How Can I Trust Again My Boyfriend? He Cheats on me before...

Jolie77 said:
Everyone else here on this thread has gave a lot of excellent advices.

Yes, it is hard to forgive and to forget the deed that he has done to you. It hurts a lot, indeed. It feels like your whole world has came crashing down and you're not sure what to do next.

I think, in time, you need to give yourself some space and a lot of 'soul' searching to come up with an answer. It sounds like you're kind of confused because part of you still loves him but another part of you are angry at him for what he has done. Isn't it when your head and your heart are in 2 different places, only to find that your head and heart are tugging at each other?

You only need to find out what is necessary to do this. Right now, You may not be sure of how to push yourself to move along but even though, it will take a long time for you to be able to bounce back. When you do, You'll know it.
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Excellent post Jolie. I expect good posts from you as always.
 
Sometimes to forget about the feelin of being angry with him on how he treated me sometimes, I just keep myself quite. And then he would ask what happen. It seems like for him nothing happens the next day and were back to the ordinary day. Before i though it was good, but later on everything just filed up. I dont know when i can be ready to let him go...i still care about him alot...I dont know how I can start pushing myself away with out him realizing that im gone...
 
Is it fair to say that you are typing with feelings of anger and hurt in your heart now?

If that's the case, honey.. please do yourself and your heart a big favour by asking yourself if you think you are worthy for 1 cheater or 100 ready and waiting men who wants to date you and NOT screw you?

You do need a waiting period to heal yourself. Heal within first. Love yourself first.

In a good few months, you will come back to this thread and realise you actually are healing.

You're grieving the relationship, angry about the relationship and you are actually going through the 7 steps. Acceptance is at the end and the feeling is actually healing.

This time, you now need your girlfriends and friends. Reach out to them. :hug:
 
Or how can I set up myself of the process...Even if i thought about all the heart ache he have given me...at the end, my heart will tell me to understand and just give him another chance...
I know one reason is im afraid to be alone...ANd i always hope...But I know that in our relationship it has to be both of us...not me only.
 
You are never alone.

The process happens even when you don't except it.

The only way to deal with things is to live with it.

The solution is to move on without dwelling in the past.

If you continue to live the way you want, you'll be fine. Because you know what you want, but if you don't, then you must keep living on until you find what you truly want. Either way, you just keep on living, no matter what. Tomorrow will be another day of work/school/family and of course, the annoying mistrusted boyfriend.
 
Mrs Bucket said:
Is it fair to say that you are typing with feelings of anger and hurt in your heart now?

If that's the case, honey.. please do yourself and your heart a big favour by asking yourself if you think you are worthy for 1 cheater or 100 ready and waiting men who wants to date you and NOT screw you?

You do need a waiting period to heal yourself. Heal within first. Love yourself first.

In a good few months, you will come back to this thread and realise you actually are healing.

You're grieving the relationship, angry about the relationship and you are actually going through the 7 steps. Acceptance is at the end and the feeling is actually healing.

This time, you now need your girlfriends and friends. Reach out to them. :hug:
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Another excellence post, Mr. Bucket. I agree with you on that.
Me Amore said:
Or how can I set up myself of the process...Even if i thought about all the heart ache he have given me...at the end, my heart will tell me to understand and just give him another chance...
I know one reason is im afraid to be alone...ANd i always hope...But I know that in our relationship it has to be both of us...not me only.
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Have you even thought of telling him that? If I were you I would tell him about that and tell him about that feeling that you are experiencing. Sometimes it helps.
 
Nathan said:
Another excellence post, Mr. Bucket. I agree with you on that.
Have you even thought of telling him that? If I were you I would tell him about that and tell him about that feeling that you are experiencing. Sometimes it helps.
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Quit posting nonsense. No wonder why you're single.
 
We'll everytime we talk, i tell him everything, how it makes me feel and what he does wrong. He was sorry and was guilty with it. I seems sincere though...Or im just fooling myself. Im told him that im being open to him not because i wanted him to change for me alone. I told him that I dont expect him to change right away or change for me, but to consider the feeling of those people who cares for him. Coz not all the time I will understand and I will forgive...And by that time we might just end up hurting each other...
we compromise and try to always begin on a new slate...
 
Me Amore said:
Garnet is right, And I really felt the same way too. It hurts like hell. Myself tells me to leave him coz i know I dont deserve to be treated that way. Coz no matter how I try to understand still I give him chances. I know that im just fooling myself. And my stubborn heart try to rule over my mind. But im afraid, what if I make a wrong decision...what if he really change? what if....
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I understand what you are going through right now because I am going throught it now. For now I need to be away from him for a while and let my pain go away until I know what I want and move on to make the right desicion. No one say breaking up is easy. Breaking up is always the hardest thing to do no matter how much it hurts. I know the feeling that my heart want to stay with him, but my mind telling me leave him because he only bring me more unhappiness that I don't need his cheating and lying behavior to make me unhappy. But yes, do I still love him? Yes I do. It hard to stop loving a man who can't change. But I am not going to put up with his behavoir that makes me unhappy the way he treat me terriblely. It take time for the heart to heal. Give yourself time, time will only tell when you ready to make the right desicion what you want to do. :roll::aw:
 
Well, I have known him for along time, his culture his kind...when I suddenly become quite never talk, or greet him good morning as what we normally do....expect that until the end of the day he will not make the first move. Or he will become angry and ask why am i not talking....For them its better that the girl starts the conversation to talk about the problem...then patch up. And if I did start and ask him what happen, he will say that he dont know, that I was the one who suddenly become quite. Then he will think that maybe I just want some space and he's just there waiting for me to connect. I hae notice Muslim man are totally diffrent from the Christians. And that is one treat that Im sure will never changed...I've experienced it aliot of time and we have talk about it as well....

But i dont want to talk to him and forget everything easily...Maybe I should keep my distance little by little...
 
People are people Amore.
We do things our ways....not God or faith.
We do things according to our conviction.
Apparently, your boyfriend don't have that conviction you would expect..
I don't understand how that works for me, I never had a relationship...
but I have seen from 5 years of mom's agonizing pain because of my father & his cheating on her.

But I think in a relationship, there is many path. You could ditch him but you could also build a new conviction with him. If you believe in one flesh, one being, then I encourage you to build that relationship with him..
Let him not be apart, draw him to you and avoid all misconceptions.
Be diligent and hopeful, never get lost. Do things what your conviction has in stored in you.
We can only watch, you can change.
 
Me Amore said:
Well, I have known him for along time, his culture his kind...when I suddenly become quite never talk, or greet him good morning as what we normally do....expect that until the end of the day he will not make the first move. Or he will become angry and ask why am i not talking....For them its better that the girl starts the conversation to talk about the problem...then patch up. And if I did start and ask him what happen, he will say that he dont know, that I was the one who suddenly become quite. Then he will think that maybe I just want some space and he's just there waiting for me to connect. I hae notice Muslim man are totally diffrent from the Christians. And that is one treat that Im sure will never changed...I've experienced it aliot of time and we have talk about it as well....

But i dont want to talk to him and forget everything easily...Maybe I should keep my distance little by little...
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I don t think culture or religions matter because men are men. They men are human despite their culture or faith. Problem is that there lot of mistrust and lies that destory the relationship. If my ex bf mad at me then it because he knows he guilty and not look me in the eyes to be honest to me. So, he say he confuse. But if he so confuse then he should have not cheated and lie to me. I so confuse why I should believe his story and his feelings. That why I felt I need my distance, I don't know how long I will want to be away from him.. but when I am up to talking to him.. then if he ready to talk to me,, then we will see where we both stand. I prefer to let my pain heal first. It hurt when I see him.. but I need space and lot of it. :) But you take your time to decide how you feel wbout your bf. Nothing is ever easy in relationship.
 
I find irony that guy claim to be Muslim and being cheat. That's not usually, unless he have bad habit from Middle Eastern where he allow to marry many women.
 
well I did somthing today that leads me to find out that my ex bf now, coz I broke up with him today is having some mental illness. I was so shock that he was even known from his home as a liar,bad boy,a total opposite of what his character when he was with me. Someone having dual personality. I just confirm that from his sister.n have proven that it was all true.
 
I don't know what happen to me, but suddenly I felt save from him. Of my relationship with him lasted more I would have to blame myself. I feel ashamed of his character towards other.I believe that God has lead me to this say to find the truth. I feel much better now. And yes he still cheats with me n to the other girl too. I feel sorry 4 him.
 
Sometimes you find out through experience what life is really meant to be for you. I've been cheated on too, and he wouldn't admit to it for few months but once he finally admitted it, I let him go. Who wants to be with someone who totally breaks your trust in him? No respect for the relationship? It was a very difficult breakup for me but I got to grow a lot as a person. I also looked at guys from a very different point of view--went out on dates but didn't give in to guys on whatever they wanted. Just went out and had fun for a year until my guy came along and asked me out.

The ex and I have not talked in forever since I carried thru with my threat on his credit and business reputation. He stopped bothering me. He just had to have both of us for a while. Ugh.
 
That reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, whom I dated with. He promised me that he will not do it again but he lied and cheated me about having an affair with a woman behind my back. I told him that I don't want to see him again. He begged and said he promised me that he will not do it again. I also told him "get lost!" because I was so fed up with him because he did that to me many times. Of course, I was angry and hurt. That was 20 years ago. I have dated with a several men. They lied to me. I think all men are jerks. I am sorry to say this.

Me Amore, I am sorry to hear this but I agree with all on this. Your boyfriend will do it again and again. What if he asks you to marry him. When you two get married and then, he will cheat on you. You will end up getting divorced because of this. So, it's not worth it.

I found this link - How to tell if he'll cheat . (I hope this link works.)
 
I see that this link isn't working. Sorry about that.

OK, here's the link -

Dating 101: Will Your Guy Cheat on You?

You don't need lipstick on a collar to know your man is the two-timing type. Here, a simple test that'll reveal his philandering potential.

By Cosmopolitan

Photo: iStockphoto.com/Craig Swatton

Updated: Nov 21, 2008
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When you're dating a guy, you can forgive him for some indiscretions, but it's nearly impossible to turn the other cheek if he strays. Well, Cosmo did some investigating to ascertain the traits that may make men more likely to cheat, and some of our findings were surprising eye-openers.
But before you freak, realize that just because he possesses characteristics of a mangy scoundrel doesn't mean he's actually cheating on you. "You have to listen to your gut as well as read the clues," says Gary Aumiller, Ph.D., a psychologist and coauthor of "Red Flags! How to Know When You're Dating a Loser." Run through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal.
More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:
If He Stops Wanting Intimacy, Something Is Wrong
10 Dating Truths You Can't Ignore
Dating Factor: His Background
Cheat Predictor #1
Was he spoiled as a kid?
Do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?
Has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college?
If your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. Privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement (read: bratty-boy syndrome), so he may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting what he wants, why should he stop now?
"He might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt," says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming "Not Just Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from Infidelity and Healing from the Trauma of Betrayal." "He probably has little concept of how upset you would be if you found out because he's too self-centered to think about your feelings."
So how do you know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? Glass suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad behavior on his part. Does he regret getting caught forwarding your racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first place? Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take responsibility himself? If he can't see how his actions affect others, he's not likely to say, "Whoa, what about my girlfriend?" when temptation strikes.
Dating Factor: His Career
Cheat Predictor #2
Does he work mostly with women?
Is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner with clients or on business trips?
Does he make a lot of money?
It's great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind. According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often with a work colleague. "Not only are people with similar interests side by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually when they're most energetic and look their best."
Unfortunately, the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an office buddy. According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D., author of "Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men," top-tier guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung, and not just because big bucks can be babe magnets. "Evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing they are to women," says Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of "If Men Could Talk." "Since testosterone is what drives men's quest for power, if a guy has achieved status, he's more likely to act on his desires." Remember that little Oval Office incident?
But before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending time working diligently. If he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely his one and only partner. It's when he acts more secretive about his work than a CIA agent that he's probably taking on after-hours clients.
Dating Factor: His Schmooze MO
Cheat Predictor #3
Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)?
Does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman?
When you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds?
Your friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you entertained. How could you not adore him? But according to Glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well, sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can't be satisfied by one woman's ego-stroking. And if he's suave with the ladies, opportunities undoubtedly arise. "Charmers meet a lot of women and win them over easily," says Aumiller. "So even if his intentions aren't more than friendship, they might be willing to move beyond friendship, and that's hard to resist."
To determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings. A guy who wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when other women are around. "He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when he's talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends at least part of the night partying with you," says Gratch. But it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are. When he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. Once he sees that you have your own game going on, he'll focus back on you.
Dating Factor: His Friends
Cheat Predictor #4
Does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?
Do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities?
Do his pals have problems staying in relationships?
The nightclubs, the bachelor parties, the dudes-only deeds we're better off not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit. Although boys-will-be-boys, bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free agent. A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to encourage them to do the same.
You want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always be on your side. According to Aumiller, "If a coupled-up guy's friends are all looking to get lucky, they may not only tease him about being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least, they'll cover for him."
Still, there's no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between his buddies and you. "He should include you sometimes when he meets up with friends," says Glass. Although your fella's frat pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys (fake fondness if you have to) can do wonders for your relationship. Once you've earned their respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
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Decode His Body Language
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Dating Advice: Four Guys You Think You Should Date... but Shouldn't!
Dating 101: Are Bad Dating Habits Keeping You Single?
Six Dating Behaviors That Scare Single Men Away
Dating Challenge: Overcoming Jealousy
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