How to be Friends after it is over?

[Kalista]

Nice try, Angel. It is really someone else whom I am still keeping in contact with. He is not a member here.

Tell him to come over here. Doesn't he live in Connecticut or somewhere else in New England.

Hope not from my classmate in Rhode Island.

 

[BigSpike]

For me to remain friend after broke up it depends on...I dated a young woman during my era at deaf school...we dated on and off but we had feeling for each other for long time...until I decide to call it off for good because of roller coaster emotional this is not worth it...so we agreed to remain good friend until I got married and she got married too we remain as good friend...I was so glad this I didnt end up with this girl, thank God I married a ms right woman hahaha!

 

[Oddball]

Tell him to come over here. Doesn't he live in Connecticut or somewhere else in New England.

Hope not from my classmate in Rhode Island.

I rather to keep my love life PRIVATE as possible!! Sorry.

 

[Roadrunner]

There's a chorus of members here believing that by 'giving it time' which is a good point to consider and do likewise...although, I might add something whether or not you have tried yet Meg and that is simply letting this guy 'know' that you'll be around and to listen or whatever it takes to be a 'good friend'...as I can understand for whatever reasons you may have for not wanting to rekindle the relationship and your hopes of at least maintaining a friendly relationship...whether or not he's willing to even consider that a feasibility or not, don't get yourself drowned in a myriad of emotions that you surely could do without!

Settling in a spa, or snuggling with a good book, etc...to ease your anxieties or concerns will surely be of such relaxation and recovery towards 'moving forward'....

Only the days ahead WILL be brighter and sunnier...all it takes is to believe it!!

 

[Emerica]

We had wonderful 9 months and all of sudden, it is over so I am at a loss of knowing how to be "just good friends" when there are still lingering emotions for him?

Do you have any wisdom or advice?[/QUOTE]

Have sex with him to let him know still a good friend!

 

[Emerica]

We had wonderful 9 months and all of sudden, it is over so I am at a loss of knowing how to be "just good friends" when there are still lingering emotions for him?

Do you have any wisdom or advice?

Have sex with him to let him know still a good friend!

 

[SimpleMan]

Yeah, I know it's an old thread..... But, I'm going thru this right now with someone I was involved with over long distance and very strenuating circumstances (long story). We met a couple times for total of about 5 weeks visiting time, but we first started talking over 5 months ago, chatting on AIM and webcam and stuff all the time until last month. We've both been very stressed through it all because of the circumstances, and when she visited me for the month, she started having second thoughts about everything. Basically she got 'confused' and is now trying to figure herself out and doesn't want a relationship, so we are to be just friends. The hardest part about it is how strong my feelings are for her, and never having chance at normal relationship where we didn't have to worry about anyone else or the distance between us.

So now I'm trying to deal with it. I keep making the mistake of thinking of her as 'my girl', and some things I'd ask her make her uncomfortable and/or get upset. I guess I got pretty bad about it too and now I'm cut off from communication with her and can only wait for her to contact me.

I wish 'keeping busy' helped, but even doing construction work, I often find myself zoning out trying to think of how I can let go for now and just be friend in hopes we may have our chance down the road. Or, if we can even have that chance now with the way I was acting and pushed her away. Should I just give up on us ever having chance, even though so many things between us seemed as a sign that we were 'meant to meet'?

I've stayed friends with most of my ex's, even have ex's who said they wished we were back together, but always has been after having normal relationship where live close and go out regularly, or lived together. This situation with never having had chance at normal relationship is I think what's making it so hard on me, as I've gone through quite an ordeal in the wait for us to be together, which was going to finally be at end of this month, and is now an unknown.


Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Gemtun]

Have sex with him to let him know still a good friend!

Egads! I dont want a friend with " benefits " ..that would make it MUCh harder to move on.

Update: Its been 4 months and still NOOOOOOOOOO word from him so I give up on being friends. But I have moved on. It was his choice not to be a friend so I had to grieve over his decision but I understand why anyway.

SimpleMan, I feel for you but if you truly love her, you will set her free and she will return to you if she DOES love you. Waiting is the hardest part of course but true love prevails in the end.

 

[Steel X]

I think it's possible. I'm still good friends with my ex-girlfriend. There aren't any problems or anything.

same here...things are still going well with my ex and me and still having a good time together.

not trying to get our relationship further or anything but just rather keep it nice and slow anyway...

 

[Steel X]

Update to this: He refused to talk to me again. Go figures...I did give it a try but he simply won't take my efforts.

I honestly think it is better not to stay friends ..that way I can move on quickly. But of course, it is difficult

your ex is proably not right for you anyway...who wants to go out with a prick like him who dont believe in giving people a second chance?

being friends is always the best and simplest thing to handle in a relationship between other people and it is so far the best tool to use to learn and understand more about the person and to decide whether you like that person or not, then you two go on dating to learn more about eachother and stuff like that...

I was very lucky when my ex feels that we aren't ready for the relationship, we decided to break up and be friends instead...it was her idea and I'm glad she gave me a chance to see her some more and spend more time with her and stuff like that...and she has actually become nicer and more mature than I remembered. I just hope she knows better about us now... though I am still madly in love with her but I would still treat her with love and respect as a friend anyway.

 

[C.O.H.]

In my opinion, it isn't easy to be friend after break up. Stastically, there is 85% chance that not being friend after break up, 15% chance that can be friend after breakup
There is too much feelings when they are together and have wonderful relationship. It depend on couples whose had negative or postive relationship. They have been explore theer thought and feeling which wil put in the relationship first. It will be far difficult at being friend after break up due to deeper feeling or deeply love .. There is so many things to tell you in the compose . Hope it can help you.

 

[Vance]

I dont believe in friends for life after death of a relationship. That'd be like forgiving and forgetting her for all the time and money wasted. It's like being robbed.

Richard

Ditto. That's exactly how I feel. It is ridiculous for me at least. The feelings was still there when any ex and I broke up, any ex have no rights to expect that I have to 'tough it out' for her sake so she can feel better while I don't. So therefore I have to screw any ex that I broke up with so I don't have to deal with my feelings as long as I stay away from them.

Simple solution to solve the complicated aftermath of relationship.

I realize that this topic is quite old but out of curious, Meg, how is everything with your ex now? Assuming that Meg is aware of this topic...

 

[Fly Free]

being friends with the ex is do-able if the break up was on good terms and/or was agreeable to both parties -- im only friendly with ONE ex gf as of right now -- the rest i do not talk to cuz i dont have high respect for them and to me respect is earned not given freely