Bummed Out

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tumblerock

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Hey All -- I am a newly single HOH guy that is reappraising my relationships. My ex-wife was hearing, as were all my previous girlfriends. As a matter of fact, I hardly know anyone in the deaf community (and I don't know sign!)...

My marriage fizzled after 11 years (I'm 36), and while I don't at all believe that it was related to hearing vs deaf, I have to wonder if some of the responsibilites that a hearing person would naturally assume for a partially-deaf mate could just eventually (cumalative effect) become a burden.

I'm just totally bummed out and feeling isolated. I beleive I'd like to start a friendship-to-relationship with a HOH or deaf girl to see if we click that way. I am a Federal Executive, college grad, said to be good looking, very laid back and have no kids. (in Boston area)

Any suggestions on how to move forward?

thanks..
 
Well, you could move to an area that has a deaf community... then experience what it's like there. You'll have a wider selection of women to choose from in that area. There are a lot of HOH gals at RIT, so I'm sure you'll find some wandering around.

If you decide to stay, you could try online personals... but that's just an option.

I'm HOH myself and it has always been rare for me to find a HOH gal where I'm from... Texas. Now, I'm in New York and am enjoying it more here.
 
Welcome to the club ..(been there)

If you're open to finding someone on the Net..try www.deafsinglesconnection.com. There are lots of women from East Coast there so you may never know ..may find someone there who will put a spark into your eyes again :)

Good luck ...not easy to be single in late 30s as I know that too well myself.
 
As what Meg said, welcome to club.. I have been single since June 15. For now, you can focus on yourself, pick up pieces of life that you want to live rest for your life. Find things that keep yourself busy, like now I am campaigning for other canddiates and myself. Soon I will start school, and will be more busy life for me besides serving as a student senator and a candidate. Also other advice is to take a vacation. I am gonna take vacation after election is over. If you are busy, you can get yoru mind off on who you are looking to date. I hope my advice helps.
 
:wave: welcome to AD

i know its difficult to be single in the 30s and how difficult it is to find a good significant other to have a good healthy relationship -- like others have said, take the time to heal and meet other women in ur area :D
 
tumblerock said:
Hey All -- I am a newly single HOH guy that is reappraising my relationships. My ex-wife was hearing, as were all my previous girlfriends. As a matter of fact, I hardly know anyone in the deaf community (and I don't know sign!)...

My marriage fizzled after 11 years (I'm 36), and while I don't at all believe that it was related to hearing vs deaf, I have to wonder if some of the responsibilites that a hearing person would naturally assume for a partially-deaf mate could just eventually (cumalative effect) become a burden.

I'm just totally bummed out and feeling isolated. I beleive I'd like to start a friendship-to-relationship with a HOH or deaf girl to see if we click that way. I am a Federal Executive, college grad, said to be good looking, very laid back and have no kids. (in Boston area)

Any suggestions on how to move forward?

thanks..
Click to expand...

Hi Tumblerock,
Very sorry... I'm older than you and have been married almost 16 years, so I don't feel like I'm much help in how to find new relationships with women. But the fact that you're reappraising your past relationships says a lot. I agree with other people, you need time. I'd spend a lot of time honestly thinking about those relationships, patterns, etc... think abt what kind of woman you'd like to be with, and what kind of man you need to be to have the kind of relationship you want. Work on developing those aspects of yourself that you want to bring into a relationship. Try to remember that even what seems like bad things often happen to allow something better to come into our life.

I should have said that I'm hearing, and have a deaf son. It's not the same as being in a relationship with someone, I know, but I understand the accommodations you mean from a personal perspective. It's no big deal, as a matter of fact what you said about cumulative effect - thinking about it, it just gets easier because it's just a change in your habits. The captioning stays on the tv, you don't yell down the hall to have a conversation <smile> well, the point is, we all have things that we have to accept about each other. If it's not that, it's your partner's depression, or medical problem, or anger. Everybody has issues in their relationship. By the time a woman is your age, she should be mature enough to look at the important parts of a relationship and not consider those accommodations a big deal.

But, if YOU want to be involved in the Deaf Community, you should do it. Learn sign language and go to Deaf activities. I do and I really enjoy them. That way you are figuring out where you want to fit, it's a choice rather than a limitation.
 
and while I don't at all believe that it was related to hearing vs deaf, I have to wonder if some of the responsibilites that a hearing person would naturally assume for a partially-deaf mate could just eventually (cumalative effect) become a burden.
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Hi Tumblerock! I actually think that it could have been related to the whole hearing vs. deaf thing. Many hoh and deaf people have trouble with social issues in the hearing world. Maybe also it's related to the same dynamic that causes something like 80% of marriages with special needs offspring to break up.
I think getting involved in the whole deaf culture is an awesome way to meet a mate! There is a HUGE deaf community in Boston...and many of us know what you've been through. Try contacting DEAF Inc. in Allston...or they might have a satilite office in the suburbs. I know they have branches all over MA. We do have some members here from in and around Boston. I am a Massachusetts girl myself, and I believe that Katzie is from the Boston area too!
 
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