Hearing people who are attracted to deaf people

I'm not too sure about where to stand on this. I mean, I'm attracted to girls shorter than me, and redheads. There's nothing really odd about that, is there? Being short is just a part of who they are, as is the color of their hair. It's not fetishized or anything, just simple attraction.

So, what if I was attracted to dhh girls? Just another aspect of them that I find attractive, similar to their height or hair color.

Now, in some of the cases I read about here, I can totally understand why they were put off. It'd be different if I looked exclusively for redheads, specifically because they were redheaded and nothing else. Objectifying a single part of who a person is completely discredits who they are as a whole. And if someone was looking for anybody who was deaf, instead of a person who was deaf, then that is the same type of objectification. You don't look for "anybody" in a relationship. You look for a person who is right for you.

I dunno, that's just my take on it.
 
I have never heard of this kind of fetish in UK... Caz12, have you?

I have hearing boyfriend, he mixes well with my deaf friends and he loves me for who I am. He did ask few questions about my deafness such as "How I became deaf" etc but nothing like an obession, he had stopped asking questions since few weeks after I met him. I guess he's satifised with the answers and moved on. He does try to sign when I or my deaf friends don't understand him (poorly lit place) he is making an effort, bless him. He has got a very good expression/body lang also is very easy to lipread so I am sure we'll get along fine.
 
Your boyfriend sounds totally sincere and normal.

I don't think every hearing person who dates a deaf person is obsessed. When I met my boyfriend I wasn't purposely out searching, looking for signing hands, glancing at ears for hearing aides... It was just a coincidence. I met him, liked him as a person, was learning sign language anyway to communicate with my Autistic son. The thought of dating someone deaf or hoh had never occurred to me. Your boyfriend sounds similar. He's curious about and wants to get to know you as a person.

There are definitely some people who are a little creepy about it. Of course, a little bit of a fetish might not be a bad thing. If it works and people are happy in their relationship, more power to them! :)
 
no i have not heard of it,but i have been told about some odd things over the years,maybe this chap talks a load of drival that why wants deaf girl
 
I do find it rather strange how many people stumble upon Alldeaf and treat it as a venue for posting a personals ad...
 
rebeccalj said:
I date only one guy who treat like 'Deaf girlfriend.' Feel like *always* on display for him. Like, for him, "Oh, look, I got me a deaf girlfriend." The thing is, the thing that attracted him, the little bit of ASL I still remember from child, he do not want to do. :shock: Never once do he want to sign, or learn it, but like to see it and even when sign to myself, for practise, he make comment, "Aww, look, she's talking to herself." :roll:
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I'm very sorry that happened. No doubt that made you a stronger person, but your ex "showing you off" like a "show horse" was very very disrespectful. For me, I love the culture, the language and body language. I've always struggled with communication. Since I began learning Sign, it's opened "doors" and whenever I see others signing it is so BEAUTIFUL to me. Again I'm very sorry happened to you, so glad that you felt okay to share your experience. If you want to talk let me know. :)
 
I have the same feelings. I hate to talk about my ear or hearing aids when communicate with hearing people, because it let me feel I am strange.
 
no fetish just attraction

Interesting but I think u could be wrong on some of the points u brought up. I found myself being attracted to deaf woman because for one, I think they are more appreciative of things like having someone who loves u for u and for two, I would think communicating would be better because in heated debates yelling would not be a issue and over talking would be harder. But its only a start as is your zodiac sign to many. I think its a well weighed assumption to ones personality traits. Someone who is deaf would surely have a very different perspective on life which just mite be a good thing.
 
I'm hearing, and the thought of people looking for relationships with deaf indiv because they are deaf is strange. I think relationships should be based on the person, and if who they are. If they happen to be deaf then it's part of the person's communication style, but not a criteria. That would make me run the other way.
 
Wow! Interesting post! I can certainly see why being courted by someone on the sole basis of your deafness would be very unsettling. I wonder however, if it has anything to do with an attraction toward deaf culture, rather than deafness? I'm hearing, and work with special needs children, many of whom are non-verbal. I decided to take ASL classes so that I can teach a non-verbal means of communication. I think the majority of us have experienced a time, or maybe many times, when we were unable to communicate our wants or needs - it can be a very stressful and frustrating experience. Anyhow...I see I'm going off on a tangent as usual...back to my point here - in ASL class, I not only learn ASL, but I also learn about deaf culture. There are some significant differences between what is generally spoken of as the collective 'deaf culture' vs 'hearing culture'. I can see how a person could be attracted to the cultural aspect and be drawn to those who are a part of it. I think other hearing people are attracted to deaf people for the same reasons a hearing person is attracted to a hearing person. Then, of course, there are still others who find deaf people to be mysterious and intriguing (and if they are not skilled signers, will probably continue to feel this way for quite some time due to an extended period of 'getting to know you'). I do think that Lily7 is right in saying that there are those out there who simply have a fetish for deaf people (or their hearing aids), however, I would assume (or at least hope!) that the "fetishees" are few and far between! :D
 
THExistential said:
I don't think it's creepy, but it definitely isn't right for someone to want to be with you solely on the basis of you being different.

All the boyfriends I've had throughout the years have been hearing, but it's because my parents unfortunately never gave me the opportunity to become part of my own community. But sometimes I think, if I would have been able to go to CSCD in high school and maybe embrace my own people instead of struggling to keep up in an impossible hearing world, maybe I would never have even tried to date anyone hearing.

But, the guy I'm with now is hearing and when he first met me, of course one of my first sentences was, "Can you talk a little louder, I'm really interested." and putting my hair behind my ear to show him my hearing aid. But he didn't ask any questions about it until later in our relationship, and most of the time when my hearing is subject to discussion, it's because I brought it up, not him.

He's very helpful. If our group of friends is hanging out and I'm having trouble keeping up, he'll repeat everybody for me a billion times and never show that he's annoyed or getting bored with having to be repetitive for me, ALL the time. He's also good about letting someone know about my problem, and asking them to speak up if he sees someone talking to me and me not noticing them at all. Saves me from looking like a bitch!

I love him, and he's been so supportive and patient and understanding, and the fact that I'm HoH never seems to bother him or make me look different in his eyes, because he loves me for everything I am- including the odd bits.

So, my point is, it shouldn't be about whether or not the person you find yourself attracted to can hear, barely hear, or not hear at all- it's all about who they are and how they make you feel as a person, right? although some are fcked up in the head--- hearing aid fetish??!! ---- not all of them care as much as we might think.

So keep an open mind *as we need others to do for us* and above all, an open heart.
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Hold onto him. He sounds like a keeper. :)


As for the post overall....I am Hearing and even I find it weird. You date a person for THEM, not their hearing, sight, whatever. (Hearing Aid fetish?? :shock:)
 
Attraction or Fetish??

About this whole attraction to deaf/Deaf/HoH quandry... I'm a HoH guy, who will oddly and honestly admit to finding HAs (and glases) well, turn-ons. I also have an attraction to women who also wear HAs (like I do). While their wearing of their HAs is not the sole attraction factor, it does, for me, play a part in my thinking, "hey, they wear HAs too, they probably understand what I go through," and thus, is part of the whole person. I think girls with HAs (and glasses too), are cute.

Some people are attracted to people with colored hair, tattoos, glasses, etc... so why not HAs too, as long as they are considered just another part of the entire person?

I'd be interested in hearing back from the girl who was interested in guys with HAs :hmm: (she wants to try on my HAs, she's welcome to, I don't mind :aw:), as most people I find on a regular basis, can be, sadly, quite rude about my hearing loss/HAs.
 
I normally don't post but I felt compelled to point out that just as in ANY culture you would learn and grow together. My mom married a man from Ghana,shes Caucasian. Think about how much more involved the dynamics are in a relationship like theirs. Different language,different religion,foods and clothing. I also noticed it seems more acceptable for deaf women to date hearing men...either it's insecurities or segregation. I don't understand hatred.
 
"Hearing aid fetish!?" That is new to me. I believe you. Because there are other fetishes out there. Image heels or shoe fetish, or socking. There is a disorder for a certain kind of fetish called Transvestic Disorder. But that has nothing to do with Hearing Aids but still yeah, pretty sick. There are guys who love such materialistic woman with the heels and all. True.

This is one of most interesting topic I ever read on this site ever. "Hearing aid fetish!" Interesting. I am not one of those hahaha! No. I do wear hearing aids to help me hear though. Well, Lily, just stay away from those fetish types of guys for sure. I am sure there are plenty of fishes--men out there for you. :) I mean NICE man for you who will love you for who you are. :) I am looking for the woman who will love me for who I am. See, I did not say Deaf or Hearing or what kind of woman. So, that is who I am seeking for.
 
I am very attracted to deaf women. I am also attracted to many other types of women but as a single man when I encounter a deaf woman there is often an instant attraction. I think I have a few different reasons.

I have a friend who was close as a child and he was hearing impaired and wore hearing aids. Very cool guy, I miss him.

I always root for the underdog and admire those who persevere and overcome obstacles.

I was raised by alcoholics so slurred speech is nostalgic? Comforting? Idk I enjoy it for some reason.

I don't think a person has much control over what they are drawn to. I want to learn ASL.
 
I would think it may have to do with more than a fetish. I would think that maybe they have the idea that deaf=dumb. I have noticed a lot of deaf people complaining that their spouses cheat on them and do not include them in conversations and etc. I think maybe they date and marry deaf thinking they can get away with this behavior. However, there are some that have married someone who was hearing or sighted that later on in life became deaf or blind.
 
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