Deaf/hearing relationships won't last

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My boyfriend is hearing, forgot to mention that, haha. He takes ASL classes at RIT and he's been improving. It's a challenge but worth it!
 
VamPyroX said:
I think the relationship would depend on communication between the two.

Yes, I admit that I've seen a lot of deaf/hearing relationships end quickly. I even witnessed a deaf/hearing marriage end up with a divorce.
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That is a horrible argument haha. Divorces happen ALL THE TIME with hearing couples, that doesn't prove much of anything, dude.
 
It doesn't matter if she's hearing or deaf or HH. My last 2 ex-girlfriends were hearing, though. Don't want to talk how did my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. It's hurts me.
 
dating an hearing women is very risky i got an great deal of pain from dating an hearing woman for one we had no communciation i tried to express my feeling she interprets it to controling and that i m pushing her i didnt do that i m trying to make her happy you know? poems roses the works and i rememered she told me that she wanted to get married so i proposed to her and all of the suddenly she said i m pushing too far that i m going too fast i mean i thought thats what she want? you know? i thought that would make her happy so instead she dumped me cuz of that oh yeah she cheated on me right in front of me i was sitting right there emotionally broken in need for her and then she went and do that so i m very happy i m out of that relationship "note to self never go out with an 2 cent whore" that s exactly what she is but funny thing is i m happy i m out of there and i m staying with deaf women thats that and an fully chrisitan ones too i dont get it through i didnt show one hint of voilence and all o the sudden they re very afraid of me enough to call a cop what the heck? but i acepted it
funny thing it all cfame from lack of communcation jeez that st upid woman she doesnt know me at all and overreacts
oh well so yeah lack of communcation does impact the relationship an great deal
 
I agree that communication is tricky, but that does not mean that it will not work out. I've dated many deaf people in the past, and honestly, they never truly understood me. I've had many communication problems with deaf people in the past, too. Some people overreact to situations, but that is not because they are deaf or hearing, it is just because they are HUMAN. we are all people with problems, whether we are deaf or hearing, it doesn't matter. Communication with a hearing person is difficult, yes, but it is definitely not impossible. If you want to be with someone, you will try to make it work, and if it does not work, then you tried, but sometimes it will work out. My boyfriend (he is hearing) is very understanding of my situation and he is constantly trying to help me out with communication. We have amazing communication, and I am proud to say that. It takes a lot of work, yes, but it is POSSIBLE, is my point.
 
These relationships CAN work, but it takes work. If you're not prepared for it, it is better to not do it. If you are prepared, then go for it.
 
I think it is feeble excuse to saying this relationship between hearing/deaf won't work is like saying a white man married to a color wife!!

Look at other Hearing married to Hearing, their relationship FAILED too!! Nothing to do with being Deaf!!

Remember its take 2 couple to work together and loves each other as it is.
 
i agree with opal i wish my ex girlfriend worked harder to make it work all she did was give up and called an cop on me and give me an boot so that s when i knew she doesnt really love me at all and since she act like an 2 cent whore right in front of me not caring of how i felt so i justs left still i wonder if she s ok she refuse to talk to me even if i made her happy and tried my best to make her happy even if she s mad at me i tried to work hard to make it work she just give up too easily so i just left no point on lingering so i just move on and stick with deaf women where i dont have to write on an piece of paper just to communicate besides if there were an hearing who can sign an well as i do then perfect that ll be awesome but then the damage is done i cant trust hearing ppl but then i dont trust deaf people either meh i guess i ll have to take a risk again risk getting hurted i m just so tired of gettint hurted so really tired of it when will the women stop hurting me? when?!?!? all i did was be there for them be supportive cook for them care for them write poems being so romatnic being cheerful and caring as i can be since its part of my nature what women doesnt want that in an man apparently my ex doesnt like it so opal is right hearing or deaf makes no difference but i admit its hard to trust hearing women since they hurted me the most but i do know deaf women can hurt me too so i m wishing they would stop hurting me i just wanted love i want to be there for them and care for them and support them is that wrong? is that so horribble?
 
dating hearing people isn't no problem for me.... Everybody worries to much, need to give it a chance.... So what if the first hearing person dumps you or you dump that hearing person? You may find another hearing person who is great to you and understand you. But you gotta fine the right person.. It doesn't always have to be "dating or married" to a deaf person. I don't care if I date hearing, but as a matter of fact all of my ex boyfriends are hearing... Not one of them are "deaf or hard of hearing".. It doesn't bother me at all.. One of my ex boyfriend, we dated for almost 2 years, he's hearing... There wasn't no problems in the realtionship at all... I got a lot of hearing people~ and got no deaf friends that I'm close to. So dont judge on hearing people, You might be suprise if your next person is your "right" person to spend the rest of your life with... Remember God has a plan for everybody!
 
As others have said, any relationship takes work! It doesn't matter if it is hearing/deaf, black/white, male/male, female/female. If you are in a relationship, both sides must work for it to sucseed.
As far as the police being called, that is an old trick. They wait until you are relaxed, piss you off a little bit, then call the police. It is most common on late sunday afternoon. You know, you spend the weekend with her, you have a good time. Pay for dinner, dates, drinks, and all, then sunday afternoon comes along (time to say good bye). Instead of them telling you that it is not going to work, and why it is not going to work, they just call the police and say something like "We just got into an argument, he said he was going to hurt me. He has never hurt me in the past. Yes it is my house, and he is just a guest. I do not want him arrested for anything, I just want him to leave".
Dark, did she say something like that?
Most do.

FYI, No, this statement is not about all females, only the ones that manipulative ones that call the police when they are ready to end a weekend long date, and do not have the stones to do it themselves.
 
RoyalMajesty said:
dating hearing people isn't no problem for me.... Everybody worries to much, need to give it a chance.... So what if the first hearing person dumps you or you dump that hearing person? You may find another hearing person who is great to you and understand you. But you gotta fine the right person.. It doesn't always have to be "dating or married" to a deaf person. I don't care if I date hearing, but as a matter of fact all of my ex boyfriends are hearing... Not one of them are "deaf or hard of hearing".. It doesn't bother me at all.. One of my ex boyfriend, we dated for almost 2 years, he's hearing... There wasn't no problems in the realtionship at all... I got a lot of hearing people~ and got no deaf friends that I'm close to. So dont judge on hearing people, You might be suprise if your next person is your "right" person to spend the rest of your life with... Remember God has a plan for everybody!
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I totally agree. We cant worry too much about the past repeating itself in our current or future relationships. If we do that, then that will affect our potential in having a healthy relationship ever and end up alone. My ex husband is hearing and didnt know sign language but our marriage didnt fail cuz he is hearing and I am deaf. It was due to other issues. After the split, I vowed I wouldnt be with a hearing guy again so I dated deaf guys...for 4 years, nothing worked out and then I fell in love with my good friend who is now my current husband. Guess what? He is hearing but so far I am so happy in our marriage and feel right with him. Looking back, since the beginning of my relationship with my ex, there was something missing but I was too young and niave to recognize the signs.

I think all relationships face challenges from cultural differences, emotional baggage, past haunts, communication issues, trust issues, childraising beliefs, in laws, and many more.

If a relationship didnt work out because of deaf and hearing issues then it was those people themselves that made that into a negative factor of their relationship but it DOES not mean that all deaf/hearing realationships are doomed for failure. Yes, deaf/hearing relationships face more challenges than deaf/deaf and hearing/hearing relationships but if the couple really love each other and willing to work to meet each other needs, then the relationship have a great chance for surviving for many years.
 
shel90 said:
I totally agree. We cant worry too much about the past repeating itself in our current or future relationships. If we do that, then that will affect our potential in having a healthy relationship ever and end up alone. My ex husband is hearing and didnt know sign language but our marriage didnt fail cuz he is hearing and I am deaf. It was due to other issues. After the split, I vowed I wouldnt be with a hearing guy again so I dated deaf guys...for 4 years, nothing worked out and then I fell in love with my good friend who is now my current husband. Guess what? He is hearing but so far I am so happy in our marriage and feel right with him. Looking back, since the beginning of my relationship with my ex, there was something missing but I was too young and niave to recognize the signs.

I think all relationships face challenges from cultural differences, emotional baggage, past haunts, communication issues, trust issues, childraising beliefs, in laws, and many more.

If a relationship didnt work out because of deaf and hearing issues then it was those people themselves that made that into a negative factor of their relationship but it DOES not mean that all deaf/hearing realationships are doomed for failure. Yes, deaf/hearing relationships face more challenges than deaf/deaf and hearing/hearing relationships but if the couple really love each other and willing to work to meet each other needs, then the relationship have a great chance for surviving for many years.
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Exactly! Give a person a chance... You never know what all the suprises are! Im glad that your happy with your hubby now! I think it's great!! :) Hope all the best for you and your family! God Bless you! :)
 
RoyalMajesty said:
Exactly! Give a person a chance... You never know what all the suprises are! Im glad that your happy with your hubby now! I think it's great!! :) Hope all the best for you and your family! God Bless you! :)
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AWWW! Thanks! :)
 
darkflare83 said:
as for hearing and deaf relationship you are right its an bad idea i ll tell you the whole story from beginning to end it ll take a while .....
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That is so shocking! You are WAYYYY better off without that dumb, selfish bitch for sure. Hate to say it, but good you found out before you married her. You got off easy with someone like this, IMO. You are a caring and loving guy, and it wasn't your fault that your ex behaved so despicably whatever her reasons may have been. But please don't let it put you off the experience of being in a loving relationship with a woman... both hearing or deaf.
 
Although many people here are very positive about deaf/hearing relationships, it is a definite statistic that 90% of deaf/hearing marriages end in divorce...that is something hard to ignore.
I have talked to a few very intelligent people who are in deaf/hearing marriages, and they've all said that one culture always has to lose. I don't mean 100%, but both have to sacrifice in ways that 2 deaf or 2 hearing people wouldn't.
If the hearing person doesn't sign, or doesn't sign well, then there is a lack of fluent communication which WILL make a difference, no matter what anyone else says. People don't usually communicate well when they both fluently speak the same language, when it's different languages...in a marriage...AHH. Plus, the deaf person is going to feel left out in all hearing situations with their spouse, that's just..not good. Also, if the hearing person doesn't sign, it is doubtful they have any real understanding of how a deaf person feels, deaf community, etc. Language and culture go hand-in-hand, you can't learn one without the other.
If the hearing person does sign fluently, and both are involved in the deaf community, then honestly, there must be times when both feel left out. A hearing person involved in the deaf community IS NOT and CANNOT be involved the same way a deaf person is, and even when in some ways they are, they're still hearing...you know. For example, when you have kids, let's say that when the deaf spouse is there, the rule is both of you sign, and the kids must sign. The kid goes up to the hearing parent in front of the deaf parent and starts speaking...if the hearing parent responds, in sign or speech, they still need to in some way "translate" what the child said, or they are leaving the deaf parent out, definitely causing a control shift...but if they hearing parent ignores the child until he/she signs, that's tough too...that's ignoring your child using a language you understand...I...I don't know what I would do, but def. tough.
I am not trying to discourage all deaf/hearing relationships, or saying they can't work out, but it's not easy.
 
signer16 said:
Although many people here are very positive about deaf/hearing relationships, it is a definite statistic that 90% of deaf/hearing marriages end in divorce...that is something hard to ignore.
I have talked to a few very intelligent people who are in deaf/hearing marriages, and they've all said that one culture always has to lose. I don't mean 100%, but both have to sacrifice in ways that 2 deaf or 2 hearing people wouldn't.
If the hearing person doesn't sign, or doesn't sign well, then there is a lack of fluent communication which WILL make a difference, no matter what anyone else says. People don't usually communicate well when they both fluently speak the same language, when it's different languages...in a marriage...AHH. Plus, the deaf person is going to feel left out in all hearing situations with their spouse, that's just..not good. Also, if the hearing person doesn't sign, it is doubtful they have any real understanding of how a deaf person feels, deaf community, etc. Language and culture go hand-in-hand, you can't learn one without the other.
If the hearing person does sign fluently, and both are involved in the deaf community, then honestly, there must be times when both feel left out. A hearing person involved in the deaf community IS NOT and CANNOT be involved the same way a deaf person is, and even when in some ways they are, they're still hearing...you know. For example, when you have kids, let's say that when the deaf spouse is there, the rule is both of you sign, and the kids must sign. The kid goes up to the hearing parent in front of the deaf parent and starts speaking...if the hearing parent responds, in sign or speech, they still need to in some way "translate" what the child said, or they are leaving the deaf parent out, definitely causing a control shift...but if they hearing parent ignores the child until he/she signs, that's tough too...that's ignoring your child using a language you understand...I...I don't know what I would do, but def. tough.
I am not trying to discourage all deaf/hearing relationships, or saying they can't work out, but it's not easy.
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Well then that is a test for my hubby and I. See how things go but I have faith in our relationship. Important we balance both cultures. Like at our jobs, I am around deaf people and my hubby is around hearing people. I go to his family's house and deal with being left out and he goes to deaf events with me and deals with being left out. The MOST important thing is that we are there for each other first.
 
It all depends on the individuals. I know some deaf people that are happily married to hearing spouses for many, many years. It just all depends.
 
All relationships require compromise, whether it is in the area of deaf/hearing culture, carreer issues, parenting issues, or who wants what for dinner. That is one of the defining ideals of a relationship. If the two people love each other and are willing to work for their relationship, they will thrive. If one person dominates, then the relationship will not be equally happy, successful. One person will become bitter and leave.
 
Darkflare83 i have to tell ya that is my personality completely when i used to date women i was like that. I was the guy to them that women always say they want. A man who is caring, romantic, sensitive. Remembers the slightest off hand comment that winds up being a gift. A gift for no reason, but always remember birthday and anniversery. to love them and be committed. To be there for them, but not be a door mat. I AM THAT MAN!! instead i was cheated on lied to and treated like sh*t! No that is not the reason i am gay i was that all along i just didn't realize it. But i don't think that all women are like that. There are good women out there. As far as writing things down. okay this is just me. I met a Deaf guy, (not a love interest) and the writing thing got to me and i learned sign. And i am taking classes to learn all i can. And i am just a friend. In a relationship if the hearing person does not respect you enough to learn your language then you don't need them. How can you communicate effectively? Plus what i have seen of that my opinion of the hearing person and my Deaf friends opinion of them is totally different. I think it has a lot to do with the limitations of writing things down. You cannot fully be all that you are if you do that. there is so much lost. If you are with a hearing woman they should either know sign or if they really want to be with you then they should start learning and do so enthusiastically! That would be a sign right there that this person is not for you. Communication is a basic thing and by never learning they would be keeping you from your deaf friends. It is just wrong on so many levels in my opinion. But that is just me. You deserve better!
 
darkflare83 said:
as for hearing and deaf relationship you are right its an bad idea i ll tell you the whole story from beginning to end it ll take a while .....



it all started with when i was desprately searching for a woman and i found her online her name was liz i met her thru her sister laura we was hitting it of fand we were doing just fine no problem at all i felt so happy i thought i ve met my life partner she said she felt same way then as time passes i went to new orleans and met her family they were all so happy to see me liz s sons called me daddy i was so proud to be called an daddy but as time passes by some lies was popping up and denied i found it odd and like a fool i ignored it and i noticed liz spe4nding more time with laura alone more than she does to me it made me felt so left out she said she s not used to be with aqn caring guy which is me she s used to an abusive guys but i ve always thought women wanted to be with an guy who s so caring so understanding so loving and so loyal why doesnt she want go out alone with me? doestn she understand how lonely i felt? then as time passed by it was nov 17th i helded her i was in an emotional state because i missed her but i felt better after i hugged her then all of the sudden she said she didnt wanted to be touched or held because she s pregnant the question is is she really pregnant i ve always tried to get her to take an pregnant test but she said she know s she s pregnant but its too early to tell so was it a lie? if it is then why? anyway i aked her to let me hold her at l3ast for a while because i felt so lonely more than i could handle i ve been so alone for years i needed someone to hold once a while and that time was the most time i needed her but she didnt watn to hold me at all she just told me she loved me but her eyes showed hatred i didnt understand then i just lost it i cried so hard and i cutted myself on my left arm which i shouldnt have done but it was done i aplologized to liz she said she needed to be alone for a while to calm down i tried to leave her alone but i couldnt stand seeing her hurted i tried to tell her i love her and that i care for her and that is there anything i can do to make he feel better i wanted to be there for her and then later on three men came in and chatted with liz i felt left out i noticed her laughting and chatting it up liek nothing happened and then all of the sudden she just got up and went to bedroom and put on an very sexy clothes the one you could she her tits and her private parts thru the clothe and then she flashed her boobs to one man named mike and flirted with him i asked her why did she go and do that?> she said "because if that swhat i want to i will" i just sat there watching her cheat on me it hurts so much i had so much pain my emotions actually had an breakdown i felt so numb why did she had to do this to me? she flirted with that man mike and sexually tease him flunging her boobies around right in front of me i had to endure it and they took a walk and told me to stay put who knows what she s doing with that man mike when she s taking a walk? with him ? kissing? or much more? i didnt want to lose her swo i listened my friend told me to leave her that she s not worth it i just cant because i loved her too deeply then they came back and the men finally left in my mind i told myself i had to leave her because that s the real her liz is an whore an player an slut an cheater and she s so cruelest women i ve ever met i mean who hurts men right front of his eyes and laugh about it and got drunk ? and i couldnt sleep then the next day when liz woke up i worked very hard to make her happy again by expressing my love for her i wrote poems i bought her an rose i even told her i was going to propose to her because i actually thought that ll make her happy because she told me that it was her dream that i would ask her to marry me no matter how soon it is and now she told me off that i m too controling and that i shouldnt have controled her and then she wanted to break up i just looked on her flatly and said ok i accept that if that s what she want , i love her but she s not worth it i refuse to date with an 2 cent whore it makes me wonder do she sell her body for moneyt? i wouldnt be surprised anyway even if i hav ent showed signs of voilence they still are afraid of me why is that? and they called the cop to make sure i was kicked out in peace so they kicked me out an dleft me for homeless i walked from metaiire to new orleans and got in amtrak train and got back in wisconsin and here i am feeling happy and relieved that i m free from her evil grasp note to self never ever go out with an woman online peroid, anyway tha is the story of hearing and de4af relationship onlything hearing woman havbe done to me is bring me pain where were lis when i needed her the most i 3was there for her and she was never there for me i helped her sne she didnt do anything for me is that fair? i know what i did was wrong but do i actually deserved to get cheated on? to be hu4rted like this when liz turned into an whore an slut right in front of my eyes?

everyone hope that ll help with this thread all this happened last week
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i have one thing to ask you darkflare83 why lie to ever one on here and the truth will get out about how you realy are and i could be the one that tell them just for the fact that was me that called the cops not my sister so you need to get your facts befor you start saying thing that is not true ... to everone else darkflare83 is just a liar that will say anything thing to get hes way
 
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