I would love some advice..

catsmeow

catsmeow

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I posted once 2 years ago in March, I have not been back.

I am deaf in my right ear and almost in my left. I use a hearing aide on that side. I don't use my CI, it gives me mega migraines.

Where do I start??? The question is where do I fit in?

I find I am not hearing enough for the hearing world and not deaf enough for the deaf world. I am in a category of my own, and want to find my place.

My now 17 1/2 year old daughter and I watch switched at birth, she loves the show and last week it had a special episode in which it used ASL 99% of the time. In it a child who also was not born deaf had the same issue of not knowing where he belonged.

I have so much to offer this world, I still don't know ASL and want to. I have looked into colleges but can't afford t go. I would think here in Maryland I would have had an easier time navigating my way but that is just not so.

I want to reclaim my life back and go back to work and be productive. I can do the same things I did before only I can't hear.

I am getting depressed, not because I am deaf, but because I feel isolated and hearing people don't understand. I tell them if they put their TV on sound setting 3 and put on a channel with people speaking Russian, only then would they kind of know what it feels like to know someone is talking but not be able to make out what is being said. I say kind of because they would still hear the turn on and off of the A/C and the thunder from outside or just what sound the house makes when someone turns on the shower.

I have also had some deaf people not be so kind as if I was intruding on a world only belonging to them. I was not born deaf so I have no right to be where they are.

I am not here to bash anyone or offend anyone. I just don't want to be made to feel like the enemy. I want to co exist and have friends and not be isolated anymore.

To be honest there are many times I love the silence, I can think and experience things in a way I never knew or understood. I see things differently now, I smell things differently now.

Does anyone out here understand? How can I go back out and be apart of the world? I don't want to be isolated anymore.
 
Oh boy. Another lost soul. Seems like every week someone like you stumbles into alldeaf saying no one else has hd a life like you.
Well, look around here some more. You will find lots of people just like yourself. I have offered up a suggestion to others like you to try something like SHHH . Self Help for Hard of Hearing. These are late deafened hearing impaired people much like yourself who have a foot in both worlds.
Learning asl doesn't really do you any good if you don't use it with others or if you use an interperter. Working with what you have while trying different ways to communicate would be your best bet. Being deaf sucks when you are in a straight hearing world. You have to rely on yourseld more for everything.
Do you know any deaf? Live in a city ? Small town? A lot has to do with where you live, if no deaf around you then you gotta move or change how you cope.
It is not a terrible life. Just don't get discouraged. Come on here and vent, get ideas and make deaf friends
 
Hi..U are one of the many who have came to AllDeaf saying that you dont have a place to call home in either worlds. Thats understandable because of parents not allowing their deaf children learn ASL or experiece the Deaf world growing up.

I was in your shoes once. I just took ASL classes and just slowly became fluent in it. Took me a while but now I am in the Deaf world full time and refuse to go back to the hearing world full time like before.

It takes time and effort on your part. It can happen and yes, you will hit some bumps on the way.
 
You said you can't afford to go to college. I understand - college courses can be really expensive. But what about continuing education classes? Sometimes maybe offered at a college or a Deaf school at night? They have those around here and they're a fraction of the price of a college class.

It's true that a college course can be more thorough than non-credit classes that only meet once a week, but I've found that these classes have been worth taking. One reason is that there are a huge amount of resources out there (including online) for learning ASL.* I think in some sense, anything we really want to learn, we teach ourselves. But teaching yourself a language is dangerous: it's really easy to teach yourself wrong. But if you have a class once a week where you have access to a good teacher who can correct your mistakes and give you some basic foundation, then you're on safer ground.

For me, taking classes also helped me make some connections that really helped me later. Teachers, other students, people who know about events or other opportunities to be involved with the language, etc.

*I listed a bunch of things I've made use of in a blog entry. There (as of this writing) is a link to it under my avatar.
 
deafbirk said:
Oh boy. Another lost soul. Seems like every week someone like you stumbles into alldeaf saying no one else has hd a life like you.

I never said no one has had a life like me, I am the only one I know who has thus far. I did not come on here for a pity party, I came for knowledge since I can;t seem to gain much in my area. I want to find my place and make friends. I get pitied by the hearing and don't like it one bit. I also get sarcasm and snide comments from the hearing as well. I did not come in here for it.:roll:
Click to expand...
 
You can get our life back, but you have to understand it is not going to be the same life. It might very well be a better one, however, there will be significant changes. Nothing is going to restore your former life. It's up to you how your future life turns out.

You are not alone. I would classify you as deaf with a lowcase d because you do not have a cultural affinity with the, "deaf community". To clarify, you don't identify enough with that community, but it doesn't mean you might not in the future. Also, being deaf(which is anyone with hearing loss) you are part of a much bigger group of people than those who are culturally deaf. So, you fit in just fine.

The problem is that us deaf are so spread out it doesn't seem like there are others like us and that creates distance issues. Once you understand this and create reasonable social expectations about meeting other deaf people, you can overcome the distance issue. You're not going to meet deaf people everyday in life, but they do come along and you can be proactive about it. You can go to events and talk to people online.

I wouldn't head straight to college. I'd take a community ASL course first. Also, you should look into relay services such as SIPRelay so you can become more independent. There are a lot of things you can do here.

Don't worry, it's OK.
 
We understand your dilemma.

Hearing people will never understand what we go through unless they become deaf themselves. After losing my hearing at a young age, I had no choice but to adapt, improvise, etc.

Really, the best way to learn ASL is to continually go to places where people speak it. I was 100% oral and relied on lipreading and HA's until I went to college, and being surrounded by ASL allowed me to speak it. ASL filled in that missing ingredient in total communication.

In my case, immersing myself in things I enjoy doing is how I get over loneliness. Keeping yourself busy to the point where time flies works wonders.
 
Hey there, we've all been through the same boat. The important part for you to remember is your not alone :). There are quite a few threads posted a few years ago (even some current ones) about all of our feelings on the hearing/deaf world and how we reflect off both. I strongly suggest reading up on those threads. We're all kinda like a big group of friends and family here that support each other. So try befriending some of us :)

I have profound loss in my right, severe loss in my left and I wear a hearing aid in my left. Let me tell you I completely understand where your coming from with some hearing people (not all are bad, just some don't understand us) can be cruel. For an example, I recently went to go visit my family and things were great until they wanted to watch Top Gun in 3D. At first I was excited and never seen it in subtitles, but they refused to put it on subtitles "But it'll take up the whole tv! can't you just turn your hearing aid up???" When I tried to explain to them its not just a volume/tone issue but also a neurological issue (as if I'm hearing the adults on Charlie Brown analogy usually helps) my mom said "... so you hearing aid doesn't do ANYTHING for you then? It was a waste of money then???" I just sat there crying silently behind the 3D glasses angry and sad at the same time. My mom didn't put me in a deaf school or had me learn ASL because she wanted me to be "normal" I wasn't listening enough, trying hard enough in school and heaven forbid I attempt college because it would be pointless for me to attempt at a career I might get rejected for over my deafness.... Sadly this is how some hearing family thinks, while they don't mean to be offensive, they just don't know what its like walking in our shoes. I've struggled in relationships over my deafness but not by my fault (you can't change who you are, you can only decide what you will do with what you have) and finally found one that communication is everything and someone who understands deaf culture and accepts me for me.

Anyways back to your topic, I am also struggling with trying to get a ASL class (hoping to this summer) but until then I strongly suggest online learning. I went through lifeprint.com and that has helped me a bit along with skyping with some people here or even going to tinychat (which I rather do that, it's more of a group setting and can be really fun).

Best wishes to you.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
..... For an example, I recently went to go visit my family and things were great until they wanted to watch Top Gun in 3D. At first I was excited and never seen it in subtitles, but they refused to put it on subtitles "But it'll take up the whole tv! can't you just turn your hearing aid up???" When I tried to explain to them its not just a volume/tone issue but also a neurological issue (as if I'm hearing the adults on Charlie Brown analogy usually helps) my mom said "... so you hearing aid doesn't do ANYTHING for you then? It was a waste of money then???" I just sat there crying silently behind the 3D glasses angry and sad at the same time. My mom didn't put me in a deaf school or had me learn ASL because she wanted me to be "normal" I wasn't listening enough, trying hard enough in school and heaven forbid I attempt college because it would be pointless for me to attempt at a career I might get rejected for over my deafness.... Sadly this is how some hearing family thinks, while they don't mean to be offensive, they just don't know what its like walking in our shoes. I've struggled in relationships over my deafness but not by my fault (you can't change who you are, you can only decide what you will do with what you have) and finally found one that communication is everything and someone who understands deaf culture and accepts me for me.......
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Your family must be related to mine (mine are from the UK too)....my parents pulled that same crap on me. Not once did they ever ask me what I really can hear. Always assuming there was something wrong with me, since the hearing aid was supposed to make me normal.....same goes for my CI's....they were disappointed that I haven't changed....

Anyway:
I still find it amazing how some hearing people get all bent out of shape when there are captions present on TV shows, movies, etc. They all seem to say the same thing: it is very distracting and they find it difficult to listen and read at the same time.

My hearing teenage daughter has the opposite issue....after 15 years of captions on everything, she is lost whenever she goes to the movies or watches TV in other peoples' homes where no captions are present.
 
green427 said:
Your family must be related to mine (mine are from the UK too)....my parents pulled that same crap on me. Not once did they ever ask me what I really can hear. Always assuming there was something wrong with me, since the hearing aid was supposed to make me normal.....same goes for my CI's....they were disappointed that I haven't changed....

Anyway:
I still find it amazing how some hearing people get all bent out of shape when there are captions present on TV shows, movies, etc. They all seem to say the same thing: it is very distracting and they find it difficult to listen and read at the same time.

My hearing teenage daughter has the opposite issue....after 15 years of captions on everything, she is lost whenever she goes to the movies or watches TV in other peoples' homes where no captions are present.
Click to expand...

A lot of people seem to think "oh so you have a hearing aid/CI you must be cured!!" So if I'm severely nearsighted and I wear glasses or contact lenses am I miraculously cured? no I'm still blind. All these objects are, are tools for us to guide us through the world. But that doesn't imply that we're broken without them, and sadly some people think that.

Very sorry to hear about your family (although I'm sure its nice being in the UK) but it sounds like your hearing daughter understands you and totally rocks your world :)
 
catsmeow said:
I posted once 2 years ago in March, I have not been back.

I am deaf in my right ear and almost in my left. I use a hearing aide on that side. I don't use my CI, it gives me mega migraines.

Where do I start??? The question is where do I fit in?

I find I am not hearing enough for the hearing world and not deaf enough for the deaf world. I am in a category of my own, and want to find my place.

My now 17 1/2 year old daughter and I watch switched at birth, she loves the show and last week it had a special episode in which it used ASL 99% of the time. In it a child who also was not born deaf had the same issue of not knowing where he belonged.

I have so much to offer this world, I still don't know ASL and want to. I have looked into colleges but can't afford t go. I would think here in Maryland I would have had an easier time navigating my way but that is just not so.

I want to reclaim my life back and go back to work and be productive. I can do the same things I did before only I can't hear.

I am getting depressed, not because I am deaf, but because I feel isolated and hearing people don't understand. I tell them if they put their TV on sound setting 3 and put on a channel with people speaking Russian, only then would they kind of know what it feels like to know someone is talking but not be able to make out what is being said. I say kind of because they would still hear the turn on and off of the A/C and the thunder from outside or just what sound the house makes when someone turns on the shower.

I have also had some deaf people not be so kind as if I was intruding on a world only belonging to them. I was not born deaf so I have no right to be where they are.

I am not here to bash anyone or offend anyone. I just don't want to be made to feel like the enemy. I want to co exist and have friends and not be isolated anymore.

To be honest there are many times I love the silence, I can think and experience things in a way I never knew or understood. I see things differently now, I smell things differently now.

Does anyone out here understand? How can I go back out and be apart of the world? I don't want to be isolated anymore.
Click to expand...

My suggestion is to get thee posthaste to National Technical Institute for the Deaf. It's a college of Rochester Institute of Technology.

I visited an Open House there Dec '12, and I'm planning on attending.

You want an accessable education? NTID. You do not have to know ASL to take classes there. They have captionists that will caption every class. They have 2-year degrees and 4-year degrees.

You want to learn ASL in an environment where you can use it all time, maybe even take ASL classes? NTID.

Can't afford college? NTID and your State's Vocational Rehabilitation division. RIT has programs to help pay for it. Maybe not all of it, but first RIT will give you a Deaf/HoH discount and they also will offer financial aid on top of that. There is a chance all your college bills will be paid for.

Check it out. Sounds like it fits what you are looking for.

http://www.ntid.rit.edu
 
green427 said:
Anyway:
I still find it amazing how some hearing people get all bent out of shape when there are captions present on TV shows, movies, etc. They all seem to say the same thing: it is very distracting and they find it difficult to listen and read at the same time.
Click to expand...

I had a "friend" like this who really got upset when there were captions on TV. Even on a TV in my home. :roll:
 
I wonder if the OP should consider having the CI removed since it isn't doing any good??
 
Why didn't the OP-catsmeow- go right back to the Doctor/audi and determine what the problem with the Cochlear Implant is/was?
 
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