Why I am going through a tough/emotional situation

shel90

shel90

Love Makes the World Go Round
Premium Member
Joined
Sep 7, 2006
Messages
45,080
Reaction score
322
Many of you have wondered why I made comments in some threads and comments on FB.

I will just give a brief summary of what happened:

This was the weekend from hell. On Friday night, my ex hubby and my daughter confronted me without warning that my daughter is going to move with him to AZ. I was told in the parking lot of my ex hubby's work and to say at the least, I was completely speechless and at loss for words. I asked him when..he said the end of February of this year. I started crying and he kept saying that I wasnt showing support for my daughter's decision by acting like that which was pretty cruel of him. It made everything worse. To summarize, the scenario became an ugly one.

I just feel dead inside and just trying to make it day to day. I almost dropped my plans to go to NYC next weekend but after chatting on aim with Jiro, he helped me to see things from a more positive point of view. Plus, talking with my mom, my dad and my best friend also helped. I just feel so blessed that so many people dropped whatever they were doing to give me the support I needed. My hubby was shocked too and told my daughter that it wasnt cool to do that to me by not telling me what was wrong with her for a week and keeping it from me only to have her dad tell me on the spot.

To make things worse, I found out some things about my ex on Sat but I wont say it here but there were some lies and manipulation involved.

My emotions are really all over the place..Sat, I felt ok, yesterday, I felt anger and today I feel like panicking because I cant stop thinking about my son and how that will affect him.

Now, you know why I said that 2010 is already ruined for me.

Thanks everyone :hug:
 
I am so sorry Here :hug:


I have noticed my friend's ex husband attempted to pull the kids live with him because a husband does not want pay child support! Furthermore, I have seen ex husband made to brainwash the children turn against the mother! :(

I know it is so disdaining from divorce things!


You will get through it! :grouphug:
 
Dear Shel,
I'm sorry to hear this beginning of the new year has already been ruined for you. It's shameful of your ex to put you through the emotional wringer again. It sounded like your daughter thinks she will get the better end of the stick if she goes with her dad.

I believe she is better off with you because you're stable and you're strict with her when it's needed and whatnot.

Do not give up the fight if there's one on. You've got the AD family, your real family to be there for you and if needed, give you help.

Be strong like the woman that you are and show your ex that you won't be walked on all over again. Also show your daughter that you're not giving up on her no matter what she says or wants.

I'll pray for your strength to be enhanced and don't give up faith even if it's damn easy to do.

Now go and relax in the company of the good natured Aders on Saturday night.

:hug:
 
I would like to give you some:hug: too, Shel.....I am sorry this is happening for you:(
 
AW shel. im sorry this had to happen to u. i cant believe your daughter would betray you by not sharing with you about it. I wonder what caused her wanting to move? i hope you and her get this solved soon for everyones sake. Good luck! Hugs.
 
I am so sorry. :hug: seriously, i feeel you. I appreciate that Jiro did help you in some way. Lots of parents like your situation that makes me wonder how can they do something to children's feeling toward against to whose parents while they move out of other states. I hope your girl will realize how much she misses you and your boy and family when she moves in the west coast. I pray hard that things are going to be better for you guys. I know your girl won't forget you. yeah fight for it. :hug:

I am in slightly tears right now.
 
Aww I am so sorry, Shel90. You are not the only one to go through all this. My daughter is goin' through very much the same as yours. But, she's only 28. I will move to Wisconsin to be with her this summer. She cried alot when she texted me. She needs her "mommy". I also texted to one of her friends and asked her to be there for my daughter for me until I move there. She did. My daughter thanked me for this - she needs some support like you do. It's really nice havin' some friends/family to help out -- I mean, the ones who you could trust. :)

I know that feelin' you went through, because I've been there when I was young. It's good to see some ADers to be there for you. :hug:
 
Frisky Feline said:
I am so sorry. :hug: seriously, i feeel you. I appreciate that Jiro did help you in some way. Lots of parents like your situation that makes me wonder how can they do something to children's feeling toward against to whose parents while they move out of other states. I hope your girl will realize how much she misses you and your boy and family when she moves in the west coast. I pray hard that things are going to be better for you guys. I know your girl won't forget you. yeah fight for it. :hug:

I am in slightly tears right now.
Click to expand...

Me, too. It's very touchin'.
 
I am sorry Shel. I am also sure she wants to go with him because he is not strict. I hope she realizes her mistake and comes home to you.
It is a terrible situation to be in.
 
Shel, hugs to you. It's so hard to deal with this. Your daughter knows that you love her and want what's best for her. She will come around. In the meantime, take care of yourself.
 
Shel, life throws us some hard knocks. I dunno how old ur daughter is, (maybe 12-14?)....That's an age where kids feel they can make a lot of decisions themselves. They begin to spread their wings.
Being a parent was never an easy task. Perhaps ur daughter felt as if she could not tell you of her decision, knowing how hurt you would feel. But as for ur ex-hubby, he should have somehow communicated to ur daughter that it was her responsibility to sit down and tell you the news.

But now that it's out in the open, hopefully you can pull up, and not blame or question urself! Kids are pulled both ways, I can imagine what ur daughter is feeling! Divorse is so hurtful! She loves you and loves her Dad too.

My own adopted son, his real Dad came in from Wyoming, my son had never seen his Dad! And after a period of time, my son wanted to "stay with his Dad" at age 16. The hurt was, no words to describe it.....but I let him go. He stayed with his Dad for about 6 months, then came home to me. It didn't work out! Still, I had to be an adult about it all, respect my son's decision at the time, and let my son know that he was always welcome to come back home whenever he wanted to.

Give ur daughter "time". You both are hurting! Bless you and keep the faith.
 
:grouphug: Oh, Shel. I am sooo sorry about what happened. I understand how devastating this is to you. Your daughter will come back to you. No, I know it will never be the same again. But, hopefully, she will realize her mistake soon. I'm glad that you had your mom, dad, husband, and AD'ers helping you through this.

Don't give up, even when the future seems so bleak. I have to tell myself this whenever I get hit with a nasty depressive episode that is very short-lived. Yes, there are things in life that we can't change. We just need to make the best of what we have. :hug:
 
Oh hon, I am going through a similar situation. You are not alone (hugs), you're a strong woman and I know you can overcome the storm. We adore you!
 
Shel, I am sorry that you are in that stituation. I know that my sister was in the same stituation in the past regard her youngest daughter. Her kids are now all grown.
 
hang in there Shel. You have the support of a lot of people on here.
 
I'm sorry shel :( My sister (deaf) pretty much went through the same thing. You have to be careful since you are deaf, it is easy to use anything against you if you two decided to go to court over this.

I wonder if your daughter wanted to be around people with her root (hispanic) but I could be wrong. Maybe the kids in her school is giving her a hard time and she is using her dad as an escape? Some kids seem to blame their mom for divorce as well and always look up to their dad. I seen that many times too. So that what is probably what's happening . That her father is putting ideas in her mind that you are the blame. Parents tend to put that in their children's mind that the other person is the blame for the divorce. They don't mean to when they are angry and sometimes they don't realize they do that. It's really weird that children tend to listen what their father have to say than their mother.

I doubt it is you because I know you two communicate. It's just that's what teens do...they don't tell their parents their problem until the very last minute. Keep talking to her.
 
:grouphug: I'm glad you feel better!!! :)
 
I should mention that no matter my bad my niece's father was, he did raise her good and she turned out great.

I think it is more of your daughter than your ex. I really believe she is the one who is having problems (confused, angry, etc.) if she is willing to drop everything (her friends, her school, etc.) and just leave. It's not easy to do that unless you have problems. you need to talk to her.

edited: then again, she may not really wanted to go if she never told you about it. She probably was just going with the flow of her father (that is, her father asked and she said yes, but not very sure she really want to). And now that her father jumped the gun, she probably feel obligated to go now because the damage been done.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top