Your very, very first relationship...

As Gleen said....

What's your phone number.
 
I didn't grow up Christian, but I respect and share her values with her. I've went to Church with her.
 
And....? It sounds to me like it's time to have a serious talk about where you see the relationship going. Where is it for you? Are you interested in possibly thinking about marriage with her, or does it seem way too early yet for that? Do you see a possibility of one of you moving to where the other one lives? Do you have a viable means of support between the two of you to be able to afford marriage?

How do you feel yourself about waiting to have sex? Totally OK by you, OK to a certain extent, definitely not OK after you've reached a certain point in the relationship? You don't have to answer those questions here; I don't want to invade your privacy, but before you talk with her, you need to be clear in your own mind of where you would like to see this relationship go, and what you need from her in terms of confirmation that she is thinking along similar lines.

(Totally unrelated: I just sent you a PM about something else. Let me know if you got it.)
 
Shared values are very important. It reduces conflict and makes it easier to make important decisions. Especially when you have children.
 
I just read someplace that the biggest predictor of marital happiness was shared political values. That surprised me. I would have thought shared culture, maybe, or other shared values, like religion or wanting children or not, or lifestyle choices, or roughly equal education, etc.

I'll see if I can Google it and post the reference. Quite interesting.
 
That's interesting. My aunt and her husband are politically polar opposites and they're celebrating their 50th anniversary this weekend. They don't really discuss politics, though.
 
Maybe. :laugh2:

My grandparents were married over 60 years. I always thought their secret was that my grandfather couldn't hear. :lol:
 
That might have helped, too. :lol:

As for me: the biggest similarity my husband and I have is that we both traveled a lot and had lived in several different foreign countries, and thought that was a great way to live. I posted the list of places I've lived on one of the threads here, and someone said it was impressive. Well, take those foreign countries, subtract west Africa, add South Africa plus Hong Kong, and you've got my husband.

Neither of my sisters moved more than 10 miles from where we grew up, although both of them have traveled a fair amount, they take a trip together to NYC about once a year to see plays, shop, etc. They're not provincial, in other words. But in their heart of hearts, they both think, I'm quite sure, that the way my husband and I used to live would not be for them in the slightest.

That was a big, big thing to have in common. Neither of us would have married a "stay where you were born" sort of person.

Beyond that, we are similar, but not identical, in political and religious views, similar in education and intelligence, very dissimilar in choices of reading, sports we like, etc. He's an engineer, I'm more of a foreign and public policy sort of person; we both enjoy language arts, good writing, beautiful language generally.

It's interesting what can bring people together and keep people together. There are as many ways to look at is as there are couples, pretty much.

Edited to add: one of the most important things for us: we both like dogs and don't particularly care for cats! Now THERE's a good reason to stay together - we would never be able to decide custody of the dogs.
 
sallylou said:
Shared values are very important. It reduces conflict and makes it easier to make important decisions. Especially when you have children.
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This. It can apply to many situations in life, not just relationships. :cool2:
 
Beach girl said:
I just read someplace that the biggest predictor of marital happiness was shared political values. That surprised me. I would have thought shared culture, maybe, or other shared values, like religion or wanting children or not, or lifestyle choices, or roughly equal education, etc.

I'll see if I can Google it and post the reference. Quite interesting.
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It depends on the source of that information, wouldn't you say? Other resources will say the same thing regarding culture and the other things you listed. You can't usually go by what one thing says.
 
No, of course you can't, but I was just surprised to read of this one study that rated shared political values as such an important determinant of marital selection and happiness. Makes sense I guess, but I'd never seen it spelled out like that before.
 
1. Do you remember how long your first relationship lasted?
It lasted 2 years. 9th grade and 10th grade. We broke up because I moved.

2. When you were in your relationship were you thinking:

A) The buck stops here. I'm done with dating. I love him/her very much. I don't want to see someone else.
Nope

B)I do like him/her a lot, but this is my very first relationship. I want to date just to get the feeling of dating.
Yup

C) What a horrible person!! I'm happy to be out of the relationship!!
Never!

3. Do you keep in touch with your very first relationship? Are you married or just friends with your very first relationship?
We do not keep in touch since he died 3 years after I moved. He was electrocuted by accident. I am married to my 5th relationship.

As far as the sex before marriage. I am all for it, but sadly, I did not heed my own advice.
 
Hmmmm. My first "relationship" was one of those off/on things from the time I was 13 to 16. All very innocent back then as it was the mid 60's and I had strict parents. He lived in a different town - and back then 20 miles was like 1,000! He was in a band that played in my town about every other weekend. It ended mostly because I wanted a boyfriend I could actually see each day like someone in my school. I was much too young and immature to be thinking further ahead.

BUT, of course I ended up picking another band guy - although this one had a car and did come see me often. Was sort of a sweet relationship. I was his first, he was my second. (well, we were at that time going into the late 60's and hippie days, etc.) We just sort of drifted apart.

The 60's came and lets just say I very much enjoyed that time. Don't regret anything.

Back to second boyfriend: I did, however meet up with him about 20 years later and we got back into a relationship. STILL a very sweet guy - but he was exactly the same as he was when we were 16/17 and I wasn't. The intellectual differences were what broke us up that time. I do not mean to imply he wasn't intelligent, he just wasn't interested in current events, books, etc., and I was. I can't say anything bad about him - we just had became very different in our outlooks on life. Was sort of interesting connecting with an old boyfriend...for awhile. We've lost touch, but I hope he's happy. Very nice guy.

I am in touch off and on with another old boyfriend. Now he and I probably would have gotten far more serious except our life plans didn't mesh. He was working to get his doctorate, and I was a single mother by then going to college myself. I wasn't ready to consider pulling up roots and take my son to follow him to different colleges. I don't regret it as giving my son a stable upbringing was more important to me than my own romantic happiness.

I still smile when I think of him - I have incredibly fond memories of him!

Yes, I was married once. Bad, bad marriage but got the BEST son from it. I just never could go as far as getting married again. I was engaged once, but he left me because I would never set a wedding date. Being engaged and committed was fine for me...but marriage? I don't think I ever will marry again. (yes, my marriage was THAT bad).

Ha ha - right now I wonder if I'll ever even date again!
 
SimonJ said:
I couldn't do that, sex isn't everything but it is a big part of a relationship. You can't wait until you've committed to a life together to find out if you're physically compatible.
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I agree ! Boy I sure would hate to find out after I got married that the person I married is not physically compatible! You have no idea how how much she enjoy or dislike sex .
 
Beach girl said:
And....? It sounds to me like it's time to have a serious talk about where you see the relationship going. Where is it for you? Are you interested in possibly thinking about marriage with her, or does it seem way too early yet for that? Do you see a possibility of one of you moving to where the other one lives? Do you have a viable means of support between the two of you to be able to afford marriage?

How do you feel yourself about waiting to have sex? Totally OK by you, OK to a certain extent, definitely not OK after you've reached a certain point in the relationship? You don't have to answer those questions here; I don't want to invade your privacy, but before you talk with her, you need to be clear in your own mind of where you would like to see this relationship go, and what you need from her in terms of confirmation that she is thinking along similar lines.

(Totally unrelated: I just sent you a PM about something else. Let me know if you got it.)
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We would have support if our family accept us getting married in the future. She has said she may want to move out of state. I'm ok with that. I would move or stay. However, seeing how she has always lived under Mom's roof and never had a date, you would see that she wants some independence. Whether it is on her own or with me, we'll have to see. It's way too early to think about marriage.
 
Derek, does she laugh at your jokes? Do you laugh at hers? If so, you're on solid ground. If not - well, you might want to look for a new love of your life...

"Want to Know If Someone Likes You? | Psychology Today"

"Ever wondered if someone you're attracted to likes you or not, whether someone is your friend or foe, or whether your employees respect you? There's an easy way to find out... try to make them laugh. If the laughter comes easy, the answer is likely yes. If it doesn't, the answer is likely no."
 
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