Had suicidal thoughts before?

Yep i was almost try temp cut my hand bec of hurt feel and depress last 6 year ago.
 
Nice Avatar! :)

Anyway back to topic...


Yes...I agreed with you that who you are...I accepted who I am no matter what. I've thought of end of my life but nah...I wanted to see my son grow up, graduate from HS, go college, get married and have kids...so that's what it kept me going. I've been depressed for few years...till recently I let it go and let God take care of it and me. So it worked! I am grateful what I have right now. :)

I am seeing therphsit and find out what I was so pissed off all my life...so it'll be hard to figure it out! (I don't really remember when I was 3...soo something's going on when I was 3) So seeing thearpist does helped me a lot. :)

:hug:

Catmandu said:
Wow, so many of you have/had thoughts... well, I hestitated to post here because I am that sentitive about myself and for others. I feel for you guys. :hug: You're not alone because I have had thoughts about it, too. I was in emotional abused relationship with my ex-fiance. I still have issues with low self-esteem and confidence in myself. My hubby loves me for who I am and we have a beautiful daughter together which keeps me going. Also, I am thankful that I have very few close friends that I can confide in with.
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Mama2AFTIV said:
Nice Avatar! :)

Anyway back to topic...


Yes...I agreed with you that who you are...I accepted who I am no matter what. I've thought of end of my life but nah...I wanted to see my son grow up, graduate from HS, go college, get married and have kids...so that's what it kept me going. I've been depressed for few years...till recently I let it go and let God take care of it and me. So it worked! I am grateful what I have right now. :)

I am seeing therphsit and find out what I was so pissed off all my life...so it'll be hard to figure it out! (I don't really remember when I was 3...soo something's going on when I was 3) So seeing thearpist does helped me a lot. :)

:hug:
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Glad to hear that you're changing to positive thoughts now. Hopefully you'll find something with your therapist sooner or later. Best wishes and luck! :hug:
 
Thanks! I am sure I'll find out what's wrong with me when I was a kid...so wait and see..:)


Catmandu said:
Glad to hear that you're changing to positive thoughts now. Hopefully you'll find something with your therapist sooner or later. Best wishes and luck! :hug:
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I got to say.. that I am Bi-polar, so its a dangerous situation for me. I'm not a crazy person.. I just have that inner feeling that makes me so emotional for no reason. I'm doing much better now at handling things in the right way.

I used to think I'm so ugly (still think that sometimes), a bad mother, a bad person, a bad girlfriend, you name it. When I get to that point, I give up and start going down the drain. Its hard to get back up and stay positive and stay happy. I was sooo insecure and sensitive from whatever came into my life. Now, I'm kind of a bitch in alot of ways just to protect myself.. no harm to anyone else. I love people and like to say i'm a people pleaser. In AD, I speak what's on my mind and that tells you who i am. there's no lying in any of my post. the only thing about it is you can't see my action whether I'm quiet, shy, wild, mischievious, etc. I may look like I'm wild but I'm really really shy. Once I get to know you in person.. i'm talkative, can be funny, hyper but in other way, i'm a good person with a good heart.

my point is.. bi-polar is the top depression. I somewhat feel that maybe it might scare you but I'm a nice person.

Some of you might wonder why I have bi-polar.. It runs in my family.. a hereditary.. sucks!
 
:hug: RebelGirl I have few cousins who has them, too. I still don't know too much about it. How do you know that you have bi-polar? Did your doctor give you that diagnosis? Sometimes I wonder about myself because of my mood swings. :dunno:
 
RebelGirl said:
:shock: yes, you are correct, it was paxil cr for anti-depressant and valium for anxiety.

why the hell did my dr give me that for when she knew it was dangerous???? by the way, I quit taking it cold turkey and it made me sick for a week. it could have killed me. but I no longer take it anymore since 2 years now. I feel so much better and got my soul back and know who I am. I have more friends than I had before.

I have my days when I feel soooo down for no reason, I get really cranky at times when I tried not to feel that way but I do. I get anxieties alot but gotta say.. this computer relaxes me. Playing softball relaxes me too but I don't play everyday.

:ily: to you all!
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First of all I want to say congratuation to you for quit to take pill with your strong willing. I know it's hard to addict the pill... You did it success... :thumb:

Yes, we heard negative about paxil and other anti-depression pills at parent conference few years ago. A lot of doctors don't like to write anti-depression pill but advise them to do with execise, sports, walk, jogging, etc. to get mind off...

One thing I'm surprised why the doctor wrote paxil pill to you when she/he knows you are Bipolar disorder :shock: I don't understand because it could cause weight gain when you take medications which it's no good. They are suppose to teach you how to control diets, execrise etc instead of write you mediciation, don't they?
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Nothing but she´s scared of him because he beat her up... He was arrested for bank robbery and put jail for 10 years then my mom divorced him when he was in jail.
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wow.. damn.. i cant believe that some mom are scare of stepfather.. sigh.. :squint:
 
RebelGirl said:
I got to say.. that I am Bi-polar, so its a dangerous situation for me. I'm not a crazy person.. I just have that inner feeling that makes me so emotional for no reason. I'm doing much better now at handling things in the right way.

I used to think I'm so ugly (still think that sometimes), a bad mother, a bad person, a bad girlfriend, you name it. When I get to that point, I give up and start going down the drain. Its hard to get back up and stay positive and stay happy. I was sooo insecure and sensitive from whatever came into my life. Now, I'm kind of a bitch in alot of ways just to protect myself.. no harm to anyone else. I love people and like to say i'm a people pleaser. In AD, I speak what's on my mind and that tells you who i am. there's no lying in any of my post. the only thing about it is you can't see my action whether I'm quiet, shy, wild, mischievious, etc. I may look like I'm wild but I'm really really shy. Once I get to know you in person.. i'm talkative, can be funny, hyper but in other way, i'm a good person with a good heart.

my point is.. bi-polar is the top depression. I somewhat feel that maybe it might scare you but I'm a nice person.

Some of you might wonder why I have bi-polar.. It runs in my family.. a hereditary.. sucks!
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yea i remmy that u have it.. but u are very very sweet girl, friendly that i love u so much!!!! pls fight urself and stand up.. pls be there for ur honey and ur daughter... u have a good friends around here including me!!! :lol: remmy that i told u if u need me then i always here for u honey! :hug:
 
Aww TB, you're such a sweet to be there for your wonderful friends that you loved! :)

TweetyBird said:
yea i remmy that u have it.. but u are very very sweet girl, friendly that i love u so much!!!! pls fight urself and stand up.. pls be there for ur honey and ur daughter... u have a good friends around here including me!!! :lol: remmy that i told u if u need me then i always here for u honey! :hug:
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Mama2AFTIV said:
Aww TB, you're such a sweet to be there for your wonderful friends that you loved! :)
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thanks! yea i always be there for my wonderful friends when they need my listen, or help.. i will be there for them no matter what! :hug:
 
Catmandu said:
:hug: RebelGirl I have few cousins who has them, too. I still don't know too much about it. How do you know that you have bi-polar? Did your doctor give you that diagnosis? Sometimes I wonder about myself because of my mood swings. :dunno:
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Have you always had mood swings even before you daughter was born? If so, you possibly have maybe a very mild depression but I could be wrong. If you started feeling that way after the baby was born.. it's more likely gonna be post-partum (baby blues). look it up and see if you got the same symptoms.. if you do.. I suggest you go see a counselor and get yourself out of that situation NOW. don't wait til later. I did that.. and its too late for me to fix myself.

I found out I have bi-polar when my marriage was rocky. I went to see a dr and explained everything that was wrong with me.. my dr said i have a mild depression.. so she gave me medications.. it only made me worse. after I got a divorce, I went into deep depression where I had suicidal thoughts. I went back to the dr.. got tested by evaluation from different drs. they said i have bi-polar.

exercise is the best medicine to heal from depression but I don't exercise. Right now, I'm very very depressed, sad, feeling hopeless. I almost didn't want to check AD out.. not just AD, didn't want to talk to any of my friends, check things out on www.. I just want to sleep and not wake up at all. That's how I'm feeling now. :(
 
Liebling:-))) said:
First of all I want to say congratuation to you for quit to take pill with your strong willing. I know it's hard to addict the pill... You did it success... :thumb:

Yes, we heard negative about paxil and other anti-depression pills at parent conference few years ago. A lot of doctors don't like to write anti-depression pill but advise them to do with execise, sports, walk, jogging, etc. to get mind off...

One thing I'm surprised why the doctor wrote paxil pill to you when she/he knows you are Bipolar disorder :shock: I don't understand because it could cause weight gain when you take medications which it's no good. They are suppose to teach you how to control diets, execrise etc instead of write you mediciation, don't they?
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thank you for the compliment! I never was addicted to pills.. I hate taking pills even tylenol. So I'm not a pill-popper. which is good!

Its hard for me to be motivated to exercise and play sports because I don't want to. But you're right, it does help alot once you're into it.

I didn't gain weight from taking the pills but didn't lose either. they actually never taught me how to control my diets or how to exercise. hmm... interesting...
 
TweetyBird said:
yea i remmy that u have it.. but u are very very sweet girl, friendly that i love u so much!!!! pls fight urself and stand up.. pls be there for ur honey and ur daughter... u have a good friends around here including me!!! :lol: remmy that i told u if u need me then i always here for u honey! :hug:
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Thank you.. love you too! you know i told ya before that my friends are my family now. I don't have many family left.

i can't wait to see you thursday.. would like for you to come! i need my friends over, I'm feeling so down and i'm sad.. :sadwave:
 
Mama2AFTIV said:
Aww TB, you're such a sweet to be there for your wonderful friends that you loved! :)
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yes she's always there for me when I need her.. she's a very very sweet girl!
 
RebelGirl said:
Thank you.. love you too! you know i told ya before that my friends are my family now. I don't have many family left.

i can't wait to see you thursday.. would like for you to come! i need my friends over, I'm feeling so down and i'm sad.. :sadwave:
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yea yea i promise u i will be there this thursday... i have a surprise for u.. :hug:
 
RebelGirl said:
yes she's always there for me when I need her.. she's a very very sweet girl!
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:D i feel good... thats right.. i always be there for u when u need me... ;)
 

Reason why I am still alive is because I felt if I kill myself then I won't ever get back my life.
But if I don't kill myself, I can go to the best facial reconstructive doctor to make me look beautiful.

I like your postitive statement. I admire that. I was saying that there are a lot of people don't understand what we are going through. And yes, it is wrong to attempt to kill ourselves. I've been helping a lot of deaf people in my community about suicide. I learned that " I wouldn't do this... because of this..." That brings them down. Like you said, look at the bright side, be someone thatyou can help but not to put them down by saying, " I wouldn't ". You catch my drift? If not, then never mind. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
 
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