Married, but....

hope she not got password....always be careful when you post this sort of thing. Most marriages have up's and downs in my case husband gay he also good kind man great dad..he has another side of life i dont ask and he never asked me..we were damn good parents...
i never been to swingers party but they advertized on net that one road but if you intend to stay married you got lot of talking to do..I think most marriages go though this sort of thing.
 
Steinhauer said:
No, no, I get it. It's always the guys fault when the girl.wants to step out of the marriage to cheat.
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And that's what you managed to get out of that. smh

I'll expand on that. Notice for a moment, I wasn't talking about her cheating. I was talking about the sexual problems they are currently having. You insinuated that they were probably her fault. Ridiculous, and that his fragile male ego is more important than her needs, so she should just keep her yap shut, even more ridiculous smh
 
ambrosia said:
And that's what you managed to get out of that. smh

I'll expand on that. Notice for a moment, I wasn't talking about her cheating. I was talking about the sexual problems they are currently having. You insinuated that they were probably her fault. Ridiculous, and that his fragile male ego is more important than her needs, so she should just keep her yap shut, even more ridiculous smh
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Anyone that would attempt to publicly humiliate a spouse to justify why they want to cheat is *suspicious* and yes, I assign blame. It is innate.

I have seen this happen to too many "good" people of both genders to see the pattern.
 
Steinhauer said:
Anyone that would attempt to publicly humiliate a spouse to justify why they want to cheat is *suspicious* and yes, I assign blame. It is innate.

I have seen this happen to too many "good" people of both genders to see the pattern.
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Those quickest to place blame are least likely to shoulder their own.
 
ambrosia said:
Those quickest to place blame are least likely to shoulder their own.
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That sounds really deep and all, but let me ask you this. If your husband or significant other was posting up on a public forum that they wanted to cheat on you because you were lousy in bed, you would be perfectly ok with it?

Yeah ....thought so.
 
Steinhauer said:
That sounds really deep and all, but let me ask you this. If your husband or significant other was posting up on a public forum that they wanted to cheat on you because you were lousy in bed, you would be perfectly ok with it?

Yeah ....thought so.
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If if if if.....if frogs had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped. She didn't come here with the intention of letting everybody know he's lousy in bed. He doesn't know us, we don't know him, chances are slim he'll ever find out. If her intention was to humiliate him she'd have to a forum that doesn't have anonymous screen names.....like Facebook. She came looking for advice.

It is deep though :D you can quote me if you want. That's one thing I learned married to my husband, he blamed everything on everybody, nothing was his fault. Ever. Man never apologized for anything. He about dislocated my jaw one day, I find him sitting in the living room reading the bible. I got loads of experience with someone who plays the blame game.
 
ambrosia said:
If if if if.....if frogs had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped. She didn't come here with the intention of letting everybody know he's lousy in bed. He doesn't know us, we don't know him, chances are slim he'll ever find out. If her intention was to humiliate him she'd have to a forum that doesn't have anonymous screen names.....like Facebook. She came looking for advice.
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That sounds deep and all and it almost makes sense, but it still didn't answer anything.

Your ip address tracks you, one of the tricks of the trade that divorce attorneys use. Something I always tell the boys. Cheating is a misdemeanor in most States and in most all divorces, is the deciding factor on whether you get the kids, the house, the car etc.
 
Steinhauer said:
It is a psychological subconscious "thing". He is probably aware that you no longer find him attractive, and therefore will only put in the barest minimum effort into his "requirement" of having sex with you. He might not even find you all that attractive anymore but is just being polite. That is why he does the same thing over and over again. He isn't going to go all out for a woman he knows doesn't respect or love him. He will not change his pattern if there is no affection. He will continue to do this, subconsciously, without even realizing it, to drive you away.

Guys pick up on stuff like this real quick. Not trying to get in your business or anything - just giving you some straight talk.

If my wife had to tell me how and where and what she wanted done to her every time we had sex, I would be made to feel like I was her own little "dancing monkey". I would feel like a dog and pony show. It would drive me into a shell and I would feel like sex was a "chore". Ball and chain ... don't be one if you still love him.

If you don't love him, get a divorce. It's the only way.

***disclaimer*** no one can tell you how to live your life - but you really shouldn't cheat on the guy - and you shouldn't blame him for the sex 'blahs" in your marriage. Spice things up, go to a drive in movie theater and make out like sex crazed teenagers in the back seat or something. It should be fun, for BOTH of you.
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I see nothing wrong with a woman telling her husband what she like during sex . It mean she feel good about her body and is open to try news things .
Most men cheat on their mates because she will not try new things so I would think the OP husband would thrilled to have a wife that feel comfortable about saying what she like during sex. The husband need to start working on himself and start feeling good about himself then maybe the sex will return . It take two tango .
 
Steinhauer said:
If my wife had to tell me how and where and what she wanted done to her every time we had sex, I would be made to feel like I was her own little "dancing monkey". I would feel like a dog and pony show. It would drive me into a shell and I would feel like sex was a "chore". Ball and chain ... don't be one if you still love him.

If you don't love him, get a divorce. It's the only way.

***disclaimer*** no one can tell you how to live your life - but you really shouldn't cheat on the guy - and you shouldn't blame him for the sex 'blahs" in your marriage. Spice things up, go to a drive in movie theater and make out like sex crazed teenagers in the back seat or something. It should be fun, for BOTH of you.
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The thing is first of all, I should not HAVE to tell him. Especially after how long we've been married. Second, a friend of ours was just complaining to us that he cannot figure out what his wife wants because she will not talk to him.. I turned to my husband and said "Oh he knows, I've tried to explain it" .. hubby just shrugged and laughed!

I really think alot of your answers are based on anger that your own marriage obviously did not work out so you have lots of resentment.. I'm sorry for that but do not take it out on me. I have not actually done anything yet, just came here for advice and I can even take a bit of criticism but take your anger somewhere else okay? Thanks
 
Phoenix23 said:
I agree... you say you just want a night or two... but we all know how our "one or two" of anything can turn into a vicious cycle. I suppose on one end if you speak with him about this and explain you want a NSA with someone and he's fine... to each their own... but at least give him a chance to interject his opinion and don't just go do it behind his back. Personally I can never justify cheating... I've never done it, but had it done to me and it is the worst feeling...

On the other hand... If I was married and my partner told me I just wasn't doing it for them... and we weren't having sex at all anymore... I KNOW I'd be learning to do it their way because if it's A) No sex B) Sex... the decision is simple... =D! lol!

Sounds like you just need to sit back, evaluate and maybe include him in on your thoughts and feelings.


I don't ever judge anyone for any reason... because there are ALWAYS circumstances we do not, and will not understand particular to your case... Just think very heavily before you do anything that you may regret... because there's no erasing the past... sadly... =/

I wish you the best of luck and hope everything turns out for the better...

LOL @ someone suggesting craigslist by the way... Have you SEEN those creepers!?! lol!
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You are right Phoenix, and I am trying to evaluate.. have already told him my thoughts and feelings, we've talked about everything except actually trying swingers and my feelings of looking for someone else..
 
ambrosia said:
I love how you're turning this around and putting blame on her. Classic

Fact, some guys suck at sex and need some schooling. I had a guy once that would grab my nipples and pull straight down on them, like he was trying to milk a cow or something :eek3: It was the most unsexy thing ever. SOme guys are really interested in bringing their partner pleasure and pay very close attention to their responses so they just get better and better. Some guys just don't care, bare minimum foreplay stab it in for 2 seconds and then go beat on their chest in the bathroom mirror congratulating themselves on their sexual prowess. These men need schooling.

But no, don't try to guide him, just take that slam bam thank you ma'am with a smile, just grin and bear it. It doesn't matter what you want or need. It's probably your fault anyway he's not interested in making you climax. Don't want to bruise that fragile male ego, that's the most important thing. :roll:

freaking classic
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Ambrosia.. so very well said! :D
 
shel90 said:
Blaming it on the woman really really ticks me off.

My ex husband said that I drove him to cheat on me because I didn't get it into with him when having sex. Looking back, he made sex all about him and his needs so I started losing interest in it and then when that happened, he ran out and cheated on me. He blamed me for his cheating. :roll:
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It is like I said in earlier post... I have always been the one to try and keep the spark going.. I love everything about cuddling, making out, slow burning kisses, and great sex.. and have just 100% lost any attraction for him because he just doesn't get into it the way I do. Once I stopped doing it then he was like "oh you don't want it anymore? okay" and would just try to have basic sex just so he could finish and feel good and be done with it. I finally told him last year, I was not even going to do that anymore.. haven't had sex since. :roll:
 
Steinhauer said:
Anyone that would attempt to publicly humiliate a spouse to justify why they want to cheat is *suspicious* and yes, I assign blame. It is innate.

I have seen this happen to too many "good" people of both genders to see the pattern.
Click to expand...

I have not identified myself or my husband so how is he being publicly humilated?? And I have not even tried to "justify" myself or place blame.. I simply stated the facts.. he is just not overly sexual, just likes to do the deed and get it done, where I am wanting more.. why is that a crime?
 
ambrosia said:
If if if if.....if frogs had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped. She didn't come here with the intention of letting everybody know he's lousy in bed. He doesn't know us, we don't know him, chances are slim he'll ever find out. If her intention was to humiliate him she'd have to a forum that doesn't have anonymous screen names.....like Facebook. She came looking for advice.

It is deep though :D you can quote me if you want. That's one thing I learned married to my husband, he blamed everything on everybody, nothing was his fault. Ever. Man never apologized for anything. He about dislocated my jaw one day, I find him sitting in the living room reading the bible. I got loads of experience with someone who plays the blame game.
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Ambrosia, it is like you are in my head! You know EXACTLY where I am coming from! Thanks for your support. Very sorry you had to go through that experience with yours.. :shock:
 
Give him viagra and he'll probably get going. Warning: May cause health issues such as heart attack, high blood pressure, etc

Many men lose the sex hormones when they get older.
 
sequoias said:
Give him viagra and he'll probably get going. Warning: May cause health issues such as heart attack, high blood pressure, etc

Many men lose the sex hormones when they get older.
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Pablo Picasso had his 13 baby in his 80's.
 
Louisianalady said:
Ambrosia, it is like you are in my head! You know EXACTLY where I am coming from! Thanks for your support. Very sorry you had to go through that experience with yours.. :shock:
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So your husband is physically abusive and that's why you want to cheat on him?

I can do this all afternoon.
 
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