When is enough enough?

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Taylor

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I have been putting this off for some time and perhaps should have said something sooner. I am grateful that the many people here at AD have accepted me into the community. As you all know, I am hearing but have several deaf friends. I have also done a lot with not only my agency, but agencies in surrounding counties in regards to deaf awareness. A program I helped develop was instituted in our department starting with a past academy class (and will come up in the next academy class as well as future classes). I have also met with other agencies about deaf awareness training for their officers.

With that said, it is often disheartening with some of the things that I come across here at AD and feel that I need to vent about it. Whether my gripes are justified or not is up to you....I feel how I feel and I see what I see...but it doesn't mean that I'm seeing it properly.

Example: Recently there was a member here that contacted me about a problem they were having. This person lives no where near me, not even the same state...and laws vary from state to state. Regardless, I took several hours researching information for this person. I did not so much as get a Thank You from that person....in fact, I was sent a bunch of insults and called names. Perhaps I did not give them the answer that they wanted to hear, but I did the research (that they could have easily done themselves) and put that research together for them. I can deal with somebody I arrest or write a ticket to insulting me...but when its somebody here at AD that lives in another state and insists I give them advice (in fact, I'm sometimes told that I HAVE to give advice because I'm a police officer).

This has happened on several occasions and is generaly via PM. What I found funny is that recently, somebody called me names in private...so I politely requested they do not contact me any more. A few weeks late, I get a message say 'Hi' from this person....so I ignored it. They want to insult me in private, then they should not expect me to always be responsive to a 'Hi'. Of course, I then get more insults because I'm ignoring them.

My first question is, do they treat other members of AD this way? If not, why would this rule that I have to be nice to you when you are insulting me only apply to me at AD? Again, this has happened on several occasions and I'm not pointing at any particular member or person.

My next issue is about some of the messages I get because people have a problem with their local police department. An officer was rude to them, so somehow I deserve a nasty message because a cop in Florida did not address you as 'Sir'...what would possess you to send a nastygram to a cop in Maryland because of a cop in Florida? I mention the Florida incident and many know the person I am referring to (who is now banned), but that was the most public. There have been messages to me because people did not like something about the police in 8 other states. And what I find amusing is many times when I'm told these stories, the officer did nothing wrong. For example, I get a nasty message because a cop in the midwest wrote a speeding ticket to this deaf person. The argument was the cop was wrong because deaf people should be let go. I disagree with that and feel the cop wasn't wrong for writing a ticket for somebody doing 25mph over the speed limit. Why should somebody get off specifically because they are deaf? And again, I question what this has to do with me.

A person recenlty asked me about an incident involving the police and this person was upset. I explained why the officer did what they did, and when I did that, the person said it made sense. I have no problem with people asking me questions like that, and this person was kind enough to say Thanks for answering and that she now understood it. Even if she didn't understand it, she was polite and placed no blame on me for what another officer in another state did.

The final straw for me tonight was when somebody questioned my integrity. You can call me names, you can insult me...you can even try to fist fight me on the side of the road...but the most offensive thing to me is to question my integrity. I swore to treat people equally, rich or poor, strong or weak, and to uphold the law equally. Nobody has the right to call me a liar and say that I did not do something when I did. This was the final straw for me, and I'm sure that this person probably did not mean the amount of harm or grief that it caused. This has occured in the past as well, but tonight it struck a nerve with me. In the past, I have had other members question my integrity and occasionally I get the 'I see how you are' because I do not agree with them.

I do get tired of seeing the posts about 'I'm leaving AD'. My attitude is if you aren't happy with something, then say it....and then silently leave. I'm not making that statement that I want to leave...because I don't. I'm making this statement to say what many cops never say. Cops have feelings too. When you call us a name, its no different than somebody calling you a name. When you attempt to throw a punch at me, you expect me to take it..because thats what cops do, right? If somebody punches you, do you not have the right to stop that from happening? Then why would it be different for me? If you are speeding down the road and a cop pulls you over, why do you have such hatred for him? You were, after all, breaking the law and your taxes pay for him to enforce the law...and to stop those who break the law. That cop did not ask for that law to be written but he is told to enforce it as it is written. Why would you get pissed off at a cop for writing you ticket, but then expect a company to follow the ADA? When you go to McDonalds and the person is slow in taking your order, do you cuss them out in the middle of the restaurant? Do you complain to the manager? Do you write a letter? Then why would you cuss me out, contact my supervisor, or write a letter to my chief because I did not give you the answer you wanted to hear...or give it to you in a timely fashion? A member recently became pissed off at me because it took me 2 days to answer a question....this was the same night one of our officers was involved in a shooting and I was called in at 3am and worked for close to 24 hours straight...got a couple of hours sleep and then went back to work. Why would you want to send a letter to my chief about that?

Alldeaf has always been my home away from home. I have met many friends here, and have become rather close to a few of them. I have learned so much about the deaf community. This has not only helped me in my job, but has caused a lot of personal growth for me. For that, I'm forever grateful..but if I get the insults on the street...Yesterday I had a battered wife cuss me out in the courtroom for locking her husband up because he beat her senseless while she was holding her baby....why am I the enemy there? And why am I becoming the enemy here at alldeaf? Its slowly becoming that way.

I've realized that there will always be a member here that has an issue with me because I'm a cop. I do not know what the police did to wrong them, nor do I know why they hold me accountable. I do know that many police officers have told me in the past to never disclose your occupation....and that I would regret it if I did. When at a party, people turn against you. When in a restaurant, people turn against you. When sitting at a stoplight, people turn against you....I guess I was ignorant for thinking that it couldn't happen here at AD, but it has.
 
Taylor,

I hope I am not one of them.. :ugh: I emailed you part 1 and part 2 about my past and was hoping that you could help me out...but you DIDNT! I am very much disappointed that you never reply me back at all...

I was hoping to get to know you better...since I hate cops for years...I was hoping that you would give me insight to see positive about cops...now, I am not sure about cops anymore.... :ugh2:

I do get tired of seeing the posts about 'I'm leaving AD'. My attitude is if you aren't happy with something, then say it....and then silently leave.

Remmy, Deafies and Hearies are in different culture! If you are tired of it, then dont bother to read our thread about it...

BTW, the police department has done NOTHING about my report against the deaf man who have been telling deafies that he was going to murder me...The D.A. has done nothing either! I am planning to see the FBI about this! I trust the FBI - not the cops nor the D.A.!
 
Hi Taylor ,

I heard and understood you very clearly what you are talking about and I have sent you a pm.

Thank you and God Bless, Heath
 
Great Venting, Taylor :thumb:

I'm totally speechless after read your thread here because I wish the people should see you as private person here, not duty as police officer. I'm sorry how you feel like this but I'm glad that you express your feeling to share with us here.

If I has a problem and need feedback, venting/ranting or whatever then do here in the public forum instead of PM to a person because I know she/he is a police officer, lawyer, etc... If I have a personal problem, I don't want to share to public forum then I has to deal myself with legal in the area or search the websites or someone I trust to instead of depend on my friends because I know they are police officer, lawyer, etc.

I often see that the people mix private and duty when they deal with people which not right because private and duty should be strict separately. We often saw lawyers around the town, where we live - they waved and said Hi to us and have 2 police officers in villiage where I live, and also prosecutor as well, (prosecutor's son goes training club as my boys, my co-worker's brother-in-law) but I didn't went to them for feedback but to their offices during duty time.

Taylor, I hope you don't mind me to give you feedback. I would suggest you to explain them in friendly way that you only know about the laws in your area, not outside of area and give them tips how to contact and look for websites and legal themselves instead of research information for them. The people will depend on you more and more if you doing to research for them which no good. It's free if you feel want to give us feedback, then do that in public forum as private person, not doing for them privately. Remember it's only voluntarily if you want to give them your feedback or not... The people have to learn to respect and accept you as private person, not see you as police officer.

No, you don't have to give them advice because you are a police officer but voluntarily because you visit this public forum as private person, not police office here in the public forum.

Yes I agree that hearies and deafies should be treat equally, no matter either they are deafies or not because they can read and obey laws. It's pathetic to me if deafies and hearies treat differently.

I has to give you right about "I'm leaving AD"... I was like *sigh* because I have see many threads like this... Simple is ignore them if you don't like to see it.

I don't think that you become an enemy here, that's just because the people know you are a police officer.. They turn into different people if they feel they did not get enough information from you. One person, I know you referred to is cop enemy... Be glad that he is not longer around here... :whistle:

I hope my feedback would helps.

Agree to disagree is welcome...
 
coloravalanche, Taylor did not name you or anyone but express his feeling in general way. It's good for us to learn how/what he feel.
 
Hi Taylor,

It was good vent and it's good to remind people that cops have feelings just as much as anyone else. For me, no matter what their jobs are, I view them as people with feelings. I am sorry that some ADers were bashing you and I hope you will not eventually leave AD. I really enjoy reading your posts and have high regards for you. AD is your time off away from work and it should have been stress relieving, while it hasn't been for you. ADers, please...instead of bashing Taylor, respect him as a person with feeling who happens to be a cop. Think of Taylor separately, not as a cop , but who is just like the rest of us are.
 
Taylor,

I’m not sure how people became this insensitive, and something tells me that their rudeness does not stop with you. I don’t think it has to do with the fact that these individuals may have missed out on proper parenting and manners training because they were shipped off to a residential deaf school. I doubt if they were raised at home that their parents felt guilt over their deafness and therefore let them get away with anything they wanted. I think it is just generally BAD MANNERS.

Thankfully, I have raised my children with manners. My children’s teachers often tell me how polite my kids are. When we see a police officer, I make sure that even my 3-yr-old understands that police officers are there to protect him and keep him safe, even if it is when I am being pulled over and given a ticket. After all, it was my fault I was pulled over in the first place.

My suggestion to you would be to give these people enough information to do the research themselves. After all, they are probably the same ones who cry “we can do anything but hear”, so let them. Just because you are a police officer doesn’t mean you owe it to anyone to be working overtime without pay.

And, just in case you haven’t heard it enough, we do appreciate your presence on the board and your input in so many matters. THANK YOU!
 
Taylor,

I am sorry to hear that this has been happening to you on AD but if this makes you feel any better, you are not alone in dealing with some AD'ers who seems to get kicks out of insulting/hurting other AD'ers. Most of us have gone through that.

I think you have a huge heart and genuinely loves to help or reach out to other people - unfortunately, not everyone will return your gesture kindly. Some have their own screwed up issues that has nothing to do with you personally but rather see you as a figure for them to lash out and blame.

Eve is right on many points - it comes down to poor manners and immaturity. Just keep your head up high and you will eventually dismiss these people who have nothing better to do than insulting or blaming others for their own advantage.

Cheers! :cheers:
 
Hi Taylor, I will say this briefly here so that another Deaf people understand is that whenever my cousin arrests one of the bad guys then the bad guys come around me and start fights with me then my cousin shows up with another police officers and then the bad guys fight my cousin and fights with the police officers on scene. I can be pretty sure I will get a beating when ever my cousin arrests a bad guy. I live under the threat of death daily and I understood you very clearly and I have to appauld you for a very good posting. Very well said and everyday and everynight I have to keep my eyes open wheter I know my cousin arrests somebody or I did not know my cousin arrested somebody or the bad guys just want to fight me for the hell of it and the police show up to stop the fight. I have even been accused of telling the police about what the bad guys are doing when I had absoutely nothing to do with it and I never told the police about it because I was someplace else and the bad guys don't let up so I have to stay strong and keep my eyes open and really watch what is going on and what is being said and I can not turn that off no matter where I am. It can get pretty scary and downright dangerous really fast when the bad guys do come around. Stay strong. Some people will hear and really listen to you and some will not hear or really listen to you. Stay strong and keep the faith. God Bless .....
 
Some of you made good points here... I'm agree with you all...

Eve,
Yes, I'm agree that the children need proper parenting and manners training but I felt it's not just deafies but hearies as well. Example, my parents didn't raised me and my hearing siblings in manner way... They mocked me over my manner behavior and call me nasty names etc... because my manner behavior is too different as them, that's just because I was raised to learn about manner way at boarding school, where I spent for years differently than my parents and siblings.

I raised my children with manners. They know how to say "thank you", "please", show their respect etc.
 
Coloravalanche- I am DEAF, but you DONT speak for me. I can speak for myself well, thank you very much.

Taylor- I agree with Eve, it's rudeness.. plain and simple. Saying it is part of Deaf Culture is just copping out. No pun intended. LOL. It sounds to me as if you need boundaries when it comes to being treated at AD. Only you can decide on what kind of they can be, and how you can keep them.. you have my support. You can't make others change overnight, but... this is something you can do for yourself and it definitely tells me that you respect yourself enough to do so.

I enjoy your posts, and I've always felt you to have very strong integrity. Think of it in this way.. how people react to you and others reveals a lot about themselves, rather than it being something about you.

As for generalizing the way that woman with the baby did... that seems rather sad. It's something we are capable of doing to some extent, too - hey, all hearies are ignorant, eh? All deafies are dumb, right? All Italians are mobsters, yes? Wow, all Norwegians are vikings so they still wear those horned caps today with a crude sword. :lol: Until then, it takes a thread like this to enlighten us all that these generalisms are wrong and misguided.. even with the best of intentions.

Take care.
 
Coloralvanche said:
Remmy, Deafies and Hearies are in different culture! If you are tired of it, then dont bother to read our thread about it...

Erm...where did it say that it is Deaf Culture thing to create " I am leaving" threads? Please dont speak for me. It has nothing to do with one being deaf or hearing, it simply has to do with that INDIVIDUAL who is crying for help or seeking attention when making silly "I am leaving AD" threads only to stay anyway.


Sorry to be offtopic but it just bothers me when someone tries to speaks for ME.(all of deaf members)
 
You have many valid points but to answer your question, enough is enough when you say it is. You are the one that knows your limits to this kind of crap. Being ex-military, I have much respect for the folks that uphold the laws of this great country. There are gonna be assholes in all walks of life and the only advice I can offer is to not take it personally and ignore those that are idiots. One thing I came to realize recently is to not tie expectataions to an outcome. If someone wants to be a jerk, its their problem, not yours. All you can do is what you feel is right. If someone chooses to be nasty to you after you have helped them.. then I say.. :madfawk: em
 
good venting Taylor!

I can understand where u are coming from -- like Eve, Liza, Gentum has said -- best to just ignore the idiot(s) who seems to take pleasure in insulting and demeaning others regardless of what u might be as it IS rude!

as for the leaving AD threads -- ive come to just ignore those threads cuz i feel its just more of hot air than is it for real actual leaving so i just dont take them seriously

u are respected here on AD by me cop or not -- cops have a private life TOO and are human as well -- i know there might be some ppl who doesnt seem to understand or agree to that

:hug: Taylor!
 
Taylor,

Your police buddies are right. You should not have disclosure your whole personal info. It might even damage your career.

Just ignore individual for demanding your assistance to research any law issue, police procedures, etc. It is not worth of your time to assist since he/she is taking advantage from you. However, it is ok to advise a little information. The requestor is his/her job to research on hir own.
 
Yeah, I understood what you feel, Taylor. Unfontunaley, that what Deaf Cultures's ways...like Gally protested student over new DEAF prez, their thinking "always let m go by cops cuz I am deaf". :dunno:

One of my embarrassed moments, one of my friends got agrued with the waitress over wrong order...even waitress say "I am sorry for my mistakes...you will not be bill..it will be on my paid" then friend still cussing her as if he didn't take "sorry" from her. I tried to tell him "why you choose the speak, not write the note or print the menu, that she might be misinterpeter" He say, "Too bad, she asked for it" That was my last time to go with him to anywhere. :mad:

I had been in few not-so-bright actions by deafies at some places. Next time, I did not going there with same ones.. No Tips at bars and resturants to make the staffs less welcome deafies. :Oops:

Since then I went anywhere with my family more than deafie people's events. Hang out with few good friends will be enough. Also, I had been more sense of humor talking with deafies ones cuz they can be misunderstand if I do regular talkling at any deaf events.

Taylor, you don't have to deal with your insulted deafies by next thread or private You got your life with your family and good friends. Not easy to make them understanding expect few ones could understanding on your words. Good luck. :)
 
Great post Taylor it makes a lot of sense. I don't though understand some of the responses from people. Taylor was upset about insults and other things and then I see the first response by coloravalanche. Taylor did not name you in his post but if your attitude in your post is anything like what he is talking about, then I know where he is coming from. Weather you mean to be like that or not, read your post again see how it sounds.

Gemtun said:
Coloralvanche said:
Remmy, Deafies and Hearies are in different culture! If you are tired of it, then dont bother to read our thread about it...

Erm...where did it say that it is Deaf Culture thing to create " I am leaving" threads? Please dont speak for me. It has nothing to do with one being deaf or hearing, it simply has to do with that INDIVIDUAL who is crying for help or seeking attention when making silly "I am leaving AD" threads only to stay anyway.


Sorry to be offtopic but it just bothers me when someone tries to speaks for ME.(all of deaf members)

I don't recall Taylor saying that this is a deaf or hearing issue, just that it was happening with some members here at alldeaf. He also said it happens to people at work and that is where he expects it but not here. I don't see that as pointing the finger at deafies only, but to a certain type of person that can be deaf, hearing, black, white. I don't see anywhere in his post anything about deaf culture and this being a result of it.

I also read in his post that this isn't a "I'm leaving AllDeaf" thread. He specifically states that isn't what this thread was about but that he wanted to vent a couple of things. Taylor even says he hates those threads and its probably for the same reason you have for disliking them. Tyalor doesn't say he's leaving and says he didn't want his thread to seem that way. Weather you want him here or not, you can't fault the guy for saying what was on his mind, right?
 
Taylor-

wow- some people can be petty!

I dont even bother with the dramatic threads as I agree with what other member said about it just being air. It does seem that this forum brings out the best light in deaf culture but it also brings the worst out of it too as we all can't have what we want as theres so many different people from different backgrounds that makes this site interesting enough to revisit (is that a real word?)

I got a huge respect for cops and any persons in the armed forces as they/you put their/your lives at risk to make our country a better place to live, and most of them are honest people as there's always a bad apple as we're all humans to start with.
 
Liebling said:
Yes, I'm agree that the children need proper parenting and manners training but I felt it's not just deafies but hearies as well.
That was exactly my point, I felt it was just bad manners, not the fact that they are deaf. However, your next point illustrates how some deafies do tend to not be properly equipped with functional manners due to lack of parenting at residential schools…
Liebling said:
Example, my parents didn't raised me and my hearing siblings in manner way... They mocked me over my manner behavior and call me nasty names etc... because my manner behavior is too different as them, that's just because I was raised to learn about manner way at boarding school, where I spent for years differently than my parents and siblings.
On that note, I still don’t think that this form of rudeness is caused simply by that lack of parenting. I think it is just innate in the individual.
 
Taylor,
you're quite good venting.. no matter how's bad or good.. still okay.. you did right thing not naming anyone...

I can understand how much you felt that way... as same other.. nobody perfect..

Important "Respect" anyonre if dislike.. then ingore the button only the way..

I do agree you like everyone comment quite excellent choice..

Take care *smile*
 
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