Being a doormat for energy vampires...

[Liza]

Ever feel like you were used by another person or people like a welcome mat? Like... being in situations or circumstances when you were being taken advantage of... even if the person didn't mean to.

Think energy vampires!

Observed Symptoms: Feeling drained, tired, exhausted, irritated, angry, resentful, etc...

I bet some of you have felt guilty for feeling angry with others when people ask you for help, too! This has happened before to me.

 

[GalaxyAngel]

Awee..... would be great for me.. stay alive as immortal.. *snickers*~

 

[Fly Free]

Ever feel like you were used by another person or people like a welcome mat? Like... being in situations or circumstances when you were being taken advantage of... even if the person didn't mean to.

Think energy vampires!

Observed Symptoms: Feeling drained, tired, exhausted, irritated, angry, resentful, etc...

I bet some of you have felt guilty for feeling angry with others when people ask you for help, too! This has happened before to me.

*nodding* yep yep indeedy Liza :roll: at some ppl who would do that sort of thing ON purpose -- those who might not have meant to do that shouldve realized their behavior and how it impacts on their friends/loved ones/etc

 

[pinkster]

Ever feel like you were used by another person or people like a welcome mat? Like... being in situations or circumstances when you were being taken advantage of... even if the person didn't mean to.

Think energy vampires!

Observed Symptoms: Feeling drained, tired, exhausted, irritated, angry, resentful, etc...

I bet some of you have felt guilty for feeling angry with others when people ask you for help, too! This has happened before to me.

Yeah, I can totally say I've been a victim of this. Its a real shame when people dont think about what they're doing to other people, and all they care about is "what can people do for me." That bothers me more than anything else cause it tells me they lack the emotional understanding that ALL beings are in "it" together; what goes around comes around, and if it hasnt yet, it will eventually.

 

[kuifje75]

Ever feel like you were used by another person or people like a welcome mat? Like... being in situations or circumstances when you were being taken advantage of... even if the person didn't mean to.

Think energy vampires!

Observed Symptoms: Feeling drained, tired, exhausted, irritated, angry, resentful, etc...

I bet some of you have felt guilty for feeling angry with others when people ask you for help, too! This has happened before to me.

I used to feel this way with one of my best friends, but it was not the way it was draining my energy. It was the way my friend was kind of expecting me to be there even if my friend didn't ask. One day, I told my friend off how I felt, and my friend realised what was done. So now it has improved tremendously because we communicate better now. Now my friend askes me nicely for help or whatever.

Right now, I can think of one friend here in Utah who is an energy vampire. *thinking about wearing a garlic necklace:

 

[Malfoyish]

Hi Liza!

I think we all feel this way at one point or another in our lives. Truth of the matter is, we can only do so much...and people seem to enjoy pushing our limits at times. It's unfortunate that some people take advantage, and know they are doing it too. Taking advantage is done in many, many different ways and more often than not, we don't see it especially when we are "helping" someone we love and care about.

It's also too much for some people to complain or say, "I can't do it," because then we're the ones who look bad or selfish for not being bubbly, peppy and always willing to help. That's how fights begin, IMHO.

Perhaps we should follow our own instincts more often than we don't. I think we'd all be happier if we did.

Malfoyish

 

[VamPyroX]

Hmm... talking about me behind my back? Hehehe! It's okay... I don't mind. A lot of people take advantage of me.

 

[Liza]

Hi Liza!

I think we all feel this way at one point or another in our lives. Truth of the matter is, we can only do so much...and people seem to enjoy pushing our limits at times. It's unfortunate that some people take advantage, and know they are doing it too. Taking advantage is done in many, many different ways and more often than not, we don't see it especially when we are "helping" someone we love and care about.

It's also too much for some people to complain or say, "I can't do it," because then we're the ones who look bad or selfish for not being bubbly, peppy and always willing to help. That's how fights begin, IMHO.

Perhaps we should follow our own instincts more often than we don't. I think we'd all be happier if we did.

Malfoyish

Yeah, I agree! And hey Malfy!!

I am still working on valuing myself enough to say no firmly, admittedly, in situations that my body would cry out for that answer. It doesn't mean that we don't care about the person asking for help.

I'll also be the first person to admit that I have been tempted to PMS on the next person when I feel drained by that person or another! So I know definitely something isn't working for me... ya know?

 

[Liza]

Yeah, I can totally say I've been a victim of this. Its a real shame when people dont think about what they're doing to other people, and all they care about is "what can people do for me." That bothers me more than anything else cause it tells me they lack the emotional understanding that ALL beings are in "it" together; what goes around comes around, and if it hasnt yet, it will eventually.

Yeah... I agree, it is too bad that some people don't realize what they are doing to us... but I also have to say that it's OUR responsibility to tell 'em front up what they are doing, otherwise they won't be given the opportunity to change or not. I guess that's when truth hurts, too... it sucks, though.... we just gotta make allowances that nobody can read our minds, emotional understanding or lack of it. IMO.

 

[Liza]

*nodding* yep yep indeedy Liza :roll: at some ppl who would do that sort of thing ON purpose -- those who might not have meant to do that shouldve realized their behavior and how it impacts on their friends/loved ones/etc

Wow, we all feel that way huh?! I'm glad I started this thread.. let's see what works and what doesn't work for us! hehe



I always make sure my friends are OK if I ask them for help (after I know I can trust 'em), and I let them know they can always say no... there'd be no hard feelings! Although, I don't ask for help often... I sorta keep it all inside, but was thrilled a friend told me to just unload on her yesterday - she has done the same to me before, and I didn't mind either! It really goes both ways, eh??

 

[Liza]

I used to feel this way with one of my best friends, but it was not the way it was draining my energy. It was the way my friend was kind of expecting me to be there even if my friend didn't ask. One day, I told my friend off how I felt, and my friend realised what was done. So now it has improved tremendously because we communicate better now. Now my friend askes me nicely for help or whatever.

Right now, I can think of one friend here in Utah who is an energy vampire. *thinking about wearing a garlic necklace:

That's great that you worked things out with your friend! I sure would ask you first, too.. it's cool if you say no, too. Thanks for a great example of being up front with others about how you feel, and how they changed with that opportunity you gave 'em..

 

[Liza]

Hmm... talking about me behind my back? Hehehe! It's okay... I don't mind. A lot of people take advantage of me.

Yeah, we were talkin' about you! Nahtt.. seriously, that "sucks" being taken advantage of... must be your boyish charms??

 

[Deaf258]

Oh yeah, I had several "friends" who doesn't know how to have fun and they are energy vampires. So sad that the friendship is lost, but I sure got better right after and learned to know where and when to draw the line with other potential energy vampires!

*note this is made in general, not to a specific person.

 

[kuifje75]

That's great that you worked things out with your friend! I sure would ask you first, too.. it's cool if you say no, too. Thanks for a great example of being up front with others about how you feel, and how they changed with that opportunity you gave 'em..

Yes Liza, it's ok to say no. However, this friend used to refuse it if I said no, and pushed me to help this friend anyway. So, I expressed myself to the person about that and the person realised it.

Also, I have learned that if people overstep my boundaries, that I would certainly voice my concerns and try to get it resolved. However, some people are not my good friends, and they don't know where their boundaries are. After a while of trying to hint what their boundaries are, they still don't get it. Then either be blunt or disassociate from that person. :shurgs:

 

[Deaf258]

Another thought.. If you are calling them "energy vampires", aren't they also considered the "crabs" at the bottom of the bucket in the "Crab Theory"?

 

[CatoCooper13]

Did you mean both types that intentionally do it and others unintentionally as well? I've dealt with both types -- the ones who did it deliberately, I just washed my hands of them as it was not worth my time. But for the ones who didn't mean it on purpose, I'd have a good talk with them and try to point out what they did and assure them that I knew that they didn't mean to do it intentionally...and that I forgave them...gave them a chance to redeem themselves.

 

[Liza]

Another thought.. If you are calling them "energy vampires", aren't they also considered the "crabs" at the bottom of the bucket in the "Crab Theory"?

I think there are different types of energy vampires, Deaf258 - crab theory could apply in some cases. It depends on how they "do" it and what their intentions are, IMO. Good question!

 

[Liza]

Did you mean both types that intentionally do it and others unintentionally as well? I've dealt with both types -- the ones who did it deliberately, I just washed my hands of them as it was not worth my time. But for the ones who didn't mean it on purpose, I'd have a good talk with them and try to point out what they did and assure them that I knew that they didn't mean to do it intentionally...and that I forgave them...gave them a chance to redeem themselves.

Yep, all types!

That's cool you are willing to forgive others who don't mean to do it. That's probably more easier to think about, if they didn't mean it. I reckon it would be more harder to think about the ones who did it on purpose. I feel we still should forgive them too and move on, knowing trust was violated - for our own peace of mind and soul. It's also more harder to forgive ourselves, too - so we better be well damned ready to do that whenever needed! LOL!

Great thoughts, mate!

 

[Liza]

Yes Liza, it's ok to say no. However, this friend used to refuse it if I said no, and pushed me to help this friend anyway. So, I expressed myself to the person about that and the person realised it.

Also, I have learned that if people overstep my boundaries, that I would certainly voice my concerns and try to get it resolved. However, some people are not my good friends, and they don't know where their boundaries are. After a while of trying to hint what their boundaries are, they still don't get it. Then either be blunt or disassociate from that person. :shurgs:

Cool beans - expressing ourselves is so important. Yeah, I agree that we can voice our concerns and give ourselves the opportunity to resolve something rather than leaving it fester for a while - if you're thinking in the same line as I understand you! I do think having safe space and more time to let this happen is important for both parties. It's more trickier if both of you have different ideas of what happened, and what would work. What do do in that case then?

Gee, this sounds a bit revelant to the other thread I started! LOL! IMO so far, feel free to drop what doesn't resonate with you.

 

[Liza]

Yes Liza, it's ok to say no. However, this friend used to refuse it if I said no, and pushed me to help this friend anyway.

I want to comment on this thought

I figure, if I ask somebody - and they tell me no (not that I'd mind nor blame that person at all), I'd admit there might be a tingle of hurt feelings and I'd feel like I'm worthless in some ways. I think people react differently in this case. Granted, that is something of a kink where my "inner peace" is concerned and my personal responsibility to handle, nobody else's. Thought I'd say something as more food for thoughts! How do you proceed in that, assuming you realize something is up when you say no? I would be interested in hearing your input (others welcome, too) in case I have to "hurt" a friend by saying no again...