discriminated? or Mobbing?

[Liebling:-)))]

Hi,
It was happened to me last Tuesday. I decide to put those thread to share my feeling with you all. I feel being discriminated by work colleagues... Would you tell me how you feeling when you were in my shoes.

Well, there are only 3 ladies of us who work together with 15 men in the division where I work for many years & the 4 other men at other division also belong to our division. We shared our birthday celebration for years... We (3 ladies) received a big lovely flowers from 15 men for birthday greeting with no problems but with 4 men is the different. I'm only one who are being treated different than 2 ladies is received a little & lousy bunch flower like cyclamens, begonia, blue daisy, blazing käthchen, gloxinia, primrose, Hydrants etc every year. All what I watched for years is 2 ladies (Rosemarie & Ingrid) received a big lovely flowers from them. I said nothing & keep smile... Oh lovely bah bah....

My hubby, my Dad & few of my friends said it's not nice what 4 men did to me because they should treat us the same because we work together in the same division everyday. Their opinion that I should do something to STOP it like that than let them treat me differently like this is no good because they all know I'm too softie. I should do something is not invite them anymore etc. I can't do that because they would think I'm selfish to expect too much or what. It would be worst if I don't invite them over this. I can do is make an excuse for not invite my friends etc is better than fighting or hassle at privately because I didn't see them everyday but work?

Well, a new lady (Rita) who started work with us last July 2003 ..... The 4 men gave me Hydrant last month. I said NOTHING when 15 men stared & made Mickey out of those "Hydrant" (they thought I don’t' understand what they talk about but they forget quickly that deafie have the strong feeling). My face burnt red like tomato when they laughed at Hydrant & 4 men because it's them who gave me. Well the 4 men also laughed 15 men off, too. The 3 ladies looked at me strangely when I tried to laugh, too & say that it's nice... I like it. Deep in my heart I was real hurt & feel being pissed by them. One month later after that, last Tuesday we were at Rita's (new lady) birthday celebration in canteen. I was REAL :jaw: & can't believe when I saw 4 men gave Rita a big lovely flower like they did to 2 ladies. It finished me totally. I tried to smile & say "how lovely" but the tear come out automatic but I tried to control my emotion down but it's too strong. Rosemarie noticed something wrong with me but I pretend that I'm cold or something wrong with my eyes... Maybe smoking. Sad is I lost my appetite on lovely foods, Rita treated us & walked away to leave my colleagues with puzzled faces. I had a good cry at bathroom until I calm down myself then back to office to leave them celebrate Rita's birthday.
Few hours later after that I apologized Rita for my behavior at her celebration because I know she, Rosemarie & Ingrid are not the blame to being treat different as me from 4 men. Rita accept my apologize saying that it's not my fault & know why because of those flowers... We talked & talked... Rosemarie & Ingrid are very quiet as 15 men, too. T think they knew why but said nothing to me...
The 4 men didn't say once something to me yet. It look like that they don't want to admit their mistakes. They only said that they didn't do it purposely... They claimed that the flowers they gave me is "expensive", that's what I learn from Rosemarie. I was laugh real hard & told her that why can't they take a big flower like they did with 3 ladies if they are not expensive than Hydrant, etc? If 4 men are offense over my behavior is not my problem because I can't see any excuse why I had been treated differently than 3 ladies. Is it reason because of my deafness or what?
I'm thinking about not invite 4 men to birthday celebration in the future if they won't solve those situation with me. I wouldn't join their birthday celebration, too. I got enough to being discriminated by them... Mobbing?
I would forgive them after what they did to me for the past years if they come to solve with me but they didn't.

How you feeling when you are in my shoes?
Please share your opinions with me..... Disagreed or Agree are welcome.

 

[VamPyroX]

I'm being discriminated cuz I'm a white male!

 

[Frisky Feline]

I do understand your situation. I wonder the four men ever chat with you like real good conversation or "just HI and bye". It would makes any differences for MEN's views.
Also, it seems you know a lot about flowers' $$ . I do not know much about flowers' $$. Maybe you try not to compare with others flowers who are better than you. Sometimes, focusing on the negativity too much and forget all about the positive things. Know what i mean?

Maybe you can try to get to know the four men to see if they actually are ncie people or jerk people. Once you get to know them then it is up to you to invite them for your birthday or not.

I would give myself a chance to chat with them to see or can sesne their vibes to see if they are being existed or not. If I feel like they aren't existed then i dont bother to invite them. It is my opinion..

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I think I didn´t tell you about 4 men enough...
Yes, I know them for a long time since 1986. That same caserne where I work... I moved to those Division from other division in 1991 to share with 2 ladies, 15 men & 4 men from other division...

Honsetly, I live in Germany for a long time to accept the fact that Germans think negatives of disablities. They didn´t know how to deal with disabilties, that´s why they doesn´t bother to try to chat with me. I accept it because that is so. I accept what they are but why can´t they do the same with me?
We only say is "Hi" & "bye". They (4) are the same as 15 men but 15 men treat me the same as 3 ladies. Few of 15 men chat with me is okay. During duty I wrote a note to tell them what I want etc but they doesn´t bother to tell me but get Rosemarie to translate me for them.

I think you disread me... I´m not compare with prices. You must have known how BIG difference between Hydrant etc. & a big flowers... I don´t care how many flowers, which colors, ugly or pretty or how much it cost BUT they ought treat me the same as 3 ladies.

Logical, everyone make fun of 4 men when they saw Hydrant because we all knew it cost under €3.-- but the 4 men are too smart for them. That´s how I tried to laugh & said it´s nice to ignore 3 ladies´s sympathy look. The flowers they gave 3 ladies between €12.-- & €20.-- We knows the prices because we often buy the flowers at flowers shop for give our relatives & friends the birthday, Easter, Xmas, Mother Day etc.

The ladies are not surprised when I shared my feeling with them today because they known it for ages. I told them that I decided that I wouldn´t bother to invite them to my birthday in the future if they are still not accept what I am.

 

[Liza]

The ladies are not surprised when I shared my feeling with them today because they known it for ages. I told them that I decided that I wouldn´t bother to invite them to my birthday in the future if they are still not accept what I am.

Cut the garbage off and you'll feel happier for it. Just my thoughts! Dont have to subject yourself to that torture...

 

[Frisky Feline]

I think I didn´t tell you about 4 men enough...
Yes, I know them for a long time since 1986. That same caserne where I work... I moved to those Division from other division in 1991 to share with 2 ladies, 15 men & 4 men from other division...

Honsetly, I live in Germany for a long time to accept the fact that Germans think negatives of disablities. They didn´t know how to deal with disabilties, that´s why they doesn´t bother to try to chat with me. I accept it because that is so. I accept what they are but why can´t they do the same with me?
We only say is "Hi" & "bye". They (4) are the same as 15 men but 15 men treat me the same as 3 ladies. Few of 15 men chat with me is okay. During duty I wrote a note to tell them what I want etc but they doesn´t bother to tell me but get Rosemarie to translate me for them.

I think you disread me... I´m not compare with prices. You must have known how BIG difference between Hydrant etc. & a big flowers... I don´t care how many flowers, which colors, ugly or pretty or how much it cost BUT they ought treat me the same as 3 ladies.

Logical, everyone make fun of 4 men when they saw Hydrant because we all knew it cost under €3.-- but the 4 men are too smart for them. That´s how I tried to laugh & said it´s nice to ignore 3 ladies´s sympathy look. The flowers they gave 3 ladies between €12.-- & €20.-- We knows the prices because we often buy the flowers at flowers shop for give our relatives & friends the birthday, Easter, Xmas, Mother Day etc.

The ladies are not surprised when I shared my feeling with them today because they known it for ages. I told them that I decided that I wouldn´t bother to invite them to my birthday in the future if they are still not accept what I am.

Liek I said I do not know much about flowers. NOW i see your point that that flower costs under 3 dollars. HOW disgust of the four guys to treat you like you are inferior to them. Again, i am sorry if I misudnerstand you.

I agree with you, that they are not your worth to share your birthday to celebrate. I am glad you had share your feeling wtih your ladies. I can see that you feel better a little bit.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Cut the garbage off and you'll feel happier for it. Just my thoughts! Dont have to subject yourself to that torture...

I only share the feeling & opinion with you all what I had through when I saw 4 men treat Rita as same as they did with 2 ladies which Rita started work with us last July... It finish me totally & realized what they did to me is discriminalize..., that´all... :P

 

[Malfoyish]

Liebling, dear...

Acceptance is a funny word. Even if and when we accept someone as a friend, there is always one or two things that we secretly wonder whether or not we can get past...at least, I believe so. The fact that we can remain friends with them regardless is what makes it all worthwhile.

Discrimination is when people aren't given a chance because others believe that they can't handle or simply don't deserve the chance, based on looks, religion, hearing loss, visual impairment, and more. I'm not sure what the problem is with the men at work, but you deserve flowers any day, not only on your birthday! (IMHO)!!

You deserve the absolute best from people...if you know you are purposely being treated differently, then you have every right to be upset. I am sorry that the other women are being treated better than you when it comes to their birthdays...I'd personally give those men back their hydrant and tell them to go piss on it. Or, piss on it yourself and leave it in their cubicles.

Malfoyish

 

[Liebling:-)))]

You deserve the absolute best from people...if you know you are purposely being treated differently, then you have every right to be upset. I am sorry that the other women are being treated better than you when it comes to their birthdays...I'd personally give those men back their hydrant and tell them to go piss on it. Or, piss on it yourself and leave it in their cubicles.

Malfoyish

You said the same what my Dad, hubby & eldest son said...
Hugs...
I´m too softie... Me :madfawk:

 

[DeafSCUBA98]

what does woman give those men for their b-day? if they do that.. simple give those 15 men a nice gift... and give those 4 guys a cheap gift

 

[Malfoyish]

You said the same what my Dad, hubby & eldest son said...
Hugs...
I´m too softie... Me :madfawk:

So am I, girlie! Way too passive!!! But that's something you can improve on yourself in the future...

Malfoyish

 

[Lantana]

Birthday Flowers

Hmm, I don't post here much, but YOUR post upset me enough to get my dander up, Liebling.

Just before your birthday, why don't you send YOURSELF a huge bouquet of flowers with a card that says, "From your secret admirer". It might cost you a little $$ but I'll bet you it makes a statement!

If that doesn't work, do it again next birthday! Good luck, you deserve it.

 

[ideafspy]

Liebling,

I understand how you feel even I am man. If I were you the years you treat them nice but you are getting joke gift. What I would do give them second or third years but still joke gift. I will give them back by flower shop delievery at their office from unknow. Just keep the old flower and then give them one ugly flower with old flower that they gave to you.

I will put that memo: Thanks that you are not mine!

I don't care if they get suspect from me but they should deserved this!

About me, I have problem with my manager and several co worker. I try to be nice but they return me a dead look and say "WHAT?!" I was like okay. Until my time is coming, I am going to quit that job for good because I got better offer from other job!

What you did not that serious unless you know them for long time then that made different. The reason I will tell you thru PM.

 

[VamPyroX]

I'm a bit lost about this story. They gave you something different from the other women? What exactly was it?

 

[Angel]

aww Liebling,

U know what?...U don't need them....If they can't treat you the same way as they treat those gals then you do the same thing back, by buying them something smaller or less expensive.....and see how does that make them feel....

*Hugs*....Don't worry you have us!....

 

[TweetyBird]

hey,
u dont need them!!! they are not worth to u!!! u have other friends more them!! they are not right for u.. anyway, dont worry abt them!! allright!!!

 

[Opal]

Don't bother to invited these "so-called" employer friends to your birthday canteen, they will get the message at once!!

I know people say not matter how much the present cost, it thought that count, but we cannot help notice it big different and it is definetly discrimation!

If they give you cheap flower next time, tell them you won't accept it, stuff them!!

 

[kuifje75]

Mobbing is a German word, would you care to explain it to us? (I already know but...)
Mobbing in English means when someone puts a knife to you and steals money from you.

I think it is very normal in a sad way that people will just say hello and bye without really talking or trying to get to know who you are. Fortunately, in the past employments I have had, I had the pleasure of wonderful comradeship relationship with people in my department.

I have an idea: do you communicate with your co-workers everyday, even if it is just to ask them how their family is and how their kids are, etc... Make small steps and then maybe as they learn more and more about you, they will warm up to you. Don't isolate yourself at work in your own cubile. I think that is what I did in my past employment, asking them questions and encouraging them to talk with me and ask me anything, and so on. I miss my old workmates!!! Right now, my two jobs are in the Deaf Community, so it is another story! LOL

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Hi kuifje75,
There´re interesting word between British & American:
British: Mugging
American: Mobbing

Thank you for honest open to save confusing on AD!
Please correct me next time if I put wrong word to confuse between British, American & German.

Sorry, I thought German word "Mobbing" is the same word as English! None of right word in the German/English Dictornary because those word is the same.

Accord German law, we have rights against "Mobbing" & discrimation since the policewoman shot herself due mobbing at her work place because they´re jealous of her promotion. Those terrible situation drove her to death.

What about you? If yes, what´s the right word? Please change & correct "Mobbing" on my thread. Thank you.

There´re the difference between "Mobbing" & discrimation.

The "Mobbing" is the famous word due work place is everything including one word:

Backstabbing
pick the co-workers on aggressive/nasty way
treat them badly
Mickey Mouse out of them
muck around
defamation
take their self-confidence away

Those situation are real terrible & drove people to physically nervous breakdown/tempt suicides.

Well, I was victim of "Mobbing" when I started work at old division in 1986-1991 after married & moved to Germany. The reason is they finished me off is took my self-confidence away & drove me to nervous breakdown because I protest my rights against my Supersivor to Civilian Personal after learned that he wrote my job task false to reduce my pay group due deafness which my job task is the same as other 2 women. The Civilian Personal gave me the right & correct my pay group & gave my Supervisor admonishment letter.
That´s how the situation goes worst. I escaped from those situation to Work Council then sent me to doctor. They fired my Supersivor! They moved me to other Division after one month sick leave in 1991, that´s where I´m still working now.
It took me ages to built my self-confidence up! I get on well with 3 women & male colleagues! It´s most important is they didn´t "mobbing" me but discriminated because they didn´t know how to talk to me is the problem!
Yes, I tried hard to be friendly to them. I tried chat with them something like that "nice weather" - "How old\many children they have" etc. step to step but it doesn´t owrk because they know Rosemarie is only one who understand me & interest to learn DGS (German sign language). They use her to translate me for them...
I can´t do anything to change them if they are not interesting to know me better. I know it´s shame but it´s important is they treat me the same as other women on special day except 4 men.
2 of 4 men chat with me sometimes when they are in good mood.. That´s so!

I know it´s not their fault for think negatives over disbility due Nazi time! They think deafness belong mental illness etc. Terrible because I didn´t use it.
Now the law of discrimination rights improve slowly... OMG! It does improve more than before.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

what does woman give those men for their b-day? if they do that.. simple give those 15 men a nice gift... and give those 4 guys a cheap gift

No, the men are not interesting to receive the gift from us but shaking the hand to happy birthday is fine with them & invite us to their birthday canteen. On round birthday like "40th", "50th", "60th"... is a different story.

I´m thinking about buy Hydrant to wish the foreman of 4 men a happy birthday then answer his invitation. "Thank you for an invitiation but I´m sorry I can't make it up. He would feel bad when he get Hydrant from me as if I "return" it back to him. ???