He become very mean at us. We kept to being nice at him but we realize that he ruin our family retionship. We had to stop him. We kicked him out. We told him that we still care and love him but he laughed at our face. Whoa. That was so mean. He laughed like manic.

You said that how's how make him feel worthless. HE DON'T WANT OUR LOVE AND CARE. HE WANT RUIN OUR FAMILY RETIONSHIP FOR NO REASON.
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*nodding understanding*

At first I only read the description of your first thread and offer my advice how to help your step-son... Now you explained clear....

Yes I agree that you & your hubby can´t do anything to help him because he refused to get the help. He choose to go bad path... I would advise you to not have him in your house until he show his respect on your house rules... Important that you and your hubby support each other together to acheive family life and marriage life...
 
Angel said:
No hon, she not forcing him to wash his clothes, he is 20,
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No, I never say that she forced her step-son to do with his clothes because I know the problem is his depression disorder which is different as I saw some American forums that some parents beleive to get the children to do with laundry at early ages which we Europeans don´t. To European eyes, it´s a force and burden on children. We only do our chores in our rooms. We only help if our parents ask us for the help... Sometimes we moviate for want to help them...


she is only trying to teach him to do things on his own,
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Yes, I see no problem for that... I also show my boys to do with cooking, bake the cookies, etc as well because they want it.

I would have done the same thing if I were in her shoes, and I taught all my boys cooking, cleaning , how to fold and put away their clothes etc, my 7 years old LOVES to help me cook and clean, my oldest enjoy learning how to cook also and wanted to work with me at the cook-offs, he start working with me since last summer and he enjoy making his own money and he loves buying things that I am unable to afford etc, it's all about learning how to do things and making money etc and when they start living on their own, they will be able to know how to do things and take care of themselves withtout depending on their parents to do it for them...of course I wouldn't mind helping them out and , they know they can count on me for anything, but I prefer them to learn how to do things on their own first..ya know I won't be around forever, so its a good timing to teach them early than later on, otherwise anything could happen, I don't want them to suffer and not knowing what to do or who they could turn to for help...
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What your boys did is moviation - it´s the same with my boys as well. I don´t beleive to force/get them to do with laundry and pay them for their work. To me, the parents born children into worker...and burden on children.. My boys get limit money allowance every month from us to learn how to manage/cope with their money... Of course they moviate to get job (like carry newspapers to door to door... help farmers, etc.) to improve their pocket money. They have plenty of time to enjoy their experiment, sports, education, learn how to responsible etc. first before they settle down... It´s no problem if they want work to earn to improve their savings, where they get money allowance from us. They look at us as parent role how to care of house and garden etc, cooking etc... do laundry etc... They are willing to help us if we ask them for their support. They surprised us with their cooking, etc to make breakfast for us... or evening snack... I never teach them but they look at us themselves and moviate to do something after saw us do something. They questioned me what is this, etc. why? etc... Their bedroom are their responsible to take care of and chores etc. If my hubby needs help to do garden work then ask my boys for their help... okay. They know where to threw papers, etc. is go to paper bin... they put their dirty clothes to wash basket time to time becasue they know that I only collect dirty clothes from wash basket to wash, not collect their dirty clothes on their bedroom´s floor.

Its about movation... , not born the children into worker to do our house.

I still wash the dirty clothes as long as my boys still live in our house... but important is follow our house rules.... They have to pay me housekeep money when they have jobs because I take care of their clothes, cooking, etc. If they don´t like my house rules then they can look somewhere to live.


That´s how I raised like this... I do everything well, that´s not everything I learn from my parents, grandma, MIL or friends but myself... learn from them bit to bit...until I moviate to learn everything... Of course ask them tips... It´s the same as a lot of Europeans like this.

My MIL told me that she has no clue how to do homemade foods, jams, etc...when she first married until she learn tips from neigbor, parents, etc bit to bit until she do everything herself... then show me bit to bit... I learn everything myself... the children will do that automiac... Its about moviation, we still learn everyday... Oh yes, everyone including you, me and children still learn everyday when the new things comes.
 
What I would do is every time we visit, I would bring a stick of deodorant, laudry soap, tooth brush, toothpaste and shower gel. He have enough to either start using it and smell better and don't have to get him more or throw it away. If enough ppl, like everyone he works with, starts doing that, then it would emberass him and might start as well.

Then again, if it is a mental problem, then you need to get help for him asap before he hurts someone or himself. I know you can't force him to do anything, but if the problem was brought up to his boss and to his landlord(if he lives in an apt), then that might be enough to get the cops into it and get him help. Also get the Health and Welfare involved. He either will have to start cleaning himself or go into a mental hospital.
 
Sorry Liebling, I must have misunderstood your post on page one, Thanks for explaining what you meant ;) ....
 
Liebling:-))) said:
I still wash the dirty clothes as long as my boys still live in our house... but important is follow our house rules.... They have to pay me housekeep money when they have jobs because I take care of their clothes, cooking, etc. If they don´t like my house rules then they can look somewhere to live.
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I am surprised that you wanted your children to pay you. What is going on? How old are they? I think that they should save their money for college. A college is expensive nowadays. I would never do that if I have grown or children unless I am in trouble with my financial.

You are lucky that your children have a motivation for cooking and responsible to take care of their bedroom. It is amazing. Perhaps, someday he would become a chief at a restaurant or his own restaurant business. That would be cool - so that you will get free food. Smile.

My two nieces (12-years-old and 15-years-old) have terrible attitudes and spoil because they have a huge & beautiful house (4,500 sq.ft.). They think themselves as a "queen." They didn't care about work. The daughter threated her father if he did not buy a car for her, and she would tell his emloyees bad things about him. I cannot believe it. It is a good thing that they are not my daughters. Whew!
 
My son does his own laundry without me asking him to do it. He's pretty good. As for my daughter, she always complained that she doesn't have any clean socks or clothes, I told her many times that I only wash what is in the hamper not on her bedroom floor. She's getting better.
 
webexplorer said:
I am surprised that you wanted your children to pay you. What is going on? How old are they? I think that they should save their money for college. A college is expensive nowadays. I would never do that if I have grown or children unless I am in trouble with my financial.
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I mean is real job... not college.

No, we don´t want their money when they attend college, job practising, education, etc. until they get real job... I want them to save up for driving liescne etc because I know driving school is not very cheap. Here in Germany, a lot of parents put between €25 and €50 every monthly to special interest investment for their children´s future until they are 18 years old then the children able to finance the college fee with those money. That´s how the parents get the money refund from tax income when they join the special investment for children´s future. The children who lives in poverty get support from Government to attend college only if they have very good school report...

You are lucky that your children have a motivation for cooking and responsible to take care of their bedroom. It is amazing. Perhaps, someday he would become a chief at a restaurant or his own restaurant business. That would be cool - so that you will get free food. Smile.
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:ty: They motivate many different things until they knows what they really like... Alan, my youngest son is really crazy of cook and bake... Alan said that he want to be cook Chef... His cute talk... Cook is not Danny´s thing but he do cook when I´m not in home or surprise us sometimes. He like to do something with their hands, experiment things.. .like me... :giggle:

My two nieces (12-years-old and 15-years-old) have terrible attitudes and spoil because they have a huge & beautiful house (4,500 sq.ft.). They think themselves as a "queen." They didn't care about work. The daughter threated her father if he did not buy a car for her, and she would tell his emloyees bad things about him. I cannot believe it. It is a good thing that they are not my daughters. Whew!
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Oh dear, it look like that the parents didn´t firm their teenagers with form of discipline enough... They let their children boss over them... Oh dear...
 
Hamper is like a wash basket.. if you mean people put their dirty clothes in it to be washed :)

Personally, I think all ghsh1996 can do is support him and let him live his own way. We can't change people unless they want to change themselves.

I had to learn to do laundry, cooking, ect at a young age due to Mom working a lot. I think it just depends on each person's maturity and willingness to change.
 
BearBeauty said:
Personally, I think all ghsh1996 can do is support him and let him live his own way. We can't change people unless they want to change themselves.

I had to learn to do laundry, cooking, ect at a young age due to Mom working a lot. I think it just depends on each person's maturity and willingness to change.
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My stepson dont want me support him. I let him go but I want to know why he act like that. Like mental illness or whatever. I didn't ask for advice. I just asked about what wrong with him. His girlfriend said she is trying change his way. Sigh
 
ghsh1996 said:
My stepson dont want me support him. I let him go but I want to know why he act like that. Like mental illness or whatever. I didn't ask for advice. I just asked about what wrong with him. His girlfriend said she is trying change his way. Sigh
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What you do if he become homeless and live on street? I means if can be happen at anytime.

Being homeless aren't fun but police would drop him off to inner city of Denver, around in skid row.
 
Pacman said:
What you do if he become homeless and live on street? I means if can be happen at anytime.

Being homeless aren't fun but police would drop him off to inner city of Denver, around in skid row.
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That is not my problem. He didn't want any job or work. We told him that we cannot support him anymore. Now he have a job.
 
Simple solution, send your step-son to Tousi, He'll take good care of him. :mrgreen:
 
Pacman said:
What you do if he become homeless and live on street? I means if can be happen at anytime.

Being homeless aren't fun but police would drop him off to inner city of Denver, around in skid row.
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That's his problem, He'll have to learn the hard way, If he doesn't want anyone's help, then let's see how long he'll survivor out on the streets.


ghsh1996 was nice enough to offer her home and welcomed him, but he must follow her rules that applied in her home. ;)
 
Cheri said:
Simple solution, send your step-son to Tousi, He'll take good care of him. :mrgreen:
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Ahahhhhh, that good ole' elephant memory of Cheri's! She remembers how I do my laundry. That would shape this kid up right quick! :giggle:
 
my cousin never get lazy so my cousin help take clothes and lots of mores from their room and kept clean but never mess up.

and my another 2 cousin one cousin who been gone college her name is Ashley always kept clean room all the times and also bathroom,etc.And one cousin his name is Nolan always kept neat but never mess! im really surprise about that.

mostly kids needs lots of helping from parents,grandparents and family than no helping! im suggestion about that.

and plus! my brother never clean his own room that totally stink and crap and put dish on the counter at kitchen that crazy!
 
Cheri said:
That's his problem, He'll have to learn the hard way, If he doesn't want anyone's help, then let's see how long he'll survivor out on the streets.


ghsh1996 was nice enough to offer her home and welcomed him, but he must follow her rules that applied in her home. ;)
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Thank you for being my side. :ty:
 
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