When expecting a child, would you want it to be deaf?

[JeepGirl]

My daughter is hearing My ex husband and i are both deaf. When she was born, all I wanted was a healthy baby. Now, if I ever have another baby, I would LOVE to have a deaf child. if the next baby is hearing.. I'm going to love him/her the same.

Cloggy, I honestly think that kind of question you're asking in Alldeaf does offend us as to how you respond to most of the questions and other posts. I mean you ARE entitled to speak whatever you wanna say.

Remember, this is ALLDEAF, most of us are deaf and you're asking that kind of question and its causing a few racketeering in here. All I'm gonna say is just about all Hearing people would want a hearing child because the parents are hearing. Alot of deaf people would love to have a deaf child but most of us don't mind having a deaf or hearing child because we can communicate both ways. As for hearing that knows nothing about Deaf culture, sign language is going to make it harder for them to learn and have a lot of patience. If you really really accept your child being deaf, you shouldn't have said you wanted a hearing child. what if this post was saved in the future and your child reads this one day, how is your child gonna feel about you?

 

[Angel]

You said “and not try to change ourselves” but change is a process that goes with life. “Stagnating water will eventually stink.”
You said “I think it's kind of selfish in a way of wanted a hearing baby instead of a deaf baby.” and I agree, just like it is ““I think it's kind of selfish in a way of wanted a deaf baby instead of a hearing baby.”.The point is, you have no choise in the matter. You receive a child, and will love it unconditionally. But I wish for the child that it can hear, for her to experience birds, whisper, trains, planes, wind, water, chimes.

First when I said " not to try to change ourselves " which I meant we shouldn't change ourselves just to please everyone, we should learn to accept ourselves for what or who we are...

I never said I wanted a deaf baby only, I said I didn't care if my baby is deaf or hearing, it don't matter to me

And I never said there nothing wrong with some parents wanted a baby to hear, and I did said a thousands of times that I respect the parent's choice to choose for their child whether it's CI, hearing aids etc.

 

[Angel]

Cloggy, I honestly think that kind of question you're asking in Alldeaf does offend us as to how you respond to most of the questions and other posts. I mean you ARE entitled to speak whatever you wanna say.

Remember, this is ALLDEAF, most of us are deaf and you're asking that kind of question and its causing a few racketeering in here. All I'm gonna say is just about all Hearing people would want a hearing child because the parents are hearing. Alot of deaf people would love to have a deaf child but most of us don't mind having a deaf or hearing child because we can communicate both ways. As for hearing that knows nothing about Deaf culture, sign language is going to make it harder for them to learn and have a lot of patience. If you really really accept your child being deaf, you shouldn't have said you wanted a hearing child. what if this post was saved in the future and your child reads this one day, how is your child gonna feel about you?

Well said and I agree!

 

[DreamDeaf]

It took me a while - I am very busy at work and am not always able to get on Alldeaf...

What bothers me is that despite what we have been saying, it would not matter to us if our kid was born hearing OR deaf, you still feel it better to have a hearing kid. It makes me feel that you would not love a deaf kid as much as you would love a hearing kid. Do you get the gist of this meaning, now?

And FYI, just because a kid has a cochlear implant, does not make him/her "hearing." He/she will always be...DEAF. No matter how you slice this, it comes to the same conclusion...your kid will always be...DEAF.

Yes, the CI MIGHT benefit your child, but I would also suggest that you allow your deaf child to learn about deaf culture where you'all live...its very likely he/she will benefit MORE from his/her deaf peers than hearing peers - communication is very important during a childhood - very important. It's more likely that the hearing children will tease the deaf child, calling names such as Borg, cyborg, etc., etc.

Also, don't be surprised if your child find himself/herself more limited because of the CI. Despite the technological advances, there are still some things that a child cannot do because of the CI implant. Im sorry to say this, but you will find it all too true and just too sad.

I do not have a CI implant, I wear a BTE - I still have some residual hearing so a BTE is more effective for me.

I do know of quite a few people with CI implants, and they have both pros and cons - it has been very interesting and educational...however, I found one very common theme between all of them...they are of the same opinion that CI implants are all right for adults, not for children. FYI, some of them were implanted during their childhood years and they suffered quite a bit throughout their growing years - even went through several surgeries everytime it was time for an upgrade.

Its up to you, but NEVER ask a deaf couple if they would rather have a hearing kid - it is just the WRONG, WRONG thing to ask!!!!

 

[CutePommie]

My daughter is hearing My ex husband and i are both deaf. When she was born, all I wanted was a healthy baby. Now, if I ever have another baby, I would LOVE to have a deaf child. if the next baby is hearing.. I'm going to love him/her the same.

Cloggy, I honestly think that kind of question you're asking in Alldeaf does offend us as to how you respond to most of the questions and other posts. I mean you ARE entitled to speak whatever you wanna say.

Remember, this is ALLDEAF, most of us are deaf and you're asking that kind of question and its causing a few racketeering in here. All I'm gonna say is just about all Hearing people would want a hearing child because the parents are hearing. Alot of deaf people would love to have a deaf child but most of us don't mind having a deaf or hearing child because we can communicate both ways. As for hearing that knows nothing about Deaf culture, sign language is going to make it harder for them to learn and have a lot of patience. If you really really accept your child being deaf, you shouldn't have said you wanted a hearing child. what if this post was saved in the future and your child reads this one day, how is your child gonna feel about you?[/QUOTE


Well said !!....

 

[LovelyBlkGal]

My daughter is hearing My ex husband and i are both deaf. When she was born, all I wanted was a healthy baby. Now, if I ever have another baby, I would LOVE to have a deaf child. if the next baby is hearing.. I'm going to love him/her the same.

Cloggy, I honestly think that kind of question you're asking in Alldeaf does offend us as to how you respond to most of the questions and other posts. I mean you ARE entitled to speak whatever you wanna say.

Remember, this is ALLDEAF, most of us are deaf and you're asking that kind of question and its causing a few racketeering in here. All I'm gonna say is just about all Hearing people would want a hearing child because the parents are hearing. Alot of deaf people would love to have a deaf child but most of us don't mind having a deaf or hearing child because we can communicate both ways. As for hearing that knows nothing about Deaf culture, sign language is going to make it harder for them to learn and have a lot of patience. If you really really accept your child being deaf, you shouldn't have said you wanted a hearing child. what if this post was saved in the future and your child reads this one day, how is your child gonna feel about you?

You get i agree that

 

[highlands]

Where did I say that I have three children? I said two.

You said you wanted to deaf child in the past as well .. so it's the third child whom I mention .. I know you have two kids...maybe you have him/her in the future...

 

[highlands]

a child can sign only if he/she has hands and/or fingers and only if their hands and/or fingers work fine !!!!!

What would happen if a child cannot use his/her hands , fingers ???
How would you communicate with the child in that case ??

How would you communicate with a child who is both deaf and blind ???

In the cases I've mentioned above, it is better to have child implanted with CI since sign language isn't possible !!!!

In short, sign language cannot be the only way to communicate !!!

 

[JeepGirl]

a child can sign only if he/she has hands and/or fingers and only if their hands and/or fingers work fine !!!!!

What would happen if a child cannot use his/her hands , fingers ???
How would you communicate with the child in that case ??

How would you communicate with a child who is both deaf and blind ???

In the cases I've mentioned above, it is better to have child implanted with CI since sign language isn't possible !!!!

In short, sign language cannot be the only way to communicate !!!

There are ways we can communicate! My friend has short arms and 3 fingers each hand and he does extremely well communicating with me. He's deaf too. If a child can't use their hands.. they have feet to write. if not the feet then there's devices where it picks up the words from the brain and types into the monitor so we can read as well.

as you mentioned about the CI.. what if the CI doesn't work? anything is possible really.

 

[highlands]

There are ways we can communicate! My friend has short arms and 3 fingers each hand and he does extremely well communicating with me. He's deaf too. If a child can't use their hands.. they have feet to write. if not the feet then there's devices where it picks up the words from the brain and types into the monitor so we can read as well.

as you mentioned about the CI.. what if the CI doesn't work? anything is possible really.

I'm not a fan of CIs.. The main point I tried to show is that neither sign language nor CI is the only solution..

CIs are not for everyone.. and there is still a long way to improve the technology!!!!

Sign language cannot be used everywhere !!!!

So the solution should be special to every individual !!!

So there is no need to get into deep arguments on this topic..

 

[Cheri]

Well Said! RebelGirl and DreamDeaf!

You both nailed it perfectly and better than I did. That's why I said this title of this thread's question does offended me, to be honest I have hearing parents, and one of them was total against my hearing impaired.


*No offended Cloggy, I'm just expressing my feelings.*

 

[Rose Immortal]

I know some of hearing members around here... I bet they would say that they are being bullied at school.

Yeah, I got bullied really badly because of 2 things: I was one of the top students and used vocabulary words and had interests different from others, and because I was weak in gym. The second thing was what they used to get back at me for the first, sometimes. Other times they spread nasty rumors about me just for the sake of hurting my feelings...so yeah, hearing kids can definitely get picked on too--and badly. I would come home crying some days because of it. I would cry even worse at times when the teachers would see what was going on and condone it thinking I just needed to "toughen up" (yes, that happens a LOT, sad to say!). Allowing the pain to continue does NOT toughen one up!

In the worst years of this, my best friend happened to be HoH. When I think back on it, I suspect part of it is that we had the common experience of getting picked on for things outside of our control. The other part is we had a lot of common interests and she was very intelligent so we could have conversations on the same level.

 

[deafdyke]

They lied to us about our deaf voices and devices that doesnt work out to have the two way street from them.

Exactly! While hearing aids and CIs and oral training, has given some of us SOME access to the hearing world, it generally does NOT give us 100% access to the hearing world. Yes, being able to take part in the larger world is a good thing, but...... again it didn't give us total and complete access to the hearing/mainstream world!

 

[Angel]

Yeah, I got bullied really badly because of 2 things: I was one of the top students and used vocabulary words and had interests different from others, and because I was weak in gym. The second thing was what they used to get back at me for the first, sometimes. Other times they spread nasty rumors about me just for the sake of hurting my feelings...so yeah, hearing kids can definitely get picked on too--and badly. I would come home crying some days because of it. I would cry even worse at times when the teachers would see what was going on and condone it thinking I just needed to "toughen up" (yes, that happens a LOT, sad to say!). Allowing the pain to continue does NOT toughen one up!

In the worst years of this, my best friend happened to be HoH. When I think back on it, I suspect part of it is that we had the common experience of getting picked on for things outside of our control. The other part is we had a lot of common interests and she was very intelligent so we could have conversations on the same level.

I'm really sorry to hear that ....

 

[Cloggy]

........... If you really really accept your child being deaf, you shouldn't have said you wanted a hearing child. what if this post was saved in the future and your child reads this one day, how is your child gonna feel about you?

Have you read in this thread that I said:

"For my child I want her to be hearing." NOT "I want my child to be hearing."

Do you feel the difference?

And I am saving all these posts so that my daughter can read them some day. I am NOT ashamed about anything I have asked here, nothing I have written.

 

[Cloggy]

Well Said! RebelGirl and DreamDeaf!

You both nailed it perfectly and better than I did. That's why I said this title of this thread's question does offended me, to be honest I have hearing parents, and one of them was total against my hearing impaired.


*No offended Cloggy, I'm just expressing my feelings.*

None taken

 

[Rose Immortal]

I'm really sorry to hear that ....

It got better when I got older, thankfully. I went to schools after that where the passion for learning (for the most part) wasn't treated like a disease. And of course my undergraduate years in college were amazing.

 

[JeepGirl]

Have you read in this thread that I said:

"For my child I want her to be hearing." NOT "I want my child to be hearing."

Do you feel the difference?

And I am saving all these posts so that my daughter can read them some day. I am NOT ashamed about anything I have asked here, nothing I have written.

Yes I have read what you said and I do feel and see the difference. That's fine that you're not ashamed about anything that was said in here but the fact is Deaf people here has been offended so to think twice.. your child may be offended as well

 

[JeepGirl]

I'm not a fan of CIs.. The main point I tried to show is that neither sign language nor CI is the only solution..

CIs are not for everyone.. and there is still a long way to improve the technology!!!!

Sign language cannot be used everywhere !!!!

So the solution should be special to every individual !!!

So there is no need to get into deep arguments on this topic..

Honey I wasn't getting into deep arguements with ya.. I was just stating the truth and what I thought was well said.

 

[Cloggy]

Yes I have read what you said and I do feel and see the difference. That's fine that you're not ashamed about anything that was said in here but the fact is Deaf people here has been offended so to think twice.. your child may be offended as well

Offended that I wish for her that she can hear?
If wishing something positive for her is going to offend her, I raised her wrong. How much I love her is not related to her being deaf or hearing.

As for members here being offended... Perhaps I ask questions that are too sensitive, but it's those kind of questions that make people think and react.

I could post my experience with my daughter, but this kind of positive thread would also offend (the same) people because they don't want to hear that.