New! Hearing with interest in deaf culture

Allison22451

Allison22451

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As a nurse I've had limited experience with clinically deaf and HOH individuals. Recently I was asked on a date by a deaf man. He's super fun and seems very patient. (As I currently dont know any sign language... although I'm eager to learn ASL). Im looking forward to our date. So, I would like to hear from those of you who are in deaf/hearing relationships. The pros. The cons.

As a deaf person what is your preference? Dating a hearing person or a deaf person?
 
Deaf with Deaf is generally easier. For me however it's all about who the person is on the inside. Obviously they would have to be willing to learn ASL
 
Welcome to alldeaf allison.
If yous hit it off then the rest dont matter....
Hsve fun, learn sign..
 
Welcome! I've been with a hearing man for 8 years, so I'm on the other side of the equation in that I'm the one that's Deaf. Communication is key in a relationship, so lots of patience needed on both sides.
 
caz12 said:
never seem to eager deaf or hearing,it scares people off..
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Sound advice.
Thanks.
Dating this gentleman aside, ASL has always been an interest of mine. I do a lot of work with young children. Most recently with a 1yo with verbal apraxia. Knowing sign, beyond a few elementary ones, would've have certainly enhanced our communication and his learning experience.
 
hoichi said:
Welcome to alldeaf allison.
If yous hit it off then the rest dont matter....
Hsve fun, learn sign..
Click to expand...

Love it.
Thanks!

I'm cooler than the other side of the pillow.
I think learning ASL would certainly skyrocket my coolness and improve my communication skills with both hearing and deaf individuals.

Having FUN is my favorite!
 
AlleyCat said:
Welcome! I've been with a hearing man for 8 years, so I'm on the other side of the equation in that I'm the one that's Deaf. Communication is key in a relationship, so lots of patience needed on both sides.
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Thanks for the warm welcome and prompt reply .

8yrs! *high-five* That's an incredible benchmark in any relationship. Even more remarkable when there are language/cultural differences.

We both seem patient and understanding. But I feel in our specific situation a greater amount of patience will be required of him. Although he has never heard a sound he has exceptional writing/verbal/lip reading skills in addition to ASL.... and I'd hate to become a lame leg (so to speak) by always asking "huh?"... "what?" .... Everyone agrees I'm fun to be around... but a constant lack of understanding would be enough to wear on anyone.
 
Yes. We have been married for 2.5 of those years now. :) he took ASL 1-4, Deaf Culture, and Linguistics. It really helped us. And everything else he didn't learn in class, he's learned from me. :) he's still not totally fluent, but he does very well.
 
AlleyCat said:
Yes. We have been married for 2.5 of those years now. :) he took ASL 1-4, Deaf Culture, and Linguistics. It really helped us. And everything else he didn't learn in class, he's learned from me. :) he's still not totally fluent, but he does very well.
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Congratulations! I love to hear relationship success stories.

LOL @ him not being totally fluent after 8yrs together and a zillion classes... that makes me feel better about signing the few signs I know like a toddler. Trust me, I'm not trying to impress anyone that I can sign "pumpkin". =) I know it takes time. I'll just be less critical of myself when I don't get something right away.
 
decide if relationship going somewhere before you ask ASL but good idea do it in your own right if you nurse
 
caz12 said:
decide if relationship going somewhere before you ask ASL but good idea do it in your own right if you nurse
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Thank you for your reply.

Beyond this new dating experience I've always wanted to learn a second language. Sign language would be an excellent skill to possess. Promoting different forms communication and eye contact would be an asset in my career and personal life.
 
:welcome: to AllDeaf Forum. Make sure you don't help him as if he was disabled person. He would not like that. He can take care of himself with communication like note pad and pen when he want to communicate with people in public. Show respect for him for who he is, not something that hearing people want him to be like a hearing person (like change him to be what you want him to be like a hearing person).

There were a couple of movies like that between hearing and d/Deaf. Yes, communication is the key and you need to sign with him in ASL. If you can not handle him, then leave him alone.

I had married my second husband who was hearing for 15 years before he passed away. I am a widow.

He does understand about my deafness but he thought I have a hearing aid (only left ear and total deafness without my hearing aid on my right ear) and expected me to hear and listen to him who I could not understand him. We get along better in spite of my deafness.

Enjoy reading and posting here. See you around. :wave:
 
Hey, Alison. Trippy, here. First, welcome to AllDeaf! You'll find many things here. :)
Second, could you give me tips on talking to hearing people? The barrier I've oft run into headfirst on their side is impatience/irritation at having to modify communication. So, I've ceased trying to do so, as I tire of feeling like a burden.

Is there anything I could do to improve upon this? I advocate for myself and all that jazz, but can be overly eager at times. Why does this scare people off? I just want to make friends ._.
 
Bebonang said:
:welcome: to AllDeaf Forum. Make sure you don't help him as if he was disabled person. He would not like that. He can take care of himself with communication like note pad and pen when he want to communicate with people in public. Show respect for him for who he is, not something that hearing people want him to be like a hearing person (like change him to be what you want him to be like a hearing person).

There were a couple of movies like that between hearing and d/Deaf. Yes, communication is the key and you need to sign with him in ASL. If you can not handle him, then leave him alone.

I had married my second husband who was hearing for 15 years before he passed away. I am a widow.

He does understand about my deafness but he thought I have a hearing aid (only left ear and total deafness without my hearing aid on my right ear) and expected me to hear and listen to him who I could not understand him. We get along better in spite of my deafness.

Enjoy reading and posting here. See you around. :wave:
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Thank you SO MUCH for the warm welcome and lengthy reply. I appreciate your input.

This man is 6'4" and has a great deal of experience with integrated social situations. He travels a lot. He exudes confidence. Therefore it's evident he can take care of himself. I treat him, as I do everyone else, with the utmost respect. I have patients with mental/physical disabilities. I know the importance of promoting independence, allowing them to do as much for themselves as possible.

Sorry to hear you're widowed. That mustve been difficult.

If you have movies/documentaries that you recommend that could give me better insight into deaf culture/relationships I'm open to suggestions.
 
TrippyMoods22 said:
Hey, Alison. Trippy, here. First, welcome to AllDeaf! You'll find many things here. :)
Second, could you give me tips on talking to hearing people? The barrier I've oft run into headfirst on their side is impatience/irritation at having to modify communication. So, I've ceased trying to do so, as I tire of feeling like a burden.

Is there anything I could do to improve upon this? I advocate for myself and all that jazz, but can be overly eager at times. Why does this scare people off? I just want to make friends ._.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the welcome!

I don't have enough experience with deaf/hearing social integration to give advice. I have been told that often, in a group of hearing and deaf individuals, they separate like oil and water. It just migrates that way "naturally".

Generally speaking some people simply make themselves unapproachable which has nothing to do with you being deaf. They just don't want to be bothered with you or anyone else.

Me, I'm very social. My sister complains, "Allison, do you have to talk to EVERYONE?!" Um, yeah, I do. My grandfather didn't call me motor-mouth for nothing. =)

My mother always says " It's not what you say it's how you say it"... and I'm sure that rings true in the deaf community when bridging hearing relationships.
 
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