I can see that. It must make you feel awful. Although there are some deaf people that look down on or feel that ASL is not necessary. While more Deaf people see it as a major part of who they are. They must make the assumption that you felt it is not necessary. Or that you felt that way most of your life but are kinda coming around to it.
I look at it similarly to when we visited the reservation on one of our many trips years ago. My dad is Native American. My skin color and beard do not show this. My eyes, cheek bones, nose and lips do. Slap a tan on me and then I look it. I was picked on in school, called “chink” “spik” “gook” “mook” “wet back” “coffee bean” “A-rab” and “kike” For those who don’t know these words, (or if I spelled them wrong LOL), these are all racial epitaphs and derogatory terms for various Asian, Latin, Middle Eastern, and Jewish groups. The kids would also play, “what race does southern look today” I look enough “not white” for me to be picked on…. But when I go to the reservation I am seen as white. We went up one year and visited the museum. They had just renovated. I got my ticket and was very excited and was trying to talk to the lady giving me the ticket. She interrupted me and said, “the line forms over there” and gave me a disgusted look. Then my aunt came right behind me. My aunt with her jet black hair, black eyes, dark skin and same bone structure as me…. The lady giving the tickets face lit up, big smile came across her face. She said, “oh have you been in yet it is so wonderful. Grand father, (the Cherokee term for god) has been great in his blessings to us. We just…” I interrupted her and said, “come on aunt Linda!” the ticket woman turned quickly to me with the look of shock on her face. I said, “yes she is my aunt, the same blood runs through our veins. Funny how you treat her different with her dark skin, I guess I am not INDIAN enough for you!” my aunt gave her a dirty look and we walked on, stepping over the woman’s jaw.
I think it is the same here, you are not “Deaf enough” for them because you do not know or are late to learning ASL. Certain things are expected and that is one of them. The only difference is your choice on when, or whether to learn. I cannot choose how my skin turned out, my brother got the dark skin. That’s okay he has all white features! LOL