I use sandwich psychology with ANDs and BUTs
Husband says, "My mom can cook better than you."
I say, "That's nice but I'm not your mom."
This is called sandwich psychology.
Husband says, "I can't stand that CC."
I say, "I know you can't stand CC and I'm sorry about that but it helps me to enjoy the show with you."
(He'll turn CC on for me at times when he knows that I 'm getting ready to sit down with him to watch TV. Other times, I have to ask him to turn it on for me if he has the remote with him. So, it varies from time to time just like everything else does.)
I don't let my husband's frustrations upset me because I know how he is a sensitive person. I'll try to understand what he is frustrated about but I also have to remember that his frustrations are coming from his own thinking. If he wants to try to point the finger at me about anything, I already know that that is one way that he deals with his frustrations but he also knows how he can't make me responsible for his frustrations.
He will at times have a look that doesn't look so nice before I tell him that I can't read his mind and to get that look off from his face when he is wanted something to eat, for example.
We have been together almost 20 years and believe me, it hasn't been easy street one bit. We have gotten along better than ever after I had stopped wearing my hearing aids because I have simply made it a point with my entire family that they have to come to me rather than me having to go to three different people every time someone thinks they want something from me. And, I also make a decision as to whether or not they are capable of doing for themselves first before they convince me to do all of the running around for them. I only have two feet just like they do so they can use their two feet and their two hands just as well as I can.
I didn't grow up learning sign language so everyone in my family knows how they have to practically put their face in front of mine or talk into my better ear if we want to communicate. I do have an alternative microphone that I use as a last option because it hurts when I use it. And, because I know I can't hear everything even though I know how body still receives, I plug my ears from everything because it has been effected by what I haven't heard all of my life while body was still receiving. For example, you can't hear air pollution while you can see some of this along with some that can't be seen. If I don't plug my ears, my body will receive all of it. I traced this all the way back to my birth when I was born with a body that can't hear while knowing how my ears should have been plugged for me then. That was over 40 years ago. Again, my family and I get along much better now as a result. Receiving and can't hear/hear are two separate issues.
