Think daughter is audist...

There was something about it in the book Deaf Like Me. The parents took turns reading each others' lips and found it easy, so they assumed it must come just as easily to their daughter.
 
There was something about it in the book Deaf Like Me. The parents took turns reading each others' lips and found it easy, so they assumed it must come just as easily to their daughter.
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But if this was only one example, then it is not conclusive, then, I am afraid.

It would be if the wider group of people were tested, for example at least a hundred.
The more the better.

I tried to find some statistic but couldn't find any.

Fuzzy
 
Hearing people learning to lipread when they can hear the speaker can auto-correct.

Deaf cannot correct in real time like this... it would be corrected after the fact, if at all, I would think.
 
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Buffalo said:
Why do you think it is a crazy assumption? It makes sense that one would have to know the language and how to pronounce words before one could lipread.
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and If one is hearing and you misread me I can just 'voice on' or already be 'voice on'.
 
Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

I am so sorry that your daughter was so mean to you! Especially in front of her boyfriend. I am going to preface my comment with telling you that my kids are ages 21 & 17. So I'm not just talking out my ass...

If my child said something so cruel, disrepectful, and just plain ugly to me - he would be rewarded at minimum with threats of being cut off financially. I'm too damn old to spend my money to get treated like crap.

I can't imagine ever being so mean to anyone, let alone my mother!
 
Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

VacationGuy234 said:
jillio said:
Nice way to invalidate the OP's feelings.:roll:
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If you don't understand the problem, you can't solve it. Beyond that, if you only want to give people nice answers you're not helping anyone.

The daughters refusal is unreasonable, but not getting the hearing test is unreasonable too. So, if you side with the OP the daughter is not going to learn ASL and that is not what she wants. You can't solve anyone's problem like that because it involves compromise.

The OP wants an answer to her question: What should she do that is going to solve her problem?
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The mother should not have to "prove" anything to her daughter. The daughter is the child and the OP is the parent, who is providing the child's financial support.
 
they assumed it must come just as easily to their daughter
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This. Why would a person think that because hearing people can easily learn to read lips, deaf/hoh people can easily learn to read lips. Do they not get the deaf/hoh part? I'm frustrated with hearies that think that shouting will help the situation. They truly do not get the not hearing part. This is just another example of a complete lack of understanding.
 
The mother should not have to "prove" anything to her daughter. The daughter is the child and the OP is the parent, who is providing the child's financial support.
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Agreed.
not only that, nowadays hardly anyone teaches the respect due to
the older and elders anymore. It's just too bad.
I am from the generation where talking back to your parents was unthinkable,
my daughter while she does talk back sometimes she doesn't let go all the way either.
I do have power to keep her in her place, although barely, I admit.

My lack of full parental success in this matter does have roots in being guilty over not being able to hear and communicate as well as other parents do.

As it happens, I am reading the last part of The Good Earth trilogy by Pearl S.Buck and the contrast by then and now is striking.

Fuzzy
 
Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

I never knew that book was part of a trilogy. I'll have to read the other two...

As for "talking back," I was never a "because I said so" mom. The few times I needed instant obedience because of some danger, I just quickly said so and they did what I told them. It was always important to me that my children would develop their own moral compasses....I think they have.

What bothered me most about the OP's situation is that her daughter was just being gratuitously cruel, and that kind of behavior just sends me into orbit.

Every parent makes mistakes, and we all have shortcomings. Families are supposed to make allowances. Sometimes it's hard, especially when a parent's weaknesses or disabilities (not trying to use those words in a negative way) may get in the way.

When my older son was 13, he had the crap beaten out of him by a group of neighborhood hoodlums - in our front yard. I was in the kitchen and didn't hear him screaming for me. This lasted about ten minutes and then he was able to fight his way to the door and get inside. I felt like the worst mother in the world. That being said, I would never allow my guilt over incidents like that to make me a doormat.
 
When my older son was 13, he had the crap beaten out of him by a group of neighborhood hoodlums - in our front yard. I was in the kitchen and didn't hear him screaming for me. This lasted about ten minutes and then he was able to fight his way to the door and get inside. I felt like the worst mother in the world. That being said, I would never allow my guilt over incidents like that to make me a doormat.
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I am so very sorry this happened to your son :(

I on the other hand, was once working out in the garden when the TV fell on my daughter
and also didn't hear her for a long while calling out for me.
Luckily the TV is a small one for her own room, so she managed to push it off
and then open a window to get me.

But I was horrified at the thought what if she got electrocuted, or the TV blew up or something, and I would never know that?

Things like that made me hang my head in shame and doubt myself as a parent and a caretaker :(

So of course I tried to compensate, and it did cost me this little bit of respect
that means absolute respect.

Most of all, a dislike of my hearing loss in certain situations.
Generally I am accepted as I am, but but I know my child wishes
I could hear. And it's my own fault.

Fuzzy
 
Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

My son went on to be a competitive kickboxer. :)

Why is it your fault you can't hear? Or did I misunderstand?
 
I agree. It's like saying "if only I could teleport..."

Not an option... shouldn't feel bad for something you cannot control!
 
dorothybaez said:
Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

I am so sorry that your daughter was so mean to you! Especially in front of her boyfriend. I am going to preface my comment with telling you that my kids are ages 21 & 17. So I'm not just talking out my ass...

If my child said something so cruel, disrepectful, and just plain ugly to me - he would be rewarded at minimum with threats of being cut off financially. I'm too damn old to spend my money to get treated like crap.

I can't imagine ever being so mean to anyone, let alone my mother!
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:ty: She does not have boyfriend. It was *my* boyfriend that witnessed whole communication. My son and daughter were, obviously, also there.

I am torn about cutting off financial support because she have work *SO* hard to get good grades and now try to become doctor. She have nobody to rely on financially except for me. Although, she finally get job two day ago and she *SO* excited and happy she text me like nothing have happen. :shock:

Suppose best response probably write her letter. I take 15 points from this thread, from feedback, and want to address each one with her. Want to take approach that maybe, given all that she say, not just at dinner, that she afraid of change. Know she *love* Mummy voice and maybe worry never, ever hear again? Maybe need reassure her that I will *still* speak, from time to time, but prefer to use my hands to do that from now on.

Know when start /voice back in July voice do not seem so tired when do not have to speak so much. So, not worry about speak for here or there but need emphasize with daughter that prefered method of communication is sign.

I hope that through proper written letter, the kind of letter that only a mother can write, ;) that she will realize mistake and apologize. Preferably profusely!! :giggle:

dorothybaez said:
Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

I never knew that book was part of a trilogy. I'll have to read the other two...

As for "talking back," I was never a "because I said so" mom. The few times I needed instant obedience because of some danger, I just quickly said so and they did what I told them. It was always important to me that my children would develop their own moral compasses....I think they have.

What bothered me most about the OP's situation is that her daughter was just being gratuitously cruel, and that kind of behavior just sends me into orbit.

Every parent makes mistakes, and we all have shortcomings. Families are supposed to make allowances. Sometimes it's hard, especially when a parent's weaknesses or disabilities (not trying to use those words in a negative way) may get in the way.

When my older son was 13, he had the crap beaten out of him by a group of neighborhood hoodlums - in our front yard. I was in the kitchen and didn't hear him screaming for me. This lasted about ten minutes and then he was able to fight his way to the door and get inside. I felt like the worst mother in the world. That being said, I would never allow my guilt over incidents like that to make me a doormat.
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:ty: Thank you for feel hurt for me. I'm not so much in same state of shock and hurt as I was the other day. More rational and objective suppose and work *best* under those circumstances.

Confess that *do* feel guilty for similar situations with own children. Son fall and hurt himself on pavement one time and ask, "Why didn't you come to me?" God, it hurts to even write that now.

Because learn *SO* much here have communicated more, educated more, to family. Do not rely on like use to. If do not wake to four fire alarms then do not wake and *MY* responsibility to find alternative. Boyfriend. :laugh2: Kidding.

mbrek said:
I agree. It's like saying "if only I could teleport..."

Not an option... shouldn't feel bad for something you cannot control!
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True but kids seem to be born with instant 'guilt-o-meter' that get implanted to mother heart. Even though logic dictate cannot control over this or that the 'guilt-o-meter' keeps ticking and ticking.
 
Kids do pull that "guilt trip" off on their parents time to time....my kids surely have. Inasmuch, as I, too...have done to my own parents.

But when it's something beyond our control, such as our deafness, then that's gets my gander up.

I do feel ur daugher was acting in a very disrespectful manner....then again, she might not have accepted ur deafness or hearing loss becoming progressive. Seriously, I don't believe in writing letters...it's best heart-to-heart, face-to-face, to air out the issues. Keep her abreast of ur hearing status. She may not want to face that...as some kids don't like "change" when it comes to their parents....i.e....divorse...moving...change of life style...sickness, etc. Ur daughter may also, have mixed feelings about trying to communicate with you in ASL, as her only other mode was speaking, and you always understood her.....

Just giving ur daughter the benefit of the doubt here....hopefully things will work out best for all concerned with ur family and the communication issue.
 
Problem is we do not live in same city anymore. So feel letter would be best avenue to get communication started. Will not see her until holidays and do not want to leave this 'issue' hanging if make sense?
 
Buffalo said:
Why do you think it is a crazy assumption? It makes sense that one would have to know the language and how to pronounce words before one could lipread.
Click to expand...

I lipread well. Very well. Not know how pronounce anything.
 
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