cultural clashes

P

pinkster

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i dont know if this is the right place to put it, but if not, i hope it gets moved to the right place or something.

I currently live with 2 hearing men (myself being a woman) and I recently (today, right at this moment) got into a little, say, disagreement with one of them. He called Deaf culture a "clique" and - "culture" But then he said maybe its a lack of understanding on his part. How do you explain to a hearing person why it is called a culture? I cant seem to find the right words. I did tell him that, more often than not, hearing people are looked at as, not so much the enemy, but as "invaders." Granted - thats old skool thought, but hey, I cant bring the guy im dating (who is hearing) to the Deaf Club without getting SOME side comments like "Why are you bringing a hearing person here!?"

What do you think? Should I continue telling people the truth that hearing people are not really acceptable in the Deaf world unless they're a CODA or someone who (like Matty) has submersed themselves in the culture? Or should I give white lies and say, everything's fine, no one shuts out anyone for any reason? And also, because he's my roomie, do I have an obligation to be, perhaps, strict, on my Deaf Culture beliefs? I stand up for it, i advocate it, but am I justified? The other thing about my roomie is that he is, more than willing to learn ASL - and we're working on it slowly. Any feedback is welcome :P
 
I brought my date to a deaf event, he was cool with it and people was cool that I brought a hearing person, they told him that he should learn sign from me and gave him thumbs up.....LOL....he was so polite to them.......it is about the person's character and the people you associate with......
 
My last ex boyfriend was hearing, and we often had problems because of cultural clashes. ´My ex used to make a lot of facial expressions for no reasons. This bothered me a lot. You know, deaf ppl tend to ask other deafies if they are ok, if they make facial expressions. I did this to my ex a lot, because he always made facial expressions. He got mad at me one night and shouted at me that he was fed up with my asking him if he was ok. I didn't feel too good about that.

I know there are a few other things about us that was because of deaf-hearing culture clashes. I think deaf people tend to be a little more paranoid, and ask more questions. Other deaf person would answer with as much words to make the first deaf person to calm down. Hearing person would just say: "No."

Also, I tend to say anything that is on my mind. A lot of deaf people do that. Sometimes my ex did not like that, and got mad at me. He said that I was too blunt sometimes and I thought he was weird. At first, he said he loved honest and bluntness, but later on he didnt like it anymore. Oh well.

The list can go on and on. Yuk... Maybe I need a deaf bf! LOL
 
Okay, the definition of a culture is "the norms of behavior and shared values among a group of people" which would completely classify Deafness.

Sign Language is a very obvious cause of Deaf Culture. The most noticeable difference (for me, at least) is the bluntness. The first time I ever went to a Deaf social at a bar, my first Sign teacher was with me and a Deaf man she knew looked at her and said "Wow! You look fat since I saw you last." She just shrugged and said yeah, she'd put on some weight. My jaw was on the ground. She explained it that there aren't subtle words in sign, you can't say "chubby" without fingerspelling.. things like that. Anyway, my point is, being blunt is definitely a defining norm of Deaf Culture. Impossibly long good-byes is another, no one quite understands it, but hey, it works. I've dealt with the fact that when leaving a group of my Deaf friends I should say I'm leaving an hour before I want to be gone.
There are a hundred other things I can think of that make Dafness a Culture. But since these are hearing men you're talking about.... rent "Sound and Fury" movies work best when explaining things to boys... Oh, and let them hold the remote ;)
 
Originally posted by Sydlie
Okay, the definition of a culture is "the norms of behavior and shared values among a group of people" which would completely classify Deafness.

Sign Language is a very obvious cause of Deaf Culture. The most noticeable difference (for me, at least) is the bluntness. The first time I ever went to a Deaf social at a bar, my first Sign teacher was with me and a Deaf man she knew looked at her and said "Wow! You look fat since I saw you last." She just shrugged and said yeah, she'd put on some weight. My jaw was on the ground. She explained it that there aren't subtle words in sign, you can't say "chubby" without fingerspelling.. things like that. Anyway, my point is, being blunt is definitely a defining norm of Deaf Culture. Impossibly long good-byes is another, no one quite understands it, but hey, it works. I've dealt with the fact that when leaving a group of my Deaf friends I should say I'm leaving an hour before I want to be gone.
There are a hundred other things I can think of that make Dafness a Culture. But since these are hearing men you're talking about.... rent "Sound and Fury" movies work best when explaining things to boys... Oh, and let them hold the remote ;)
Click to expand...

hmm.. Your tone, is casual yet affirmative, I like the things you've said. I just might rent Sound and Fury, which I saw last year and I SO had to pause it often to walk off anger. =X :laugh2: @ your examples, so true.

I appreciate all the feedback, would love more too! :) but thank you!
 
There's also a good book that shows a conflict between hearing culture and the deaf culture. "A Loss for Words" is the name.
 
Hmm... "Deaf Culture" is something that doesn't have a definite answer or meaning of its own. Perhaps, it will be considered a culture in the later future. Right now, deaf people do many various things so there are many different definitions for deaf cultures and from what you said, your roommate probably had the right reason to disagree. I've heard over 50 different definitions for deaf culture so...
 
Originally posted by Sydlie
Okay, the definition of a culture is "the norms of behavior and shared values among a group of people" which would completely classify Deafness.

Sign Language is a very obvious cause of Deaf Culture. The most noticeable difference (for me, at least) is the bluntness. The first time I ever went to a Deaf social at a bar, my first Sign teacher was with me and a Deaf man she knew looked at her and said "Wow! You look fat since I saw you last." She just shrugged and said yeah, she'd put on some weight. My jaw was on the ground. She explained it that there aren't subtle words in sign, you can't say "chubby" without fingerspelling.. things like that. Anyway, my point is, being blunt is definitely a defining norm of Deaf Culture. Impossibly long good-byes is another, no one quite understands it, but hey, it works. I've dealt with the fact that when leaving a group of my Deaf friends I should say I'm leaving an hour before I want to be gone.
There are a hundred other things I can think of that make Dafness a Culture. But since these are hearing men you're talking about.... rent "Sound and Fury" movies work best when explaining things to boys... Oh, and let them hold the remote ;)
Click to expand...

I know I am getting off point but I wouldnt like being called fat/chubby hehehehe...... yeah I am too blunt hearing people think I am too "aggressive" or "perfectionist" since I want details first...
 
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