Bullies?

I do not expect to be thicker skin before I register first forum. I thought it’s interesting to collect/share our opinion/feedback with agree to disagree in respectful way. I learn a lot after register some forums. I have no problem to debate with anyone with agree to disagree in respectful way because I can tell kind of personalities thru their posts. I was like wow when I saw name-callings, insults, etc. in some forums. Yes, I do not consider debate with agree to disagree as bully because I know the difference.

Example:
How you react when someone response your post directly telling you “Mind your own business if you don’t agree”?

I was like wow and response on her/his post asking in polite way.

Is it harm to post my own opinion here?
Did I say anything against anyone here?
Is it harm to discuss over cons/pros here?
Did I judge anyone?
I thought it would be interest to add my own opinion because you create your thread to ask us for opinion or what?

I thought my post would calm them down. Unfortunately, no… Their response is “Do you think I attack on you”. I was like wow. I don’t bother to make any further post to “fight” with them. All what I do is TRIED to be friendlier to them in my response post.

OR

The creator asks anyone for share our cultures with him or her. I gave them my link and tell them what I know about my country. I receive the response from them in cynically way. Yes, I know it’s cynically way because I know the difference. I ignore and walk away to other thread to make post. Depend what I know kind of remarks what they made their post but it doesn’t bother me really. Why should I waste of my time to response back to them?
 
Cookie Monster said:
Do we feel good? No! We did not own up to our approach, we could have told our bully that his/her behaviour was unacceptable but we cannot blame our "inner child conditioning" as the bully is smart. The bully knows how to work their ways through our "inner child conditioning".
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Exactly, I won’t let anyone think they are right. No Way. I stand firm what I think because I know what I am saying.


You can use "comebacks" for your bully(ies) from this link and I thank a good friend for this link.

http://www.bullyonline.org/action/words.htm - Comebacks

With a bully(ies), you always need to be well prepared with a good comeback and don't look back at the bully, period. Just say your comeback and walk away. Hold your head up high and you have your strong character. You do not want to be hooked by your bully's bait. It'd be instant "Hook, Line and Sinker!" for him/her.

*sending positive healing thoughts to all of you who are struggling with your bullies*
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Thank for interesting link... I read through properly for a first time yesterday.
Yes, it’s me. I smart and ignore cyncially remarks to make my posts in polite way to avoid hassle.
 
Eve said:
For the record, there is a vast difference between "bullying" and simply not putting up with ignorant bullshit. Some of us "mothers" don't want to be raising little panty wastes. I know that I teach my children not to be bullies, but to speak out for what they believe in. They also know not to allow others to stomp all over them. If that is what you consider to be bullying, then I suggest you acquire some thicker skin.
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Actually I show my children to stand themselves and be smart in friendlier way toward bullies. I explained my children that it’s no good to fight back but give them something positive. He realized afterward that the bullies leave him alone. My children will always have my support if they have the problem with bullies.
 
Oceanbreeze said:
I agree with you. There is a difference between being a bully, and being assertive and standing up for oneself. Growing up, I really wish I had been tought how to be more assertive. If I had, I'm sure I would not have gone through the bs that I did.
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Exactly! We (adult and children) are still learning to improve our mistake is normal. Stay what you are when you felt that your posts are not wrong or admit your mistake when you realize that your posts are wrong. It would be okay when we share agree/disagree in respectful way instead of prove you wrong/belittle your post or bitch you.
 
Eve said:
It just seems to me that there are some people around here who seem to be confused on what a bully actually is. There are some individuals who think that anyone who disagrees with them is a "bully", sorta like someone I know in another forum calls anyone who disagrees with her an "audist". People shouldnt throw around labels without knowing which words are actually accurate. But then again, I guess ignorance is bliss.
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I believe that some people have different feeling and consider as bullies. They know their difference.

Example:
I spread my thread to some forums for their feedback/opinion/debate.
Members here come to my thread for share their debate with us in respectful way/give us their opinion why they are disagree to me in polite way/show interesting, that's hugh different as other forum(s) the members come to prove me wrong in cynically way and prove me with links, links, links than my word what I saw in real life. Would you call it healthy debate when they prove you wrong and belittle you? I feel sometimes that they did not know how to show their respect on members’s posts in manner way.
Some members consider me as “internet bully” when I give them my honest opinion or ask them question directly in their thread in friendly way. *sigh* I was like huh? because I know how to treat members in manner way. Some think its Troll. I notice that everyone have different feelings to consider people as bullies/troll. I have to be careful before I gave them my honest opinion. My honest opinion do not affect my friendship with online people here because we share our healthy debate with agree to disagree in respectful way (example about Terri Schavio’s thread).
 
Cookie Monster said:
Angel, I think what Eve meant is that some people have the tendency to overreact and/or jump to conclusions about the wrong words. Some members can be overtly dramatic when it comes to debating which makes it even harder to "agree to disagree". Member "A" will simply comment something and Member "B" will imply that Member "A" is attacking Member "B" when it is quite not the case. This is where Eve is explaining about individuals who think people that do not agree with them fits their qualifications of a bully.
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Check my response post on Eve’s post.

Yes, I’m agreeing that people should think twice before jump on your post when they are not sure about your post. I would ask you to explain me clear what you mean when I’m doubt either I understand your post right or not.
 
^Angel^ said:
Ahh ...

When it comes to debating, it does make it even harder to agree to disagree in cases where member B IS responding in a way that is obviously considered as an act of bullying.....I understand clearly that some individuals who thinks another person who doesn't agree THINKS that person is bullying them, there are a few times that each of us may misunderstand behind the point of what another person is trying to express and it isn't in any way a form of being bullyish, but there are other forms of bullying that's being expressed through ways of mocking, name-calling, insulting and more that shows a certain member's dislike toward another member and that's a reason of why I crafted this thread.....

Usually in cases like these when a member keeps going on and on, over and over to any one member or more by having their own views and opinions expressed in a way that causes a few members who may be more sensitive than others feel put down which easily qualify it as acts of bullying.....some members may resort in an ongoing manner that obviously shows bullying a certain member or more by constantly expressing their views as the ' only ' way or ' right ' opinion without agreeing to disagreeing.......

When I first registered in this forum, I don't remember seeing anywhere where it said to grow a thick skin in the rules outlined for Alldeaf, no one is expected to have certain members change in order to belong in a forum, there are many levels of how members are when it comes to being sensitive, I don't believe anyone has the rights to tell others to grow a thick skin in order to join a forum.....that's why the forum has rules and certain forms of bullying is really unneccessary and doesn't belong in here.....

A question, how are we suppose to agree to disagree when a member happens to dislike another member and keeps expressing forms of bullying?
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Agree!
I have to stick my own opinion what I believe right or not because it's my own decision. Yes, I do make mistake when some members show their good points in their posts to me.
I know the difference between healthy debate and debate in disrespectful/bully way when I visit to any forums. It’s my feeling. Everyone have different feelings.
 
rjr2006 said:
bullies are assholes and they have no self esteem. :squint:
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Yes, it’s sad that they didn’t know how to respect you in manner way. I would consider it as immature people who bully you.
 
Cookie Monster said:
There are much more ways to bully a person and you are right, Angel. A bully can be cunniving, manipulative and even follow you across the messageboards to track your movements, your posts and even what you are doing. This is a troll and is considered much more dangerous. It can be incredibly unnerving.
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I’m afraid yes but it's important that you have good nerve and thicker skin to smart manipulative posts in positive way instead of jump/attack on them in negative way.

Everyone is unique in their own ways. Everyone responds in their own ways, I am not one to tell anyone to develop a thick skin because I do not know how a person feels when they read a post. I just suggest a person to ignore the post that they feel is "directed" towards them. It does help to ignore the post, walk away from the computer, come back to the post and re-read it again. Ask a trustworthy friend to read the post to make sure that your feelings are not thinking for you when you can use your common sense to think for you. Granted, I've allowed my feelings to think for me in the heat of the moment, I have learned to walk away and come back to the post. Use my common sense with the help of a friend. It does work.
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Yes, everyone have different ways to response their posts.
Yes, I’m agree that it helps to ignore the post when I notice their cynically remarks. I knew it would be worst if I carry on to make my post to respond them in negative way because I know their way well.
Yes I also re-read them and make sure either I understand them right or not before I made my post carefully. Think twice before do something is the best.

Everyone is entitled to their POVs whether we like it or not. We need to learn how to agree to disagree whether we like it or not. If particular members do not like each other at all, they need to learn how to deal with their own personal issues in order to learn how to debate properly. Bullying does not solve anything, it only makes things even worse. Bullying does increase the magnitude of the problem much more if it is not nipped right in the bud.
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Exactly
Respect is the best and also response people's post in postive/manner way, too when you know their personalities. Every persons have different characters. Like what I said in an earlier post that people could be very senstive and offend easily and consider me as internet bully when I give them my honest opinion in friendlier way. That's why I learn to know their personalities first before I make post or say something..... (online or real life).

It is my opinion that a very good forum administrator would enable his/her members by chastistizing forum bullies because we've got far too much bullies controlling forums and causing discord whereas other members do not need it. We've got far too much bullies being given too much leeway, now, I believe bullies can redeem themselves, only if they prove themselves to realise they are at fault for their problems and own up to their behaviour.

I hope this all resonates with you. :)
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Yes, I notice it.
 
^Angel^ said:
Thank you CookieMonster :mrgreen: , I am glad that you can see and clearly understand my POV, and I'm also learning to ignore certain posts by walking away from it or go to another thread as I've been doing lately.....doing so and if everyone could also, we would see less control and bullying across the board...I know this isn't easy to do for some but not entirely impossible...
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I’m afraid yes. I know it’s not easy. I learn my lesson to ignore or make post in polite way.
 
All this debating is fine as long as everyone stays on topic and simply explains their own point of view, but when you go into saying he said, she said... and then when someone makes a comment, and yes, I have noticed this OVER and OVER, another person will belittle that person's comment in a way that cannot be termed as bullying, but it IS bullying in its own right.

Just because we have members that we may like or dislike, DOES not give you the right to become an internet troll or bully - even when you couch words that cannot be proven as belittling, insulting, bullying or eve worse, name-calling...it is still there.

So, yes, my dearies, it doesnt matter who, where, when, why or HOW, you still have to show respect and refrain from being internet bitches or bastards...oops, such language coming from me!

I dont care if you say this or that, you know why? It all shows up here eventually, and reveals what kind of person you are, even if you think you're not that kind of person.

Yeah, some people have classified me as controlling, and I have tried not to be controlling, although I do wish someone would pull me aside and explain to me how I can be controlling...:confused:

If you want to be known as a certain kind of person, be my guest. You're welcome.
 
I was bullied by a kid back when I was in 4th or 5th grade. The bullying stopped when we got into a fight and I hit him in the nose which caused a nose bleed (this was with his friends watching). He went running home, I guess to have his mom stop his nose bleed. I come to find out my dad saw the fight since it was down the street and he didn't say anything after the fight, but how I found out was several hours later the bully came back with his same friends and the bully came up to me when I was outside with my dad and said he wanted "round two" my dad stepped in and told him to get lost and never come around again and getting beat up once was plenty for him.

I was never bullied afterwards.
 
DreamDeaf said:
So, yes, my dearies, it doesnt matter who, where, when, why or HOW, you still have to show respect and refrain from being internet bitches or bastards...oops, such language coming from me!

I dont care if you say this or that, you know why? It all shows up here eventually, and reveals what kind of person you are, even if you think you're not that kind of person.

Yeah, some people have classified me as controlling, and I have tried not to be controlling, although I do wish someone would pull me aside and explain to me how I can be controlling...:confused:

If you want to be known as a certain kind of person, be my guest. You're welcome.
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This is all fine and dandy, but respect is earned. I do not respect everyone on this forum, because, many on here don't deserve my respect. I am sure that rubs many people wrong, but so be it. I am not, nor will I ever be, someone who kisses someone's ass just to be liked by the masses. I'm a good person, and what is important is that I know I am. I don't have to prove that to anybody. People here can like me, love me, hate me, or just not care. That's fine. I truly don't care. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. The only person I have to worry about is myself.
 
Oceanbreeze said:
This is all fine and dandy, but respect is earned. I do not respect everyone on this forum, because, many on here don't deserve my respect. I am sure that rubs many people wrong, but so be it. I am not, nor will I ever be, someone who kisses someone's ass just to be liked by the masses. I'm a good person, and what is important is that I know I am. I don't have to prove that to anybody. People here can like me, love me, hate me, or just not care. That's fine. I truly don't care. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. The only person I have to worry about is myself.
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That's good that you feel that you're a good person, however, the way I see this, if you want people to RESPECT your opinion, then you have to RESPECT their opinion, also.

I know I'm not perfect, I have many faults, (no, not foot or double-faults), after all, I'm just human and I hope people accept me for what I am. If I make a mistake, I'm always willing to own up to it, and if I say something wrong, I'm always willing to eat my words.

However, in this topic, what I'm seeing is that there are bullies and THEN there are bullies. Both physical and mental. Some use fists and some use words.

Like...I may say this person is stupid, his/her opinion ain't worth shyt, he/she don't know anything, he/she must be a total airhead... that is ONLINE bullying. Even when you don't really say that directly to a person, you can always word it so everyone knows exactly who you're talking about. that's also ONLINE bullying.

There are so many different ways of bullying and being assertive.

If I wanted to be assertive, I might have said...

You are entitiled to this opinion, and this is MY OPINION... yadda, yadda, yadda. In other words, I can agree to disagree with what you say, but without putting that person down or making it seem that he/she didn't say anything worth saying. In other words, I can show respect for that person's opinion and then disagree with his/her opinion with my own opinion.

Simple.
 
Okay, it seems my last post was deleted by admin., so I will edit for possibly questionable content and try again…
When I first registered in this forum, I don't remember seeing anywhere where it said to grow a thick skin in the rules outlined for Alldeaf, no one is expected to have certain members change in order to belong in a forum, there are many levels of how members are when it comes to being sensitive
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Isn’t that exactly what you are trying to do by expecting some of us to change to accommodate your level of sensitivity? I'm not one to mince words, sugar-coat, or pussyfoot around a topic. If you don't like what I have to say, that is your problem, not mine.

A question, how are we suppose to agree to disagree when a member happens to dislike another member and keeps expressing forms of bullying?
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Whether or not I like or dislike you or anyone else on the board personally does not necessarily affect my responses because I respond to the issue, not the individual.

So, yes, my dearies, it doesnt matter who, where, when, why or HOW, you still have to show respect and refrain from being internet bitches or bastards...oops, such language coming from me!
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Oh, but I do so enjoy being a bitch.

And for the record, I agree with OB…respect is a two-way street.
 
Eve said:
Okay, it seems my last post was deleted by admin., so I will edit for possibly questionable content and try again…Isn’t that exactly what you are trying to do by expecting some of us to change to accommodate your level of sensitivity? I'm not one to mince words, sugar-coat, or pussyfoot around a topic. If you don't like what I have to say, that is your problem, not mine.

Whether or not I like or dislike you or anyone else on the board personally does not necessarily affect my responses because I respond to the issue, not the individual.

Oh, but I do so enjoy being a bitch.

And for the record, I agree with OB…respect is a two-way street.
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:werd: it is a two way street if not like that there's the door thats IMO ...
 
DreamDeaf said:
you still have to show respect and refrain from being internet bitches or bastards...oops, such language coming from me!
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:lol: I agree!!
 
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