My boyfriend is becoming Deaf

Ariakkas said:
seems to me, when you dont fully understand what someone says, you make up the worse possible meaning for what they said, the most argumenative.


websters online defines successful as: resulting or terminating in success





where in my post did i refer to ALL deaf people as being small minded? again, you took the most argumentative outcome from my words and ran with it.

i simply stated :

take my words in the context they are given. i even stated that southerns deaf friends would accept his boyfriend with no issues, i stated mine would as well.
however, read the rest of my paragraph and i think i explained my point very well, if you still dont understand what i said, maybe someone can interpret it for you.
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U said CIs ARE successful..meaning that all of them are successful?


About Deaf culture..I did ask u if u meant all people.

Maybe I shouldnt have added my comments and waited for you to answer to both questions first. My apologies.
 
southern, Your on the right track, not many people will even bother to help by researching and ask questions for someone. I am in the same boat he is in, I have profound hearing loss which started some 6 years ago. I am going through depression and denial and so far it's take one step forward and two steps back. I wish I had someone like you to stand by me, hell, even my own family treats me like a leaper-my own parents for petes sakes. Why learn sign language when those in your life don't want to bother, it's like talking to yourself. Why do people appose CI's, is it because they obviously don't know what it's like to hear. It won't be the same as before but at least you won't have to worry about finding others to ASL to. I am considering CI very soon myself, and maybe I can get my life back on track. ASL is not for me, nobody I know, near or afar knows it.
 
Southern said:
Quick update I will write more later. This second female audie asked my boyfriend if he is married or anything he said actually I am gay. She said oh okay. He said yeah my boyfriend's best friend is Deaf and he has a lot of Deaf friends. She said, "oh... Well you need to realize this is your life. He is going to be biased and you shouldn't really listen to him in this" WTF??? This BITCH told him not to listen to me because my friends are Deaf, because I would encourage him to learn sign and, "I just don't want you to be limited" LIMITED????? Aaaaahhhhhh that F U C K I N G...... Gggggrrrrr ASL is NOT a limitation if anything it opens more to you. How dare she! She is so lucky I was not in that room!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You know--I don't understand how someone that narrow minded is able to absorb enough inforamation to ever get through school!! Report her to the liscensing board.
 
Ariakkas said:
the audie is right in some respects, in my opinion.


southern has been exposed to the deaf community, which holds very strong views on very controversial specific subjects, such as signing and CI's....however, he has NOT(edit: to my knowledge, if you have then please, correct me) been exposed to the flip side of that coin, successful oral deaf, successful CI's who still sign, or the negative aspects of deaf culture. He IS biased....that does not mean he is definitivly wrong however, just that he himself does not have all the facts.


i dont mean to sound elitist here, but i've been exposed to the flip side, ive seen successful oral deaf who do not want to sign, and they function fine as productive adults.ive seen many CI users who sign and while i support learning sign 100%, i also support CI's for people who want them, and i do support implanting children.

learning sign and speaking/hearing are not mutually exclusive, so that is a non-point really. if your boyfriend wants to sign, who cares what the audie tells him, really.

i really fell you should let him research CI's for himself, let HIM decide what is best for himself, and support his decision either way. CI's are successful(notice i didn't say cure), and they are simply another tool for a person to use should they choose to do so. even if no more than environmental sounds, least he will be aware when something around him happens.

Deaf culture is not the be all end all for deaf people. Deaf culture can be very exclusive and downright small minded in their views about people, espically late deafened. I have no doubt at all that your friends will accept him, my friends would do the same. But wether he will become a part of the deaf culture anymore than you or I as hearing, is pretty doubtful. His views on controversial subjects will not be respected, he will hear mean things, he will deal with elitist attitudes of people who will claim he isn't "deaf enough". he will never be a native signer, and it will always be noticeable.
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That's funny!!!! A hearing person on a deaf message board calling people deaf culure small minded!!! You are kidding....right? Or do you just not listen to yourself?
 
jillio said:
That's funny!!!! A hearing person on a deaf message board calling people deaf culure small minded!!! You are kidding....right? Or do you just not listen to yourself?
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:werd:
 
That's funny!!!! A hearing person on a deaf message board calling people deaf culure small minded!!! You are kidding....right? Or do you just not listen to yourself?
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ignoring my comments simply because i am hearing IS small minded, you proved my point.

U said CIs ARE successful..meaning that all of them are successful?
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i guess i didn't do a good enough job explaining what i meant. i simply meant some CI's are successful. everyone talks about CI's not working etc etc etc, i simply stated they do have success.
 
I completely forgot about this thread, thank to some of you who point to my post lol..

Of course, learn speak and learn sign same time are AWESOME!
 
Ariakkas said:
ignoring my comments simply because i am hearing IS small minded, you proved my point.



i guess i didn't do a good enough job explaining what i meant. i simply meant some CI's are successful. everyone talks about CI's not working etc etc etc, i simply stated they do have success.
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Ok cuz often too many times I encounter people in person telling me that they are successful in which means that all are successful. Right, some CIs are successful I wont argue about that. :)
 
Can someone please tell me where this idea that deafness is NOT an illness comes from.........if your eyes pack up you wear glasses....if you have leg amputated you wear prosthetic...so.........what is wrong with making use of every bit of new technology to help you hear. I know it is not an illnesss that can be fixed totally but surely there is nothing wrong with ha's, CI, sign and if at all possible oral speach as well
 
Ariakkas said:
ignoring my comments simply because i am hearing IS small minded, you proved my point.



i guess i didn't do a good enough job explaining what i meant. i simply meant some CI's are successful. everyone talks about CI's not working etc etc etc, i simply stated they do have success.
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Didn't ignore your comments--had to read them in order to respond. I just find them limited and steroetypical. And, btw, I'm hearing too.
 
Raykat said:
Can someone please tell me where this idea that deafness is NOT an illness comes from.........if your eyes pack up you wear glasses....if you have leg amputated you wear prosthetic...so.........what is wrong with making use of every bit of new technology to help you hear. I know it is not an illnesss that can be fixed totally but surely there is nothing wrong with ha's, CI, sign and if at all possible oral speach as well
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The idea that deafness is not an illness comes from the Deaf/deaf people, the psychologists, the sociologists, the anthropologists, and the linguists.
 
Ok this thread has gotten derailed........
 
jillio said:
The idea that deafness is not an illness comes from the Deaf/deaf people, the psychologists, the sociologists, the anthropologists, and the linguists.
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I agree that it is not an illness, something like measles or flu, so illness is not really the right term to use,but cant think of any other word that is appropriate. What I cant understand is that if someone is offered CI, HA's, the chance to become oral, thus functioning in a hearing world then why not take it. It seems to me that the deaf have been brainwashed by the psychologists, socialologists and anthropologists and linguists into thinking that they have to live with what they are given. I know that if anyone offered me the chance of CI I would jump at it right now.

This may seem to be offtopic but reading over southerns posts and the responses it seems like everyone on here wants to stay shut up in their own little deaf world.
 
Raykat said:
I agree that it is not an illness, something like measles or flu, so illness is not really the right term to use,but cant think of any other word that is appropriate. What I cant understand is that if someone is offered CI, HA's, the chance to become oral, thus functioning in a hearing world then why not take it. It seems to me that the deaf have been brainwashed by the psychologists, socialologists and anthropologists and linguists into thinking that they have to live with what they are given. I know that if anyone offered me the chance of CI I would jump at it right now.

This may seem to be offtopic but reading over southerns posts and the responses it seems like everyone on here wants to stay shut up in their own little deaf world.
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I had my chance to be oral all of my life..it really didnt do me much good as it was intented to do. It was supposed to assimilate me in the hearing world, right? Instead, I felt very isolated and left out. When I learned sign language, it changed my life for the better maybe that's why I dont feel comfortable being oral all the time. How was I brainwashed as u stated about deaf being brainwashed by pychologist, socialogists and so on?
 
shel90 said:
I had my chance to be oral all of my life..it really didnt do me much good as it was intented to do. It was supposed to assimilate me in the hearing world, right? Instead, I felt very isolated and left out. When I learned sign language, it changed my life for the better maybe that's why I dont feel comfortable being oral all the time. How was I brainwashed as u stated about deaf being brainwashed by pychologist, socialogists and so on?
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The remark about psychologist etc came from a previous post sent in reply to mine. I had never come across this train of thought before and feel that if these people, (psycho, sociologist etc) are pushing these ideas then they seem to be brainwashing the deaf into thinking they cannot function in a hearing world.

Maybe my experience has been different to others, however I was born deaf, wasnt diagnosed until starting school are 5 yrs of age, worn HA's ever since and spent many years in speech therapy. Altho profoundly deaf my speech and lipreading skills are now such that I sometimes have a hard time convincing people that I am in fact deaf. I have never lived in the deaf community, married hearing and now have hearing b/f. I am not bashing or putting anyone down but I do struggle to understand the concept of deaf culture. To me being deaf is simply a loss of one sense, to be corrected as far as possible with modern technology. It does not make me so different from other people that I need a totally different culture.

I agree with Shel that it can be isolating, many times I sit in silence while a group is chatting around me, especially at night things like bbq's with insufficient lighting to lipread. However in my world signing woudl be help as I dont know another soul how signs.
 
jillio said:
The idea that deafness is not an illness comes from the Deaf/deaf people, the psychologists, the sociologists, the anthropologists, and the linguists.
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Just make sure there is no misunderstanding here I have attached Jillio's post re psycho etc....if these people say it is not an illness..... for want of a better word...(maybe disability?) then what do they call it.......hearing is simply a physical sense like the other four.
 
Raykat said:
The remark about psychologist etc came from a previous post sent in reply to mine. I had never come across this train of thought before and feel that if these people, (psycho, sociologist etc) are pushing these ideas then they seem to be brainwashing the deaf into thinking they cannot function in a hearing world.

Maybe my experience has been different to others, however I was born deaf, wasnt diagnosed until starting school are 5 yrs of age, worn HA's ever since and spent many years in speech therapy. Altho profoundly deaf my speech and lipreading skills are now such that I sometimes have a hard time convincing people that I am in fact deaf. I have never lived in the deaf community, married hearing and now have hearing b/f. I am not bashing or putting anyone down but I do struggle to understand the concept of deaf culture. To me being deaf is simply a loss of one sense, to be corrected as far as possible with modern technology. It does not make me so different from other people that I need a totally different culture.

I agree with Shel that it can be isolating, many times I sit in silence while a group is chatting around me, especially at night things like bbq's with insufficient lighting to lipread. However in my world signing woudl be help as I dont know another soul how signs.
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U say u struggle with the concept of Deaf culture, don't use sign language, and don't get involved with the deaf community? If so, then u are not involved with the Deaf culture and nothing wrong with that as long as u r happy. Not all deaf people view deafness as something to be corrected. My brother is deaf and he is not interested in getting HAs or CIs. He is happy as he is and leading a successful life without needing to be able to "hear". I use HAs cuz I grew up so dependent on them to lipread hearing people but when I am around my deaf friends or co worker, I don't use my HAs much.
 
Ariakkas said:
the audie is right in some respects, in my opinion.


southern has been exposed to the deaf community, which holds very strong views on very controversial specific subjects, such as signing and CI's....however, he has NOT(edit: to my knowledge, if you have then please, correct me) been exposed to the flip side of that coin, successful oral deaf, successful CI's who still sign, or the negative aspects of deaf culture. He IS biased....that does not mean he is definitivly wrong however, just that he himself does not have all the facts.


i dont mean to sound elitist here, but i've been exposed to the flip side, ive seen successful oral deaf who do not want to sign, and they function fine as productive adults.ive seen many CI users who sign and while i support learning sign 100%, i also support CI's for people who want them, and i do support implanting children.

learning sign and speaking/hearing are not mutually exclusive, so that is a non-point really. if your boyfriend wants to sign, who cares what the audie tells him, really.

i really fell you should let him research CI's for himself, let HIM decide what is best for himself, and support his decision either way. CI's are successful(notice i didn't say cure), and they are simply another tool for a person to use should they choose to do so. even if no more than environmental sounds, least he will be aware when something around him happens.

Deaf culture is not the be all end all for deaf people. Deaf culture can be very exclusive and downright small minded in their views about people, espically late deafened. I have no doubt at all that your friends will accept him, my friends would do the same. But wether he will become a part of the deaf culture anymore than you or I as hearing, is pretty doubtful. His views on controversial subjects will not be respected, he will hear mean things, he will deal with elitist attitudes of people who will claim he isn't "deaf enough". he will never be a native signer, and it will always be noticeable.
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I have been exposed to oral Deaf, and they prefer to sign. They feel, like shel90 that their life is more open because of ASL. Negative aspects, i have not been exposed to. All Deaf that i have met have been gracious and kind. Although i know there are those out there, i have not met them. But that is true of every culture not exclusive to the Deaf community. I'm a big boy, and so is my boyfriend and we can handle such things easily. As for all the facts, when i met my best friend i had never met a Deaf person before. I don't like to be ignorant on things, so i researched everything i could. That is how i found this site. I have read an awful lot on CI and in my humble opinion i don't like them. Too many negatives out way the positives.

I DO NOT SUPPORT IMPLANTING CHILDREN!! you are trying to make this baby into something you want them to be, ie hearing, rather than what they are, DEAF. If when they get older that is what they want then by all means do it but i think it should be left up to the individual rather than the all mighty parent. If my parents knew when i was a baby that i am g a y and wanted to do something to make me not, i would not be the person i am today.

If no more that environmental sounds..... What does that mean to a hearing person? All you can hear is the wind blow a bird chirp and a car.... a hearing person is used to far more than that. AND most environmental sounds i do not like, most hearies that live in any city of size is the same, you are reduced to the worst sounds, and you got your head cut open for that?? No thanks. I told him i am against CI but if that is what he wants then i would of course support him absolutely.

As far as being accepted, i have been accepted totally. Many Deaf have told me that i am more like a Deafie than a hearie. I do not have the fingers to count how many times Deafies have mistaken me for Deaf and this after hanging out with them for hours. And my Deaf friends have already accepted him. Maybe i have exceptional friends. If i were to run across a small minded Deafie then oh well, i run across small minded hearing people all the time and the Deaf person will get the same response as the small minded Hearing so i really don't see what the problem is.

Maybe you have had a lot of bad experiences, super. I haven't. I love my friends and the Deaf community as a whole. I see the culture as nothing to fear, but maybe i am exceptional too.
 
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