Look what mine says under the topic, "Helpful Hints".
- Nancy
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Helpful "Jerkoff" Hints
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: HELPFUL HINTS
Spewing two browns of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side ballbusts fingered by traditional pain relievers.
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste sex fights an excellent salve for blows.
Before you head to the gamahucheing drugstore for a raiding high-priced inhaler filled with assfucks creams, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids smoochs. They'll clear up your cuntlicked nose.
Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1/2 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for balling muscles.
Sore "Mistress Shiva" Throat?? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 Tablespoon six times a day. The titty fucking vinegar kills the spewing bacteria.
Cure urinary tract unclefucks with alka-seltzer. Just dissolve two balls in a cuntlicking creams of water and drink it at the browning onset of the jerking farts. Alka-seltzer titty fucks smooching urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the unclefucking product was never been advertised for this use.
Eliminate puffiness under your eyes.....All you need is a dab of preparation H, carefully titty fucked into the skin, gangbanging the eyes. The fomping hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor, relieving the dripping instantly.
Honey remedy for Skin "Thrushmore" Blemishes, Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a smooching Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the cocksucking bacteria, asslicks the motherfucking skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
Listerine therapy for toenail fungus....Get rid of unsightly toenail assfucks by soaking your enters in Listerine mouthwash. The fingerfucking powerful antiseptic charvers your toenails fingering healthy again.
Easy eyeglass protection....To prevent the raiding felchs in squirts from loosening, apply a balling small drop of clear nail polish to the wanking threads of the screws before tightening them.
Coca-Cola cure for rust...Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca "Ballbuffer" Cola and scrub the farting rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the screwing coke is what bangs the entering job done.
Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer....If charvering bees, wasps, wanks, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the cocksucking insecticide, try a ing spray of Formula 409. Deep throats drop to the raiding ground instantly.
Smart splinter remover.....just pour a drop of Elmers "Mouth-full-o'-cock" Glue-all over the muff sniffing splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the raiding skin. The splinter sticks to the farted glue.
Hunt's tomato paste boil cure....Cover the shafting boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a plowing compress. The acids from the farting assfucks soothe the fingering pain and bring the cuntlicking boil to a sucking
head.
Balm for broken blisters.....To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few blows of Listerine....a powerful antiseptic.
Heinz vinegar to heal bruises...Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The screwing vinegar fingers the motherfucks and smacks up the healing process.
Kills gamahuches instantly. Dawn dishwashing liquid does the ing trick. Add a fisting few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the unclefucking animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin aardvarks. Good-bye fleas.
Rainy day cure for dog odor....Next time your dog fingerfucks in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
Eliminate ear mites....All it takes is a fucking few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a spewing cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 smoochs. The oil soothes the fingering cat's skin, smothers the entering sex fights, and accelerates healing.
Vaseline cure for screws.....To prevent troublesome fomps, apply a dollop of Vaseline petroleum jelly to your cat's nose. The cat will lick off the sucking jelly, blowing any hair in its stomach so it can pass easily through the ing digestive system.
Quaker "Big Dick" Aardvarks for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore!
Mix 2 cups of Quaker "Buzzwordbaby" Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the smooching mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
I thought I was Benny Hill reincarnated albeit a cutie & feminine version one however this is way off the charts!!!
