How To Let Go And Learn To Forgive?

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Cheri

Prayers for my dad.
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We have all done things that we are not proud of. Perhaps we were not there for a friend when they needed us, if we want to live happy lives, we need to deal with the consequences of our past...Even If someone hurt you so Much that You have to learn to let it go and Move on And Forgive that Person for their action. Some People end up repeating Their behavior and Never Change..
Real forgiveness has nothing to do with feeling sorry or apologizing...

Life is too Short to have all the Bitters.

My Question is Will you Forgive those who hurt you in the Past? Or Depends What he or She have done to you? Or Will U keep the Bitter You have for that person? Will You ever be Friends with the Person who hurted you but forgiven?
 
yea i agree with u 100%! i dont like have plms or still think past.. COME ON move on and not worry abt other people who blame or plms.. u know what i mean?? yea i AGREE with cheri!!!! :)
 
I would forgive, but it'll take a bit of time. Like for example it happened to me once with my childhood best friend... We didn't speak to each other for a year, but we kept on asking our same friends about each other. We both said the heck with it and let's try to be friends again. Though things aren't the same as they were before, but we're still on friendly term now. I'd rather for us to be on friendly term than not be friends at all even though the friendship between us isn't perfect. Then again, friendships are never perfect and that's what makes the world go around. ;)
 
Hmmm....I believe in forgiving, but to a degree...

It's possible to forgive someone...if the injustice done is of a lesser nature. However, if it was something serious and something that hurt you and your heart so deeply, I don't think you're obligated to forgive. You can move on, you can try and live your life...not as if nothing had happened, but you can at least look past it and focus on the good that you're experiencing.

So...well...if it's forgiveable, I'd gladly oblige. But there are just some things in life that I have zero tolerance for...and if you know me, you know what those things are.

Malfoyish
 
I second that! :smash:

I regret that I hurt my ex-best friend. Was suppose to end up in relationship with her. Its been 4 years ago, and she refused to talk with me, nor forgive me at all. The magic solution is really what? MOVE ON! I decided to move on rather than wait for her to respond to me. I ended up have good job (Finally!), now am proud father of my beloved son, and now with woman who is crazy about me. My life has never been this wonderful! I realized if I had not moved on, will this wonderful things happen? I doubt it! Worth refusing to move on? nah! I forgave her for being so nasty on me (Why? I have no idea!) and threatened me for harassment when I only want to ask her if she wants her stuff back. Thank god she can't get me arrested cuz she lives on opposite side of coast. All I can do is just hope is that she talks with me again and be good friends again.

Wishful owner of Harley!
 
I would forgive the person if s/he decided to change her/himself and learn from the situation. I have a "friend" who has a lot of pyschological problems and that friend cannot seem to make a breakthrough. It has caused a serious rift between us to a degree that we no longer speak with each other.

Also, it has happened with my best friend. We did have two periods of time when we did not speak with each other. One time was back in high school, which was entirely due to a stupid misunderstanding. Second time was during college time, we got into a fight and did not speak with each other for like 5 months. Both times, we forgot why we were angry at each other and decided to just forget it and move on. Ever since then, we promised each other that we would not "keep silent treatments" anymore. So far, so good.
 
Well, it´s depend how I forgive or not...
I´m type to forgive easily over fighting, insults, backstabbing etc because I know nobody are prefect BUT one thing I NEVER forgive is BETRAY the
friendship... Please tell me honest what you think when you were me...

Here´s the sad story over that same woman whom I thought a real friend.
I forgave Corinna few times for insult, jealous etc... something like that every ladies choose me as leader for handicrafts & homemade receipes etc.
She don´t like an idea of me "deaf" to teach them how to creative works...
She rather to hire a lady from workshop which it cost expensive because she think "hearing" is better. We all ignored her remark... We enjoyed ourselves with our hobbies to leave her alone...until she begin to interest to join us... My friends rejected to have her but I told them to welcome Corinna & forgive her...

The terrible happened was last October 2003. I picked 4 women up then drove to Corinna´s house then picked her up & drove to Corburg to meet other 5 women... Real good times without our hubbies for the weekends break.
After weekends over, we returned to Corinna´s house. Her husband Harold asked me to move my car to park somewhere from their garage because their daughter want to drive to disco. I parked somewhere near their house. (Corinna & others were there where I parked). After 1 hour chat then I took
my friend Lina home... On next day at evening after that I received a fax from Harold saying that his neighbor´s car was damaged & suspected me. I
was mad when Harold said that he already gave his neighbor my address without ASK me the permission. What he & Corinna do is BETRAY my
friendship. They knew an exactly that their neighbor is a fucking Cop!!!
Well he call my local police to check my car on next day with no result.
Unfortunlately, their neighbor rejected my local police´s result & demand me to deliver my car to their local police. I did. The horrible what that
neighbor´s finger point everywhere on my car... it... that.... there.... here.... it look like he tried to take money off from my insurance... We can´t beleive when we saw his car because we knew an exactly that it´s not me. The polices examined between his & my car, took the picture etc. The neighbor stated them what Harold had told him what he "saw" how I parked etc. Harold also stated police already... It hit me real hard because Corinna was there where I parked... I told them that I won´t stated
anything without lawyer... The police respect my wish for not statement..
One month later after that I got a letter from their local police saying that I´m on the responsible who "hit" & "run away". They threat me for
penalty fine & banned driving for 6 months. It hit me REAL hard & look at Harold & Corinna... Are they my friends? What they did is betray our
friendship is sold my address to their neighbor without ask me first. It finished!!!
The lawyer is still working on my case against police & proecussor. I suggested my lawyer to deliver my car to specialist to examine if I´m responsible or not but the lawyer said that my chance is poor because we know that the neighbor is a Cop & work together with proecussor, also court, too. The witnesses who were there where I parked are also poor because they were in my car... It would be different if they were on other car...
I must cover the costs of lawyer's honar, court etc to prove my innocent.... I never forgive Corinna & Harold for this... I saw them at Deaf club.
It´s not necassary for them try to explain me because the best proof is police´s statement what they stated is the enough ... All is they said:
"What should I do because he want your address". Their remark hurt me & told her that she know an exactly where I parked... Corinna said
that she can´t remember. They kept on saying that they love me & want my friendship. I told them that I do not need to listen their excuse then leave me alone...

I would do is support my deaf friends when I were Corinna & Harold. I would say "I don´t know because I didn´t see it" if my neighbor suspected my
friends. I would of fax my friends straight way asking them what happened about car etc... I would respect my friends´s wish for not give them their
address.. I would beleive my friend´s side when they claimed it´s not them who hit my neighbor´s car.
It´s a big betray what Corinna & Harold did to me is the enough. My big worry is keep my driving liescne because I need it for travel to work every
day...

What you do when you were in my shoe?
How you feel when you were me?
:(
 
Oftentimes...the act of 'forgiving' is harder to do than whatever took place...however anyone of us may have felt through myriad of emotions, feelings, etc. For myself, I believe that with the 'power' of forgiveness, it does lead to 'healing' within...and keeps myself from being too bitter...for bitterness that grows from within the heart tends to be like a 'baby tears plant' that just continues to get bigger and bigger and overflowing...and quite possibly turn the heart cold and like a stone....

Yet, there are times it will take quite a period of time to actually 'forgive'...no matter what did take place...forgiving gives me the opportunity to 'put behind', move on, even if whoever I may have forgiven never changes, etc...but for MYSELF...to be healed within is very important...and assures me of no bitterness rooted deeply in my heart....

I surely can sympathize with those that might feel otherwise when it comes to being able to forgive or not...but at least for those who don't OR isn't quite ready to 'forgive', words of encouragements speaks highly and may lead to the way of a 'healthy innerself' following acts of forgiveness....
 
I don't believe we will be able to move on completely if we did not forgive. Another. Others. Ourselves.

I think when somebody has done a great wrong to you - trust still has to be earned, and it shouldnt be given freely again. You can also choose to avoid that person - nobody will blame you! You just can trust that person to do the same mistake again until he or she proves otherwise with more time and effort. You won't be disappointed! I see forgiving as a way of releasing someone from their "dark" role, and accepting them as they are with compassion. It means that you acknowledge that you can't change the person, nor will you try to - but wish them well on their paths, and you can trot off on your own with or without them.
 
I'm a very forgiving person, but if a person pushes me over the edge... then I won't be so forgiving.
 
For Me, I Forgive those who Mistreat me Bad Even They would not admit they're wrong...Or even Apologizing.

I just want a Peacemaking and choose to give the gift of forgiveness to others Even They Hurt Me Badly in the Past. But, I do not think I could Possible be their Friend. I know It will Do Good For Me.


Sometimes My Bitter Old Friends as I thought they were My Friends...that Hurt Me in the Past One reason this side of forgiveness is so hard is the difficulty of sorting out my emotions. I don't always know what feelings Rule my heart. I carried this pain with me and worried that I had not forgiven Them. It may be too painful for Me to forget...."I will forgive, but I can never forget," It will be Hard for me To Trust a Person that Betrayed Me. Sometimes I have to learn to Let go and Move forward with a Smile On my Face and Painless Heart that aches.
 
It's best to solve the problem in between 2 persons, if there's a problem in between them. But, if, there's a 3rd party involved in between 2 persons, then I will not tolerate it nor forgivin' that 3rd party for causin' the 2 persons more problems. I will not accept "favoritism" behind the walls, either. If, you are askin' me that if, there's a "favoritism" involved in AD... then, I will say yes there's some involved. It's why I don't make friends with them soo easy. But, if they truly WANT to get to know me personally, then it will have to be one on one basis....not from someone else's mouth to tell others about me (rumors). In fact, I do have a few friends who know me very well and we get along pretty good. I don't need MANY friends which will lead to more problems. A FEW friends is the best, because it's easier for me to know who is tellin' the truth and who I trust. In fact, I am very selective person. Hope you have a nice day! :)
 
:confused: ...

Anyways,

If there's was no forgiving to the ones who hurt us then I don't believe we are able to move on completely with our lives by knowing we have a few bitterness toward this person deeply inside our heart....that's not something I could live knowing I am unable to forgive that person who truly hurt me....

I would someday be able to forgive my ex-husband who has hurt me more than anyone in my life....and to move on by leaving the past behind...if I don't, then the past will hang onto my life forever which I wouldn't be able to live in happiness while being in a new relationship with someone who truly loves me for who I am...

Forgiving each and everyone of them would help make my life more complete and freely to go on in happiness without having any anger or bitterness inside....

It's easier to talk to the person and try to work things out and then we will be able to forgive!... ;)
 
kuifje75 said:
I would forgive the person if s/he decided to change her/himself and learn from the situation. I have a "friend" who has a lot of pyschological problems and that friend cannot seem to make a breakthrough. It has caused a serious rift between us to a degree that we no longer speak with each other.

Also, it has happened with my best friend. We did have two periods of time when we did not speak with each other. One time was back in high school, which was entirely due to a stupid misunderstanding. Second time was during college time, we got into a fight and did not speak with each other for like 5 months. Both times, we forgot why we were angry at each other and decided to just forget it and move on. Ever since then, we promised each other that we would not "keep silent treatments" anymore. So far, so good.
Click to expand...

My best friend and I are like that. Shes got her own set of problems and its hard to make things work because she cant see things for how they really are. Like she thinks Megladon is getting in the way between she and I, and its not true (i work 38 hours a week plus I'm in school at 7 credits and i bike to school, 8 miles a day 4 days a week) and so Im tired, I have homework, and very little time to myself. But nothing I say will convince her otherwise, so when shes upset with me, she'll spend time with someone else, and when they have a fight, she'll come back to me. I dont know how much more of that I can take.

As for forgiveness, its very hard to do. I found myself frustrated with the fact I couldnt forgive my best friend for what she did to me last year. I felt it was easier (and that it was the right thing) to tell her I didnt want to be her friend anymore. We went 3 months not being friends and then Javapride said that the only way I'd get over it, is if i forgave her. So I worked on it, we talked, and I guess I forgave her. She still stands by the fact she didnt do anything wrong, which goes back to my saying she doesnt see things for the way they are. Egocentricity is hard to deal with. I dont think it should be dealt with.

Eventually it'll be a thing of the past, but in the meantime, its hard to let go. I've forgiven many people for things they never should have been forgiven for, but I've got a big heart, forgivness is usually obligation, and thats no way to come about it.
 
Also, I think it is important to be honest with yourself and others if there is nothing to be forgiven - misunderstandings do happen, and I just hate it when people use passive/aggressive tactics (like doing the silent treatment, hoping the other person figures it out). That won't solve anything, IMO. T'is better to confront the other person and get it out of your system. You might learn a thing or two.
 
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Hard to forgive/trust people who betray you, I prefer to be with honest people, remember leopard cannot change its spots!!
 
I'm with Katzie but especially with Malfoyish. There's things people can do that are so unspeakable that they(the behaviors)can't be forgiven...the trick is to eventually let it slide off your back. Who needs the fekkin' baggage, anyway?
 
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Im very forgiving and am willing to let things go in between me and someone. That has certainly happen to me few times, especially recent incidents.

A couple of guys I met thru online and for some reasons we had a fight or some misunderstanding, I cant remember what has happened bw us. Until recently I decided to pluck up the courage to call both of them and apologise for my behaviour (or something like that) and... since then we forgave each other and decided to put things behind us. We still keep in touch since then. I would neva forgive if anyone I made friends with thru Internet block me again.

Another one is... or was my cousin. What happened was that she asked me to be her bridesmaid for her wedding, and I did. Few days b4 her wedding, she organised an interpreter for the church wedding... BUT on that very day, the interpreter wasnt there, or didnt turned up at all. After the wedding I rang to the agency and guess what I found out? One of them said that my cousin cancelled out the booking in a good faith. I was pretty surprised... AND, what I didnt understand WHY. Anyway at about in MID-year, that incident has gotten into me and as a result, I kind of "harassed" her, via text messages (thru mobile phone) and emails and demanded to know "why". In the end, I found out the reasons. Too many to list in here and mind you I cant remember the reasons, BUT... one of them was my "negative" attitude towards her BEFORE wedding. What I didnt understand was that she and I were pretty close when we were lil and if she wasnt happy w the way I am, she should have confronted me, as like to do something abt it. BUT she didnt! Um, she was also manipulative and vindictive towards me and the stories involve around me. So in that case, I dont forgive her.

In my last email to her, I gave her few home truths abt her and even told her that she is NO longer my cousin anymore. Sad eh?

~sharlie~
 
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Liza's comments are right -- be true to yourself and to others

ahh sometimes some issues just doesnt die and keeps cropping up again, again, again like a cycle -- thats when i have to cut off cuz there may seem to be NO solution at all despite so many attempts at trying to find the solution and trying them out to no avail *sigh* even asking for suggestions on other avenues i could try out if i have exhausted all of my ideas and they have not worked either :-/ -- so for my own sanity i chose to cut it off and keep contacts to the barest of minimum -- i dont know how long this stand off would continue -- only God would know :dunno:

ive had other ppl who ive had conflicts with and in the end we were able to talk it out and make it clear with eachother on our feelings and etc and we are cool
 
Well, I cannot think of anyone right now, but there was this deaf girl that I befriended with, I felt so sorry for her that she didn’t have many friends. Every time I see the girl, she always tried making fun of me and other people, even made up stories. I have tried helping her numerous of times but she never appreciate anything that anyone tried helping her. I had enough of her being mean to me and other people - I stopped hanging out with her. I don’t hate her - I have forgiven her a long time ago, because she did not know any better but I do not want to hang out with her anymore.
 
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