Commitment

P

pinkster

Guest
o.O The big 'C' do you fear it? I used to.

I posted in the long distance thread, and I felt i wanted to comment on my current situation. My (dont laugh or anything) non-boyfriend, and I "broke up" a week ago because he felt that bad that "the attachement i have to him is preventing us from dating other people." I didnt get that untill later, when he said that he didnt want me to feel like I had to say no to people who asked me out on a date, because i have him. We've been dating since mid-March, and things have been really awesome. A lot of bad things happened to me 6 months prior to that (Javapride can attest to this) So he said he thought we shouldnt consider us dating till something changes (ie: i get my license or he stops working so much.) - he also lives an hour and a half away.

My question is, how much time do you give someone you love to recover from past relationships? He finally admitted to me that he's not ready to take that next "step" and make it official because his ex cheated on him several times since he couldnt come see her as much as she wanted him to. I've let him know that I wont do that - i just cant - but having never been in a "real" relationship before, I am at loss. Yes, I know that I've fallen, and he recently disccovered it himself. I am a loyal person, honest, respectful, i only bitch sometimes, but what am I supposed to do? Sit and wait? Patience has not been something I have a lot of lately.

Oh yeah, we got back "together" like a few days after that, and what he said irked me. "If you dont care that we cant see each other as much, then we can try and work it out." I was like, "I care, it bothers me, but I'm not going to let it get in-between us." So like, yeah. :)

Commitment, what does it take for you? And marriage? How did you know that you were ready? (And dont say your spouse held a gun to your head ;) ha)
 
I know how you feel. I've got a girlfriend that I've been with for over three years. However, I am not ready for marriage nor will I ever be ready for the next three years. I'm still in school. I will be graduating next year. I might stay for my masters and that will take me another two years. Either way, after graduating... I will need to find a place to live and a car to drive around in. I will also need to find a steady and good-paying job. After all of that is accomplished, then I'll reconsider getting serious.
 
Am charismatic, Affectionate, Sincere, Honest, Trustworthy, Extremely Loyal, I Love children, animals, and fast cars; I Enjoy international cuisine; Traveling. I'm a real woman who's not afraid of commitment or responsibility. I'm looking for a warm, caring, passionate man that wants a drama free and committed relationship. I would like him to be warm, humble, fun-loving, smart or good common-sense. A man that has no external drama in her life. he is in control of what he wants to do with her life. A man that looks at the positive side of life and a relationship and not always thinking of the negative stuff. I can see that you are very nice man, that will be caring for who she love.you can add me to your messanger so that will can chat and get to know each order..thanks
 
For me, I don't commit until I am 100% sure about how I feel about the person. Many people go out on a few dates and commit right then. In my opinion, you need to get to know someone a little better than that. Each person has a different amount of time that it takes them to get past things. I might worry that he is stringing you along if it continues too long. You didn't say how long it's been though I don't think.
 
Most guys don't want to make a commitment until they have a good job. Don't take that personally.

I knew that my hubby was the right one because he sang Elvis songs to me in the grocery store. Weird, huh? I've been married 18 years so I guess my hunch was right. lol
 
sallylou said:
Most guys don't want to make a commitment until they have a good job. Don't take that personally.

I knew that my hubby was the right one because he sang Elvis songs to me in the grocery store. Weird, huh? I've been married 18 years so I guess my hunch was right. lol
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:giggle: :giggle: That's funny, Sallylou!...Had an ex that did the same thing but he drank tooo much for my liking....

He even had my name tattooed on his chest, along with the words: "Love Me Tender, Jan".....(Oh, and he still does "call" once in a long while....)
 
quirkylibra said:
For me, I don't commit until I am 100% sure about how I feel about the person. Many people go out on a few dates and commit right then. In my opinion, you need to get to know someone a little better than that. Each person has a different amount of time that it takes them to get past things. I might worry that he is stringing you along if it continues too long. You didn't say how long it's been though I don't think.
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Pinkster posted that back when I was graduating from HS! Sounds like the guy couldn't get over the ex and that's on him. Tell him to grow up and move on or you'll be hitting the road without him. Trust is part of the relationship and that's too bad for either and he has to realize it's toxic to dwell on it. It would be cool to see how her relationship(s) evolved throughout the years.

I would've had a different answer back then as opposed to today. I've had some women approach me and ask if they could be my gf. Seriously? No. Two sentences and I don't think I'm ready to commit. For me to commit, I have to trust her to a point where I know she know what I'd do in almost any generic situation. In other words, she knows when to have fun and when to be serious without being overtly selfish. As I get older, I know more so it's easier for me to know if I should commit. Yes, money is critical. Not a lot, but when your gal wants to go out for a "special" date (guy cooks or whatever....) you should be able to not ask her to cover it.

Plus, there are tons of other fishes in the seas. When I was younger, I dismissed age as unimportant, but I think it is in a way. I think age impacts how much "risk" you're willing to take in a partner, but early on, date a variety over the spectrum of whatever sexuality you're so you don't ever feel like you're "stuck" with saying that men are all the same and they're all sh**. These days, I'm in no rush and know that the ultimate commitment will happen in a good decade or so. If it happens, awesome!
 
pinkster said:
So he said he thought we shouldnt consider us dating till something changes (ie: i get my license or he stops working so much.) - he also lives an hour and a half away.
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It sounds to me like he is trying to keep you on a leash. I have had guys do this with me before too - They want to be with you, but only when it is convenient for them, and they expect you to drop everything and come running when they call!

My advice is to drop him. You need to be with someone who values you and wants to be with you as much as possible. If your relationship were really that important to him, he would find a way to spend more time with you.

Grrr! Men like that really p*ss me off!! :mad: You deserve better!
 
Wirelessly posted

The stringing along is a big no ,no. Dump him fast. Its not healthy it will keep you wondering and waiting best to say adios amigo *wave good-bye*
 
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