Communication. Is it worthless?

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Vance

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When you go to the middle of the big city... You can see many people talked on cell phones (included in car), text messages (i.e. SK), emails/IMS/IRC chat thru laptops, radio, phone booths, and other things...

We can contact our relatives, our long distance lovers, our parents, and our friends 3,000 or 10,000 miles away within a matter of seconds (in several years later, it will be milliseconds).

Nowaday, technology is amazing when compared to 50's but you know what? It is still worthless. Why? Lack of ability to communicate. There are plenty books on how to communicate with friends, lovers or families... There are plenty of sitcoms on TV which often demonstrated how to communicate in either, 'humor' or proper way. Even on radio too...

But people still don't get it. Communication is number one for meltdown in governemts, marriages, jobs, negotiations, etc etc... and yet people neglected that it is also number one for successful method in many form of any situations included making the marriage/relationship work. Yes, yes.. technology is amazing.. but lack of ability to communicate render the technology into obsolete within a matter of seconds.

Am I only person who see that way or I am not alone in this case?
 
Magatsu said:
When you go to the middle of the big city... You can see many people talked on cell phones (included in car), text messages (i.e. SK), emails/IMS/IRC chat thru laptops, radio, phone booths, and other things...

We can contact our relatives, our long distance lovers, our parents, and our friends 3,000 or 10,000 miles away within a matter of seconds (in several years later, it will be milliseconds).

Nowaday, technology is amazing when compared to 50's but you know what? It is still worthless. Why? Lack of ability to communicate. There are plenty books on how to communicate with friends, lovers or families... There are plenty of sitcoms on TV which often demonstrated how to communicate in either, 'humor' or proper way. Even on radio too...

But people still don't get it. Communication is number one for meltdown in governemts, marriages, jobs, negotiations, etc etc... and yet people neglected that it is also number one for successful method in many form of any situations included making the marriage/relationship work. Yes, yes.. technology is amazing.. but lack of ability to communicate render the technology into obsolete within a matter of seconds.

Am I only person who see that way or I am not alone in this case?
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Brilliantly said! I have often wondered about that too. But I think in my case, it is my own past hurts/anger that I have inabilty to communicate at times. I withdraw so that doesnt help communication for me. It doesnt matter how many books I have read or how many hours I poured into therapy, I still have mental/emotional roadblocks. I dunno about others though.
 
Meg said:
Brilliantly said! I have often wondered about that too. But I think in my case, it is my own past hurts/anger that I have inabilty to communicate at times. I withdraw so that doesnt help communication for me. It doesnt matter how many books I have read or how many hours I poured into therapy, I still have mental/emotional roadblocks. I dunno about others though.
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:werd:

I am hearing, but I also have been through a lot, emotionally, and I've experienced the same emotional/mental roadblocks you speak of, Meg. I could probably be a lot more open with people if I chose to. But, after getting hurt so many times, I've often just said "Screw this....I'm done trying."

But, of course, another person comes along. They seem nice, so I always tend to try one more time. It's always "just one more time", and if this doesn't work, I'll give up." I've only been saying this for half my life now. :eek:

:lol: I suppose I'm my own worst enemy, but, I can't seem to stop trying.

:dunno:

But, I'm stepping off my soapbox now....Next..... :giggle:
 
Well Said.. Magatsu... GOOD TOPIC. :)

I have always knew there will always be communication will never work out no matter what or how hard we all try to get through this. Nobody is perfect. I've tried to communicate when i really want to but can't, and i've been trying but it doesn't always work.
 
AHEM!!!!

NOBODY knows how to approach one another properly because they don't spend enough time in stimuli where you have to recongize other's body language during a conversation. You cannot see the physical stimulation on the phone, radio etc. How could you decide somebody's attitude based on the words? The tone may be heard in the voice but people can repress the tones (which may be OBVIOUS in the body language-- folded arms, tapping foot, etc)

even for the DEAF people who spend WAY too much time on Sidekick-- HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DEVELOP FRIENDS IF YOU IGNORE THE POTENTIAL RIGHT IN YOUR FACE?! You cannot use your facial expressions while typing and whatnot.

Social stimulation with varying people is a BIG TIME "must" for many people. I have known several who have grown up home-schooled with no friends who haev NO NO NO NO NONNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE social skills! She is timid and she scares people off by her strange comments on the first introduction and she doesn't know that the OTHERS do have their own lives et cetera. Why? because she grew up all alone with her mom who devoted her tmieto her thus she expected everything to go her way. And this disables her for staying friends with people who soon discovered taht she is jsut tad TOO MUCH for them to handle at the first meeting.

You want the humanity to survive? get off the fucking cell/sidekick and greet people that you can TOUCH! BREATH IN THEIR GERMS FOR FUCK's SAKE!
 
Depends....

I willing do anything commucation w/other peoples but tired of their attudies remarks! Made me turn off instant! Espically I've seen people who using cell phone.. Made me feel jealous because of their techogly comes first than Deaf needs their meets for alikely SK2 but needs more than 100% demands and isn't same as cell techoglies!
 
Meg said:
Brilliantly said! I have often wondered about that too. But I think in my case, it is my own past hurts/anger that I have inabilty to communicate at times. I withdraw so that doesnt help communication for me. It doesnt matter how many books I have read or how many hours I poured into therapy, I still have mental/emotional roadblocks. I dunno about others though.
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Good point. That's one I didn't ponder on yet.. I mean mental/emotional roadblocks. That's one of many obstacles in communication. Yeah, once anger fires up, people tend to say something that they shouldn't... it leaves some bad scars, it can be either permanent or temporary effect.

Edit: I forget to add one more thing, like what you and Oceanbreeze said, anger or hurt sometimes can distort our ability to communicate intelligently in some situation. That happens to me once when my latest ex hurted me badly and I almost unable to communicate with other women in 'gentleman' manner... But I constantly reminded myself that no woman are alike. In time, I finally let it go and move beyond the anger.. to where I am right now. Oceanbreeze and Meg, I totally understand what you mean :hug:
 
Pertaining to workplace, it is not easy to communicate efficently. Everyone is different and is thrown into a workplace where everyone are forced to adapt to communication styles.

Being a manager for several years, I had to learn how to communicate efficently to my staff so that they can get their work done. But despite that, they may misunderstand me or still make mistakes. For example, if I ask a staff why she was late to work, she may blow up at me but it is because she had a family situation at home thus late to work. It is hard to keep personal lives out of professional lives so communication can fall through. Not only that but cultural issues as well. If i look straight into my staff s eye, she may interpret that as hostility or aggressiveness on my side, etc.

I had a perfect example today at work. It was an ugly situation but resolved when the staff person realized that she misunderstood me. She broke down and apologized for judging me harshly.

I know that I cannot get everyone to understand me efficently due to these above mentioned factors. I am sure there are other factors as well but these are just a few examples I can think of at this moment.
 
OldNavyGirl, yep... maybe it is not you, it is them. Who knows? Sometimes I was thinking that was me but in later time, I realized that fault lies in them, not me.

gnarlydorkette, we discussed briefly recent. I am sorry about not clearing up in my first post of this topic. Another member was bit confused with what I was trying to say... I was speaking of communication itself. As I already mentioned that even in pre-computer era, people are still lack of ability to communicate with others. Nowaday, industries thought that they would solve the problem by creating the blazing fast mediums like SK, emails, cell phone, etc etc.. to solve the communication problem but it always backfire in the end.

No matter how fast or slow... no matter how hard or easy, most of people are still unable to communicate properly with anyone due to many reasons included anger issues. But you made a very good point about lack of interaction skill. I completely agree with you, gnarly.

Bullym0m, yeah I can see what you mean.
 
Meg said:
Pertaining to workplace, it is not easy to communicate efficently. Everyone is different and is thrown into a workplace where everyone are forced to adapt to communication styles.

Being a manager for several years, I had to learn how to communicate efficently to my staff so that they can get their work done. But despite that, they may misunderstand me or still make mistakes. For example, if I ask a staff why she was late to work, she may blow up at me but it is because she had a family situation at home thus late to work. It is hard to keep personal lives out of professional lives so communication can fall through. Not only that but cultural issues as well. If i look straight into my staff s eye, she may interpret that as hostility or aggressiveness on my side, etc.

I had a perfect example today at work. It was an ugly situation but resolved when the staff person realized that she misunderstood me. She broke down and apologized for judging me harshly.

I know that I cannot get everyone to understand me efficently due to these above mentioned factors. I am sure there are other factors as well but these are just a few examples I can think of at this moment.
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Very good examples :thumb:

I went through these situations at my old work in other state as well. It was difficult on me and my co-workers but we managed to... Even though I tend to not bring my personal problems into the work area but sometimes under certain stress, I would blow up at some people who pushed me in wrong way (by that, I mean miscommunication build up to the point that we couldn't communicate properly because of our stresses and such)

But end of the day, we discussed about it (hence communicate) to work it out so that's way none of that will happen to us again. It is not right to do that front of the kids during work.
 
Magatsu said:
Very good examples :thumb:

I went through these situations at my old work in other state as well. It was difficult on me and my co-workers but we managed to... Even though I tend to not bring my personal problems into the work area but sometimes under certain stress, I would blow up at some people who pushed me in wrong way (by that, I mean miscommunication build up to the point that we couldn't communicate properly because of our stresses and such)

But end of the day, we discussed about it (hence communicate) to work it out so that's way none of that will happen to us again. It is not right to do that front of the kids during work.
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Youre right. It is not right to do it in front of kids or clients or residents, etc.

I had to learn how not to take anything personally if they refuse to communicate with me or blow up at my simple questions. There are many issues that are not related to me. So it is hard to keep myself from reacting when they throw nasty words at me. I remind myself that they are reacting to other issues and I happen to trigger something in them. For example, if I ask someone why she is late to work three days in a week, she will blow up at me and scream. I try to calm her down and find out that she was late because her husband left her or her kids sick or couldnt find a reliable babysitters. It takes a great deal to hold back during such confrontations and remain neutral.

I had a nervous break down at my work two weeks ago and I was shocked at myself. I thought I was strong and calm but sometimes people just push and push trying to convince me with their own lame excuses, etc. I have to find a way to walk through their bullshit to find the core truth.

But we all are humans. We all react more than we think.
 
Magatsu said:
When you go to the middle of the big city... You can see many people talked on cell phones (included in car), text messages (i.e. SK), emails/IMS/IRC chat thru laptops, radio, phone booths, and other things...

We can contact our relatives, our long distance lovers, our parents, and our friends 3,000 or 10,000 miles away within a matter of seconds (in several years later, it will be milliseconds).

Nowaday, technology is amazing when compared to 50's but you know what? It is still worthless. Why? Lack of ability to communicate. There are plenty books on how to communicate with friends, lovers or families... There are plenty of sitcoms on TV which often demonstrated how to communicate in either, 'humor' or proper way. Even on radio too...

But people still don't get it. Communication is number one for meltdown in governemts, marriages, jobs, negotiations, etc etc... and yet people neglected that it is also number one for successful method in many form of any situations included making the marriage/relationship work. Yes, yes.. technology is amazing.. but lack of ability to communicate render the technology into obsolete within a matter of seconds.

Am I only person who see that way or I am not alone in this case?
Click to expand...

no you are not the only one that sees it this way or "alone" in this case:

people tell me what a great listener/communicator i am.. which is true.. but i have a difficulty in communicating openly with men cuz i have been hurt in the past.... i have experienced the same emotional/mental roadblocks that meggie and ocean have.. mostly with men from my past... especially by my ex-fiance who abused me physically, mentally and emotionally .. and it just kind of holds me back.. even though i have overcome that ordeal with extensive therapy and all that.. but i sometimes get paranoid/scared if men don't open up to me and all that... so it doesnt really help communication for me.. no matter what books i have read, whatnot.. or how much therapy i have had .. it makes no difference!!! even though it gets better each time i meet a man.. i still get uneasy at times with a man all because of that.. :dunno: (sigh)
 
zesty said:
people tell me what a great listener/communicator i am.. which is true.. but i have a difficulty in communicating openly with men cuz i have been hurt in the past.... i have experienced the same emotional/mental roadblocks that meggie and ocean have.. mostly with men from my past... especially by my ex-fiance who abused me physically, mentally and emotionally .. and it just kind of holds me back.. even though i have overcome that ordeal with extensive therapy and all that.. but i sometimes get paranoid/scared if men don't open up to me and all that... so it doesnt really help communication for me.. no matter what books i have read, whatnot.. or how much therapy i have had .. it makes no difference!!! even though it gets better each time i meet a man.. i still get uneasy at times with a man all because of that.. :dunno: (sigh)
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Honey, you are not alone in this. I am often told I am articulate yet I am stricken when it comes to communication with men. Due to my past, I also experience emotional roadblocks, especially with new men. I tend to panic and withdraw, rather than explain to men, thus they get impressions Im not interested or that Im a cold frigid person. But you are a very sensitive person like me too so we get paraylyzed with underlying fears. You are a very giving and generous person so you expect the same from men. But men think/feel differently from us so if they do not give you what you need, in terms of communciation, you tend to mistake it. We have to accept that men think/feel differently (that is why John Gray books are megapopular) yet we react from our hurt and run off if one does not try to communicate. Like Magastu said earlier in his posting, he tried not to compare all women to his ex who hurted him badly. We have to put aside our pasts and give each one a clean slate, despite being terrified.

HUGS :)
 
sometimes I feel like there was lack of communication when I sometimes misunderstood someone at work but yeah.. but when it comes to that I just avoid that topic and do whatever keep me busy but yeah.. it happens to me often but eh.. I think it was ME in the end I was like oh well.
 
Meg said:
Honey, you are not alone in this. I am often told I am articulate yet I am stricken when it comes to communication with men. Due to my past, I also experience emotional roadblocks, especially with new men. I tend to panic and withdraw, rather than explain to men, thus they get impressions Im not interested or that Im a cold frigid person. But you are a very sensitive person like me too so we get paraylyzed with underlying fears. You are a very giving and generous person so you expect the same from men. But men think/feel differently from us so if they do not give you what you need, in terms of communciation, you tend to mistake it. We have to accept that men think/feel differently (that is why John Gray books are megapopular) yet we react from our hurt and run off if one does not try to communicate. Like Magastu said earlier in his posting, he tried not to compare all women to his ex who hurted him badly. We have to put aside our pasts and give each one a clean slate, despite being terrified.

HUGS :)
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like usual you always know what to say! :)

paralyze is the PERFECT WORD!! i couldn't think of the word!!

it happens all the time.. and not only that.. i hate it when i meet someone special.. and things are going spendidly (sp?) well.. but when it comes to communication.. it backfires all because of it!!! remember my ex (r.f) from two years ago???? we had a great relationship!? but it backfired because of the distance and lack of communication!?!? sheesh!! i am just so scared.. i don't know why... so how do i prevent this from happening?? i mean the problem with communication with men?? :dunno: (sigh)
 
Believe it or not, I'm soooo glad I'm not alone in this....Because I've found myself clamming up sometimes when it comes to communicating with certain people, all because of my past when the emotional stress from the verbal and physical abuse that went on for many years...Not being with friends of my choosing, and the communication with my ex husband was shallow and controlling...

Now that I am moving forward in my life, I still find myself shutting down when some people push my buttons at work or just about anywhere but I am also encouraged to know for a fact that I am getting more strength to stand firmly as the wounds of my past is going through a healing process...

Sometimes things in the communication can get emotional for me and that's when I ignore them and walk away, there are times when I know I shouldn't have but there are times I needed to....

Of course there are times when I have misunderstood and ended up in tears or when the other person misunderstands me, I do feel hurt or angry depending on the situation... I have always been a good listener and I am still learning to build up on my communication skills as I know communicating is a very important part of life.... :D
 
^Angel^ said:
Believe it or not, I'm soooo glad I'm not alone in this....Because I've found myself clamming up sometimes when it comes to communicating with certains people, all because of my past when the emotional stress from the verbal and physical abuse that went on for many years...Not being with friends of my chooising, and the communication with my ex husband was shallow and controlling... >>> yea i know how u feel cuz i have been in your shoes...


Of course there are times when I have misunderstood and ended up in tears >>> it happens to me from time to time.. cuz i feel defenseless.. (sigh) D
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:hug:
 
Magatsu said:
Nowaday, technology is amazing when compared to 50's but you know what? It is still worthless. Why? Lack of ability to communicate.

Am I only person who see that way or I am not alone in this case?
Click to expand...

Magatsu, no, you're not alone in this case. :)

I agree that technologies has been marvellous and it's great I can chat with friends overseas online and particpate in forums such as this. I find cellular phone quite useful especially in case of an emergency. However, I find all those technologies that enables us to chat in matter of seconds whether it's a phone, IMs a bit isolating at times and I don't seem to feel there's close connection. After all technologies are just made out of plastic and metals=cold. I very much prefer face to face conversations as you find you have more to discuss openly not to mention there's a connection.

Alrighty, time for me to shuddup, heh.
 
Magatsu said:
Yes, yes.. technology is amazing.. but lack of ability to communicate render the technology into obsolete within a matter of seconds.
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We now live in a "forwarding" and "cut-'n-paste" world! I hate it when people ask for your e-mail address to keep in touch and all they do is forward junk - jokes, virus warnings, urban legends, etc., etc. But, they never put their own thoughts down. If they don't take the time to write, I'm not reading.

Tech is teh deth of dis all!

Steve
 
Steve said:
We now live in a "forwarding" and "cut-'n-paste" world! I hate it when people ask for your e-mail address to keep in touch and all they do is forward junk - jokes, virus warnings, urban legends, etc., etc. But, they never put their own thoughts down. If they don't take the time to write, I'm not reading.

Tech is teh deth of dis all!

Steve
Click to expand...

tell me about it.. i tend to delete fwded emails.. sheesh.. i prefer "personal" emails and few jokes.. that's it.. most of my friends know not to send me junk emails.. and they are great with them.. thank god!
 
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