Being Adopted, Would You....


♥"Concrete Angel"♥
Premium Member
Nov 28, 2003
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I'm curious if you were adopted, Would you consider looking for your birth parents ( when old enough to do so....) find out anything you can about them, the reasons for putting you up for adoption , to actually find them?....If so, would you be able to forgive them regardless of the circumstances?...

Even though I am not adopted but my feelings would be that I would make every effort to find my birth parents and seek the truth....I know in the begining it may be hard at first to be willing to forgive yet no matter how hurtful the truth may be , not only having the urge to know but also having the ' right ' to know for my own sake....

Providing that it went well , I would feel a part of me longing to be in their lives as comfortably as we can possibly live with..... ;)
I am not adopted. I believe adopted children MUST be told when they are about 7 that they are special children to be choosen not wait till they are over 18, one of my hearing friends found out she was adopted at the age of THIRTY FOUR, she took it very badly, and want to search her birth mother and was told she don't want to see her in case it will turmoil in her life!

One thing I cannot understand WHY adopted children abandoned their "parents" who bring them up from babies till they are adult and chosed to call their birth parents as their own parents.

I understand its every adopted parents' nightmare that once they found out who they are, and they are more curious about their birth parents'

Some adopted children were told they are adopted and they chose not to know their birth parents because they said they adandoned them in FIRST place why should they chasing them for?

Most I heard they were adopted because of teenager Mum and want to hide the bad taboo, and it was no-help from the government to support single Mums in olden days.

My second cousin is adopted.

Have you noticed once we met children, there's always whisper background saying "She/He is adopted, sh" I thought myself why should I know about it, what is the different?
Red~Rum said:
Have you noticed once we met children, there's always whisper background saying "She/He is adopted, sh" I thought myself why should I know about it, what is the different?

Exactly, what's the difference?! It really grieves me when hearing someone mentioning to another about someone who is 'adopted' and they can't even consider using common courtesy for the person/friend who is adopted like if it's a 'no-no or a 'hush-hush thing'! Like for most of us here who are deaf/hoh, we may be different, but STILL, we are HUMAN!! Likewise, with adopted people, I do not look at them differently...I'd rather be supportive for them IF they ever have the need...or someone to 'listen', etc.,....
^Angel^ said:
Even though I am not adopted but my feelings would be that I would make every effort to find my birth parents and seek the truth....I know in the begining it may be hard at first to be willing to forgive yet no matter how hurtful the truth may be , not only having the urge to know but also having the ' right ' to know for my own sake....

Providing that it went well , I would feel a part of me longing to be in their lives as comfortably as we can possibly live with.....

I sure agree there, and understanding that upon knowing you're adopted after several years or many years of not knowing this, and wanting or having the desire or the satisfaction of having questions answered...seeking the truth might tarnish one self, but seeing more instances in stories where happiness and joy in finding the birth parent(s) have taken place aside from feelings that could be harmful or drastically hurt, yet, like with most cases, with time, comes with healing and forgiveness....

Although, I am not adopted myself, I have known a few that were and each one had their own way of handling it...most of them were not reluctant accepting the fact that they are adopted for in the homes they lived in provided their needs and much love! I never did questioned them if they ever wondered about their 'birth parent(s)' for I felt it wasn't my place to inquire them unless they wished to reveal their deep feelings about the concept of being 'adopted' and wondering about their 'birth parents'....

I do recalled working at a place(when I was a landscaper) where they housed children awaiting to be adopted due to various reasons such as having abusive parents, parents killed in different types of accidents, drugs and alcohol abuses by the parents in the home, etc..., seeing the wide range of ages for these children going through various emotional stages being offset by the warmness and heartfelt, caring staff that always worked around the clock for these children really struck me in a remarkable and awesome way...*dreaming of one day being able to set-up a place for children* awaiting adoption! :) I found quite a bit of information about this sort of place and several situations in which some of the children were going through by a couple of staffers that I was able to chat with while being there....
Adopted children should realise how lucky they are in having been adopted into a good family and having a decent life. Of course, it'll be natural for them to go through shock and anger once finding out they're not the biological child they once thought they were...but with lots of love and positivity, the child should come to terms with the fact of being adopted and accept and be grateful he/she has a loving family and a roof above his/her head.
Look at those poor children in the Third World countries -- all those who have been orphaned or rejected by their biological families and living on their own in the streets and so least the adopted children will not be living in dire situations like those in Third World countries.

If I were adopted, I'm sure I'd continue to love my adopted family and at the same time curious about my biological family.
I think that if I learned that I was adopted, that I probably would get over that quickly and accept the facts. I do not think I would want to find my biological family and so on. There is always suffering in life, but it is what you make of it. If you desire something like finding your biological families, then cannot find them. You end up suffering and wondering. Also, if you find them, and they want nothing to do with you, then you can be hurt. I'd be happy that I was given the chance to live a good life by my family who was very supportive and all.
If it were me, I would want to at least meet my biological parents...and like ^Angel^ says, I would want to know what their reasons were for putting me up for adoption. Was my mother too young? Was my father unable to find a job? Was I unwanted in the first place, and abortion was not an option? There are so many reasons that couples decide to give up a child, and if I were that adopted child, it would only be natural for me to at least wonder about them.

BUT - I would request that my adoptive parents accompany me. Because, well...THEY are the ones who raised me, fed and clothed me, advised me, nursed me back to health when I was sick, and LOVED me unconditionally. (This is of course, assuming that they were good parents!) I would explain to them that I in no way wish to replace them, even with my biological parents. It's more a matter of curiosity...and finding out a little bit more about my roots...where I came from, what nationality I am, a little bit about where my grandparents and great-grandparents hailed from. But anyhow...I would talk it over with my adoptive parents, of course, and ask how they feel about it, and of course, remind them that I will always be their daughter and theirs only.

I would also like to "keep in touch" with my biological folks...but hey, maybe they wouldn't want to. It's up to them. They may as well figure, "out of sight, out of mind." They may not even want to meet me...some women who have given their child up DO hope they never come across that child again, don't they?

That's my two cents on this :)

I don't have any plans for finding my real mom.
I'm not adopted myself, but I grew up pretty close to it. Both my parents are social workers, and ran an adoption program until recently. They also adopted 11 kids, so they had both lots of theoretical and practical experience. I presume some of their info rubbed off on me, but I don't claim to be an expert. =)

Thing is, there is a VAST variety of reasons why children are adopted. In some cases, finding your birth parents is not always practical. My brother from vietnam has basically told me that the nuns who had him at an orphanage basically made up his birthday. Nobody really knows his exact age.

Another possiblity is that the kids might not WANT to look at their past because of the situation behind the reason they were adopted in the first place. (ie, abuse, etc).
Not all adopted kids are babies. One of my parents most enduring struggles was trying to encourage people to adopt older kids, especially those who are minorities, physically disabled, or who had emotional traumas. (off point.. there are hundreds of deaf kids waiting for adoption these days!)

Putting those situations aside, do adopted kids want to find their 'birth parents'? quite likely. I remember a (televisionized) workshop my siblings went to where they basically talked about how they dealt with being adopted. At the end of the show, every kid got cabbage patch kids. They were so happy to get those dolls, and so possessive, its not even funny. In a way, they were making up for the feeling of abandonment that is strong sometimes with adoptees. Finding your birth parents isn't necessarily trying to connect with birth parents, but more about filling in the unknown, and finding out missing information about yourself.
Would I try to find them if I was adopted? Perhaps. I would be a different person if i was raised by different parents. but the parents I did have made sure to let everybody understand.. its not the ties of blood that count, but the ties of love that bind so strong they are unbreakable. I would know that, but might want to find out more about myself anyway. Who knows.
I would want to meet up with My Parents that gave me Birth and Find out the real reason why they gave me up...If its a good Excuse then I will be more than glad to forgive them..

Still Your biological family gave you birth and They did Love you even through they had to give you up its better than getting an Abortion.. You wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for your Biological Mother. and Of course having Adopt parents sometimes can provide the Best care for the Child sometimes there are Bad Adopt Parents.
I would like to be curious why my natural parents give me up for an adoption for the reasons BUT I know that I´m glad that they didn’t abort me or didn’t kill me.
The parents who give up for an adoption has an absolutely nothing do with “abandoned” because they believe their children should deserve a better life there than they can give them.

I would trace my natural parents to know their history better & would get them to tell me why they give me up for an adoption… I would thank them for give me to my loving adoptive parents.

1. My last sister was adopted by foster parents when she was 7 years old. My brother watched her sometimes & know where she is but she didn´t noticed him. She´ll be 21 years old this Nov 2004. All is we hope that she will come to see us one day… It look like that she doesn´t bother to know about us curiously because she´s happier with her loving adoptive parents. I´m accept her wish because she deserve a better life there than stay with my mother.

2. My best friend Lynn´s mother disappeared her life when she was 2 years old. Lynn & I grow up together at same school. Her Dad didn´t know how to bring her up because she´s only a girl in the family so her Dad trust my parents to foster Lynn to company with me… She was grow up with me like sisters until the family situation goes worst (divorce etc) so my mother has no strength to take care of her because my step-dad is not agree to have her around so she was put at children home when she was 8 years old… Lynn & I still stay like sister each other for a long time until now… Lynn mentioned that she want to trace her mother with the help from me when we were 17 years old but her 4 brothers doesn´t bother to know anything about their mother & disgust of her what she did to their children etc etc… abandoned etc etc…. Lynn want to find out on her mother´s side why she ran away etc…. We went to Red Cross (Army Salvation) to give them her mother´s name etc… Few months later after that it took Lynn very bad after got a sad message that her mother refused to see her… The Army Salvation´s duty for not tell her where her mother is. Anyway, Lynn is married & have 3 children but still talked about her mother… She still talked everytime I visited to see her for holiday. She´s 41 years old & still never trace her mother… What a sad.

3. See the story about Lynn´s condition, that´s why I said that it´s normal for the children who releived themselves after meet their natural parents to know everything…

Yes, the children has the right to know that they are adopted an earlier than 7 years old.
I'm Adopted.. Cas put wrong parent who treat me sucks!
some of adoptivee who is really lucky and have wonderful adoption parents and treat you well living stable raised.

Also some birth mom or dad whoever have good reason and want giving you adoption best interest their own reasons.. likely eg: too young have a child, who cannot afford raise you because have no job, unwanted have you a child being in their life sorta of no excuses.., so many different kinds of their reasons...

My bmom was first time pregnant and wasn't planned for me best future because she has no job that time and too young age of 17 yrs old and have me. She thought could be best interest for me to have adoption parents who willing raise me.. but she didn't know i'm deaf. Adopt parents found out that I'm Deaf when I was 2 yrs old and that how treat me sucks life!
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If I were adopted - I'd want to learn more about my biological family because I think it's important to know if there are some genetic conditions that I need to be aware of... and of course, make new friends once I am an adult if they are also interested. No reason to meet them while I'm a minor.. it would be very confusing and painful for me if there is unexpected shit (Your mother is a crack whore that conceived you after a bukkake session while filming porn, that kind of thing). I'd rather be with my adopted folks and treat them like real family, anyway.
Well, I am adopted and found out about it at age of 9 years old. I get along with my adoptive mom and brother ok ok, but I feel close with my adoptive dad.

I met my birth mom in same town where I grew up. Weird. She learned that I was deaf and decided not to continue to develop a relationship with me at all. How sad. But, I was glad to know though. I have been asked her a few times about family tree and health history. I got limited information, but I did dig information through internet for geneology purposes. That's how I found more and more.

Believe it or not, I feel close to my late great great grandmother named Mary and she communicates with me through my psychic buddy. She knows the situation too well. I will reunite with her in the heaven someday. Smiles
awww I am Sorry that Your Mother wouldn't give a chance to know how Wonderful you are Oddball.. It her loss not yours. I do not know why Parents out there have to judge a child cuz of their health reasons.. That really Shameful.

Oddball U have a Family here in AD that loves you and accept you as a family Member also...Don't forget that Sweetie. :kiss:

BullyMom, I am Sorry that Your adopt Parents are not the Parents You would dream of having.. But, You turn out to be a Wonderful Person in and Out and Don't let anyone ruin that for you... :kiss:
I am a 29 year old adoptee, And very recently I have been found by my bilogical family.

I flew out west to meet my bio mother and aunt and i had a CHAMP time with them.

It was really overwhelming mixed with excitement. Its well worth it and Im still in touch with my bio family. Going to their reunion for first time this summer.
I am adopted. I don't look for my real parents. I am much happy with my american family. They are wonderful, full of love and raise me well.
Aww That's GREAT Bowak, It's sure nice to see some happy ending! :mrgreen:

That's good illustrator!
I'm not adopted, but my husband is. He knew his father, but he does not remember much about him. His father abandoned his mom, his daughter, and his son when the children were about 3 and 5 years olds. His mom remarried to a wonderful gentleman, and that man adopted my husband and his sister when they were small.

I asked my husband what he wants to do with his birth father. You know what he said? He said, "Hell with him... he left me." Wow! What a bold reply he said. My husband's happy with his father because he has been teaching my husband everything he knows. :) My sister-in-law is looking for him, and I am not sure why. :dunno:

If it were me, it would depend on the experience of growing up. If I was raised very well and in loving way, then no, I wouldn't want to seek my birth parents. Otherwise, I would (if I was raised awfully).