caught between two worlds

deafie_cat

deafie_cat

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I started losing my hearing when I was around 13, and it really sucks. Now that I'm almost 18 and have been trying to function as a hearing person etc since I have been 5 (when it first dropped, though not as much as it did in the past while).. and it is really not fun. I love music, I love talking to people (but lately it's getting harder to talk to people) and hearing aids help enough that I can function and listen to music but that's it. My social life has suffered horribly, not because I'm some kind of antisocial-self-pitier, but because I can't hear people and get nervous when someone tries to talk to me. I'm feeling really, literally caught in two worlds because I'm expected to function in one and I'm being dragged down into the other.

I guess I have to either find some miraculous way of improving my hearing, or accepting the fact that I'm hoh.. or I guess deaf. (not that there's anything wrong with being deaf, but being caught between two worlds makes you feel like your ripping apart) I'm trying hard to be positive about this but it's hard to find support.. people just don't get it. I'm sure it's even worse for those of you with worse hearing than I have.

I just don't know what to do :\
 
Deafie_cat: I was born mildly HOH so can understand how your feelings about being caught in two different worlds. I am also very shy and have social phopia, which probably makes matters even worse. :)
 
Deaf/HOH/.What?

I would suggest to just accept your lot and go forward with your life as a HOH person. At least you can hear SOME. Good luck and best wishes!
 
yeah i think you is in bad situation and i feel sorry for you ,having your hearing go when you are a teenager is worse than losing it when you are a kid in my opinion .Your friends will understand in time.Try to lipread more, maybe see if you can get a better hearing aid .Maybe consider a cochlear implant ,get used to telling people to speak louder, i can't really think of anything else right now except that it may not seem so bad after a while
 
deafie_cat said:
I started losing my hearing when I was around 13, and it really sucks. Now that I'm almost 18 and have been trying to function as a hearing person etc since I have been 5 (when it first dropped, though not as much as it did in the past while).. and it is really not fun. I love music, I love talking to people (but lately it's getting harder to talk to people) and hearing aids help enough that I can function and listen to music but that's it. My social life has suffered horribly, not because I'm some kind of antisocial-self-pitier, but because I can't hear people and get nervous when someone tries to talk to me. I'm feeling really, literally caught in two worlds because I'm expected to function in one and I'm being dragged down into the other.

I guess I have to either find some miraculous way of improving my hearing, or accepting the fact that I'm hoh.. or I guess deaf. (not that there's anything wrong with being deaf, but being caught between two worlds makes you feel like your ripping apart) I'm trying hard to be positive about this but it's hard to find support.. people just don't get it. I'm sure it's even worse for those of you with worse hearing than I have.

I just don't know what to do :\
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I cant imagine what you are going through. I know its very difficult for you..have you thought about getting CI's? that might will help you to hear again since you were growing up as hearing child.
 
deafie_cat said:
I started losing my hearing when I was around 13, and it really sucks. Now that I'm almost 18 and have been trying to function as a hearing person etc since I have been 5 (when it first dropped, though not as much as it did in the past while).. and it is really not fun. I love music, I love talking to people (but lately it's getting harder to talk to people) and hearing aids help enough that I can function and listen to music but that's it. My social life has suffered horribly, not because I'm some kind of antisocial-self-pitier, but because I can't hear people and get nervous when someone tries to talk to me. I'm feeling really, literally caught in two worlds because I'm expected to function in one and I'm being dragged down into the other.

I guess I have to either find some miraculous way of improving my hearing, or accepting the fact that I'm hoh.. or I guess deaf. (not that there's anything wrong with being deaf, but being caught between two worlds makes you feel like your ripping apart) I'm trying hard to be positive about this but it's hard to find support.. people just don't get it. I'm sure it's even worse for those of you with worse hearing than I have.

I just don't know what to do :\
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Why do you get nervous when people talk to you? Everyone has a different reason.

You didn't mention if you have HAs or CIs. Do you?
 
deafie_cat said:
(not that there's anything wrong with being deaf, but being caught between two worlds makes you feel like your ripping apart) I'm trying hard to be positive about this but it's hard to find support.. people just don't get it. I'm sure it's even worse for those of you with worse hearing than I have.

I just don't know what to do :\
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If I can give a suggestion to you, when you have conversations with people, make sure you stop the person when you talk with and explain "Sorry I did not get that, please talk slower" That person will understand and repeat, if the person is not understanding and gives up, that person has limited patience. You know who your friends are when they do stick it out with you for the longest time.

I do have the best of both worlds and would rather have the best of both worlds. I do not wish to isolate myself in one world because to have just one colour out of the whole beautiful paint palette, it is rather boring to just stay with one colour. I really encourage you to have the best of both worlds because this is how you can maintain your support.
 
deafiecat, I orgionally didn't post to this b/c I have ALWAYS been hoh...but on the other hand, it did take me a while to learn to accept the fact that I'm hoh. I can't imagine what it would be like to have something and then lose it....it would be sort of like if I went blind or something!
You'll learn to accept it....it will take time....are you interested in Sign and Deaf culture? Think about it this way......you'll be able to have the best of both worlds if you do that!
 
deafie cat: I started wearing hearing aids at age 15 for a moderately-severe hearing loss, so I can relate to many of the feelings you are experiencing right now. I admire your desire to be positive about your hearing loss. Good for you! :) You're off to a great start. That attitude will go a long way in helping you (and others) accept your hearing loss.

Don't minimize the feelings you have based on the degree of your hearing loss. Hearing loss can a frustrating and painful experience to deal with --especially for someone who has lost hearing in their teens or as an adult. Just because your hearing loss is milder than others doesn't mean your feelings or experiences are any less important than someone who is severely HoH or profoundly deaf! <hugs>

Cookie Monster gave great advice about being honest and straightforward with people about your hearing loss. The more you try to hide your loss, the more difficult it will be to adjust to and accept.

Here's my advice...Have a sense of humor! I had an embarrassing experience last year at my internship. I was at a luncheon in the company of 20-30 people. The director addressed the group by telling a joke. Unfortunately I couldn't understand what was said even with my FM system (a small portable device which blocks out background noise and brings a person's voice directly into my hearing aids). I was the only one in the room who wasn't laughing. The director noticed this and pointed it out in front of EVERYONE by saying, "___ I *know* you didn't hear my joke because you're the only one in the room who didn't laugh." I was mortified and wanted to vanish into thin air! :( Worse yet, I didn't know he said that until a sign language interpreter on staff communicated this to me in tactile sign. Ugh! I smiled and said, "Now that I have an interpreter, you could tell the joke again, but I can't promise you that I will laugh." Everyone in the room burst out laughing. The director came up to me after the luncheon and told me the joke. I laughed at which time he said, "See? My jokes aren't all *that* bad." LOL!

I know this experience is very new to you, but the more comfortable you become with your hearing loss, the easier it will be in the long run. As deafdyke said, it may take time, but it *will* happen! :)
 
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have you thought about getting CI's?
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Excuse me for a second while I scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO beyond sick of people randomly recommending the CI! A CI can be GREAT for some people....but it's not a cure all, and not better then hearing aids....there are still many profoundly/severely deaf folks who get TONS of benifit from hearing aids, then they ever could with CI! I'm sick of CI, CI, CI, CI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes the people who promote it, almost seem like robots or Asperger syndrome types!
 
deafdyke said:
Excuse me for a second while I scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO beyond sick of people randomly recommending the CI! A CI can be GREAT for some people....but it's not a cure all, and not better then hearing aids....there are still many profoundly/severely deaf folks who get TONS of benifit from hearing aids, then they ever could with CI! I'm sick of CI, CI, CI, CI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes the people who promote it, almost seem like robots or Asperger syndrome types!
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As you yourself stated, "CI can be GREAT for some people." So what is wrong with asking about it? There is no need to call names ("robots or Asperger syndrome types") just because someone makes a suggestion that you don't like.
 
Deafdyke, Don't need critizite them.. Their own choices.. that's fine by me.. I do not want have ci's for myself because I have concern about my miragines.. I wish I could have ci and to have challenge "to hear my children's voice". I have to accept being who am I "identifty DEAF". Let's be... let them go and their choice make happy..
 
Reba, and BullymOm....you miss my point.....I'm not an extreme radical who is anti-CI.....but a lot of people tend to push it like it's a cure or a utopia or something.... it's almost like the satire of the Zoloft marketing in the Onion (do you feel even remotly sad? Then Zoloft is for YOU!).....do you have trouble hearing? Then CIs are for you! If it wasn't so "Did I just do a commecial?"lized, I wouldn't even complain....but......
 
DD, we will rest in and rely on the medical people to tell people whether or not they are candidates for the CI; after all, and in the first place one must NOT derive any benefit from hearing aids before getting the CI, for example. To say the CI is not better than hearing aids doesn't wash, nor make sense. Tone it down, please.
 
deafdyke said:
Reba, and BullymOm....you miss my point.....I'm not an extreme radical who is anti-CI.....
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Sorry, but this looks like an extreme reaction to me:

Excuse me for a second while I scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO beyond sick of people randomly recommending the CI! ...I'm sick of CI, CI, CI, CI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Reba, it's not as bad here, as it is at other places.....Bree will attest to that.....but it does seem like some people are almost roboticaly marketing it....look at all the threads here on CIs that are almost like meidcence show adverts for CI.....
after all, and in the first place one must NOT derive any benefit from hearing aids before getting the CI, for example. To say the CI is not better than hearing aids doesn't wash, nor make sense. Tone it down, please.
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Actually Tousi, correction.....they've loosened the requirments for implantation at quite a few implant centers. You can be implanted even if you get a lot of benifit from traditional hearing aids.....do you remember that mom of two boys with progressive losses, who were good hearing aid users (meaning they got tons of benifit out of them....like they could hear 60% of stuff with aids) who used to post at deafnotes? I know of a guy with profound loss who can hear 80% with aids (and 80% was what I heard with aids as a kid....and I only have a moderately severe loss) who is considering CI!
I have nothing against implanting people who obviously need it....but
now it's turned into "CIs are the best thing in the world" .....PM someone named Bree and she'll tell you everything!
 
From what I understand, the criteria for CI candidacy is bilateral severe to profound hearing loss, speech understanding of 60% or less in the "better" ear and 40% or less in the ear to be implanted.

When my speech discrimination dropped to 20% (right ear only -- left ear has had no discrimination for the past 10 years), I *still* had doubts as to whether or not I would qualify for a CI. In fact, I spoke to 3 audis (my former, current and university audis) to convince me that I should be evaluated for a CI because I thought I had too much hearing. (Denial, perhaps?)

I was declared an excellent candidate who fit well within the guidelines. (bilateral profound loss, 20% speech understanding, no benefit from HAs)

It makes me angry when I see people with speech understanding as high as 80% being evaluated for a CI. CIs are supposed to be for those who derive very little or no benefit from HAs.

I'm sorry, but I will never understand why someone opts for a CI when they can still benefit from HAs. I love my CI, but if I could switch places with a person who benefits from HAs, I'd do it in a heartbeat! :)
 
Cat, I am 48 now and very sorry I didn't went as "deafie". It' always hard to try to do what is physically limited for us. When we are young we tend to push forward and harder but the time comes when you'll be tired and will want to be just comfortable.

My advice would be to keep close ties with deaf world and do what you can comfortably with the remains of your hearing.
the good news is once you've learned how to use your hearing even if it goes down more you'll still be able to understand sound.
Music too, albeit I am sorry to say a lot of sounds might be gone forever. But you'll enjoy even if you go severe to profound, like me.

If you consider CI, go for it but bear in mind some people are not happy with the way the music sounds thru CI. Then again some say it's the same.
Soemone mentioned there is some kind of a testing appliance that enables to see what it is like to hear thru CI but I can't remember what it was called..


Fuzzy
 
In fact, I spoke to 3 audis (my former, current and university audis) to convince me that I should be evaluated for a CI because I thought I had too much hearing. (Denial, perhaps?)

I was declared an excellent candidate who fit well within the guidelines. (bilateral profound loss, 20% speech understanding, no benefit from HAs)

It makes me angry when I see people with speech understanding as high as 80% being evaluated for a CI. CIs are supposed to be for those who derive very little or no benefit from HAs.

I'm sorry, but I will never understand why someone opts for a CI when they can still benefit from HAs. I love my CI, but if I could switch places with a person who benefits from HAs, I'd do it in a heartbeat!
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EXCELLENT....You really really should work with the CI centers (not the corparations)....it doesn't sound like you were in denial...it just sounded like you wanted to be absolutly positively sure that the medical establishment thought you were a good canidate! YAY!!!! * :applause: I mean I can understand someone with an uneven loss (eg gets benifit from amplificiation in one ear but deaf in the other) opting for a CI....but people who get tons and tons of benitfit from hearing aids.....I just don't get it!
 
I sometimes feel stuck because of two things. Since I'm hard-of-hearing, I grew up mainstream and in the hearing world. Because of that, I was able to be educated like every other hearing person. However, since I'm still deaf... I am often left out by other hearing people. What about deaf people? Well, they look at me as a hearing-fakie and ignore me. So, I'm stuck with hearing people who don't involve me cuz I'm deaf and deaf people who don't involve me cuz I'm 'hearing'. :roll:
 
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