Forgive and Forget about the Past?

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Opal

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Most obsessions come up when someone is trying to fill a sense of emptiness in their life. Some people get obsessed when they’ve lost something in their past or present so they obsess on something that reminds them of the lost person or thing. It usually stems from not being able to accept loss or not understanding that many things in life can’t be forever. Obsessions can stem from many things that most people aren't really aware of.

http://www.usemod.com/cgi-bin/mb.pl?ForgiveAndForget

http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=476231&postcount=134

http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=476237&postcount=137

I am sorry to say I was surprised to see the old arguments (SIX YEARS) dragged to this forum to confused some members here. :eek3:
:thumbd:
Why some people won't accept apologized, otherwise its their problems to chose to remember the bad things more than good times. Bitterness will only create more conflicts in the future.


To accept the apologized will set you free and close the chapter for good (hope so!!)

Its time to bury the hatchet, everyone all of you make a mistake and learn from it, and it unfair to live and carry with it forever.
 
Tamara said:
http://www.usemod.com/cgi-bin/mb.pl?ForgiveAndForget

http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=476231&postcount=134

http://www.alldeaf.com/showpost.php?p=476237&postcount=137

I am sorry to say I was surprised to see the old arguments (SIX YEARS) dragged to this forum to confused some members here. :eek3:
:thumbd:
Why some people won't accept apologized, otherwise its their problems to chose to remember the bad things more than good times. Bitterness will only create more conflicts in the future.


To accept the apologized will set you free and close the chapter for good (hope so!!)

Its time to bury the hatchet, everyone all of you make a mistake and learn from it, and it unfair to live and carry with it forever.

I agree with you, Tamara.

I've seen only one person bring it up, though. This person needs to move on - grudges aren't healthy for anyone. I'm no poster girl for mental health, but even I know that it does someone a world of good to just forget about it and bury the hatchet. I see that some are mentally incapable of it, and it's a shame.

It's even more sad when dirty laundry is aired where it doesn't belong.
 
Some people have their reasons, The reasons could be that this person was hurt so bad that it is unforgiveable. You can always forgive, but you cannot never forget. It's very common along in each person, it's how they were effect, just remember that forgiveness is not about saying what the other person did or said is okay, Some people cannot forget the hurt they felt from the previous past tense. It's very hard to be around the same person who did something inappropriate in the past, and it re-flash memories of the past. I cannot blame people like that. I respect each person because each person has their own feelings, and their feelings might not overcome the hurt that they experienced. The choice is their and we have no right to get in other people's business either. ;)
 
Well How do you feel when someone posted a picture of you and your grandson in Gay.Com site? She did contact the webmaster to remove it. Then she posted it again twice.

How would you forgive her when she posted it TWICE in that site?

Especially adorable and innocence grandson picture in that site ?? :-o
 
Kalista, that's not the point. It's still dirty laundry and doesn't belong here. Six years is a long time ago and both parties have changed in their own ways. If there's still stuff on the matter to be discussed, it SHOULD be done so in a private manner...what happened to IM's or PM's or email? Why does everyone else have to get involved? I'm not condoning what happened - I'm just saying, it's old news and rehashing on it is NOT going to change the past.

Cheri...you're right...some things are hard to forgive, but why bring them here at AD?? Forgiveness has nothing to do with the rest of us. It's between the two members and the two members only. Right? :)
 
Why doesn't anyone ever care about the other members here only what it's being said in another thread?....This should not implying to only about the two members here, It seem people do not care about what others are going thru too in this forum, and yet someone decide to create a thread related to what's happening in another thread but don't look at it from all views, where others members are stuggle and going thru the same sort of thing too here in Alldeaf....

I guess it will always be about their friends no one else....I'm not going to say anymore to this thread cause some peope just don't simple care about others only their friends....All I'm going to say to ALL members is to keep their personal beef out of Alldeaf where it's doesn't belong....
 
^Angel^ said:
All I'm going to say to ALL members is to keep their personal beef out of Alldeaf where it's doesn't belong....

^Angel^!!! :hug: You're absolutely right about that - that's the point Tam was trying to make. I just think it's a shame that AD has become a wrestling ring of some sorts...you know? If it's between two members, it has nothing to do with friendship or one backing another. The other thread didn't have anything to do with what Tam is talking about, it had to do with opinion. If I remember correctly, though, friends manage to disagree on things just as commonly as they agree.
 
Malfoyish said:
Cheri...you're right...some things are hard to forgive, but why bring them here at AD?? Forgiveness has nothing to do with the rest of us. It's between the two members and the two members only. Right? :)


But, I didn't bring it up, I was only responding to the point of the thread. :dunno: You're right it's between two members only.
 
Cheri said:
But, I didn't bring it up, I was only responding to the point of the thread. :dunno: You're right it's between two members only.

Dear heart, I didn't say YOU brought it up. I just said it doesn't belong here. It's irrelevant who brings it up. But far as I see, we're on the same page.
 
Malfoyish said:
Kalista, that's not the point. It's still dirty laundry and doesn't belong here. Six years is a long time ago and both parties have changed in their own ways. If there's still stuff on the matter to be discussed, it SHOULD be done so in a private manner...what happened to IM's or PM's or email? Why does everyone else have to get involved? I'm not condoning what happened - I'm just saying, it's old news and rehashing on it is NOT going to change the past.

Cheri...you're right...some things are hard to forgive, but why bring them here at AD?? Forgiveness has nothing to do with the rest of us. It's between the two members and the two members only. Right? :)


There are more than two members. Yes, it is six years ago.. It is very difficult when someone who is really hurt you so badly. It is up to that person to forgive that person. Yes it is the past.

It would be impossible for me to forgive my ex. It has been years ago. It is depend on the situation some people willing forgive or not.
 
If no one is able to forgive then they can't move on with their life, but forgetting is another thing, some things can not be forgotten....But at least it should be kept in private btw the two of them....
 
Kalista said:
There are more than two members. Yes, it is six years ago.. It is very difficult when someone who is really hurt you so badly. It is up to that person to forgive that person. Yes it is the past.

It would be impossible for me to forgive my ex. It has been years ago. It is depend on the situation some people willing forgive or not.

Kalista, I'm very sorry you have a situation with your ex and you are unable to forgive. I am not in any way judging you for it. I think you have every right to feel the way you do. Just like I do with certain players in my own life. I will NEVER be able to forgive and/or forget some things that have been done to me. However, it doesn't belong here, so I don't bring it here. It's not something I discuss very easily anyway. If I need or want to discuss it, it's best to do so privately.

^Angel^, you nailed it - sometimes you can't forget, you're right. But it's much, MUCH less poisonous to keep it between the people involved. Nice post.
 
Depend how case seriouis..

I'll not going forgiven what have done terrible...
how can I forgive them back.. where respect back ? No thanks.

Too much painful..
I'd rather let it go... and move on..
Don't look back over your shoulder "What r u thinking about?" Feel more worst and pain overcome again.. isn't worth.

Move the forward.. each newest days.
 
GalaxyAngel said:
Depend how case seriouis..

I'll not going forgiven what have done terrible...
how can I forgive them back.. where respect back ? No thanks.

Too much painful..
I'd rather let it go... and move on..
Don't look back over your shoulder "What r u thinking about?" Feel more worst and pain overcome again.. isn't worth.

Move the forward.. each newest days.

Right, Galaxy - you move on - it's a good way to go about it. I mean, it's a choice as to whether you want to forgive, another choice whether you wanna forget, but moving on is a different ballgame - and a healthier one, too!
 
copy and paste

************************************************
Those Who Forget the Past are doomed to repeat it


How to forget about past


If a person experienced domestic violence, and rape at age of 8. And if things are not so great and not so bad to compare to past. At least that person have freedom to do what he wants to do. But everytime things go wrong, a person can't stop blame it on the past. It makes him feel like he was born loser. We know no one is a born loser, but what if that person has uncontrollable mood swings, binge eating habits, arrogance towards people who seem to think he is nobody.

This person has a horrendous history of rape and violence, as well as separation from his family. What if he was very depressed, and worried a lot about whether he himself would become an abuser. He was frightened of getting into relationships, because then he might marry someone and have children, and he feared that he would not be able to be a good mother. These thoughts distressed him every day.

I guess he has to look at the reality of his situation as a child. What can a child do against powerful adults? A child is physically small, and has little knowledge or experience of life. Its needs and wants can easily be ignored. Is this the child's fault? No. It is literally at the mercy of the adults that it encounters - unless the ADULTS protect the child from harm, and look after its needs and wants, the child can do nothing. So although the child may feel terrible about the dreadful things that happened to it, and may think to itself "I must be a very bad child for this dreadful thing to happen to me", in fact the child has nothing to blame itself for. The only thing a child can do is whatever is necessary to ensure its own survival, as best it can with its limited resources. Coming to realise that you have nothing to blame yourself for can help you begin to break free of the influence of the past. The situation you were in was not of your choosing.


Why do you want to forget the past?
First thing, its *not* there *now*.
You can turn back your face 180 degree and realize now if you wish
that there is no past
there is only *now*
the moment you are breathing is your reality. isnt it??
so you are already FREE from it right now...hm??
***************************************************

What is that person is trying to say??? :eek3:
 
^Angel^ said:
If no one is able to forgive then they can't move on with their life, but forgetting is another thing, some things can not be forgotten....But at least it should be kept in private btw the two of them....


Very true...

It´s not very easy... If a person forgive but she/he can´t forget..
 
Kalista said:
Well How do you feel when someone posted a picture of you and your grandson in Gay.Com site? She did contact the webmaster to remove it. Then she posted it again twice.

How would you forgive her when she posted it TWICE in that site?

Especially adorable and innocence grandson picture in that site ?? :-o


Yes I can image how a person feel when I´m in her/his shoes. I would file a lawsuit against someone for defamatary and abuse child´s image what she/he did is not acceptance...

I can understand it got a person nightmare and scar on her mind... It´s impossible to get move on and forget it...

But but but... I would forgive but I can´t forget...
 
There is a huge difference between forgiving and forgetting. One can forgive someone, but not necessarily forget an issue. It takes a long time for that to happen. However, I don't believe that gives someone the right to air his or her dirty laundry in a public forum. To do so, is mean sprited; especially if it's meant to tarnish a person's reputation or sway public opinion about someone. Why must people even go there??? It would be a much better place here on Alldeaf (and in the world) if people kept their personal business to themselves and dealt with it, rather than put it on display for the world to see.
 
It is not just one thing what this person did it to me in the past. There are more than one thing what this person did and continually backstabbed until today.. I have forgiven her twice then this person is not gonna to receieve my forgiveness again. I feel it s ONE forgiven is enough. However this person who is a mother of the children and a Special Education teacher for the deaf.. Thats tells me something what kind of person she is while she work with d/Deaf chidren that scared me. That is no excuse for someone who acts like evil or nasty childish. Tough luck for this person I dont feel sorry for this person at all even some of you people who have no respect my own freedom of speech with respect. I FOUND IT S TOO MANY CONFLICT ISSUES that gives me the impression and confusion too much.

Other person with this person who is harrassing me all along and suspect that same person who threatened me and say I WILL KILL YOU on the forum. How do u expect me to forgive them?

All I m seeing that I am not allowed to say anything while it s okay for you to do this while you dont give a hoot about all that nasty sexual harrassement and harrassment from this person or anybody else who doesnt have any respect others and their own moral value especially our Deaf school that doesnt have to do with open or closed mind.. IF YOU MIND, What is that supposed to be and what do u expect me to think of this BS going on here? in a real life?

I have not speak to her for many years because this person is not worthwhile to hang around with or talk to because she kept saying my nickname and trying to make me look bad with my own innocent reputation in everywhere on the internet that I saw in my own eyes until now.. she asked for it.

This person does not have any respect for me , my childhood, my daughters son who joined the forums or deafies s childhood that I know that reminds me what people with audist attitude did it to us in our childhood and if you mind. For god s sake my daughter is hearing and had told her off. Guess what people dont give me full support while this and that person did this on purpose. Ahem! what s the heck going on~ :wtf:

Simply that she doesnt like my courage to open many coffins after deafies and I struggled for many years. Truth hurts but I am so happy it comes out the truth for what they did to me and many other deafies who is NOT NOT NOT functionally hearing that people with audist attitude who lies to many innocent parents. or help parents who have been fooled by Dr Professional for the dirty money. What makes you think dr or professional care about you while they are making a big $$$$$$$$ while they cannot respect for who or what we are legally deaf.


I am not blamed on the parent who got screwed up and damaged their child by mistaken. I have someone who come to me after they read my comment. We ended up the conversation together.. I have helped this parent that makes me feel good and knowing he is not alone. I care about his son or anybody s d/Deaf children. NO MORE LIES ABOUT OR CONFORM the child for your sakes

How can I forget people have not changed their attitude or accept our deafness yet? SCOFFS!!

In other hands it s good to tell the truth because hearing ppl with a good attitude and many deafies who doesnt realized what they did to them, dont want to end up like audist attitude people because they want to understand learn from us deafies like me. That helps them to see that we deafies have the right and respect them all the way. You dont want me around so TOUGH LUCK I am gonna be around until I DIE.

I dont think it s obbession at all since you destroy us badly all those years without having ASL. ASL is our Deaf rights that u dont want to hear it.. TOUGH LUCK. It is not for you personally it s for their needs when they are babies. Sighs! Thats Deaf babies rights. I wont let you stop me what I strongly believe in. Thank you!

I dont care what you think of me because I am getting used to it and I do really appreciate for some hearing and deaf orallst came up to me and talked about deaf issues.. I do really enjoy and listen to them.. They learned from me and I learned from them. I KNow who i am and proud of myself a Deaf person and my hands to speak. I am not invisible because oral method only doesnt fit in my life and deafies s life shouldnt be invisible at all

OF COURSE I AM OBESSED ABOUT ASL because I didnt have a normal conversation with my own families or hearing friends or people out there that they dont sign. I am not blamed my family for it however I BLAMED ORAL METHOD ONLY and AUDIST ATTITUDE people who dont give a hoot about us deafies like me. I dont need HA device that you expected me and all deafies to hear everything .. Thats full of it with CI as well.

ASL does everything for both sides and Animals that works so well for everybody to communicate with that is very important. Oral Method destroy our ASL for many many years that it s proven that has been covered up inside the coffins. I am not gonna to let you to hide/ destroy good things for deafies gift. There is a reason for ASL/native sign language in our life.

I have enough of BS here because two faced and dishonest that I am seeing in few people in this topic.. How interesting!

Have a good evening!!!!

Sweetmind
 
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guess he has to look at the reality of his situation as a child. What can a child do against powerful adults? A child is physically small, and has little knowledge or experience of life. Its needs and wants can easily be ignored. Is this the child's fault? No. It is literally at the mercy of the adults that it encounters - unless the ADULTS protect the child from harm, and look after its needs and wants, the child can do nothing. So although the child may feel terrible about the dreadful things that happened to it, and may think to itself "I must be a very bad child for this dreadful thing to happen to me", in fact the child has nothing to blame itself for. The only thing a child can do is whatever is necessary to ensure its own survival, as best it can with its limited resources. Coming to realise that you have nothing to blame yourself for can help you begin to break free of the influence of the past. The situation you were in was not of your choosing.


Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Of course I want to protect d/Deaf children and their future from destroy their true identity. d/Deaf children 's rights and self esteem. I will always protect our d/Deaf children and their future until I die :gpost:

Thank you again! ;)
Sweetmind
 
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