I am so pissed at my mom and younger brother-UGH!!!!

[racheleggert]

Ok here it is...
I am not happy that my mom being favoriteism to my 15 years old baby 1/2 brother.... it is like he is her favorite kid.... She slacks house chores off for him, let him go work, do things, and be lazy... She even cares more about him not me or my other siblings. Last night I and she had HUGE fight.... I tried to make her admit that he is her favorite son, she refused to admit but I know she was LYING.. I think it has to do something with his dad who died in 2001. My grandparent are bad influence to her because they favors one of my uncle. My mom feel hurt but now it is my turn to feel hurt, and I cried... I wish it never happen. few months ago my siblings told me that they noticed that my mom play favroites to my baby half brother.. I feel like I wanna to disown him!!! if I move out, I will be out of family, PERIOD! She also last night tried to raise my rent but I told her NO-NO RENT FOR HER!! and that she is idiot. I hate it when she copycat her grandparents... if I have kids, I will not play favorite at all, and will tell them that my mom and great grandparent are bad influence on playing favorites. In past I tried to take her to my counseling with me when my counselor asked me to take her but she refused, and she rather to causes more problem between me and her. She also blamed me on for starting trouble, I said NO! I don't start any trouble... I think she like to see me be not happy and want to make more trouble so she enjoy yell at me for nothing, as I told her several times I am not borrowing some stupid troubles from her and that I don't need them anymore and that I am FED UP! I can't take anymore of this shit... I told her when I moved back home, I don't want more fights, but she doesn't want to listen, and she loves to aruge with me. I told her that if she keeps on slacking off for my younger brother with house chores, I will fuck house chores until she make him do house chores because it is not fair... I feel like when I move out again, I don't want to do anything with my mom and my half brother... they will be out of my life... Do you goes or went through same experince? any advices?????

 

[Liza]

since u asked for advice-- ever heard of the expression... the more you hold onto something, the more resistence you get? that is probably happening in your situation? with all the frustration you are getting, cos nothing changes for yer mom.... as of yet. i can relate to this situation. was the same for my ex..

i would say dont put your half brother right in the middle.... he is YOUNG and somehow not ready to play in the big leagues like you are.. whatever was being done to you, is all your mother. also take responsbility for yourself... move out, or draw the line like you just did with chores and stuff. dont let her and her issues get to you... in other words, quit giving away your personal power. thats how u can break the cycle. just love your half brother and your ma... tomorrow will take care of itself. only they HAVE to want to change.... and you only can change your approach and how you look at the whole thing. just look at it this way.. your mom already proven to you that you can trust her TO do these hurtful things, so just trust her to do that.. until she surprises you. you wont be disappointed. lol lol you got life ahead of you... lol ur doing big things in the political field already. feel free to drop whatever doesnt resonate with ya.

you sound like a real caring gal, all the same. now i'm off to rake the grass in the yard!

 

[Reba]

any advices?????

I don't know how old you are, but if you are at least 18 years old, the best advice I can give is move out. You are not helping yourself or anyone else by staying in a negative, power-draining conflict situation. It is best for everyone involved for you to move out. You need the independence.

Please try not to take it out on your younger brother. You might need to distance yourself from your family for a while, but later you can gently begin a relationship with each family member, on your terms. I know many families (mine included) where siblings didn't get along while they lived together at home. Later, after college, or marriage, or moving out, the siblings became very close with each other.

Moving out is not a miracle cure. You and your mother may never be as close as you would like. But at least with your place as a haven of peace you can spend time with your mom only when YOU want to, and go home when you feel the negativity building up.

When you do move out, I suggest don't make a big deal scene about it. Quietly begin searching for a place to rent. After you find it and sign the contract, go home and pack (preferably when mom is not home). When mom comes home, calmly tell her, "Mom, I found a nice apartment to rent. I already signed the lease and paid my deposit. I packing up now, and will move in tonight. I just feel it is time for me to become more independent." Don't give in to any arguments or begging from mom. If she wants to argue, just ignore. No screaming blame, etc.

After you are settled in, contact your family and let them know that when you are ready you would like to invite them over for dinner to your new place. Maybe invite your little brother by himself sometimes. Just to kick back and watch a movie together, or play games and eat junk snacks. Very casual. Get to know each other without mom's presence and pressure.

 

[horselover61]

I am wondering if you brother have look up to you. If he does, then let him cuz the relationship will built stronger and you will be thanksful for that. I agree with what those ppl said. Moving out is a huge step and very big responsibilty. There is lot of thing you gotta do once you are on your own and of course freedom. Not 100 percent freedom. But peace and quiet and it should help you to relax. Dont lose your family cuz they are there since you were born and will be there when you are gone.

I have lost my sister over a fight last Thanksgiving. She is one sneaking sister that I got and she got away with it that my mom didnt know about. I am so pissed of course but I am not getting into a fight with her anymore cuz I dont want that in front of my son.

We got a family gathering and she was there and there was no fight between us cuz we stay away from each other to avoid the conflict in the family. That was the smart thing for us to do. I am glad it went great and I had a good time no matter if she was there or not. I rather have a good time then getting into fight.

I wish you the best of luck. Hugs

 

[TweetyBird]

i read ur story...


GEEZ! i do uddy how ur feeling.. if u are older over 18 yrs old, so u can move out, whatever u wanna.. find a apt to live, dont let mom come to visit u so make her learn lesson and she will notice what she did to u like that.. dont put on ur half brother... he lost his dad, so he only has mom left that why he need his mom.. but i am sure that ur mom is very wrong for did to u like that.. she need WAKE UP and see herself what she made mistake like that.. u know what i mean?? see that she refuse go counseling with u, that mean she know something awful in her past and wont admit u or counseling, so she is HIDE in her PAST!!! WHO KNOW!?

If u are over 18 yrs old, then DO IT! If u dont agree with me, i will uddy that.. it no plms.. pls listen ur counseling cuz of i know counseling have a BEST things to say...

i wish you to good lucky!

 

[CatoCooper13]

I had similar problems with my parents, but it wasn't favourism -- it was just a matter of not getting along as I was still emotionally immature at the time. Yes, a few times I did feel like my parents favoured my younger sister, but after I got older and grew up some more, I realised it wasn't favourism...mum and dad were just over protective of me as I was first born.
Now my relationship with mum and sister both are very strong. My relationship with dad was always strong because Dad looked after me and my 'needs' -- you can say I was spoilt by him in the last 5 years before he died.
Sis and I have forged a very, very strong and loving sisterly relationship -- we have moved on from the past and embrace the future. We know life's too short to be hating our siblings and so forth.

Hope you can get this resolved soon.

 

[Maria]

This chick was her biological father's favorite gurl. He passed away in 1990's due to pneumonia.

 

[sweet4u618]

plus i believe if u live little far away the better long distance with your family that will less argument and good things u got out of your chest now than too late i had same thing i should not hold it but i just did not know how to say it right until i had more to say it right finally but i think family is just family so i will just move on with my life to other state for job and boyfriend maybe. i been same thing as your experience is which my boyfriend helped me when he told me so i see it more after my boyfriend helped me so i realized that this month i had work hard with family to accept my choices or to leave me alone and let me be and let me to tell them myself or they just ask they have to stop worry or to offer to me so much kinda worse today so i finally told them i did not ask for help etc ya know... if u want to email me about what i said let me know thanks have good day everyone. hope u feel better and everything to work out plus take time too which is important at a time step at a time ya know with everything and not strain yourself try do something positive and keep busy to mind off for while until that is how i felt though... smile until i get car then job then i would be more out of my house.