A Relationship Phobia?

quirkylibra said:
I agree, be blunt :) I have a hard time with this. I am blunt in every other respect, go figure. Anyway, sometimes blunt doesn't work, then you may have to be mean. This is esp. true at a bar or club :)
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Maybe a bar or club is not the right place for a single woman to be if she's not looking for a date. Men in those places tend to be more predatory anyway.

A polite refusal should work for most men unless they're stalkers or drunks.
 
Reba said:
Maybe a bar or club is not the right place for a single woman to be if she's not looking for a date. Men in those places tend to be more predatory anyway.

A polite refusal should work for most men unless they're stalkers or drunks.
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I agree, meeting a man in those places is less than ideal. Reba, I tend to attract the crazy ones...something about me:hmm:
 
quirkylibra said:
I agree, be blunt :) I have a hard time with this. I am blunt in every other respect, go figure. Anyway, sometimes blunt doesn't work, then you may have to be mean. This is esp. true at a bar or club :)
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I went to a bar once for a few minutes due to curiosity and I never went to a club, so I'm mainly dealing with fellers that I will have to face again :shock: which is why I'm inquiring about rejecting them "nicely." Otherwise, I have no problem ignoring aggressive strangers. My cold shoulder causes frostbite :giggle:
 
quirkylibra said:
I agree, be blunt :) I have a hard time with this. I am blunt in every other respect, go figure. Anyway, sometimes blunt doesn't work, then you may have to be mean. This is esp. true at a bar or club :)
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:roll: at guys at bar/club. Sometimes my female friends come to me looking all angry and stressed out cuz they got "aggressively" approached by men who don't know what no means. :roll:

I do go with my female friends once in a while to serve as a cockblocker but it's pathetic to see how some guys are very pushy and wanting to do dirty-dance. :roll: While they go dance, I usually wait by the bar or table and chit-chat with my friend or random people. A few weeks ago - I had a fun having a little chit-chat with this bartender. I asked her where she from cuz her accent and the way she pronounces the words are different. She smiled and said - "yes I'm from Poland." then I told her - "wow you know you look like Kirsten Dunst?" but she doesn't know who that person is and she has never seen Spiderman. :aw:
 
Jiro said:
:roll: at guys at bar/club. Sometimes my female friends come to me looking all angry and stressed out cuz they got "aggressively" approached by men who don't know what no means. :roll:

I do go with my female friends once in a while to serve as a cockblocker but it's pathetic to see how some guys are very pushy and wanting to do dirty-dance. :roll: While they go dance, I usually wait by the bar or table and chit-chat with my friend or random people. A few weeks ago - I had a fun having a little chit-chat with this bartender. I asked her where she from cuz her accent and the way she pronounces the words are different. She smiled and said - "yes I'm from Poland." then I told her - "wow you know you look like Kirsten Dunst?" but she doesn't know who that person is and she has never seen Spiderman. :aw:
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:giggle: I am known for elbowing the ones who try to dance to close. I am the one who always has to watch my drunk friends because of those guys who prey on drunk women. I have learned you cannot be nice. I am polite the first time and then after than I am tough :) I once had a man approach me in the beginning of the nigh and ask if he could buy me a drink. I said no thanks and I swear, 2 hrs later he approached me with a beer in his hand for me. I just laughed! It's really nice of you to stick up for your lady friends! :D
 
jinxedkitten said:
I went to a bar once for a few minutes due to curiosity and I never went to a club, so I'm mainly dealing with fellers that I will have to face again :shock: which is why I'm inquiring about rejecting them "nicely." Otherwise, I have no problem ignoring aggressive strangers. My cold shoulder causes frostbite :giggle:
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Bars and clubs are fun, but not for meeting men :) Sometimes ignoring isn't enough, sadly :)
jinxedkitten said:
Opposites attract and likes repel... no wait, you should be attracting the sane ones! :wave:

Just teasin' ya :D
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:lol: I am nuts, but in a good way:ugh3:
 
Yes, it's a good idea to take time for yourself and grow as a person. If you're more confident with yourself, the right person will be attracted to that. If you keep thinking you need to be in a relationship or something is wrong with you if you're not, you'll give off a desperate vibe... this scares off good guys and attracts the guys who prey on desperate, insecure women.
 
You know, I am positively sure that almost all of us have went through this phase of having a fear to get into the next relationship. It is part of the process where you get to have a chance to analyze yourself before you are able to reap the courage to move on forward.

I have went through that and to my surprise, I have learned a lot of things about myself that I had never knew of. Many of you have threw in a lot of excellent advices. It pretty much covers up what I was about to say as well.

But, there's one more thing I should say -- Enjoy life as much as you can rather than trying to "worry" about getting into the next relationship. A relationship is not meant to be planned. It is meant to blend in by developing a friendship with one other and building the foundation together until furthermore.
 
My dear sweet girl,

You need to learn how to fall in love with yourself first.

You need to love yourself first.

*Nurture yourself. *Praise yourself, show love to yourself when you stand in front of the mirror. *Take care of yourself. *Treat yourself like a Queen. *Don't be afraid of financial burden. *Buy a luxurious facial cream or hand cream. *Make a date with yourself; soak yourself in the hot tub. Lather yourself up with the luxurious cream. *Treat yourself well.

You need to love yourself first before you can love another person.

Love yourself and your little faults.

Laugh at those silly little faults. *Make those faults your best features!*

Enjoy life with a joie de vivre!
 
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry: BlackBerry9630/4.7.1.40 Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 VendorID/104)

Mrs. Bucket, you definitely know how to cheer me up ;) and I am already taking your advice, I date the rubber ducky several times a week :D I will try to smile at the reflection in the mirror more often lol
 
jinxedkitten said:
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry: BlackBerry9630/4.7.1.40 Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 VendorID/104)

Mrs. Bucket, you definitely know how to cheer me up ;) and I am already taking your advice, I date the rubber ducky several times a week :D I will try to smile at the reflection in the mirror more often lol
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:hug: Good to know this.

We all need to love ourselves. We are very special to other people so why should we not be extra special to ourselves?

You are special and make sure you emphasize this to yourself in the mirror. :ily:
 
Agree with mrs bucket.

jinx kitty, everyone offers pretty good tips. There is actually someone who loves you is your little boy. You are lucky to have him and he's lucky to have you that is so much of loves! Good example, you got a new BB and toying with it like you find more about yourself that you enjoy, that you never toy with before. SO there are many things that you haven't try. that's a good start and first step from there.

p.s. seriously, you're a hot mama. im not lying! 0=)
 
LOL thanks FF, you're too kind!

Mrs. Bucket, you just did my dirty work and led my FB pals to believe we had a steamy lesbian conversation over the phone. Maybe fellers will believe me when I say I'm not so straight O_O
 
Single life ain't really all that bad. Even after my wife had affairs and broke my heart and separated, I felt lonely and F'd up in the head for a long time. I got over it eventually and decide to put all my energy and focus into my job. I love it that way now and don't ever think about it or feel lonely ever. Work is a good social outlet for me. At home, Im mostly spend my time reading medical journals or studying other things. Probably the only thing I miss having a wife for is the vacations. Not exactly the same feeling doing them alone without somebody to enjoy it with. But that will not make me want a significant other, just for vacationing.

Some people just aren't meant to be single. They are impatient and have to have somebody in their life. All that happens then is they go through a bunch of bad relationships that waste a bunch of time and emotions. Be patient and let things come to you naturally.
 
:cool2:
Reba said:
Rather than rushing into a new "relationship" or even worrying about one, I would suggest first getting to know yourself. Try out some new interests (a sport, an evening class, a hobby, a group with common interest, travel) and don't even consider dating for a while. You don't need that kind of pressure. You need to first decompress.

In the meantime, you're going to make yourself even more interesting and self-confident with your new activities and perspectives.

You're not going to turn into the neighborhood cat lady overnight. :lol:
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That is most excellent advise reba :cool2:
 
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