HOw often do you talk with your significant other?

[rebeccalj]

Yeah, I guess I do sound needy. If I keep worrying about this, any women will look the other way. Not just my girlfriend, but any women.

I've went to 2 therapy to talk about this. I don't know if I want a third session. THis is kind of embarrassing to me.

I do like to talk a lot. I know that my girlfriend loves me.

Do anyone thinks it is a Deaf/hearing issue? You know where deaf people thrive on getting a lot of texts per day, but hearing people don't need as many texts per day to thrive.

I don't know if it's a hearie/deafie issue but, because most of my communication is via text or email I enjoy getting texts. It makes me feel like someone is talking to me and I'm not so isolated. Hard to explain.

But, I agree with Caroline. A needy man is *SUCH* a turnoff. Confident male is a *HUGE* turnon as long as he's also not asshole.

 

[rebeccalj]

Jeez...it would drive me insane if someone texted me 50 times a day....Just the other day, my son's friend was invited to eat dinner with us. She sat down at the table and immediately started texting. I told her in a firm manner, no texting at the dinner table....she looked "upset"...She could not even hold a conversation, she had to text it....

And I noticed my boys also, they text a lot. (too much in my opinion)...I have a rule: no internet or texting after 10pm, and never at the dinner table or during family conversations.

As for texting an SO, a few texts a day should suffix...otherwise, it would seem that the other person is intent on knowing where you are/what you are doing every minute of the day.

I disagree. I think you can tell the difference between potential control freak and someone who generally just wants to feel connected to you. I've experience lots of former and very little of latter.

 

[rebeccalj]

I dated a guy a few years back that turned into a stalking nightmare that went on for over a year (even tho he and I only dated a few months). He'd text me in the morning before I was awake and then get mad if I didn't answer back right away. I'm sorry, I was sleeping!! He'd text me on every break and get mad again. He texted every evening that we weren't together and demand to know where I was and what I was doing. I dumped him and ended up having to call police to file reports when he continued to text non-stop after, for a year! Anyways I do think there is such a thing as too much texting in a relationship.

I remember that!!!

My stalker still lives down the street and, right on, how do you say, schedule, one of the first times new boyfriend come to my house he text me a couple minutes after I walk in the door. :roll: But, haven't had a peep from him since. Gave him whatfor?

Next day he apologize. Say he was drunk. Not an excuse.

 

[dereksbicycles]

Maybe not needy. Maybe he just want to *feel* that she is invested in him. Maybe he just wants *someone* to be invested in him.

Yeah, that is sort of the way I feel. If they don't text me enough, I don't feel they're invested enough. It's just my low self esteem. I just want people to be invested in me like an ex girl friend that I had was invested in me.

 

[dereksbicycles]

I disagree. I think you can tell the difference between potential control freak and someone who generally just wants to feel connected to you. I've experience lots of former and very little of latter.

I'm very careful to not tell my girlfriend, " YOu better text me right back". Why are you so slow replying back to me? I don't want to be rude. I just wonder why she doesn't text as much. I did negotiate with myself that I would like her to text 20-30 times instead of 40-50 so that I don't pressure myself.

She did text me a little bit more like 15 in each of the last 2 days.

 

[sequoias]

Wirelessly posted (sent from a smartphone. )

Before my gf and I lived together. We talked on aim/yahoo and texts a lot when I'm not busy. Mostly we vp'd during evenings and weekends or so.

 

[Reba]

Yeah, that is sort of the way I feel. If they don't text me enough, I don't feel they're invested enough. It's just my low self esteem. I just want people to be invested in me like an ex girl friend that I had was invested in me.

Keep up the counseling. Keep busy.

 

[Reba]

I'm very careful to not tell my girlfriend, " YOu better text me right back". Why are you so slow replying back to me? I don't want to be rude. I just wonder why she doesn't text as much. I did negotiate with myself that I would like her to text 20-30 times instead of 40-50 so that I don't pressure myself.

She did text me a little bit more like 15 in each of the last 2 days.

Try to match, not exceed, the number of text messages she sends for a mutual comfort level.

 

[Reba]

Y...I just want people to be invested in me like an ex girl friend that I had was invested in me.

Oh, yeah, right. Current girlfriends just love being compared to ex girlfriends. :roll:

 

[dereksbicycles]

Oh, yeah, right. Current girlfriends just love being compared to ex girlfriends. :roll:

Good point. I should not compare current girlfriend to ex girl friends. Current girlfriend is doing so much. She wants to take ASL class this fall. We do talk on AIM for like 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours each night. I should not be upset that she doesn't text as much as I would like her to.

 

[DeafCaroline]

I'm very careful to not tell my girlfriend, " YOu better text me right back". Why are you so slow replying back to me? I don't want to be rude. I just wonder why she doesn't text as much. I did negotiate with myself that I would like her to text 20-30 times instead of 40-50 so that I don't pressure myself.

She did text me a little bit more like 15 in each of the last 2 days.

The thing is Derek, what if she texts you 30 times a day and you don't feel it's enough, so she texts you 35 times a day and you don't feel it's enough. She's your GIRLFRIEND. She's already invested in you. What more do you need from her? What you were saying about trying not to pressure her to reply immediately is a major red flag for me. She will never make you feel secure, that's up to you, not her. You can't depend on others to fix your emotional problems for you. That guy I dumped? No matter how much I told him I loved him, no matter how nice and long my emails were to him, no matter how affectionate I was with him it was NEVER ENOUGH. His insecurity is what killed the relationship.

 

[Beowulf]

Good point. I should not compare current girlfriend to ex girl friends. Current girlfriend is doing so much. She wants to take ASL class this fall. We do talk on AIM for like 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours each night. I should not be upset that she doesn't text as much as I would like her to.

:roll:

 

[Jiro]

I'm very careful to not tell my girlfriend, " YOu better text me right back". Why are you so slow replying back to me? I don't want to be rude. I just wonder why she doesn't text as much. I did negotiate with myself that I would like her to text 20-30 times instead of 40-50 so that I don't pressure myself.

She did text me a little bit more like 15 in each of the last 2 days.

Good point. I should not compare current girlfriend to ex girl friends. Current girlfriend is doing so much. She wants to take ASL class this fall. We do talk on AIM for like 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours each night. I should not be upset that she doesn't text as much as I would like her to.

correct. you should not get upset over number of texts she sent you or how long it took her to reply back. if she talks to you a lot in IM, then it should be ok that she sends few texts.

I don't like to do lot of texting everyday because I'm busy at work, personal matter, or whatever. And plus - having a conversation thru IM is much easier than thru texting because of computer keyboard.

Would you like it if a person is always looking at cellphone to text while ignoring everything else when he/she is supposed to be working or taking care of some matter? Would you like it if a female employee is txting to her boyfriend while you're waiting for her to help you?

An advice for you - your current girlfriend will soon be your ex-girlfriend if you're being unreasonable with texting issue. You need to get over it right now and stop being a whining guy.

 

[Banjo]

I'm very careful to not tell my girlfriend, " YOu better text me right back". Why are you so slow replying back to me? I don't want to be rude. I just wonder why she doesn't text as much. I did negotiate with myself that I would like her to text 20-30 times instead of 40-50 so that I don't pressure myself.

She did text me a little bit more like 15 in each of the last 2 days.

You know what? Instead of sharing all of your personal details with us, which I'm sure your girlfriend might not be too thrilled to discover, why don't you have a long talk with her? Both of you should get together in person and sit down, have a long talk about what both of you expect from each other and determine if the relationship is stable or not.

 

[dereksbicycles]

correct. you should not get upset over number of texts she sent you or how long it took her to reply back. if she talks to you a lot in IM, then it should be ok that she sends few texts.

I don't like to do lot of texting everyday because I'm busy at work, personal matter, or whatever. And plus - having a conversation thru IM is much easier than thru texting because of computer keyboard.

Would you like it if a person is always looking at cellphone to text while ignoring everything else when he/she is supposed to be working or taking care of some matter? Would you like it if a female employee is txting to her boyfriend while you're waiting for her to help you?

An advice for you - your current girlfriend will soon be your ex-girlfriend if you're being unreasonable with texting issue. You need to get over it right now and stop being a whining guy.

Good point. I would not want anyone to be carrying phone all the times and texting all the times. and looking at phone every 5 minutes.

I'm getting better with text obsession. I appreciate the help.

 

[dereksbicycles]

You know what? Instead of sharing all of your personal details with us, which I'm sure your girlfriend might not be too thrilled to discover, why don't you have a long talk with her? Both of you should get together in person and sit down, have a long talk about what both of you expect from each other and determine if the relationship is stable or not.

I'm working and getting better with text obsession. I really appreciate all the inputs from Deaf World. It helps put me in my place.

 

[dereksbicycles]

The thing is Derek, what if she texts you 30 times a day and you don't feel it's enough, so she texts you 35 times a day and you don't feel it's enough. She's your GIRLFRIEND. She's already invested in you. What more do you need from her? What you were saying about trying not to pressure her to reply immediately is a major red flag for me. She will never make you feel secure, that's up to you, not her. You can't depend on others to fix your emotional problems for you. That guy I dumped? No matter how much I told him I loved him, no matter how nice and long my emails were to him, no matter how affectionate I was with him it was NEVER ENOUGH. His insecurity is what killed the relationship.

Thank for putting me in my place. I appreciate you sharing your perspective from women's side. I realize that if I continue to have text obsession, then probably no woman will want to have a long lasting relationship with me. I'm getting better with text obsession with my girlfriend.