Advice: Come out as gay or bi?

[shel90]

True, but we heterosexuals also face similar family pressure when it comes to making or not making a commitment to someone.

"Why don't you marry H? He's a wonderful person. You don't want to wait too long..."

"Why do you break up with every nice guy you've been seeing? What is stopping you from getting married and starting a family?"

"Finally, I thought it would never happen!"

Just a few voices from my past...

I agree with you but I think the point here is that people who are gay or bi have to hide in the closet about their sexual orienation while we dont.

There are pressures in different situations..

Like "I dont approve of you dating a black man."


"He is too old or too young for you.."

so on...

 

[Beach girl]

Right. My point is that the answer can be the same: "This is the person who is my choice." Or "not my choice," as the case may be.

I didn't get the impression that Daredevil is in the closet exactly, just wondering if she needs to label herself as "gay" versus "bi," for the sake of her family. I'm saying, families tend to give people pressure anyway, regardless of label.

My point is that the label isn't really necessary. Just live your life with the person you choose, and tell your family "This is the person I love."

I don't see the need for a label. Gues that's just my blind spot.

 

[Daredevel7]

Right. My point is that the answer can be the same: "This is the person who is my choice." Or "not my choice," as the case may be.

I didn't get the impression that Daredevil is in the closet exactly, just wondering if she needs to label herself as "gay" versus "bi," for the sake of her family. I'm saying, families tend to give people pressure anyway, regardless of label.

My point is that the label isn't really necessary. Just live your life with the person you choose, and tell your family "This is the person I love."

I don't see the need for a label. Gues that's just my blind spot.

I don't either... I hate labels.

But others do need them for some reason....pigeonholing, anyone?

By the way, the post about hetereosexuals also being pressured?

Yea, I experience that too...

Every time I go home for the holidays: "So you dating anyone? Are you seeing anyone? Did you date anyone in the past year? You're 29 now? Yea I was married and already had 2 kids when I was your age. Time is a tickin'!"

And so on...

 

[shel90]

Right. My point is that the answer can be the same: "This is the person who is my choice." Or "not my choice," as the case may be.

I didn't get the impression that Daredevil is in the closet exactly, just wondering if she needs to label herself as "gay" versus "bi," for the sake of her family. I'm saying, families tend to give people pressure anyway, regardless of label.

My point is that the label isn't really necessary. Just live your life with the person you choose, and tell your family "This is the person I love."

I don't see the need for a label. Gues that's just my blind spot.

Yea, no need for labels but society has us conditioned for it. I admit sometimes, I do it too.

 

[Beach girl]

I don't either... I hate labels.

But others do need them for some reason....pigeonholing, anyone?

By the way, the post about hetereosexuals also being pressured?

Yea, I experience that too...

Every time I go home for the holidays: "So you dating anyone? Are you seeing anyone? Did you date anyone in the past year? You're 29 now? Yea I was married and already had 2 kids when I was your age. Time is a tickin'!" And so on...

Oh yeah... I didn't get married until I was 36, so had a certain amount of that sort of thing at family get-togethers for a while. Honestly, a lot of that stuff is just small talk from people who love you and are interested in your life. You can always choose how much information you want to share, as in "yes, I'm dating A, and we are very happy together," or "oh, my dating life is pretty boring; what's new with you these days?"

That's one of the pleasures of being an adult; you don't HAVE to tell your parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, whomever, every detail about your life if you don't want to.

 

[jillio]

True, but we heterosexuals also face similar family pressure when it comes to making or not making a commitment to someone.

"Why don't you marry H? He's a wonderful person. You don't want to wait too long..."

"Why do you break up with every nice guy you've been seeing? What is stopping you from getting married and starting a family?"

"Finally, I thought it would never happen!"

Just a few voices from my past...

Not quite the same thing. A dominant culture member has a completely different experience than a minority member does. That is why we have confirmed sociological phenomena such as male privlege, white privilege, and hetersexual privilege, and hearing privilege in our society.

 

[jillio]

I don't either... I hate labels.

But others do need them for some reason....pigeonholing, anyone?

By the way, the post about hetereosexuals also being pressured?

Yea, I experience that too...

Every time I go home for the holidays: "So you dating anyone? Are you seeing anyone? Did you date anyone in the past year? You're 29 now? Yea I was married and already had 2 kids when I was your age. Time is a tickin'!"

And so on...

Exactly. You experience in additon to the bisexual pressure. One cannot be substituted for the other, because in the position of a minority individual, the pressure is in addition to what the dominant experiences.

 

[dogmom]

I have mixed feelings about labels BUT i do think that in a "majority/
minority" society such as the U.S., they can serve a purpose by re-framing and empowering historically oppressed groups.

Pressure to get married, have kids or do any number of things expected of straight people does not carry the same kind of power-over that is exposed when the recipient of said pressure also does not inherently conform to basic societal assumptions.

Someone can also get end pressure by getting married to a person of the other sex or gender and, for example, be "allowed" to discuss most types of daily interactions with anyone and everyone, in various circumstances, without fear of reprisal. That privilege is not extended to those whose partner/lover is of the same gender or sex.

 

[jsolo155]

Be honest. If they will be okay with it, then go for it. If you really feel your bi, just say it. It doesn't matter if they think it is a stage, because over time they will realize thats who you are. You will get yourself into more of a pickle and say your gay, and then fall for a guy and then say oh well I like guys again, then they will say that you being gay was a stage. So just be honest, or else you may end up needing to do more explaining then you actually need to.

 

[shel90]

Reminds me of this picture..

 

[ladysolitary85]

Wirelessly posted

In my experience, I always been attracted to women. For the longest time I convinced myself that I was bisexual and tried dating men in hope to please my fam (pressure of grand babies etc, which didnt happen) but after my last break up with a man I did some soul searching and found who I really was on the inside. I dated (still with her) a woman who helped me come out of my shell and everything just felt more right to me. I am happier and comfortable enough to say I'm a lesbian when so many years I thought I was bisexual. I came out to my family and they were extremely supportive, because they saw how happy I was.



But now your situation is different. I say take your time and go with what feels right at the moment. Whatever feels more free to you is what you are. But your business, only thing that matters is being true to yourself.

 

[rockin'robin]

Agree, being true to thine own self is the best way to go...and being true to others regarding ur own preference should be just as important too....

Being a female, I've never been attracted to other females. And after my divorse from my husband (which was a bad one)...I never wanted to get married again....Years passed, I dated here and there, had many long-term relationships....but when the "let's get married" conversation came up...well, I went another direction, and broke it off.

I can honestly say I'm self-sufficient and make my own decisions...and I can look into the mirror each day and know that I was/am being "true" to myself. A commitment is not what I want, friendship is.