&& History Essay &&

[DEEFOK_THE_DEAF]

I WROTE THIS ESSAY FOR MY ONLINE COURSE BECAUSE I DIDN'T PASS HIGH SCHOOL THE FIRST TIME AROUND WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR?

Obviously, there are different types of government in the world because of upbringing and circumstance; otherwise if there was a globally unified government that would pretty much mean we'd all have to have grown together in some gigantic mega-nation. In turn that would pretty much mean the world wouldn't have divided into several land masses like it did hundreds of millions of years ago when continental drift kicked in. Any other point of interest that affected diversity in government is also because of upbringing and therefore is a moot point that needs no fluffy discussion. There will be no world government in the future because of the same principles that govern physics; ergo, "An object in motion tends to stay in motion," or in other words, why would something change that drastically when it hasn't changed for all eternity? It'd require some sort of apocalypse or many-faceted genocide to turn the world on its head as such, and who would want that? The most serious type of international conflict, of course, is nuclear conflict, because it has the potential to destroy everyone on the planet in a matter of moments. The most important role of non-governmental organizations is indisputably to remain separated from government, because it would lose its definition (not to mention face) if rendered otherwise. To get young people to participate in the process of government, it would require said processes to be promoted more liberally (no pun intended) and effectively.

 

[deafbajagal]

What kind of history class is it?

 

[Chase]

This essay is right up my ally, because I taught English and history before retiring. My response will be only a thumbnail, nothing in depth:

From an English teacher’s casual point of view:

1. The paper forms a good argument, is written well, and has very good spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

2. The last sentence is really the thesis sentence and should be first. The conclusion could include a restatement of the thesis, but more importantly it should contain a wrap-up of how you explained or proved your premise that governments are living entities with lives of their own. However, your assertion that the youth of today have the best chance to change the direction of world governments needs to be better presented.

3. Too many sentences and clauses begin “There are,” “there was (should have been ‘there were’),” “There will.” “There” is an expletive with no real meaning, so those sentences need stronger subjects.

From a history teacher’s point of view, the references are too vague. Though your instructor may link them to what’s being studied, the outsider who reads your essay may need more solid foundations for your premises.

I can see from this essay that you’re an excellent student with little evidence that you didn’t complete high school. You’re definitely college material. Good luck.

 

[VamPyroX]

This essay is right up my ally, because I taught English and history before retiring. My response will be only a thumbnail, nothing in depth:

From an English teacher’s casual point of view:

1. The paper forms a good argument, is written well, and has very good spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

2. The last sentence is really the thesis sentence and should be first. The conclusion could include a restatement of the thesis, but more importantly it should contain a wrap-up of how you explained or proved your premise that governments are living entities with lives of their own. However, your assertion that the youth of today have the best chance to change the direction of world governments needs to be better presented.

3. Too many sentences and clauses begin “There are,” “there was (should have been ‘there were’),” “There will.” “There” is an expletive with no real meaning, so those sentences need stronger subjects.

From a history teacher’s point of view, the references are too vague. Though your instructor may link them to what’s being studied, the outsider who reads your essay may need more solid foundations for your premises.

I can see from this essay that you’re an excellent student with little evidence that you didn’t complete high school. You’re definitely college material. Good luck.

I agree. The paper may be seen differently depending on who it is for. Some teachers grade more on the subject than the grammar (unless otherwise stated in the requirements) when it's not related to English.

I had a professor at RIT who graded papers based on how often they quoted from the books. Since she loved those books so much, it inspired her to see her students constantly refer to the book in the book's own words. So, the more they quoted... the better grades they got. However, from an English professor's point of view... that's a HUGE no-no. A good research paper uses 1 or 2 quotes per page (or major paragraph) and 1 or 2 quotes per book (depending on how many pages/paragraphs there are). However, this teacher does it differently. This was the only class where I got a 'C' on my papers (for 4 different books).