april is child abuse awareness...

Steel X

Steel X

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of course, I've read the newspaper at work today reading an article about a man who a victim of child abuse as he was a kid...telling his story of how violent and short tempted his father was towards him, his siblings, and his mother.

he told stories where his little sister was saying something innocent and his father didn't like what she said as he pushed the brakes on his car and dragged his sister out of the car and went into the woods and started beating her for hours, and he can hear her scream a mile and his mother can hardly do anything because she was afraid that she would be next.
Her sister have hearing problems as she was slapped many times by both sides of her ears many times. He told a story when his older brother was a toddler and his father got so pissed off he left him a powerful bowl on his face and his face looked so ugly neighbors were asking what happened to his face and his fater said that he fell down the sidewalks...but he lied.
He told a story when his father has actually killed his own baby while it was still in the woman's worm as he punched and kicked his wife violently until he is satisifed. His mother had a miscarriage after the abuse then. He told a story when his father broke both of his sister's legs she could barely walk at all so he wouldn't really beat her up that much when she's using crutches.
Today, his father is now in prison and he is proably about age 79 right now.

It was actually one of the most violent stories I've ever read that relates to real life...damn.

So, this is just a reminder to all of ADers, to be aware of such families that involves child abuse and if there is such one, contact the police right away.

thanks.
 
Thank u Steel for letting us know the dangers of child abuse and that April is awareness month :thumb:

we also need to get the DCFS/DPS/DSS/DYS/DHHS/whatever ur state calls the agency to be revamped to recognize signs of abused children who are in the system, by biological family members and etc -- the children definately needs to be protected -- there has been far too many children whose lives were cut short due to the abuses they have endured :(
 
and it does relate to the reason we're all here. MANY dhh and otherwise disabled kids are abused. It might be due to the constant stress of therapy therapy every single waking hour! That's another reason why I don't support going oral only....b/c it demands that parents function as therepists. Some therapy is GOOD....hey I am VERY glad I had some therapy, but some of the experts....*shakes head*
 
Posted on Tue, Apr. 05, 2005





Violence echoes for decades

Kytja Weir

The Charlotte Observer


April is Child Abuse Awareness Month and today victims' advocates in Charlotte are presenting a seminar on the effects of domestic violence on children. Ken Long of southeast Charlotte shared his story with Observer reporter Kytja Weir. The retired 65-year-old grew up outside Pittsburgh in a family with four children, and now has two grown daughters of his own. His words have been edited for brevity and clarity. He says he has come forward with his story to bring attention to the abuse that continues to occur in many homes.

My father could never control his nasty temper. He beat my mother severely from the time they were married until he was taken to an Alzheimer's facility at age 79. My mother lost count of the incidents of abuse, physical or mental.

She lost a baby because my father kicked her in the abdomen when she was five months pregnant. He was aggravated that she "allowed" herself to become pregnant -- this, before birth control pills.

Countless times, we four children would wake in the middle of the night to screaming and cussing at my mother. That, and the fact that she was being beaten again. Our stomachs were always in knots.

My oldest sister was born crippled and was never supposed to walk in her lifetime (although she surprised her doctors by doing so anyway). Even though she was in plaster casts on both legs and couldn't run from my father, she was not spared beatings. If she even mentioned that her legs hurt, he would fly into an uncontrollable rage.

Once, we were riding in the car, and she said something innocent that he didn't like. He slammed on the brakes and stopped the car. He dragged her into the woods out of sight of the road, and beat her so badly that you could hear her screaming for a mile. My mother sat frozen in the front seat, afraid to stop the beating, because she knew that she would be next. My sister was probably 8 years old at the time.

She has hearing problems today as a result of him slapping both of his hands across her ears.

When my older brother was 3 years old, my father beat his face so badly that when asked by neighbors what happened to this toddler, he replied that my brother had fallen in the gravel on the side of the road.

We expected to be beaten with leather belts and wooden boards. We always carried bruises on our bodies. Our hands would be cut and bloody from warding off the blows.

Problems in school

Our schoolwork suffered in direct proportion to the number of tantrums and beatings my father directed at family members. We could never do anything right according to him. He always raved about how smart neighbors' children were, and about how stupid his own children were.When any of us brought our report cards home with low grades, of course it was our fault and not the lousy home life that we had to endure.

When I made the mistake of mentioning that I had received a 100 percent on an exam in chemistry class, I was told that the school was teaching "bull----," that there were no such things as atoms and molecules.

We were never praised for anything. He told all of us that we shouldn't plan on going to college since we were all "too damned dumb" -- his exact words.

The turning point in me having to do anything with him came the night that he was choking and beating my mother.

A lamp cord was wrapped around her neck. She was coughing trying to breathe, and he was loudly calling her and my grandmother "whores."

My mother was all of 4 feet, 10 inches tall. He was a big man.

I calmly loaded a double-barreled shotgun, walked downstairs and pointed it at his head. I told him that if he didn't leave my mother alone, I would definitely kill him. I had taken all the abuse that I cared to take, and this latest attack on my mother, and calling her a whore, was the last straw.

He backed down, and told an aunt that he was afraid I would really kill him.

I would have. And I am a gentle person who does not like to hunt, since I don't like harming any living thing.

Slow recovery

It took me several years to realize that I was a real person, of average intelligence, with self-worth. I "found myself" in the Air Force, even excelled.

The abuse came home to haunt me when I applied for college. My bad high school grades hurt me. I was denied admission.

I became a mechanical engineering designer without the benefit of the degree. I also hold a commercial pilot license, and taught the art of fencing for about 15 years at Central Piedmont Community College. I worked as a scoutmaster for many years. I have also received awards for my watercolor paintings and sculpture. So maybe I have reached some degree of "normalcy."

My mother never got up the courage to call the police on this monster until she was in her 70s.

When the Pennsylvania State Police came to the house to talk to him, he manipulated the police into thinking that the cause of the fight was my mother's fault.

My father was finally sent to an Alzheimer's home when he was 79. My mother enjoyed a few years of peace and quiet before she died at age 81.

Why didn't my mother ever leave him? Simple answer: There was nowhere for a woman with children to go for help in the 1940s and '50s in this country.

Women and children were abused, and the police just dismissed this action with the excuse that they probably deserved it anyway. The man was always protected by the police. After all, he was head of household.

My father passed away in the Alzheimer's home, and we granted his wishes to have his ashes scattered in his favorite fishing stream in a national forest in Pennsylvania. There was no formal funeral for him.

As my sister's son put his ashes into the stream, he asked if anyone wanted to say a few words. No one in the crowd of about 30 -- which included his children, his grandchildren and great-grandchildren -- spoke a word about his passing.

I picked some wildflowers and floated them in the stream, and thought about what his life could have been.

I prayed that in the next world he would be better than he was in this one. His father and grandfather were abusers. He did not have to carry on the legacy. I refused to.

What You Can Do

Domestic and child abuse victim advocates offer the following tips for people who come into contact with children who've been abused or witnessed it in their homes: • Listen to and believe the child. Advocates say its very unlikely for children to make up abuse because the experiences are often embarrassing or humiliating to talk about.

• Tell the child the abuse is not his or her fault. Focus on how disclosure may be helpful to the child but do not push them to go into details. Let the child tell the story.

• Help the child get in touch with the appropriate agencies that deal with abuse.

Where to Get Help

• If you suspect a child is being abused, call 911 or the local child protective agency in your county that is listed in the emergency pages of your phone book.

• Each county also has resources on domestic violence. In Mecklenburg County, call the Shelter for Battered Women's 24-hour hotline at (704) 332-2513 or the Mecklenburg County Women's Commission at (704) 336-3210.
 
Just to let you know, I was a victim of child abuse until my mom finally divorced my dad because he was just crazy and stupid...he never really abused my mom but say ugly things to her like "bitch" and shit like that...but he did choke me, slap me, and dragged me across the bushes and stuff like that. I'm quite thankful that I didn't have to live that long to be through that since my parents were divorced when I was in 3rd grade anyway. He abused my brother also but I don't think he abused my sister...well I dunno I have to ask her but I'm sure he has abused my brother and me long enough before he left us.
 
Geeze, that's alot worse than what I've went thru myself....

Abusers will always lie and make up a story about how the child or their spouse end up getting a bruise or two....I think there should be something that should be done like if you see someone in a sitation where there are a couple of bruises on a child or on a spouse's face, arms, neck, back then you know you would need to call in to get help for this person or for this child before it gets worse...It could save many and many people out there who are in somewhat in a situation like this story.....It's better to get out now then living in a situation like this for a long time..... :(

Thanks for bring this up Steel.... :hug:
 
I was in an abusive realtionship for 2 years. He was a real creep that played a lot of mind games. I am so glad I'm not with him anymore. We have a 2 yr old daughter together but he never comes to see her. Im kinda glad too because I wouldnt want him to do the same things to her that hes done to me. We split right after she was born so she doesnt even know him.
 
Geeze, I'm really sorry to hear about that mlkshkgrl but I'm real glad that you kicked him out before your daug was born, smart girl! :hug:

I wasn't smart one here I stayed in an abustive marriage for 15 years, we have three children together, and the worst one was when my ex husband wouldn't allowed me to get a coat in the house for our 2 years old when I thought it was warm outside and he wanted to leave NOW and didn't have the patient for me to run in quickly to grab our son his coat so he wouldn't catch a cold, but once I got out of the car, walked around the car and that when he grabbed my arm and said get in the f***ing car and I tried to get him to let go of my arm that when he pulled the car back and dragged me on the driveway while the car was moving backwards...I end up with a bruises, bloody scretches all over my legs and the left side of my arm....After that happened I always seem to listen to him and not to talk back...

I guess I wasn't that smart as you, but at least I finally saw the light and file for a divorce and now I'm free from it ...I even promise myself I would never go thru this type of relationship again.....If I do see signs of abuse then I'm gone....I won't accept no sorry either...cause once they're an abuser, they will never stop no matter how many times they apologize...
 
When My mother first recovered that my sister and I were losing our hearings She changed her behavior, She started to neglect us and our needs, never showed up for our PTA in schools, sports and etc. She used to hit us, bang our heads to walls, drag our hair while we are on the floor through the hallways, She would pinched us, I got whipped by my dad's belt by her gave me marks everywhere on my lower back, My dad was angry at her for using object to hit us. My sister report the abuse in high school when the teacher found bruises on my sister, they phoned child service they came over and we were locked in our rooms My sister tried to tell the social worker what happened but they believe our mother over us, After the social worker left, we got beaten even more. *Sigh* I had to keep myself confidence that I would make it through and keep myself alive. None of this would have happen if we weren't deaf and losing our hearing. It all happen because of that. My mother never accept our deafness. She would tell people that we were switch at birth that someone else has her daughters. We've been through so much until my dad finally divorce her and left her, but leaving us behind was his big mistake. It got worst she blamed us for our dad leaving. But, she never thought it was her all along, she made my dad leave, it wasn't us. My dad made it perfect clear to her when we were at the age of 17 the time my both of my sisters moved in with my dad. I was stuck with my mother because she wanted to commit suicide. I had a soft heart then. What an idiot I was. So, If anyone was involved with being in abuse get yourself out, You don't deserved it. That isn't love.
 
*hugs* angel / cheri so tight!! i am glad that you gusy alright and move on new life.. dont counting or worryin about the past! you guys already got great lifes with your own children , men , etc.. :)

I was abused by my mother from 13 yrs old til 19 yrs old.. long story , blah blah! I was protected my handicapped brother alot that why it made my mom pissed off and hurted me instead of my handicapped brother! i dont care how much my mom hurting me, i let her do that.. til she calmed down when i was 19 , i told mom . COME ON , HIT ME. OR KILL ME! she admitted did PUNCHED me down , she got scared and didnt realize who she is , she said she needed a big help .. i was so happy to hear what she said .. so we worked each other on counsler meeting, she did go see counsler for help .. til 5 monhts later, she done with meetings.. she is very IMPROVED mother now.. and nice mom!!! :) I know why she been go throu with her past by her dad , brothers whch raped her , molesting by cousins, raped by 5 guys from dance club when she was young girl .. that' s why it brought her mind up as frying up!



me and my mom are gettin along better alot than before! :) i am glad that i didnt give up on my mom , i knew that she can do it which she STOPPED hurting me and my handicapped brother!


TOF
 
^Angel^ said:
Geeze, I'm really sorry to hear about that mlkshkgrl but I'm real glad that you kicked him out before your daug was born, smart girl! :hug:

I wasn't smart one here I stayed in an abustive marriage for 15 years, we have three children together, and the worst one was when my ex husband wouldn't allowed me to get a coat in the house for our 2 years old when I thought it was warm outside and he wanted to leave NOW and didn't have the patient for me to run in quickly to grab our son his coat so he wouldn't catch a cold, but once I got out of the car, walked around the car and that when he grabbed my arm and said get in the f***ing car and I tried to get him to let go of my arm that when he pulled the car back and dragged me on the driveway while the car was moving backwards...I end up with a bruises, bloody scretches all over my legs and the left side of my arm....After that happened I always seem to listen to him and not to talk back...

I guess I wasn't that smart as you, but at least I finally saw the light and file for a divorce and now I'm free from it ...I even promise myself I would never go thru this type of relationship again.....If I do see signs of abuse then I'm gone....I won't accept no sorry either...cause once they're an abuser, they will never stop no matter how many times they apologize...
Click to expand...


Wow, thats terrible. The bad thing about my relationship was that I would report the abuse and nothing would happen because he is a cop. I was scared to really fight back because he said he would make up some charges and say that i was resisting arrest and abusing a police officer. I was so scared. He tried to get me to have an abortion but I didnt believe in it even though he helped make her. So I got beat up on a regular basis. Then found out he was married and he told her that they were going to get my baby after she was born. It seemed like it took so long for it all to stop.
 
mlkshkgrl said:
Wow, thats terrible. The bad thing about my relationship was that I would report the abuse and nothing would happen because he is a cop. I was scared to really fight back because he said he would make up some charges and say that i was resisting arrest and abusing a police officer. I was so scared. He tried to get me to have an abortion but I didnt believe in it even though he helped make her. So I got beat up on a regular basis. Then found out he was married and he told her that they were going to get my baby after she was born. It seemed like it took so long for it all to stop.
Click to expand...

He is a :crazy: :asshole: You & that lil cutie are better of without him.
Your my best friend. If you ever need me call. I'll always be there for you...
 
C.C.Sinned said:
He is a :crazy: :asshole: You & that lil cutie are better of without him.
Your my best friend. If you ever need me call. I'll always be there for you...
Click to expand...


Awww...thank you hunny. Thats why ur my best friend, I can always count on you to be there. You are such a sweetheart. Love ya. :kiss:
 
TongueOnFire said:
* I was abused by my mother from 13 yrs old til 19 yrs old.. long story , blah blah! I was protected my handicapped brother alot that why it made my mom pissed off and hurted me instead of my handicapped brother! i dont care how much my mom hurting me, i let her do that.. til she calmed down when i was 19 , i told mom . COME ON , HIT ME. OR KILL ME! she admitted did PUNCHED me down , she got scared and didnt realize who she is , she said she needed a big help .. i was so happy to hear what she said .. so we worked each other on counsler meeting, she did go see counsler for help .. til 5 monhts later, she done with meetings.. she is very IMPROVED mother now.. and nice mom!!! :) I know why she been go throu with her past by her dad , brothers whch raped her , molesting by cousins, raped by 5 guys from dance club when she was young girl .. that' s why it brought her mind up as frying up!me and my mom are gettin along better alot than before! :) i am glad that i didnt give up on my mom , i knew that she can do it which she STOPPED hurting me and my handicapped brother!TOF
Click to expand...

That is Great!, that your mother admit her mistakes and fixed it, I am glad you and your mother are getting along better now than before. That's good news! I am really happy for you. :hug:
 
^Angel^ said:
Geeze, I'm really sorry to hear about that mlkshkgrl but I'm real glad that you kicked him out before your daug was born, smart girl! :hug:

I wasn't smart one here I stayed in an abustive marriage for 15 years, we have three children together, and the worst one was when my ex husband wouldn't allowed me to get a coat in the house for our 2 years old when I thought it was warm outside and he wanted to leave NOW and didn't have the patient for me to run in quickly to grab our son his coat so he wouldn't catch a cold, but once I got out of the car, walked around the car and that when he grabbed my arm and said get in the f***ing car and I tried to get him to let go of my arm that when he pulled the car back and dragged me on the driveway while the car was moving backwards...I end up with a bruises, bloody scretches all over my legs and the left side of my arm....After that happened I always seem to listen to him and not to talk back...

I guess I wasn't that smart as you, but at least I finally saw the light and file for a divorce and now I'm free from it ...I even promise myself I would never go thru this type of relationship again.....If I do see signs of abuse then I'm gone....I won't accept no sorry either...cause once they're an abuser, they will never stop no matter how many times they apologize...
Click to expand...
If abusers never get help, it's quite true that they will never stop, indeed.
 
TongueOnFire said:
*hugs* angel / cheri so tight!! i am glad that you gusy alright and move on new life.. dont counting or worryin about the past! you guys already got great lifes with your own children , men , etc.. :)

I was abused by my mother from 13 yrs old til 19 yrs old.. long story , blah blah! I was protected my handicapped brother alot that why it made my mom pissed off and hurted me instead of my handicapped brother! i dont care how much my mom hurting me, i let her do that.. til she calmed down when i was 19 , i told mom . COME ON , HIT ME. OR KILL ME! she admitted did PUNCHED me down , she got scared and didnt realize who she is , she said she needed a big help .. i was so happy to hear what she said .. so we worked each other on counsler meeting, she did go see counsler for help .. til 5 monhts later, she done with meetings.. she is very IMPROVED mother now.. and nice mom!!! :) I know why she been go throu with her past by her dad , brothers whch raped her , molesting by cousins, raped by 5 guys from dance club when she was young girl .. that' s why it brought her mind up as frying up!



me and my mom are gettin along better alot than before! :) i am glad that i didnt give up on my mom , i knew that she can do it which she STOPPED hurting me and my handicapped brother!


TOF
Click to expand...
she got raped by her own brother? geez that's just plain twisted! :ugh:

but anyway, it's nice to hear of how much your mother improved her behavior after tons of help that she got.
 
yeah , i am glad it over.. i really love my mom no matter who she is, i am glad she comes in my life.. smile! steel

TOF
 
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