Hearing people who are attracted to deaf people

[drphil]

Not up to date of various objects that can be classified as fetish.

The dictionary definition: (1) An object worshipped by primitive peoples who believe it to have magical powers or to be inhabited by a spirit.(2) anything to which foolishly excessive respect or attention is given.
page 295 Oxford Dictionary with Canadian appendix Toronto 1991

 

[JabberJay]

Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )



No it's not a 'hypothetical' if that's what you're asking.


Some people have a fetish (clinical definition), for shoes, leather, prosthetic limbs, wheelchair users, HAs or CI (&/or people who are hoh/deaf - apparently some people get aroused listening to those with a 'deaf accent').


It's very real and IIRC its considered a mental health issue in the DSM4 (it's also really creepy)

The fetish is real, I've met those people

 

[metalangel]

The fetish is real, I've met those people

You guys must have heard about Katawa Shoujo, a Western-made 'visual novel' (a popular genre of game in Japan) set in a high school for special needs students.

katawa-shoujo.com

One of the characters is deaf/mute, one is blind, one has no legs, one has no arms, one has psychological trauma and severe burns. The protagonist has just been diagnosed with Long QT and needs quick access to medical care in case of an episode.

You might be at this point and think it's a game for those with the 'disability fetish' but it isn't. You stop noticing the disabilities five minutes in because you're more interested by the personalities of the characters.

Unfortunately, the internet at large has just heard about the sex scenes and has declared it a game where you 'f*** cripples'. Suffice it to say, any gawkers who turn up hoping for that that are going to be very disappointed. It's about high school romances, the disabilities are not the focus.

I worry about the gawker types. You have to enjoy someone's company and personality.

 

[JabberJay]

You guys must have heard about Katawa Shoujo, a Western-made 'visual novel' (a popular genre of game in Japan) set in a high school for special needs students.

katawa-shoujo.com

One of the characters is deaf/mute, one is blind, one has no legs, one has no arms, one has psychological trauma and severe burns. The protagonist has just been diagnosed with Long QT and needs quick access to medical care in case of an episode.

You might be at this point and think it's a game for those with the 'disability fetish' but it isn't. You stop noticing the disabilities five minutes in because you're more interested by the personalities of the characters.

Unfortunately, the internet at large has just heard about the sex scenes and has declared it a game where you 'f*** cripples'. Suffice it to say, any gawkers who turn up hoping for that that are going to be very disappointed. It's about high school romances, the disabilities are not the focus.

I worry about the gawker types. You have to enjoy someone's company and personality.

I love the people who love people's personalities.
The creeps I was talking about a the gawkers who get an obvious arousal when thinking about my communication differences, however slight they might be.

I need to look up that graphic novel, I am curious how well it's done.

 

[metalangel]

I need to look up that graphic novel, I am curious how well it's done.

From a deaf perspective it might be interesting, the deaf character has a fellow student who acts as her terp and they're inseperable as a result. If you follow her path (it's not unlike a choose your own adventure book) the protagonist learns sign language.

 

[Grayma]

I have been thinking about the whole issue of some hearing folk being attracted to or wanting to date deaf folk. All these threads by hearing people saying they are seeking deaf people to date got me thinking about it. To be honest, it gives me the heebie jeebies, and I have been trying to figure out why, because normally I am very "live and let live".

I think it stems from an awkward experience I had years and years ago. When I was a teenager, a hearing boy hit on me. When I started talking to him, all he could talk about was my deafness, my hearing aids, etc. Whenever I tried to change the subject, he would turn it back to something to do with my deafness.

In the end, it came out that he had a hearing aid fetish.:-o
:

What a creepy experience! Ick.

I don't want to discount that at all, obviously it happens.

I just wonder if some people who are attracted to deafness are attracted by the language in the same way that some people are attracted to a British accept, or a Scottish accent, or whatever.

Obviously, for a relationship to work, there would have to be a lot more substantial foundation for it long term, but couldn't that be just as innocent as finding blue eyes more attractive than brown, or finding red heads more attractive than blondes?

Another possibility, at least for some people- and please tell me if I am way off base here- it seems to me that deaf people, especially native ASL speakers, are more expressive for obvious reasons and so their facial expressions and body language are more, I don't, vibrant? Alive? It comes across as more charismatic, at least in some cases.

My kids and I like to look up ASL videos on youtube and turn the sound off, don't read anything about the signer or the video first, and then watch it and guess if the signer is deaf or not. We are usually right, and it's not because we understand sign very well, it's because we are looking at expressiveness and something- a sort of flair. I don't feel like I'm explaining myself well, and I hope that doesn't sound creepy. That's not what I mean at all. I can just see how the increased expressiveness could be seen as attractive by a hearing person who may not even realize what it is they find attractive, if that makes sense.

 

[metalangel]

I just wonder if some people who are attracted to deafness are attracted by the language in the same way that some people are attracted to a British accept, or a Scottish accent, or whatever.

I've been on the receiving end of that a lot, being Canadian in the UK. I tend to get mistaken for an American (and then told 'Canada and America are practically the same thing' when I correct them) and then get asked a lot of really creepy, probing questions, usually to the effect of 'what are you doing here, then?'

I find that the people who make the fuss over the accent tend to also lose interest rapidly as we tend not to have much else in common, while those who never mention it I get along with. Something about personality types, not making a point of someone else's obvious differences?

It makes me very self conscious as I hate the questions*, and my other half tells me I don't suppress my accent as much when we're in Canada or the US.

*(I realize Deaf people ask a lot of questions when you meet too, but for these accent fetishists it's not genuine interest in the person and I get put off by that)

I can just see how the increased expressiveness could be seen as attractive by a hearing person who may not even realize what it is they find attractive, if that makes sense.

Here's a good video as an example of that:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egwFUphyxr4"]Interpreting scarred me for life! (captioned) - YouTube[/ame]

 

[robsteel]

my girlfriend couldnt hear me snore. problem was she snored too. lol

 

[Grayma]

*(I realize Deaf people ask a lot of questions when you meet too, but for these accent fetishists it's not genuine interest in the person and I get put off by that)

Right. It's not at all enough to make any kind of relationship. I just think sometimes it's not so much a fetish as an initial attraction point, you know? Just enough to give somebody enough courage or interest to start a conversation. But there definitely has to be more for a real friendship.

And the icky fetishist people aren't looking for more.

Here's a good video as an example of that:
Interpreting scarred me for life! (captioned) - YouTube

Wow! That was very expressive. I was thinking more along the lines of something like this:
ASL Music Video: Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul - YouTube

 

[metalangel]

Right. It's not at all enough to make any kind of relationship. I just think sometimes it's not so much a fetish as an initial attraction point, you know? Just enough to give somebody enough courage or interest to start a conversation. But there definitely has to be more for a real friendship.

And the icky fetishist people aren't looking for more.

Yes. I think asking 'why are you different' isn't a good way to make a first impression. I find that if someone is different in some way, not to mention it unless they bring it up first. It might seem small to you but big to them.

When someone starts off like that with me now I just smile and say: 'it's a long story, don't ask'. It's not intended to be any more rude than they are by prying; rather, 'I don't know you well enough yet'.

Wow! That was very expressive. I was thinking more along the lines of something like this

That's good stuff! I think the interpreter girl is emphasizing her funny story with illustrative actions (as non-signing hearing people often do too) for added effect. Combine that with the animation that comes with ASL and... well, it does make her kinda cute, I won't deny.

 

[Grayma]

Yes. I think asking 'why are you different' isn't a good way to make a first impression. I find that if someone is different in some way, not to mention it unless they bring it up first. It might seem small to you but big to them. :

That's good advice. Two of our kids are adopted, and one of them is mentally retarded and doesn't understand. The other one sometimes gets tired of nosy people asking questions about her adoption (she was older when we adopted her).

Sometimes she doesn't mind talking about it, but sometimes she's just tired of the topic and doesn't feel like discussing it. She would love it if people left it up to her to bring it up first.

 

[Shannon96902]

IMO when I hear someone prefers to date a deaf person, I think they think that deaf people are easy target.

 

[KarissaMann05]

I remember like six or seven years ago-- one person who discussed about Deaf people and her reincarnation belief, she believed that she is reborn from one Deaf person in 18th century. I thought it is kinda of interesting...

 

[woopdy]

So this is akward.

I went searching the web wondering if it was socially acceptable to be some how attracted to deaf people and came across here.

I personally am very attracted to people that use asl just as much as one might be attracted to the french language. I find it very cute in some way and that its just such a cool way of communicating with others. I want to take classes on it and use it to help others and would like to teach a child to use it some day so they could tell me what they want before they can even talk.

But from what I'm reading I really shouldn't be attracted to it and could easily scare a deaf person off just by simply likeing them for the way they do things, for not being the same as everyone else, for not being shy about who they are. What I'm reading now makes me incrediably self conscious of myself and makes me question what's wrong with me. I almost feel bad about it.

I guess I just want to say, some people might just like you for you and not think your weird just think you might even be better for being different and not trying to hide it, just another part of you that makes you, you. Sorry for being a creep but I can't help but like you for not being shy about your situation.

I'm out.

 

[Latascha]

You know what. This just made me remember an ex-not-really-boyfriend of mine. When we met, he was really sweet and nice. We hang out quite a lot and I really had a good time. But then it got really weird. He started to complain about not being able to call me. Well, he could call me, but it wouldn't make any sense, because I'd have no clue what he was saying. He didn't believe me and at some point I said, ok, go ahead an ask me something. The thing was: he really liked situations when I couldn't understand something. And he really was into the way I pronounced words a certain way. I mean like like.... It was soooooo creepy. At least he told me this at some point, but still, I broke it off at that point. That was the last hearing guy I was dating btw
wonder why I took a turn into my husbands arms after that.

 

[darian1968]

hey there

i had a friend when i was 13 she was deaf. so i got my abc 123 to 10. but so much paper talk.
Then later i learned more from others that were deaf. Now I sign fairly good now. but be atracted to a deaf woman makes, no real differance in the end.we end up closer than brother sister but nothing more. but i did wish things were different. since i met a few. now i not need paper much lol.only on hard stuff. i still wish learn more.peace all \_l__l.

 

[darian1968]

sounds like he was a jerk. i have had deaf friends that are women i listened. But i knew what they meant if not iwould have it wrote out. i never had that plm. ever.

 

[batman┌∩┐]

Hi all, I registered just to say that I do find deaf girls attractive, I think because I have low self esteem, also I think that because I have a disability [OCD and low spectrum autism], maybe someone who knows what it's like to be judged or labelled or looked at as 'broken' will understand - I suppose that a woman who can't hear will have more in common with a man who can't - but who knows. I have a friend ans she also has OCD and we are quite similar - but being stuck with someone who might enable you seems like a bad concept.
another reason I think I find deaf girls, or girls with a 'handicap' is because most of the examples I grew up with, like my brother's old deaf GF, or this actress who fooled people into thinking she could see that was a big deal when I was a boy, not to mention just thinking marlee matlin was cute when I was young - being attracted to a prosthesis does sound strange, but then there is a chick who married the Eiffel tower.
I remember hearing a song called 'less like scars, more like character' and that's how I see it. I like movie heroes who can get hurt, like in die hard - I like when you can hear a musician's voice break, like chan marshal - and I like people getting past their setbacks, its inspiring.
all in all it sounds like I should stay away from a deaf girl, whether or not I like her.

All kidding aside..these people are unhealthy and shouldnt be in realationships.

harsh, but if someone thinks you are cool 'cause you're a cyborg I wouldn't see the problem.

 

[soutthpaw]

people will be attracted to someone for a variety of reasons. Its the hook, or first impression. but its the personality and the person themselves that determine if the relationship develops beyond initial chit chat. For example, what attracted me to my wife initially, other than she was beautiful was her infectious smile and laugh. I could not stop staring every time she smiled or giggled... I fell in love with everything else about her, but that smile was the "hook". The same way seeing someone signing or has a pretty looking or unique hearing aid. Us Deafies tend to see it as much as a fashion accessory like Rx eyeglasses as we do a medical device to aid hearing. That is why so many of us have Colored HA or CI and earmolds as opposed to Hearing world folks who want small flesh colored and hide it because they are embarrassed or whatever... I have Silver and Blue CI's myself, I had glow in the dark Green and Blue molds in the past, as weld as white and blue ones and black yellow blue ones... Others may see that as a person who likes to be different or non-conformist or is not eembarrased about who they are. These assumptions others make when they see a Deaf person for example maybe things they find attractive.
Agreed though that some of your stories are definitely of people with an obvious fetish.

 

[green427]

Hi all, I registered just to say that I do find deaf girls attractive, I think because I have low self esteem, also I think that because I have a disability [OCD and low spectrum autism], maybe someone who knows what it's like to be judged or labelled or looked at as 'broken' will understand - I suppose that a woman who can't hear will have more in common with a man who can't - but who knows. I have a friend ans she also has OCD and we are quite similar - but being stuck with someone who might enable you seems like a bad concept.
another reason I think I find deaf girls, or girls with a 'handicap' is because most of the examples I grew up with, like my brother's old deaf GF, or this actress who fooled people into thinking she could see that was a big deal when I was a boy, not to mention just thinking marlee matlin was cute when I was young - being attracted to a prosthesis does sound strange, but then there is a chick who married the Eiffel tower.

all in all it sounds like I should stay away from a deaf girl, whether or not I like her.

You sound confused.

Deaf girls are no different from hearing girls...you get 'em all: Nice, mean, smart, stupid, selfish, generous, etc, etc. The only real difference is in how they communicate.

Some hearing guys go after deaf girls thinking it should be easy to get in their pants. Some hearing guys look at deaf girls as "damsels in distress" and want to save them. There are plenty of deaf girls out there looking to take advantage of guys as well, hearing or deaf.

Easier said than done, but you should put your self-esteem issues ahead of all else...get the help/counseling you need to change how you perceive yourself first.